This is an amateur effort and is not intended to infringe on the rights of Anne Rice or her publishers.

Spoilers for QotD

Marius: This is the Agony Hotline of Oncle Marius. Tell me about your problem after the beep.

Jesse: Hi, Jesse Reeves speaking. Please leave your phone number, address and blood group after the beep.

Louis: You have called Louis de Pointe du Lac. Usually I do not give interviews anymore, but if you send me a lighter, I might change my mind.

Daniel: Daniel Molloy here. Wait until I'm sober enough to change tapes, then talk.

Mekare: Gnnpf!

Gabrielle: Bon jour. Can't answer the phone right now because I'm busy handling this alligator. Just leave me a message, and I might call you later.

Eric: *sneer*

Lestat: I am the Vampire Lestat. I am immortal. If you didn't know that before, I don't want to talk to you.

Armand: This is the answering machine of Armand. I'm tied up at the moment, so leave me a message.

Khayman: I can't come to the phone right now because I have amnesia and feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I would appreciate it if you could leave my name after the beep and tell me something about myself. Thank you.