Table of Contents

Chapter One: A Merry Frolic With the Vampires

Chapter Two: Men in Uniforms

Chapter Three: The Artist Formerly Known As Nick de L'enfent

Chapter Four: The Adventures of Daniel Malloy

Chapter Five: Vampires Unlimited

Chapter Six: The Wonders of Drugs in Blood

Chapter Seven: The Purple Eyed Monster :) Lestat

Chapter Eight: Why don't dead vampires stay dead?

**********************************************************************

Chapter One: A Merry Frolic With the Vampires

Title: Lestat Goes to Prison

Author: Amanda Rosen

Email: slashgoddess@hotmail.com

Rating: Depends On which chapter you're reading. Mostly PG-13.

Characters: L/L, Arm/Dan. Other Vamps.

Summary: There are so many plot twists that I cannot describe the story

as a whole. Just read it and find out. ^_^

Disclaimer: These characters belong to some author living in New Orleans who doesn't like to share. Well pooh on her. >.<

Warning: This is a Slashy fic. If this offends you (for some reason) then feel free to leave. Or stay, it really doesn't matter.

Distribution: Anywhere, but tell me, or I'll cry.;_; Yes those are real tears. The best you can buy from Rocky's too.

*Notes: This is a silly series I did for fun, and the characters are very out of character. Also don't ask about the oregano bits....o.o;

*******

One day Louis, and Lestat were changing out of their clothing, to go for a harmless little swim in one of the pools on the Night Island. At least it was harmless until Lestat caught a glimpse of a handsome, and rather naked looking Louis.

On this fine day they happened to be inhabiting the locker room (where people usually change), and with a flick of his mind, lestat sent all the other people in the locker room far, faaar away. Louis meanwhile had finshed changing, and was now looking around him, bewildered.

He glanced around the empty locker room, scratching his head, "Hey, Lestat...Where are all the peo-" but before he could finish his sentence, Lestat had knocked him out with Daniel's book bag.

"Oh mon cher!" Lestat cried as the consequences of his actions hit him ten seconds after he had already committed them. "I'm so sorry! How could I do such a thing!" Lestat gasped, "I am a monster! Whoa is me!"

And then Lestat began to weep, clutching at his beloved fledgling's body as his body was racked with uncontrollable spasms. After three or four books worth of crying about His devilish self, Lestat finally noticed his naked fledgling.

Louis was covered from head to toe in little specs of blood. Lestat moaned, inhaling the chocolate scent thinking, this smells so much better than oregano.

Lestat signed, "I am a horrible horrible person, I despise myself, I do," and with that he grabbed Louis's arms and some magical rope, and started to tie him up.

"I'm sorry Mon cher, but you will understand...or just not remember." Lestat chuckled at his own little joke.

Just at that moment who decides to walk in but Daniel the owner of the book bag! Twiddling his thumbs, Daniel entered the room and caught sight of Lestat tying his helpless victim to the rod(hehe) that held up the shower curtain.

"Um, hi Lestat," Daniel said, backing away slowly, holding his towel

around himself firmly. "Uh, what's going on with you and Louis?"

Lestat looked up. An evil glint was in his eye. "Nothing, babe." He

stood up. "Absolutely nothing." Pause. "As a matter of fact, I think

you could help me a little here."

"Um, yeah, I'd like to but I really can't so I have to go now

Goodbye,” said Daniel, flashing Lestat an insincere smile as he felt

behind himself for the doorknob. "Oh, fuck!" he exclaimed. "It's

locked from the outside!"

"I know," said Lestat. "Ain't it great?" With this, Lestat decided to frolic around the room, jumping and singing.

"What the hell are you-" Daniel tried to finish his sentence but

Lestat knocked him out, and tied him up with..more rope.

"Magical rope." Louis said, "Its magical."(1)

"Yeah, sure," said Lestat, "but go get the Vaseline, we need to do

something."

"I'm tied up, you moron!" Louis glared.

"Oh yeah! I'll get it." With this, Lestat frolicked out over the

unconscious body of Daniel, tripping on his rib cage. "Ow! God

dammit!" he said, kicking Daniel.

"He's going to have some nasty bruises when he wakes up,"

commented Louis.

"Again! You are questioning me!" Lestat whined, "Why won't you just trust me?"

Louis blinked.

....

"Your punishment, Louis," said Lestat, "will be to watch me cheat on you with Daniel so I can get back at Armand..wait no-" Daniel began to stir on the floor. "Louis, get me the Vaseline," ordered Lestat.

"You fucking moron, I'm tied up!"

Feeling resigned to the fact that if you want something done you have

to do it yourself, Lestat searched around for Vaseline. But this was a

locker room. They don't give out Vaseline in locker rooms. Towels and

nice-smelling soap they give, but not Vaseline.

"OH well I guess I'll have to untie you then..." Lestat signed.

"You would?"

"No way in hell!" Lestat laughed evilly. He paused. "And I've been there you know?"

"You bastard!" Louis screamed, and screeched, and hollered twisting around in his ropes to make a great big dramatic scene.

"Shhh! You're over reacting honey! Quiet down." Lestat said patting his head.

"NO!" Louis screamed, and he continued to let out a stream of profanities.

Just then, Daniel woke up. "Hey, wha....?" he murmured, blinking his eyes in confusion. Lestat strode over to him, reaching him in three steps.

"Shhhhh. It's okay, Daniel, no one's going to knock you out..." he said, tousling Daniel's thick blond hair.

"Mommy?"

"Um, yeah."

"Daniel, help me!" yelled a post-hysterical Louis.

Daniel blinked. "Oh my god, you're Lestat! To think you would ever be my mom." he muttered.

Lestat blinked. "Shut up, fledgling!" he yelled, kicking Daniel's head

until it was swollen to the size of a watermelon. "No, on to you,

Louis."

All of a sudden, the door collapsed into the room and a posse of

policemen ran in. "Okay, everyone on the ground, now!" a rather

attractive one yelled. This was not hard for Daniel, who was

already on the ground with blood gushing out of the sides of his head. Lestat dropped to the ground as well. It was the most sensible thing to do, considering the pistol aimed at his head. But Louis was having some trouble.

"What did I just tell you to do, pretty boy?" said S.C. (Sexy Cop). "Get to the ground!"

"I can't, you moron!" said Louis, writhing in agony from the

scalding water. "I'm tied up!!!!!!"

"Don't get an attitude with me, kid!" said the cop, waving his gun in

the air.

"Chuck, Chuck," said another cop. "Let me handle this." He shut off

the water and untied Louis, feeling free to let his hand wander a few times in the process. Louis looked down, confused. "I haven't seen you in a while, Louis."

*****

Chapter Two: Men in Uniforms

Title: Lestat Goes to Prison

Author: Amanda Rosen

Email: slashgoddess@hotmail.com

Rating: Depends On which chapter you're reading. Mostly PG-13.

Characters: L/L, Arm/Dan. Other Vamps.

Summary: There are so many plot twists that I cannot describe the story

as a whole. Just read it and find out. ^_^

Disclaimer: These characters belong to some author living in New Orleans who doesn't like to share. Well pooh on her. >.<

Warning: This is a Slashy fic. If this offends you (for some reason) then feel free to leave. Or stay, it really doesn't matter.

Distribution: Anywhere, but tell me, or I'll cry.;_; Yes those are real tears. The best you can buy from Rocky's too.

*Notes: This is a silly series I did for fun, and the characters are very out of character. Also don't ask about the oregano bits....o.o;

*******

All three vampires were escorted away by the police. Daniel was sent

to the ICU of the nearest hospital, where he quickly recovered from

his numerous wounds and was sent to join his fellow vampires in the

correctional facility.

Louis had been left confused by the policeman who had fondled his most personal of regions. Strangely enough the Policeman had seemed very familiar..He had brown eyes, and weird red hair- almost auburn colored, and spoke in an Italian accent. Louis was thoroughly mystified. Who could this mysterious man be?

While Louis puzzled, Lestat argued. He wanted to know when his trial was (never) and when the guards were going to return his oregano (never- they had used it on their pizza).

As Daniel and Louis returned to the cell after an invigorating game

of tennis (sport of champions ) with the other inmates, they found

The strange police officer staring at Lestat in horror. "I'd never have thought I would see you here, of all places!" he cried.

"Um, who are you?" asked the vampires in unison.

"Its me! Don't you recognize me? I mean you are vampires with you know powers?" The man pointed out.

Lestat gasped. "Oh my god! He knows we're vampires!"

"What do we do?! What do we do?!!" Daniel cried waving his arms frantically.

"Oh finally! I have a mortal who will understand me, and perhaps not take up the hobby of wrist slitting in front of a church altar!" Lestat cried. .."She still won't return my calls...bitch."

"Lestat, you can't be serious!" Louis cried, "This is a disaster! Quick break out of the cell, we have to kill him!"

"What do we do?! What do we do?!!" Daniel cried running around in circles.

"I just told you, idiot!" Louis yelled.

"What do we do?! What do we do?!!" Daniel cried.

"Oh for god sakes..." The police officer signed, "Its me.. Armand?"

The three vampires paused, and a great silence descended on everything. The leaves shuddered outside in the cold Night Island air, and somewhere an unfortunate prison inmate was being gang raped by his peers.

"Armand?"

"Yes Lestat." The prison guard nodded.

"Yeah right!" Lestat snorted," First of all Armand- the real one that is, is a short little runt, with girly long hair, and he talks like a slut all the time- which only *he* thinks is sexy.

Armand shot Lestat in the kneecaps- twice.

"Ow." Lestat mutter under his breath.

"First of all, I *am* Armand, and second of all you spawned the bitchiest-most-demented-78-year-old-talamascan-watcher-trapped-in-a-26-year-old-who-the-hell-cares-anyway-about-the-body-theif-vampire-in-the-world." Armand paused. "So who's the last one to laugh last? -Bitch."

"Boss?"

"Yeah Daniel?"

"You look different." Daniel said, poking at Armand through the bars., "Did those scientists finally find a way to make you grow?"

Armand twitched.

"You okay boss?"

"Yes." Armand signed, getting a hold of his motor functions, "And no Daniel, The scientists failed. Sadly that was a unsuccessful business venture."

Lestat snickered. Armand shot him in the gut.

"Damn. it..." Lestat muttered.

*****************

Chapter three: The Artist Formerly Known As Nick de L'enfent

Title: Lestat Goes to Prison

Author: Amanda Rosen

Email: slashgoddess@hotmail.com

Rating: Depends on the Chapter.

Characters: L/L, Arm/Dan.

Summary: There are so many plot twists that I cannot describe the story

as a whole. Just read it and find out. ^_^

Disclaimer: These characters belong to some author living in New Orleans who doesn't like to share. Well pooh on her. >.<

Warning: This is a Slashy fic. If this offends you (for some reason) then feel free to leave. Or stay it really doesn't matter.

Distribution: Anywhere, but tell me, or I'll cry.;_;

*Notes: This is a silly series I did for fun, some of my friends put some little bits in since they were bored, and the characters are very out of character. Also don't ask about the oregano bits....o.o;

***************

"So how did you get so tall?" Louis asked, "And since when did you have facial hair?" Louis gestured to Armand's beard.

"Shhh! Don't let anyone hear you, its fake hair." Armand said, "And I'm wearing stilts." He pulled his pants leg up to demonstrate.

Louis stared. "Why, may I ask are you wearing stilts?"

"To pass off as a prison guard of course." Armand chuckled.

"I don't think I want to know this," said Lestat, grimacing.

Armand glared, "If you don't shut up, I may run out of bullets, Lestat."

Lestat glared back, "Well excuse me then, and please tell us why you've decided to become a prison guard."

"Well first of all I decided to become a *police officer*, just to see how it might feel like. So I enrolled in the police academy for two days, and found out those police academy movies aren't (sniff) true! So I brain washed them into making me a real police officer and I was having fun making faulty arrests, when I got a real call. It turns out people heard Louis screaming-"

"Stupid fledglings...." Lestat mumbled.

Louis whimpered.

" -and called 911. So I had to go along with the arrest, or else I'd be yelled at by my superiors- who ever they are..." Armand smiled, "And then because I love my family so much, I snuck into prison disguised as a prison guard to make fun- I mean..uh.. to help you out in your time of need."

"Hee hee, You look funny in that beard Armand." Daniel giggled.

Armand gasped, "My own fledgling! Oh I can't believe what exposure to Lestat has done to you, Daniel! This must be rectified at once!"

Armand unlocked the door, and pulled Daniel out before Louis could get at it, and slammed the door back in Louis' face. He picked Daniel up by his messy hair and dragged him away kicking and screaming.

"Wait!" Daniel cried when they were out of sight, "You said you'd never hurt your fledglings!"

"When did I say that?" Armand blinked.

"Army!"

"Okay, I guess you're right, I guess I'll have to get someone else to do my dirty work... Nikki!!!" Armand yelled, "God damn it...where is he? Damn crazy musicians, and their morbid habits..."

"Hold on you mean Lestat's Nikki? Nicholas de lenfent? The dead one?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah."

"What is *he* doing here?!" Daniel asked.

"Well he was in the neighborhood, so I asked him to come with "the family" to make fun- I mean to... help you in your time of need."

"Yes, I see." Daniel nodded.

Just then the formerly dead Nicholas de lenfent came strutting down the hallway, and cast his eyes on Daniel.

"Him?"

Armand nodded, "Get him back here in one piece will ya?"

Nikki whistled, "Can do!" and escorted Daniel off to another room.

**********

Chapter Four: The Adventures of Daniel Malloy

Title: Lestat Goes to Prison

Author: Amanda Rosen

Email: slashgoddess@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13

Characters: L/L, Arm/Dan.

Summary: There are so many plot twists that I cannot describe the story

as a whole. Just read it and find out. ^_^

Disclaimer: These characters belong to some author living in New Orleans who doesn't like to share. Well pooh on her. >.<

Warning: This is a Slashy fic. If this offends you (for some reason) then feel free to leave. Or stay it really doesn't matter.

Distribution: Anywhere, but tell me, or I'll cry.;_;

*Notes: This is a silly series I did for fun, some of my friends put some little bits in since they were bored, and the characters are very out of character. Also don't ask about the oregano bits....o.o;

After Daniel's session with that delightful, and formerly dead man: Nicholas de lenfent, which Daniel blocked from memory, he sought solace in Armand's loving arms. Armand, having recently received a large shipment of women's clothing from Shanghai, was ecstatic over having Daniel as a playmate.

"There, there," he said, patting the sobbing adolescent on the back.
God, he would do anything for a blond! "Wanna play dress-up?"

In five seconds Daniel was standing butt-naked in front of Armand, his pants around his ankles. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Daniel asked nervously, eyeing the French-cut panties he was to squeeze
his entire 10-inch 'self' into.

"It's not about what is good, it is about what is right. Take sex with
Playgirl models for example- that is not good-no, wait, maybe that is
the other way around. Never mind. You get the idea?"

"Well, I guess. As long as you love me," Daniel said.

"Well, then we better get started." Armand went to the bars of the
cell. "Excuse me, Khayman, could we have some Vaseline here? My lips are chapped."

"Okay," Khayman said, getting up from his chair in search of
petroleum jelly. With this, Armand moved over to Daniel and started
kissing him. They fell onto the cot and Armand kicked off his fuzzy,
lace-trimmed satin panties. Daniel thought to himself about the shade
of pink- he himself would have preferred a lighter color.

Anyway, Daniel grabbed Armand's cock (which was very hard) and started
to stroke it. "Mmmmm.. harder." Armand moaned.

"What? The Harder family? Is it on? Where's the TV?"

"Not the show, moron! Roll over! I'll show you how it is supposed to
be."

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!?!?!" shouted Khayman (who really thought he was a prison guard). "Do you want your sentence extended,
mister? Armand is a minor!"

"Yeah," said Armand, "but this is Daniel."

The officer processed this information slowly. "Okay. Resume your
activities." He began to walk away, then turned back and tossed the
Vaseline through the bars of the cell. "Almost forgot."

"Wait!!!!" Armand hollered. "Can I borrow your handcuffs?"

************

Chapter Five: Vampires Unlimited

Title: Lestat Goes to Prison

Author: Amanda Rosen

Email: slashgoddess@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13

Characters: L/L, Arm/Dan.

Summary: There are so many plot twists that I cannot describe the story

as a whole. Just read it and find out. ^_^

Disclaimer: These characters belong to some author living in New Orleans who doesn't like to share. Well pooh on her. >.<

Warning: This is a Slashy fic. If this offends you (for some reason) then feel free to leave. Or stay it really doesn't matter.

Distribution: Anywhere, but tell me, or I'll cry.;_;

*Notes: This is a silly series I did for fun, some of my friends put some little bits in since they were bored, and the characters are very out of character. Also don't ask about the oregano bits....o.o;

Meanwhile back in the cell, Lestat was trying to grope Louis, yet again.

"Lestat!"

"I've been shot by three, bullets damn it! I need you to comfort meeeeee!" Lestat whined.

Louis signed, "Well they came out didn't they?"

"I don't think you love me, Louis." Lestat said.

"You know I do."

"Don't."

"Lestat stop being childish. I will not have sex with you in a prison cell." Louis said batting Lestat's wandering hand away. ~(Even though we all realize that prison is like the seventh heaven of slash writers.)

Lestat signed, "Fine. At least let me lick your feet?"

"Ew!" Louis turned away in disgust.

Lestat grinned perversely.

"Stop it!" Louis laughed. Lestat quickly used the distraction to tackle Louis, and pull off his boots.

"Are you going to let me, or not?" Lestat asked

"No!" Louis cried trying to get away.

"Fine then." Lestat said. "Tickle, tickle,"

"No! You know I'm ticklish, this is abuse!" Louis laughed as Lestat got a hold of his waist, and ran his hands down the sides of Louis' stomach. "No! Please!" Louis shook with laughter, as Lestat attacked the smooth plane of his belly with his fingers.

"Let me kiss, you."

"No-umph!" Louis broke off as Lestat tackled his mouth, tickling the roof of it with his tongue. Lestat smirked as his fledgling responded, sliding the palms of his hands over Louis' slim waist, and down over his erection. Louis arched his back moaning deep into Lestat's mouth.

"Mmmmm," Louis moaned. "Lestat..."

Then the moment was (surprisingly) interrupted by a the shout from Khayman- vampire police officer.

"Hey! What the hell is going on in there!" Khayman hollered, opening up the door to the cell.

"We're not doing anything!" Louis cried desperately, turning around to see that second cop from before. "Hey, you look familiar!" he speculated. "Khayman?!"

Lestat gasped, "The 'plot' thickens..."

"Oh my God! It's you!" Khayman cried.

"Me?" Louis asked edging slowly towards the cell door.

"Yeah, you! Remember me, don't you?" I'm your father!"

"What?!" Louis turned around abruptly.

"Yeah! I'm Trent (short for Trent)."

"Uh...Khayman, you might have lost your mind here..." Lestat said eyeing the ancient vampire.

"My little boy's all grown up *eighth*. Aren't you, Betty Mae?"

"Betty Mae? My name's Louis!"

"Oh. I guess your mom must have changed it when she realized you
weren't a redneck-" Louis gave his dad a weird look- "and that you
weren't a girl."

"Khayman, no one here is named Betty Mae" Louis said pointedly.

"Yup. At least that's what it says on your birth certificate, Betty
Mae."

"My name's Louis de Pointe due Lac," Betty Mae insisted.

"It's okay, son, it's okay." Khayman held out his arms, offering an embrace. "Friends?"

"But I'm not your son, Khayman!" Louis cried hiding under Lestat.

"But we look exactly alike!" Khayman insisted. "I have white skin you have white skin..."

"That’s because we're vampires!" Louis said exasperatingly.

"I have black hair you have black hair..." Khayman pointed out.

Lestat looked from one vampire to the other and gasped, "Oh my god! its true!"

"Lestat!"

"We also both have black eyes."

Lestat gasped, "He's right, Louis!"

"For god sakes..."

"And finally, the ultimate proof! We both have *long* fingers! Its a distinct family trait!" Khayman cried, triumphantly.

"Oh my god! He really is your dad!" Lestat cried, and jumped up to give Khayman a hug, "Oh, dad!"

"Just shoot me now.." Louis signed, banging his head against the wall.

Note: That’s right Lestat got shot thrice. ^_^

************

Chapter Six: The Wonders of Drugs in Blood

Title: Lestat Goes to Prison

Author: Amanda Rosen

Email: slashgoddess@hotmail.com

Rating: Depends On which chapter you're reading. Mostly PG-13.

Characters: L/L, Arm/Dan. Other Vamps.

Summary: There are so many plot twists that I cannot describe the story

as a whole. Just read it and find out. ^_^

Disclaimer: These characters belong to some author living in New Orleans who doesn't like to share. Well pooh on her. >.<

Warning: This is a Slashy fic. If this offends you (for some reason) then feel free to leave. Or stay, it really doesn't matter.

Distribution: Anywhere, but tell me, or I'll cry.;_; Yes those are real tears. The best you can buy from Rocky's too.

*Notes: This is a silly series I did for fun, and the characters are very out of character. Also don't ask about the oregano bits....o.o;

Lestat sighed letting go of Khayman. ”Louis! I can’t believe you! Forgetting your own father. Shame on you.”

“He’s not my dad, Lestat.” Louis moaned.

“Shame Louis, shame.”

Louis sighed in annoyance.

“Its alright son I forgive and forget" Khayman said, and grabbed Louis around the waist.

Louis gagged. "What..are..you..doing?" He choked out, as Khayman proceeded to cut off his oxygen supply (lets forget that he's a vampire for a moment...)

"Hugging, its called hugging my son.." Khayman paused "I think."

“Well...” Lestat said wiping a stray tear out of his eye. “I bet you and your dad have lots to catch up to, so I’ll just let myself out of this unlocked cell.” He said pushing the door open. “See ya in a jiffy!”

“No! Don’t!” Louis cried trying to get free of Khayman’s iron grip.

“Just like old times heh, son?” Khayman said smiling at Louis.

“What old times?!” Louis cried.

“Like when your mum drank a barrel of beer, and the next day she got pregnant? That was you son. That was you..” Khayman smiled at the fond memory.

“Oh god..”

“God? Who’s god? Where?” Khayman said looking around nervously, “I told that guy I didn’t have his money dagnabit!” Khayman’s eyes widened “Shit! It’s him! Run boy, run!” Khayman let go of Louis and ran into the wall.

“Hey” Daniel said coming into the cell “What’s with the old man?” He pointed to Khayman who was slowly recovering from hitting himself on the head.

“Lost his mind.” Louis said, looking at Daniel, “Nice to see you again. (big relief)”

“Yup I escaped from a very … pink situation.” Daniel said, grimacing.

"And all this time I thought Nick had killed you!" said Louis

"No, but he damn well tried," replied our furry little hero. "A toast to laser guns."

Louis shook his head ”I can’t believe you would shoot poor dead Nikki! Is there no kinships among vampires?”

“Kinship?” Daniel blinked.

“Like the kinship between me and my son have, of course.” Khayman said as he recovered, and wrapped Louis in a big bear hug.

“Khayman!” Louis shouted, “Stop hugging me! We are not related! -Except by a very very distant vampire bloodline or that great big funky spirit- but that doesn’t count!”

“Erf..” Daniel said backing away a little, “I am I like interrupting something here? Cause I could just go now, and-”

“NO!!!” Louis shrieked jumping out of Khayman’s embrace, and grabbing on to Daniel’s neck. “He’s lost his mind again, Daniel. He thinks he’s really a mortal prison guard named Trent and that I’m his long lost son!”

“No way!” Daniel gasped, looking at Khayman. “You’re not really a prison guard?”

”I’m not?” Khayman asked

“You’re what?”

“Arg!” Louis smacked Daniel “Of course he’s not a prison guard, Daniel!”

“You lied to me!” Daniel gasped staring at Khayman in disbelief.

“I think I might be a opossum.” Khayman said scratching his head.

“Well that just tears it then!” Daniel said, “Eat poison laced, alcoholic, dead, and rotten blood you filthy opossum!” And with that he jumped on Khayman and shoved a bottle of poison laced, alcoholic, dead, and rotten blood down Khayman's throat, and choked him to death for good measure.

“I Daniel Molloy have killed the first opossum in the world!” Daniel said triumphantly.

Louis blinked. “Um Daniel….”

“Didya see me Louis?” Daniel smirked, “I got that opossum good!”

“Um…good for you Daniel…You also stained my shirt.”

Daniel chuckled. “Yeah Louis, I sure got that evil shirt good.”

***************

Chapter Seven: The Purple Eyed Monster :) Lestat

Title: Lestat Goes to Prison

Author: Amanda Rosen

Email: slashgoddess@hotmail.com

Rating: Depends On which chapter you're reading. Mostly PG-13.

Characters: L/L, Arm/Dan. Other Vamps.

Summary: There are so many plot twists that I cannot describe the story

as a whole. Just read it and find out. ^_^

Disclaimer: These characters belong to some author living in New Orleans who doesn't like to share. Well pooh on her. >.<

Warning: This is a Slashy fic. If this offends you (for some reason) then feel free to leave. Or stay, it really doesn't matter.

Distribution: Anywhere, but tell me, or I'll cry.;_; Yes those are real tears. The best you can buy from Rocky's too.

*Notes: This is a silly series I did for fun, and the characters are very out of character. Also don't ask about the oregano bits....o.o;

Daniel looked over a Louis, and frowned. "That shirt's all soggy though, aren't you uncomfortable with all that drugged blood?"

"Just a smidgeon" Louis rolled his eyes. "I’ll take it off." Louis proceeded to struggle with his blood soaked shirt. He twisted, and turned and did the hockey pokey where he turned it all about...and finally ended up getting the shirt half way down his chest, with a button stuck in a torn thread.

"Here, let me help with that, Louis" Daniel reached around Louis' waist to pick at the stuck button.

Lestat whistled as he walked back down the familiar corridor, and let himself back into his jail cell. His eyes widened as he saw his boyfriend half naked and covered in blood, wrestling around with Daniel (Armand's little hell spawnian)- that and Khayman lying dead on the floor.

Lestat gasped “Oh my god! You’ve killed your own father and then cheated on me all in one chapter! Oh the melodrama, Louis!”

“No Lestat it’s not what you think!” Louis said waving his arms frantically.

“Yeah ‘stat.” Daniel said, “He's killed his father, and cheated on you in two chapters."

Lestat twitched. "I think I'm going to kill you Daniel..wait you're a vampire...but I can still kill you! aha!" Lestat smiled, "Kill you good."

Daniel backed away nervously, "Oh crap. Lestat, that’s not what I mean to say. I meant that it wasn't what I didn't mean to say. I mean I didn't mean to say what I meant! No! Lestat! I didn't mean to say that!"

"What did you mean to say then? That you had a romp in a prison cell with my Louis?!" Lestat demanded.

"I did?" Daniel reveled in his luck, "I am so the man.."

"You filthy bastard!" Lestat cried

"Wait-" Daniel choked as Lestat grabbed Daniel by the collar and proceeded to strangle our furry little hero to death.

“Lestat!” Louis cried, “Stop it. You might choke him!”

“Might?!” Lestat asked, “I’m going to kill the little cretin.” Lestat said, punching Daniel in the stomach.

Daniel wheezed as Lestat punched him in the ribs, and kneed him in the gut.

"Yeah that’s what you get for swapping blood with my fledgling, you runt!"

"Lestat."

"Take that you little hell spawn."

"Lestat!"

"Cry uncle! Cry Uncle!"

Louis gritted his teeth in utter frustration. "WILL YOU PUT HIM FUCKING DOWN!"

Lestat stopped. "Um..."

"Lestat! Put Daniel down now!" Louis said grabbing Lestat by the hair and dragging him to the bunk.

"Louis! My hair!" Lestat whined, trying to bat Louis' hands away.

"You quite!" Louis said, "I've had enough of you. I'm sick of you! Yes I am as sick as a vampire can get! You're a jerk Lestat! You're inconsiderate, reckless, selfish, and apparently DEAF! But most of all you are just a jerk!

"First you knock me out. Then you tie me up, and get us all arrested, next thing we know I'm in jail and Khayman is suddenly my father! And what do you do? You leave me in a cell alone with a crazy vampire! oh thanks a lot Lestat my knight in shining Armour. "

"You're welcome, Louis." Lestat mumbled.

Louis glared, "What was that?" Lestat shook his head and shut up. "Lestat, Daniel's the one who actually saved me from god knows what would've happened here. Frankly I don't have to explain anything to you, if I need Daniel to comfort me, then I'll damn well talk to him."

Lestat nodded. "So..you did have sex?"

"Get out!"

"Louis-"

"Get out! Get out!"

"Where am I supposed to go?!"

"I don't know! But go! Guard! Guard!"

A bunch of real guards rushed over to the cell. (human ones that is)

"'This crazy man broke into our cell, can you please move him to another one?"

"Uh...Sure thing, Mr. Inmate, sir" one of them said, ushering Lestat out of the cell with a stick.

"This way Mr.Inmate#2"

Lestat grumbled.

************************

Chapter Eight: Why don't dead vampires stay dead?

Lestat had to find a way to break out of prison, but the more important matter at hand was to kill Daniel. That bastard! How dare he have a connection with Louis! The only connection Louis should have was with Lestat! Lestat smiled as he thought of *that* connection, and then proceed to have a porn fantasy. Then after the kinky porn fantasy, he went back to thinking up how to get rid of one fledgling vampire, Daniel Molloy.

He himself couldn't get rid of Daniel. Daniel was just too innocently stupid to burn, or lock up. He needed someone twisted, and dark to do his dirty work for him. Someone who was slightly insane and who could play a violin, because that was a nice instrument..golly..

"You called, Lestat?" Nicholas de Lenfent suddenly popped up in front of Lestat.

"How'd you get here so quickly?" Lestat demanded. "I didn't even send

for you. I barely even thought about sending for you. In fact I don't

think I even have the power to send for you.

Nicholas shrugged. "I have teleportational powers. Its yet another power that you-know-who neglected to mention in her books, but came up with shortly after they were published." Nicholas widened his eyelids.

Lestat blinked. "And your point is? What is your point?"

"That I can do a lot of things.." Nicholas widened his eyelids some more.

"Stop that!" Lestat shuddered. "I swear I don't know where you got that damn habit..." Lestat shook his head widening his eyelids in annoyance.

"And as I was saying, I need you to get rid of Daniel so he can't come between me and Louis." Lestat smirked, "and our connection..."

"You and Louis?" Nicholas widened his eyelids.

"Me and Louis." Lestat widened his eyelids.

Nicholas widened his eyelids

Lestat widened his eyelids.

"okay," Nikki said, "but I think I'm going to be temporarily blind for a while. You okay with that, Lestat?"

"I don't care. Just go already. Your presence disgusts me."

"My, aren't we touchy! Just tell me what this kid's name is and I'll

leave you alone." Nicholas said rolling his blind eyes.

"His name is Daniel!" Lestat said. "And haven't we been over this?!"

"So we have Lestat, So we have.." Nick made the sound of a dying cow in heat and it took Lestat a while to realize that Nick was laughing!

"What is the matter with you Nikki?" Lestat said experimenting with his Italian accent. (take that Armand!)

Nicholas stopped making his laughing noises and looked at Lestat. "I thought we were plotting evilly- just like the old days."

"What? We've never plotted together before!" Lestat said.

"Sure we have! Remember when we got together and made Gabrielle think she was getting consumption so I could run off with that hunky Auvergn Lord's son, Lesta-" Nicholas trailed off. "Oh, I guess that was just me then."

"You bastard!"

"Okay. Well it did turn out for the best right?" Nicholas laughed nervously, "I mean she's finally cured of her consumption isn't she?"

"That’s it!" Lestat jumped on Nicholas and proceeded to beat the crap outta of the formerly, and soon to be dead Nicholas de Lenfent.

BTW: I forgot what Gabrielle was dying from. If anyone remembers tell me, please, and I'll change it- unless I was right. Then consumption it is! -_-'

Chapter Nine: to be written someday....

You can email me at amarsen@email.com to ask