NEW VAMPCHRON SCENARIOS
another bit of insanity brought to you by JoAnne Soper-Cook
bb106@FreeNet.Carleton.CA


Hi everyone, your friendly neightbourhood clever program here...I thought
I would share this with you since I've so lovingly culled it from the
depths of my questionable sanity...

	NEW VAMPCHRON SCENARIOS:

--Lestat and Louis are driving in Lestat's Porsche one night when Louis,
hanging his head out the window as usual, gets his tongue caught in the
wheels of a speeding 18-wheeler...extensive reconstructive surgery is
required to repair him, but little can be done and for the rest of his
immortal existence, Louis must drage a 15-foot tongue about with him
looking like a cross between Gene Simmons of "KISS" fame (70s rock group
for those born after 1967) and Wily E. Coyote, caught in one of his stupid
"Catchthe Roadrunner" schemes.  Explore the psychological impact of this
on Louis's emotional state, as well as his intimate relations with Lestat,
and his attempts to learn Swahili from the Bubberbumper School of Linguists.

--Armand and Lestat are barbecuing late one night (i don't know what;
small animals?) when Armand's eyebrows catch on fire and are burned to a
cinder.  Marius shows up and declares that Lestat has played his last
impulsive prank--from hereafter, he will be consigned to star in old
re-runs of "Head of the Class" and be picked on by the genius fat kid
who's brain is welded to his computer.  Explore the psychological impact
of this, especially when Louis announces that he is going on Oprah to talk
about the Dr. Dean Onion Health Plan:  Suck More, Weigh Less...

--Lestat, Louis and Armand are mysteriously beamed aboard Deep Space Nine
where they encounter Odo's odious cousin "Jello-Belly" who offers to help
them morph into the same type of gelatinous goo of which he himself is
composed.  Dr. Bashir arrives and gives everyone a hypo of really good
acid, and Lestat and Co. spend the rest of their visit in a recreation of
that hippy scene from the original Trek series, complete with SPock
prancing in a codpiece.

--200 years into the future, and Lestat and Co.are still going strong. 
Lestat has joined Starfleet in an effort to mend his ways, and Armand is
head chef aboard USS Voyager, a position he secured through much hard work
and effort--meaning that he threw Neelix out an airlock, chef's hat and
all--Louis spends his days (he's always awake: there is no sunlight in
space) in deep philosophical contenplation with Tuvok, who is attempting
to show him the Vulcan Brain Melt.  The result is that Louis is in a
permanent Lotus position and must now sit *zazen* for the rest of
eternity.  Lestat, meanwhile, has reprogrammed the holographic Doctor into
the ultimate sex tool who now, instead of treating patients, is consumed
with chasing Kes around the Sickbay. Kes has lost 500 pounds and is
reduced to subatomic particles.  Discuss the psychological consequences of
Louis' new elightenment, and what it will mean to his and Lestat's
relationship...

and the last one, I promise:

--Lestat goes into the past and discovers his true soul mate in Elizabeth
of Bathory. However, the Countess isn't as impressed with the Marquis de
Lioncourt and orders him to strip naked and plough her garden in harness. 
Quite a few people show up to point and laugh...

(I'm going now: the moral is, never do a lobotomy on yourself....)