SPOILERS: None.

DISCLAIMER: this is non-profit fanfiction, not intended to intrude on the rights of Anne Rice & Co. I make no money, don't sue.

"ERIC!"
"What is it, Santo?"
"What have you done with my clothes?"
"Well, the Salvation Army was having a drive and…"
"What? Do you have any idea how much all that leather and velvet cost?"
"Well, it was all one color. All you need is one coat, a shirt and a pair of pants. It can't be that expensive."

"ERIC!"
"Yes, Santo?"
"How do you expect me to get to the store?"
"Well, you get into your car and…"

"ERIC!"
"Yes, Santo?"
"You gave away everything I own, even my underwear."
"Well, it was all black and…."

"ERIC!"
"What is it, Santo?"
"What am I supposed to wear to get to the store?"
"Well, you could always wear that nice outfit Lestat gave you for your birthday."

"ERIC!"
"Yes, Santo?"
"You know what Lestat is like. That outfit was two sizes too small and it was neon orange and yellow. I threw it out as soon as he left!"
"Don't worry, Santo. I brought it back in."
"What?"
"Well, you have to have something to wear, don't you?"

"ERIC!"
"What, Santo?"
"These pants are leather and I don't have any underwear. They will chafe."
"You only have to wear them to the store. Then you can buy some underwear."

"ERIC!"
"Yes, Santo?"
"I can't get them zipped up!"
"Just loosen the laces on both sides. They will be much more comfortable."

"ERIC!"
"Yes, Santo?"
"If I loosen the laces enough for comfort, I'll be half naked. You can see skin from my waist down to my boots."
"Darn! I forgot to donate those black boots!"
"What did you say?"
"Nothing, love. Are you ready to go?"
"I have to put on my shirt. AARRGGHH!"
"What's wrong, Santo?"
"This shirt has holes in it!"
"That is a very popular style."
"Maybe for a male stripper!"
"Oh, Santo. It can't be that bad."
"Wanna bet?"

Santino walked out of the bedroom. His bright orange pants so tight, nothing was left to the imagination, even though he had loosened them so much, nearly three inches of skin showed on each side. His neon yellow shirt was so sheer, Eric could see his plentiful chest hair. To top it off, two strategically placed holes exposed his other assets.

Eric's eyes nearly popped out of his head. His mouth dropped open and he began to drool. "Er, Santo, perhaps we could put this shopping trip off until tomorrow night."
"No way, Eric. I have to get some clothes that I can breathe in. Damn! We'll have to walk. I can't sit down."

As Santino walked out, Eric grabbed the phone and quickly called Lestat. "Did you arrange everything?"
"Yeah. The only place open will be the Leather Shop. You know, the one with the psychedelic clothes?"
"Perfect."
"How does he look?"
"OOOH!"
"That good, huh?"
"You keep your hands off him!"
"Hey! You started this! If a butterfly emerges from the cocoon, you have to let it fly."
"I am warning you, Lestat…"

"ERIC!"
"Yes, Santo."
"Are you coming?"
"I wish!"
"WHAT?"
"I'll be right there, Santo. Lestat, are you still there?"
"I heard that." Laughing hilariously.
"Shut up. We're on our way."
"OK. See you there."

Eric walked outside and shut the door behind him. Santino was standing, nervously, on the porch, staring at the small crowd that had gathered. Eric could hear the lewd remarks and whistles. Quickly, he grabbed Santino's arm and hustled him through the crowd.

"Hey! Stop that! Ow!"
"What's wrong, Santo?"
"That young woman groped me and that young man pinched me!"
"They were just being appreciative, Santo."
"I'm gonna get arrested."
"Well, let's run. They won't see us."

They arrived at the Leather Store about a minute and a half later. Santino was grumbling.
"Why is this the only store open tonight?"
"There must be some sort of holiday or something, Santo."

As they walked inside, Santino was greeted by a long, loud whistle.
"Lestat! What are you doing here?"
"Oh, Louis and I are just window-shopping, aren't we Louis? Louis? Louis?
Close your mouth, you'll catch flies."
Lestat grabbed Louis around the waist as he began to move toward Santino and forced him into a chair. "Down, boy!"

Santino was looking around the store in horror. "I can't wear any of this stuff!"
"Why not?" Lestat said. "Just look at the reaction you are getting."

All the salesman had begun fighting over who would assist Santino in the dressing room. They decided to take turns.

"Just go into the dressing room, Santo. We will send things in for you to try on." Lestat had obviously taken charge. Eric was now busy controlling Louis, who was now beginning to foam at the mouth.

With each change of clothes, the alternating salesmen seemed to take an abnormal amount of time in the dressing room. When they came out, each had a dazed look in his eyes and a goofy grin on his face.
"This isn't fair, Lestat." Louis wailed. "They all get to go in."
"All right, Louis. Why don't you choose something for Santino. I am sure he would appreciate your conservative taste."

Louis grabbed the closest thing he could reach and ran to the dressing room. After about twenty minutes, Lestat began to get suspicious so he followed Louis in.

Eric had been looking at the clothes when he suddenly realized that Louis and Lestat had been in the dressing room with Santino for over an hour. Just as he was about to pound on the door and demand to know what was going on, all three came out. Louis and Lestat had dazed looks and silly grins on their faces. Santino was adjusting his new pink and purple skintight outfit.

As they left the store, Santino said, "That was fun, Eric. Let's go shopping again tomorrow night."