WITH OR WITHOUT YOU
by Stephanie Buday, 1995
00162763@YSUB.YSU.EDU

A speculation story: Armand and Daniel
Setting: Sometime after Le Printemps
Spoilers: Queen of the Damned (maybe?)
Thanks to: Laura and Mick (whether they know it or not, inspired a good
                           portion of it)
_______________________________________________________________________

     :See the storm set in your eyes,
      See the thorn twist in your side
      I'll wait for you:

     The song played relentlessly through his head. He promised he
would never leave after recieving the gift, but he did. He couldn't
handle the distance that Armand held him at. Always close, but never
in that secret place he kept locked away. Daniel wanted to understand it,
he wanted the chance to enter into the dark realm of Armand's forbidden
history.

   He told himself that it did not matter what Armand had once been, but
that was a lie, it did matter. Not for reasons of judgement or ridicule,
but because Armand did not want him to know, and that hurt. Perhaps
Armand was not in love with him, but rather the companionship that
Daniel provided. The little demon had never lived alone for very long,
Armand need him out of desperation.

     :Slight of hand and twist of fate
      On a bed of nails she makes me wait
      And I wait without you:

     But how long would Daniel stay away? One month, two? There was
always a reason to go back, Armand made sure of that. After all, he was
the master of manipulation. It would be harder now, the connection was
lost, but in the end it would only be a matter of how and when.

     :Through the storm we reach the shore
      You give it all but I want more
      And I'm waiting for you:

    Daniel was being ungrateful, of course Armand must love him! Why else
would he have given him the 'dark gift'?  Hadn't he argued with Daniel
over it? Had he not begged him not to ask for the 'curse'?  Had he not
wept before him when Daniel persisted?  He could have sought out a new
companion if that was all he was after, any human slave could offer that.

    He showered Daniel with gifts of money, fine clothing, cars, and
finally the Night Island. But there would be no bargining, he wanted the
one thing that Armand refused to give. Daniel wanted to take of the Tree
of Knowledge, and the serpent refused!  And so he orchestrated his own
death in a gamble of all or nothing. That night he gained eternity at
the expense of the beloved, the hollow one.  Now Daniel wishes to take
away the last bit of property that is Armand's alone. Was the gift of
virgin blood not enough?

     :My hands are tide, my body bruised she got me with
      Nothing to win and nothing left to lose:

     No! Guilt cannot hold this bond. He must remain strong or *he* would
still have his control. Daniel would be nothing without him, and that
was his hold over him.  But Armand was mistaken, for it is when he gave
him that life, that he lost his power. From that moment they were equals
and the bonds of human suffering and death dissolved. He had it all and
there was no person or thing that would ever harm or control him again.

     He had it all, all but the closeness and thoughtlace he so longed
to share with his beloved. That, he gave up with the acceptance of the
"gift".  Daniel had freely stayed with Armand, so why did he not trust
him, why did he not wish to share aloud, what he would in silence.

     :And you give, and you give
      And you give yourself away:

     As Daniel sat out in the rain on a bench in Central park, a small
figuare approached him. He was dressed in a long hooded grey wool coat
that came down to his ankles. He brushed the hood from his head and the
mop of auburn hair quickly clung to his face as the rain beat down on it.
Daniel wondered how he had had found him there, but when he thought
about it, he really did not care. He missed him, he always missed him
from the moment he would leave. There was no anger in Armand's eyes,
there never was. Only a faint sadness mixed with the happy thought that
Daniel would return. But there would be a price this time and Armand
knew it.

     "Okay my love" he whispered, "I am yours."  His head was bowed low
as if he was about to face his reackoning and was ashamed of the terrible
secrets thats would be learned. Tears welled in Daniel's eyes, why
wouldn't Armand just fight with him, tell him that it was none of his
business and get on with life. Daniel once again had forced the issue,
and won. Armand was not the one in control, he never was. It only
appeared that way because he was such a grand illusionist.

     Armand loved Daniel and he needed that love to be returned. He
needed that love to be unconditional and the story of his life might foil
that. But now he stood at the crossroads, and as always, his path had
been chosen for him.

     Daniel stood and held up his hand to halt Armand from continuing.
"No, not like this, when you are ready."  All expression drained from
Armand's face and his brilliant fireset eyes seemed vancant and lost now.
He had still been defeated, nothing could change that. But Daniel had
relented, he had given him time, and in time, maybe...

     He fell to his knees infront of Daniel, his coat and legs becoming
buried in the mud, He grabbed Daniel by the waist and begged for
forgiveness. He knew the monster that he had been, but he could not live,
he would not want to live, without his Daniel. He would change, he
promised that. Had he not begun to change already?  There would be no
more hurting, all would be laid bare and they would have each other as
never before.

     Daniel knelt before Armand and gently cupped his chin in his hand.
The vivarant violet eyes met the bark brown ones. He said sternly,
"Never again, do you hear me?"  Armand stared blankly at him, confused.
"I never want to see you like this before me again. It isn't natural for
you and I."  Armand looked down again to stare at the mud puddle that he
was slowly sinking into. He was about to say something when he was
knocked off balance. His lay on his back with Daniel on top of him.
Daniel's mouth to Armand's mouth, their tongues met with an electric
charge, each wanting to have the other right where they were. Armand
layed his head back into the cool softness of the mud, he like the way
it oozed around his neck.

     "Daniel" he said.

     "Yes"

     "Will you ever leave me again?" He asked.

     "I don't know." Came Daniel's reply. "But you must know I will
always return."  A big grin appeared on his face.  "Don't you know by
by now, I can't live with *or* without you."  Armand smiled back and
took him into his arms again.

			THE END

(Author's note: For all you playing at home, if you listen to the song
                at the part were Bono is doing the howling bit while
                Daniel and Armand are rolling in the mud, it helps the
                effect. And don't forget to kick your imagination into
                slow motion, it does wonders =} ).