Dreams of Angels
© Silence, March 99
AngelusTD@aol.comAh...I haven't been here in a while. Haven't written in a while either. It's always nice to visit though.
I'm not Anne Rice.
Anywho here you go. And sorry for any typos, bad grammar, etc. I didn't look it over real good this time.
"I remember the time when I was in love with the world, just as you are now...I remember." A pair of deep emerald eyes seemed softly troubled as they stared out a window at the rain drenched street.
"It was so very long ago..." His voice was deep, almost mournful and yet...it always sounded that way. Sounded as if some great sadness rested permanently on his youthful looking shoulders and settled heavily in his jewel-stone eyes.
"But, you can't just be so sad all the time...it isn't fair.." The girl crossed her arms across her chest and frowned softly watching him, that girl with a child's innocent expression.
"Not fair?" He laughed softly as he folded his smooth pale hands behind his back.
"You say that so often." He turned and she didn't want to look in his eyes. She was frightened...so innocently frightened.
"I won't hurt you." A needless reassurance, and perhaps a bit of a lie.
"I know.." Was her soft answer, also a bit of a lie. She didn't know whether he would hurt her, and he, likewise wasn't so sure he wouldn't either...accidents happen. She shook her head scattering that silky brown hair all over her shoulders.
"It isn't fair to yourself...everyone deserves to be happy." She looked up now and froze still, he had finally caught her gaze.
He couldn't help the smile that crept to his lips and he approached her from his window, reaching out a cool white hand to pass in front of her eyes. She blinked.
"And what if everyone can't be happy? What then?" His question seemed to puzzle her and he pressed yet another, "What if everyone doesn't want to be happy..?"
He was leaning now before her, standing, his hands on the old yet still smooth wooden table searching her expression, but mostly searching in those pale grey eyes that reminded him so much of someone...
"Then that would be absurd...It's our nature to seek out happiness for ourselves and..." She stopped, his expression had changed and it seemed he wanted to ask her something, which of course, he did.
"'Our' nature?" His brows were lifted. He was curious at her usage of words and pressed the question a bit further. "How do you mean 'our nature'?"
She blinked. "Human nature...just the entire nature of living...what do you mean how do I mean?" He was most certainly hard to follow, he questioned everything!
"It's just the basic going about of life. We seek out what will most make us happy."
He nodded, so she hadn't meant 'our nature' as he thought she had. "Do continue."
"Well am I right or not?"
"Yes, yes you are, we seek to find what makes us happy, go on."
"Okay then." She nodded and folded her hands in her lap and said something about people in love. He wasn't sure how it was relevant and he had to admit he was only half-listening. The room seemed so very familiar and throbbed with the flicker of a lamp from the below street. The wind moaned outside the window and he could hear the rustling of leaves, as well as the delicate sound of the rain gathering into puddles. Other than this, all was quiet. He hadn't realized she'd stopped. In fact she hadn't said much of anything to the fact of people in love, other than it made them so supremely happy and ultimately sad.
He turned now to see that childish face of hers caught in a blank stare, held by nothing. He wondered how quickly she'd react if he made himself "appear" at her side, as most immortals seem to do. Just as he had come aware at this thought he found himself by her side, kneeling next to her chair which she was half slumped down in. She hadn't reacted at all, as if he were doing these motions for a blind person and she simply wasn't aware of anything that didn't make noise. He could feel her pulse by the subtle throb of heat that came from her skin and he wondered, if he were only to touch...what would he feel? More than anything he wanted to know what he would see, in her blood, what ideas did she know that he simply hadn't thought of? She was a mystery to him, her innocence was obvious yet she carried a message that simply contradicted everything that was innocent. Her message was simple and clear; "I know the world."
An amazing statement for one so young, she reminded him so much of a certain pale doll with golden curls...
"There it is again.." Her speaking surprised him, his emerald eyes now lifting to hers. He had been staring at her hands. "That look of sadness...so different from every other sadness I've known..." Her brow was furrowed, as she looked at him, head tilted, trying to understand. "It's a sadness I wouldn't care to let go of upon anyone." He shook his head and stood, making his way back to the rain blurred window.
"In case you might actually forget about it if you explain to someone?" Again he shook his head. She couldn't understand it, she didn't want it to be like this.
"Why won't you let yourself be happy?! It doesn't make sense!" His eyebrows lifted and he turned, surprised to see that expression of frustration on an angel's face. It was the first time she had raised her voice above emphasis level out of pure frustration on any of the persons she always offered to help. This was her motive wasn't it? To help him?
She was rubbing her temples now and had closed her eyes. Her head lowered. Be patient...be patient...
"Why do you care so much cherie?" He was kneeling before her now and had lifted her face so she would meet his gaze. "It is you, to me, who does not make sense.."
She looked so helpless. Tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes and she seemed determined to stop them. She had always cried for the others...why not for him now?
It wasn't him she wanted to cry for. It was for herself.
"You make me sad.." Her voice was a whisper and still it quivered.
"But why should I make your heart so weary...when you know nothing of my person...of why I should deserve to carry this sorrow, and forget happiness."
"I know you...I know.." She swallowed hard. It seemed her voice had given out and she could no longer speak.
He couldn't help but smile. "Little one," he lowered his head faintly, "you do not know me.." "No more than your sadness tells, no more than the tales your eyes scream. I know your sadness, your desolation. I enjoy mine, yet you do not enjoy yours."
He paused. What did she mean? All he could hear was her quick heartbeat, so fierce and full of life. He shook his head. "You contradict yourself."
"I know I do, and I would not have it any other way." She stood now, and seemed apart from everything, the room, the musty air, this world.
He blinked. How could he not have realized it? She in her quest for happiness included the happiness of others. If she failed, her happiness was not complete. He knew nothing of her, other than her kind heart, generous listening, and her infinitely wisdom filled innocence. He would have asked her name, but he wanted to know something tremendously more important and even his confident voice grew timid.
"What are you?" His eyes were large as he gazed at her, as if seeing her for the first time. Her skin appeared luminescent, but so different than the shining whiteness of his own. Her hair held the gold of sunshine that peeped out over silky chocolate colored strands.
She smiled so very softly, like a child unto its father who tried to offer them comfort. It was her turn to use the phrase which so fitted her earlier.
"Don't be frightened." Her voice was like a harp, backed by choirs of joyful voices, singing for the sake of hearing their own melodious tones.
The beautiful sound was almost too much for his ears, his senses, it made him want to weep. "But," He stammered, "what are you...tell me...please.."
She smiled again, moving to him like a cloud through sky and embraced him gently, stroking his dark hair. He felt her lips, warm, pressed against his cheek and was near blinded by the light in her skin. Everything was sweet. The air tasted sweet as he rested again her tiny form, which supported his much larger mass with all the ease in the world.
"Let it go, Louis." Her warm soft hands caressed his upper back, giving him such comfort he could scarce move. Then she began to speak again, her voice growing softer each time as if the whole of her being were disappearing.
"There is nothing more tragic than a soul damning itself. You, and your kind, are not hopeless. You all shall in time return to the one who made you, the ultimate creator, and he will greet you with love and understanding. Sadness is not all you have left to know..." Her voice faded out finally and disappeared into nothing.
I knew she was gone, but I couldn't open my eyes to be sure. I was surrounded by light, such a blinding white light yet it didn't singe my skin. She still hadn't told me what she was and I fought and fought to open my eyes so I could find her.
It was dark when I did open my eyes. Dark, yet familiar. I lifted the lid to my coffin and sat up. Such a strange dream I'd had...but so comforting. I felt very light when I stood to straighten my clothes which I did very slowly. I kept wondering of the girl in my dream...how she had reminded me so very much of Claudia. And strange, as I said that name softly to myself, I did not feel the usual sense of overwhelming sadness and wasn't taken by a flood of memories. I smiled as I made my way to the fireplace of the Townhouse to find Lestat standing there, prodding the flames. He regarded me with those grey-blue eyes and I embraced him, kissing his cheek. We shared a few words and after that I retreated to my nightly duties with a sort of light-heartedness instead of the usual dread and loathing. I thought on the brief words spoken back at the townhouse as I walked. 'Do you believe in angels?' I had asked him, 'That maybe there is some sort of heaven for us after all?'. I was hoping for maybe some small amount of insight or wisdom from him, but knowing Lestat I could have very well guessed his response.
He had laughed.
~End