Disclaimer: This is a work of nonprofit speculative fiction, and is not meant too infringe on the rights of Anne Rice, Geffen, Warner Bros., Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Kirsten Dunst, Antonio Banderas...*gasp* or anyone else I may have left out of this list.... Profuse apologies to all whose views conflict with the contents of this spec, all is meant to be light hearted and is in no way supposed to offend (-:

Spoilers: IWTV, including the movie....

A short comedy on the film 'Interview with the Vampire' by Geffen. Armand, Louis and Lestat sit down to watch the yet unreleased version of Louis' much celebrated memoir, with unexpected reaction.

Dedicated to Armand's Pet and Cae with love (and much amusement!)

Louis was somewhat alarmed by the sight of Armand approaching the townhouse of Rue Royale. Usually meeting Armand was an unpredictable experience, but this time Louis had a particular feeling of apprehension. - Sigh - Auburn hair tied back in a rakish ponytail and rushing down the pavement like a bullet train, Armand almost bowled over a stray dog with a bag he was swinging enthusiastically in his hand. Had Armand gone totally ballistic? Strange thoughts were rushing through Louis's mind. Armand looked like an immaculately dressed angel gone insane.

He plummeted through the doorway, catching Louis by both shoulders and shaking him excitedly. 'LOUIS !' he yelled triumphantly. ' Look what I found in a letterbox!' Louis was bewildered, not knowing quite what he was supposed to be looking at. Ah.... the smart black video case that came out from the bag.

This seemed nothing unusual. Armand was an undeniably obsessive video buff. Sometimes Louis was forced to see five each night with him. Granted, he'd liked some of them. Then Louis clicked on the fact that Armand had been up to his old tricks again. 'What !?' Louis said, 'You've been going through people's letterboxes again? Don't you know you're the bane of every Garden District postman, and that opening other people's mail is a federal offence?' His incredulity at Armand's loose morals was gaining. ' Armand, for the love of heaven, you cannot...'

'Save your lectures for later!' Armand interrupted, impatient. 'I've really hit the jackpot this time. Do you know, this baby hasn't even been released yet! I found it at that house on First Street, that one. No one has even seen this before, I bet.'

'He's right, Louis.' A new voice. Lestat had appeared in the doorway, just finished playing another one of those computer games Louis had installed on their computer. He held the video case up for Louis to have a better look, an expression of surprise mixed with impish delight on his own face.

-Interview With The Vampire- Louis read the lettering disbelievingly, shocked. ' What?!' There weren't any words for his confoundment.

Lestat grinned wolfishly. ' Tom Cruise, 'Interview With The Vampire'. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, 'Drink from me and live forever' he quoted. A slow smile drifted onto his face. 'I like that. It's very Hollywood, but I like that'. He laughed.

'You would.' said Louis, finally able to say something apart from a splutter or a 'What?'. 'I can't see how this could have happened. Did Daniel sell the movie rights?' he murmured anxiously.

'What a handsome guy they have on the cover,' Lestat said 'Do you reckon that's me?'. He chuckled softly as he tucked the video case under his arm and headed towards the VCR. Armand followed Lestat into the living room and helped himself to a bean bag. He grabbed the little black remote and shifted to make himself comfortable. 'Come on.' He beckoned to Louis. 'It can't be that bad, can it? You published that book something like 20 years ago.'

'Daniel published it, not me. And it's 18 years thank-you-very-much.' But Louis's curiosity was getting the better of him. 'I'm not sure about this....' he said, as he plopped onto the leather couch. Armand didn't say anything, secretly glad that he hadn't taken the tapes from Daniel all that time ago after all.

'It's about time.' Lestat stated, sprawling over the armchair like a giant cat. 'I haven't had much publicity ever since my debut as a rock star.' He crocked his legs over the side of the armrests and rolled over dangerously to look at Louis.

Louis was surprising calm. ' I guess I do want to see what they've done to it...' he admitted. Armand took this for a signal to begin and pressed the remote. He was the expert at using it now. Play

-Libera Me starts to play over a night scene of San Francisco. The tram plows down the street and the figure of Brad Pitt turns around.

'Who's that?' Louis asked, turning to Armand.

'Mmmmm? I think that's you.'

'They got the hair wrong' commented Lestat. 'But the fellow doesn't look that bad.'

Armand is quiet, spotting Christian Slater across the table. DANIEL!

click, click, click....

-Tom Cruise grabs the pimp, then closes his hands around the whore's neck as she screams. His synthetic fangs slice neatly into Brad's throat and they start rising.

'What?!' Louis yelps again. 'We never got to do that.' He starts muttering about artistic license while Lestat and Armand both shush him loudly.

'Excuse me, Mr du Lac - I want to watch the movie I stole.' Armand said. Lestat promptly shushes him too, before Louis started to complain again. 'Hey, I'm a handsome little devil.'

The movie continued through the night. Lestat mysteriously disappeared as 'Claudia' appears with the two boys on the couch. 'Deja vu,' he muttered, incoherently making some excuse about needing popcorn. He appeared again as Kirsten Dunst and Brad Pitt sail on the Marianna.

'Hey, where's the popcorn?' Armand asked innocently. Lestat shot him a dangerous look, though Armand was already gluing his eyes back to the screen.

'You only use it to fill up the vacuum cleaner anyway.' Louis commented distractedly. He was much too involved in watching Brad and Kirsten waltzing around in the ballroom.... 'Do I really have hair like that, Armand?' he asked.

But Lestat was already in a fit of hysterics, watching the figure of 'Santiago' pirouette on the tips of his toes and mocking Brad. Whatever Armand had replied was lost in the noise as Lestat tipped the armchair over, spilled cushions and sprawling over an extremely disgruntled Louis.

'HEY !' yelled Armand.' Why'd they choose Antonio Banderas to play my character?' The red head was getting infuriated now. 'What do they think? That I look like someone who plays opposite Sylvester Stallone?!'

Lestat extricated himself from the mess of armchair and Louis. 'Not to worry, Armand.' he said reassuringly, though the effect was lost in the tears of mirth running down his face. 'Antonio looks very handsome even if he's got too much white stuff on his face. You should be lucky your character is still on screen. I was forced to the bottom of the bayou, only to reappear and become Lestat flambe.' It was evident that whatever disappointment Lestat had felt, it was soothed now.

As the tape chugged to a close, Lestat was singing along to 'Sympathy to the Devil'. Armand and Louis clapped their hands over their ears.

'...Pleased to meeeet you, won't cha guess my name...' he crooned. Armand did the wise thing in remembering that he had the remote, and stopped the video player. For a while, all the three vampires could do was sit and blink in the darkness. Then Louis switched on a light.

'Well, I guess that wasn't too bad.' he offered, tentatively. 'Was it ?'

'I guess we could always warn the others that it carries a 'Comedy' rating,' suggested Armand.

'Marius will be very amused.' Lestat moved closer to Armand and Louis. 'Well, the one thing is,' he said 'I liked the ending. Even if it weren't entirely true.' Pause. 'I don't like driving convertibles.' His face crinkled up under another threat of laughing.

Louis smiled and reached over to Armand, who sighed. 'It was funny,' he said. ' I didn't think it would be very easy to watch this, but it was funny. Do you know, in all my life, I have never actually tasted poodle? Rats, of course' - he made a little dismissive gesture - 'but poodles?'.

'Commedia dell'arte.' Armand said dolefully. 'Louis.... didn't you even...? Not even a little....?

He couldn't finish. His face looked up at Louis with an expression of confusion. Louis immediately realised the situation.

'Armand.' Louis said sharply, 'You didn't do this on purpose to test me, did you?' He looked intently at the other vampire for a moment. Armand was turning a strange puce colour, under the dim light of the lamp.

Louis looked as if he were about to cry, his mouth gone slack, the lower lip trembling. Armand suddenly felt an acute feeling of remorse, and reached up to hug Louis.

'I'm sorry, please forgive me!' he whispered. 'It's only because I was so curious, to see... whether you believed...' he hands were moving around frantically, trying to find for him what he could not say. It might have looked all right had he not been trying to hug Louis at the same time. But it looked very funny, especially to Lestat. Lestat was trying to control himself.

'Louis - please forgive me!' Armand was so regretful. He felt Louis start to tremble violently. 'Don't...please don't cry, Louis! I'll do anything...'

Louis could contain himself no longer. He burst out in a fit of laughter almost enough to rival even Lestat's. Armand was very startled.

'But...but...but...' Armand stammered.

'You silly imp', Lestat explained 'Don't you see? Louis and I knew it all along.' He looked disdainfully at the perplexed Armand. 'I stole the video yesterday night, and Louis and I watched it then. That's why he was so amazed when you came back with it tonight, after I had just put the damn thing back.'

'Oh...' said Armand in a small voice. Louis felt sorry for Armand and put an arm around his shoulder, patting it gently.

'Don't worry, Armand.' he said ' I wasn't hurt by anything in the video. The only thing it did was give me some.... food for thought. And it did remind me of the good old times.'

'True,' added Lestat. 'I should be thankful every mortal will think it is just a bit of movie ingenuity, and that none of the actors looked much like any of us.'

'Maybe the Tom Cruise apres the swamp scene....'teased Louis. Lestat replied by clocking Louis on the head with a cushion. 'Mmmmpph!' retorted Louis. Armand was a little more cheered up.

'I guess I deserved it.' he managed a little grin. The bash with the cushion erupted into a full scale cushion fight with feathers and stuffing flying everywhere. 'And this is for Papillon....' limbs and hair left and right, moving at preternatural speed. '...and that is for the silly joke about the dressmaker....' another voice '...and I do not look like that infernal actor' came another heated cry.

A while later, three rather sheepish vampires were dusting themselves off. Armand sighed. 'I think I'd better get this thing back to 1239 First Street.' he said. 'Someone might be missing it!'

'No, stay and we'll put 'Terminator Two' in next,' suggested Lestat, patting the couch again. ' No one will be in that much of a hurry, surely?' Another little laugh.

Louis nestled back into his seat and started thinking about how funny mortals were interpreting his conversation with Daniel. They didn't know half of it! He thought with satisfaction. Mental mortals with their Hollywood obsession......

Lestat bumped him suddenly. 'Ah.... Louis' he said abruptly. 'I just thought of something.' Lestat's face looked horribly worried.

'What is it, Lestat?' Louis asked. There must be something very wrong for Lestat to be like that.

'What if they do a sequel....'

'The Vampire Lestat?' quipped Armand. Louis just looked at both of his friends and began to laugh....

THE END (credits roll, add 'Sympathy for the Devil Armand' track)