On the Other Side
© Michel
crisaralid@hotmail.com

Spoilers Up To: The Vampire Lestat
Rating: R
Status: Inomplete
Characters: Lestat, Louis, Claudia
Summary: Louis told his tale to Daniel. Now it's Lestat's turn to tell us his side of the story.
Disclaimer: I do not intend to infringe the rights of A... R..... and her publishers in any way and I am not making any profit out of this. The main characters in it do not belong to me and this story was written just for entertainment.
Author's Notes: Inspired by Cesare's "The Secret History" this fic makes references to it often so it's better if you first read "The Secret History" and then continue reading this. This is my really humble attempt to continue where Cesare left her wonderful and perfect "The Secret History". I wish she had continued writing since I'm her fan and I really love "The Secret Hitory" (I think she's better than the original by far) and that's why I'm trying to complete it.

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Chapter 1

I had to admit it, I even faced myself in the mirror and uttered the words: I'm the vampire Lestat and I'm afraid. I wanted to turn back time, to remain in that oasis where I had been so happy...

Happy, such a word! So mundane, so short, so simple and yet I had felt it in its purest meaning. I had been happier than ever before in my life as part of the damned then and there, in that townhouse, with those two others I had stolen from death to make myself a family.
I never wanted to leave it, I never wanted it to change...but, as Mick Jagger sang many decades after, you can't always get what you want.

To my eyes Claudia was still the same adorable child, the eternal china doll but her mind could not remain that of a five year old forever. How was I to know that!? She had been my experiment, my last resource in desperate times, my impulse...Always my impulse. Though I cannot blame my impulses for all the blunders in my life, most of them have been the consequences of love, passion or curiosity or a mix of them.

When she looked at me it was in a new way, not with the bright, wide eyes of the child but with the critical, rebellious and arrogant stare of the adolescent. I could feel her slipping away from me and resented it. I had basked in her admiration for all those years, I had loved her dependence since it was not fear induced like Louis'.

I felt tense when I was with her and blamed Louis for her sudden outbursts and her impudence; he was not really guilty, I just thought that he was the only one she would listen to. He tried, I sometimes noticed, but failed. She stopped looking for my company and would not want to hunt with me as often as before though I could feel her eyes on my back when I was in the streets. She was following me in the same way Louis had followed me in the past. When he did it that I had felt flattered, her following me made me uneasy, I knew she was spying on me.So I would take my frustration to the streets, to my victims who became ever eviler and viler. And when I came back home with their blood pulsing through my veins I would go to Louis to complain about Claudia's behavior.

I could feel my feet pressing on thin ice. I imagined it would break soon but I did not know what would happen when it did.

One night, after chasing and killing a murderous thief, I strolled back home savoring the balmy night, pretending everything would be fine, normal at home. I loved the idea of having a home, of having had it for so many years now, to know someone would be there for me. I felt weak, scared, as if the darkness that had covered me when I was with Nicki in his father's inn had returned, the fear of chaos. I I can't resign to my fate stoically. I couldn't then and I can't now. It's just not one of my qualities. I felt my world was about to burn to the ground.

These kind of thoughts were in my mind then and when I climbed the winding stairs with my deceptively confident stride I felt a knot in my stomach, a pain in my chest I was not used to. I stayed there paralized, holding the door frame as if this simple, human gesture would give me strenght.

The picture before me was one I loved with all my damned soul. There he was, sitting next to the fireplace reading by the light of a small candle on the side table, totally at ease and relaxed, even slouching a little and totally concentrated on the pages before him. A raven black lock of hair kept falling to his eyes and I was fascinated by the distracted movement of his hand when he pushed to the back of his ear. I smiled when it stubbornly fell back and he blew up to move it away from his eye.

Claudia was there on the desk working on some note taking from an old book, her small, rounded fingers stained with ink. I felt her eyes on me, watching me watch Louis. Her stare was calculating and cold. I looked back at her as if she were admiring me, trying to ignore that her expression was not the one I was used to see in her eyes from the moment I gave her my wrist to suck from it.

Chapter 2

I laughed scornfully bringing Louis back to the world abruptly. When he looked at me with a half smile on his lips I stepped into the room and let myself fall elegantly on the settee stretching my long legs on the brocade. I sighed in pleasure and saw him shake his head a little without losing his smile.

"Books, books, books"I took one from under me and put in on the table."Could you two be any more boring?"Louis saw Claudia and his expression changed to one of worry. "It's a lovely night outside, you know?"I said ignoring the way in which my two fledglings were looking at me. I took the paper from the side table and unfolded it before me.

"Did you bring what I asked you for yesterday?"Claudia asked in her aloof tone.

Louis looked at me and then at Claudia. He was surprised to hear I was running errands for her since it was he who catered for her every practical need. I was the one she hunted and had fun with, the one who brought her lavish, unnecesary gifts that cluttered her room but the one who dressed her, bought her books, ink, pens or laces for her tiny boots, the one who explained things in her books was Louis.

"Yes, I brought it for you...But you have to come and get it."I dared her playfully.

This was a game we used to play, I would tell her I had a surprise for her but had forgotten where I had it and she would run to me and look for it in every pocket on my clothes, fluttering around me like a hummingbird and giggling until she found the diamond bracelet, the rubi pendant or the small china doll I'd brought her. This time I had made a mistake. She came near me slowly, nothing childish about her anymore, she inspected me with complete disinterest. She found the small tome I'd bought for her and took it without even a grateful glance.

"Don't I get a kiss for playing your servant picking your packages from the post office?"I complained.

She looked at me and walked back to where I sat and after pointedly rolling her eyes she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I saw her tiny figure go back to the desk and seat to continue her work on those old dusty tomes. I didn't even know what they were about. Had I known they were fuel for her discontent and her tormenting questions I 'd have thrown them to the swamp right then.

"Today I scared a poor bastard out of his wits and I wasn't even going to feed on him."I commented airily.

Louis cleared his throat, he couldn't say no to anything I said since I had threatened him with ending his nights the next time he uttered it. I remember how his face had darkened as he heard me say "' There's that word again, I may as well tell you now, I'm done with hearing that. It gets more trouble than it's worth. I'm bored with it. The next time you refuse me will be the last'". He wanted to ask me not to talk about taking victims in front of her, he considered it distasteful, as if she weren't a vicious, callous killer herself.

"How did you scare him?"Claudia voice came from behind the desk.

"I was walking out the Lafayette Cemetery, I must have been moving fast but not as fast as not to be noticed by mortals, he saw me and shouted thinking I was a ghost."I laughed.

"Well, that's just boring."She yawned defiantly as she had never done before. "You're making it up."

Louis's eyes focused on her sweet, rounded face, surprised and opened his mouth to say something, perhaps to distract her or warn her.

"Why? Why would I make it up, cherie? I demanded from her trying to keep my anger in check.

"Because you can't stand to see us paying attention to anything else than you.You cannot be ignored...but you have nothing to really capture our attention."She answered with complete indiference.

"You are mistaken, little girl."I scoffed, "I don't need to make things up to make you listen to me...All I have to do is mention perhaps the ways in which I, your maker, might undo what I did when I made you what you are and I gave you all you have."I imitated her nonchalant tone.

"Lestat..."Louis whispered, a slight plead from him.

"Well then, you have my attention...tell me, my maker, how?"Claudia glared at me.

Louis sat straight on his armchair, tensing his long fingers on the armrests and looked at me, then at Claudia as if he were trying to decide what to do or say.

"Oh, no! I'm not in the mood now. Not to talk to little girls who don't seem to know their place."I groaned and stood up. I walked to the desk and looked down on her. I ruffled her curls and she was suddenly at a loss. Louis was behing me, his fingers barely touching my sleeve. I turned and saw him behind me and I simply repeated the gesture on his head ruffling his silky locks.

"I have something to discuss with you...about some investments."Louis faltered in his obvious attempt to distract me and make me forget about Claudia's impudence.

"Naturally,"I replied."Let's see those figures somewhere else, Louis, we don't want to disturb our little daughter."

Louis hesitated. He didn't expect me to back down from an escalating argument. Then I walked to the hall and beckoned so that he would join me there.

"Lestat...please, be patient with her. She's changing. I guess it's normal for her to be defiant since you insist on keeping us in the dark..."I put a finger on his lips to silence him.

"You can convince me in your room."I took him by the wrist and he resisted a little. "Louis...is this a refusal?"

He sighed. He knew I had the upper hand and also that he could not really resist me. His room waited for us and he both yearned for and feared what usually happened between us when we were alone in there.

Chapter 3

He entered the room and stood next to the door, his back to the wall, perfect posture, brows knitted in distress and anger. I sat on his bed and admired him for long minutes thinking what would be my next move.

Claudia's attitude towards me filled me with aprehension but that I would not show any of them. Louis averted his eyes when they met mine, trying to hide his anxiety, the inner debate between the pleasure he knew he would find in my embrace and the guilt he felt due to his lack of will power to refuse me, well. my threats didn't help him much either. He tried hard to relax but I could see, in the way in which he folded and unfolded his arms, that he was uneasy .

"Come here."I said bluntly. It wasn't really how I wanted to initiate this encounter but sometimes I couldn't control my longing for his closeness, for his slender sinewy frame pressed against mine.

"Claudia is outside, Lestat."He whispered worriedly. "Aren't you going to question me about the books she reads or your theories as to what might be changing her disposition towards you?"Louis wouldn't budge, his back was stubbornly pressed to the wall as if it would prevent him from walking towards me.

"I know where she is, don't be stupid, and I don't think she cares about us being away from her. I told you to come and you must If you don't want me to go out and do what I should to such an impertinent girl..."I was saying and he surprised me by drawing close to me and standing before me, so very close that my knee touched his thigh. I looked up and saw the conflict in his face, expectation, fear, guilt and yes, desire.

"I won't be more trouble than it's worth."He finished my sentence in a deep whisper. Suddenly he seemed innocent, inexperienced in many ways I felt as if I were defiling him. He had stepped so close to me and now he seemed lost, as if he really didn't know how to continue, how to yield or indicate that he would yield to me.

The only gesture that came to his mind was to offer me his long fingered hand which I took swiftly to pull him down to me so that he knelt in between my thighs. I put my hands on his head and my fingers combed through his silky raven hair. I tilted his head back and his eyes closed, his lips tightened a little and I was surprised when I felt his arms around my waist. I thought I was going to pounce on him overcome by need as I was but instead I pressed his head to my chest, my arms around his shoulders, my hands caressing his hair.

He didn't let go of me, he embraced me and leaned his cheeck against my breast bone listening to my drumming heart. His arms were now moving and I could feel his hands caressing my back in appreciation of the lean muscles he found. We didn't let go for a while until I put my hands on his shoulders and after making a deep cut on my tongue with my cruel sharp fangs I kissed him and let my blood flow between us. He latched on our kiss, his lips and mouth moving ardently, his hands on my knees, closing on them, his whole body reeling.

But she was in his mind, and in mine as well, unfortunately. We could feel her presence near and Louis would never forgive me if she saw any hint to this little trysts between us. Using all the skill I might have had as an actor I pushed him away from me and broke our kiss as if it meant nothing for me.

Taking advantage of the awkward position we had when I stood up from the bed and looked down on him as he remained kneeling, sitting on his heels a little. It wasn't the best stance for such a dignified, proud person like Louis to be kneeling so close to me, it even offended his sensibilities, it was almost obcene, I knew it . It was more offensive when I stepped a little closer to make it even more difficult for him to stand up without ending almost chest to chest to me.

"Talk to her, Louis. Ask her what is it that she wants. Make her understand that it's better to have some respect for me."I pushed a little further by putting my foot on his thigh.

"That will be hard to ask from her since respect is something that must be earned, not imposed."He replied clearly.

"I see why it is so hard for her to be respectful towards me she has a very bad teacher in you."I pressed my heel on his thigh defiantly. "You're refusing..."

"I never said I would not try to do as you wish."He put his hands around my ankle and pushed it away from him making me loose my balance.

He stood up as I tried to place both feet firmly on the floor. I was shocked but managed to laugh derisively. "Much more trouble than..."I was saying when he furiously pulled me towards him.

His long, slim arms pressed around my waist, closing on the small of my back and he pressed his mouth to mine in a searing kiss. So violent and delectable it felt that I was totally shocked and out of breath by the time he withdrew. For an instant he placed his fingers on his lips as if he had surprised himself and then making an effort to look as if he hadn't just bruised my lips iin an earth shattering kiss he went to the door.

"You have to believe me when I tell you that I don't approve Claudia's behaviour towards you and that I will reason with her. I want peace much more than you do so it is in my best interest to prevent any conflict between you two."He turned around when the door was ajar, the doorknob in his hand. "I guess it's clear that I never said no to you. When she is out to hunt we could come back here and...discuss these matters or whatever you want at leisure."

****

Claudia's changes puzzled me but didn't surprise me since they were so insidious. They weren't violent and quick but consistent and slow, just like the burning lava inside an inactive volcano that suddenly rekindles its destructive power. Nothing can be seen on the outside, only fumes once in a while and then, when the hapless fools who dwell below the mountains are totally off guard it bursts forth and destroys everything around. Louis described this slow process succintly as if it had been a matter of months. It took years. And since it was so gradual Louis and I managed to ignore her new attitudes, I even disregarded them as the simple whim of an spoiled child thanks to Louis' effort to smoothen things between Claudia and I.

He doesn't give himself enogh credit for being a mediator for us in his little memoir. Without his intervention our little daughter might have stabbed me right in the heart way before she actually did.

There was another reason why my anger against Claudia's rebelliousness died down so readily. Louis and I were closest than ever which scared me enormously because I was always in danger of revealing too much, of pouring my whole heart ( and tale) to him. Somehow I managed to keep both his good disposition towards me and my necessary secrecy.

It was 1821 already. 30 years since I made him my eternal companion, my conscience, my torment, my greatest joy. We had been living in our Rue Royale address for 26 years. I tended not to pay attention to dates and years, I just let them slip happily away in my very own devil-may-care fashion. I noticed it just then when the day we had always celebrated as Claudia's birthday came that year.

"I've got the tickets for the Opera", Louis informed me, when I entered the library. He looked up from his ledgers and letter and paper sheets. "And I think I've found a perfect gift for her."He smiled smugly.

"Really? It can't be that perfect, my friend, because I have THE perfect gift for her."I took the package from under my cloak and placed it on the ledgers. I put my hand on the desks corner looked at Louis arching my eyebrows in an interrogative expression.

It was yet another exquisite doll. This time it was not a replica of Claudia but something different I'd had brought from Germany. It was a baby boy, dressed in a silk christening dress with cotton diaper, embroidered boots and bonet. It had a sweet smiling face and auburn straight fair. Much more naturalistic and friendly looking than the french dolls we had bought for her before.

"Very nice", Louis said looking at the bright crystal eyes of the doll. "I'm sure she'll like it. I mean, it's different from all the others in her collection. "It might put my gift to shame."Louis said kindly.

"Don't worry, Louis. She'll like whatever you bought for her or she'll put the good manners you've taught her to use."I laughed.

"Do you want to see it?"He asked so simply and sweetly I couldn't have said no."Come, it's in my room, I'll show you."He stood up and amazingly took my hand to guide me.

We went to his room and stood before his dark walnut wardrobe. He opened it and let me see an adorable doll house. It was a work of art, really, a miniature palace. It reminded me of the one I had bought for my nieces when I was a newly born vampire trying to share my immense wealth with my mortal family. My nieces, Odette and Pauline had played with it and I had imagined them sitting on the floor and smiling as they rearranged minute pieces of furniture,their lovely, pale faces full of light, gratefully remembering their young uncle Lestat who had loved them and played with them so much when he was back there at home. I imagined their suffering, their death in hands of the revolutionaries and almost shuddered.

"My sister had a very similar doll house."Louis said as if he knew my mind was full of thoughts about my mortal family and echoed them by talking about his.

He rarely spoke about Marie, his sister, who was still living at the time but I knew he thought of her and I was sure he looked after her somehow. He kept a small portrait of each member of his family in his desk, I had spied on him looking at them, even murmuring something to them as if in prayer.

"It's pretty. I hope this improves her obnoxious disposition."I commented knowing Louis would resent it.

"She has not said anything unpleasant lately."He defended her.

"What were you working on? It lookes insufferably tedious."I asked as he closed the door of the wardrobe.

Louis laughed lowly, "In fact it was quite shocking to learn how much you spent on the tailor."

"It's totally worth it!"I felt exuberant suddenly, knowing I had his full attention. "Look at this! "I opened my arms and turned around so that he could see the fine violet silk frockcoat and vest. I took them off to show him the sheer whiteness of my new shirt. I approached him and invited him to feel the luxurious texture.

"What do you think?"I asked as he caressed the fabric over my forearm thoughtfully.

"It's an elegant attire, it suits you, Lestat."He answered in a small voice and averted his eyes.

Louis, always in conflict between what he desired and what he schooled himself to reject. I took advantage of his closeness and placed my hand over his, closing it on my forearm. I knew Claudia was out taking her harp lesson and it was early at night so we had time. Louis showed his normal reticence at first but I had learned hundreds of little tricks and caresses to melt it.

I was already in breeches and shirt when I rested on the bed, and I saw him take his frockcoat and vest off with a shy smile on his lips. He leaned down to remove his shoes, I always made him nervous as I watched him undress, even when it was only partially. Then he lie down next to me and placed his head on my shoulder, his arm tentatively around my waist.

He shivered, I could feel it and then he threw his head back, just so, in a timid invitation that I brutally acceptted. Whenever Louis showed himself so willing, so giving I felt the necessity of being rough with him. If I corresponded as sweetly and lovingly as he offered himself I have would crumbled in his arms, I would let him see how weak, how lost I really felt. But he didn't seem to mind my roughness. He just moaned, ever so softly, when I punctured his skin and let his blood flow to me.

He thawed into my embrace and I held him tighter as I drew blood from him. We were so tightly pressed against each other that we almost became one. He could feel my heart beating in my chest as I felt his heaving. And through the splendor of his esense, his feelings ( so much feeling) and his thoughts I noticed his hips pressed to mine. The way he reacted to passion and pleasure never ceased to surprise me. It was only another thing that showed me how human he still was, how untouched, how his vulnerability and strenght prevailed even after all those years.

And I loved the fact that he gave himself so fully. It was always difficult to draw him into this, to summon him so that we could share these moments which he didn't know how to call. He was one of those few people who value themselves so much, body and soul, that they reserve intimacy and sensuality to share only with someone deserving of their trust, with a beloved more than with a lover. This self value and respect didn't have anything to do with egotism or vanity. They had to do with virtue, and a profound innocence, a core that remained untouched forever within his soul. When those such as Louis find the one worthy to give themselves to they do this completely opening that untouched part of them, their virtue, their innocence.

Imagine how it was to know that if Louis shared those exquisite moments with me it was because he considered me worthy somehow. He would never tell me, I would never ask but if he was willing to touch me and let me touch him, to embrace and kiss me and drink from each other it was because he loved me. He did love me. We would never put this into words. Who needed words when we had this embrace, this liquid light flowing from the veins to the mouth?
I felt blessed, and thankful. And awfully vulnerable. When he punctured my throat I knew it was right, if he was there it was because he wanted to be with me as much as I yearned for him.

Even as a mortal, I knew love was possible and that there are not many chances to find it once in a lifetime. Naturally I frolicked around with the sweet farm girls and had my rolls in the hay with the dairy maids and the baker's, the blacksmith's and the carpenter's daughters but that was just for fun. As lovely and enticing as they were I never really loved them. I never really knew them enough to find something to respect or admire about them. I treated them kindly and tried not to break their hearts but in the end if they cared about me, I didn't give a damn.

With Nicki it had been different. I had loved him and admired him as never before. He had his intelligence, his undeniable talent, his wit and also his tortured heart that nevertheless knew how to love and give. It didn't hurt that he was outstandingly beautiful, but what we had went beyond attraction and lust.

I tried to avoid any thought of Nicki when I was with Louis lest it spoiled the moment for me. I had failed Nicki and it all ended in tragedy. Thinking about him would have made me feel so much fear I would have thrown Louis away from me thinking "don't get that close to me or I'll lose you forever, just as I have lost everyone I've loved in my life, everytime. I'd rather have you at a distance than lose you."

I felt filled by his essence, I felt him inside me, running through my veins...in all his complexity and his kindness, in all his virtue and pride. I felt I was a better being just because his blood coursed through my body, cleansing and good. He withdrew his fangs but his body was still pressed to mine. In a tender gesture he kissed the tiny wounds that were already closing and placed his head against my chest, resting peacefully with the smallest sigh. His arm was around my waist and his gentle weight was half on me as he slipped down on the mattress. I had my arm around his shoulders and locked my hand on his, my other hand rested on my belly until he took it in his and intertwined our fingers.

"Where did you buy the doll house?"I asked him gently. I felt mellow and satisfied I would have asked him anything to make him talk, I just wanted to hear his melodious, soft voice.

"I didn't buy it."He answered without moving an inch from his comfortable position. "I made it myself."

"Really, Louis? I never thought you were so handy."I chuckled malignantly. I couldn't let these ambrosial moments last, always afraid of being too unguarded before him. "I thought all you planters did was exploit the land at the expense of the abducted Africans you enslaved while you fanned yourselves, took ladies to the garconniére and drank vast amounts of rum."

To my surprise he didn't move or protest. I felt him tense a little and then sigh, as if saying "I know this game, I'm already used to it". "Well, I guess that I found the time to acquire some useful, practical skills in my debauched and tyrannical life."he replied in a tone of perfect calm.

"I wonder what all those practical and useful skills might be? Maybe I don't need to look for a new furniture maker to fix the desk in my room, after all."he had disarmed me with his patience.

"I wasn't much of a despot, you know?"he looked up at my face with earnest green eyes.

"The words of a slave owner!"I snorted in the most taunting way. I thought that had done the trick since Louis sat on the mattress by my side and frowned. "I wonder if your beloved philosophers would agree with the idea of snatching someone from his homeland to bring him to work for the benefit of others."

"Well, Aristotle saw slavery as natural: ' For that some should rule and others be ruled is a thing not only necessary, but expedient; from the hour of their birth, some are marked out for subjection, others for rule'."Louis mused, all the anger I might have provoked him gone.
"But Socrates thought differently, in The Republic he states that "...Tyranny is not a matter of minor theft and violence, but of wholesale plunder, sacred and profane, private or public. If you are caught committing such crimes in detail you are punished and disgraced; sacrilege, kidnapping, burglary, fraud, theft are the names we give to such petty forms of wrongdoing. But when a man succeeds in robbing the whole body of citizens and reducing them to slavery, they forget these ugly names and call him happy and fortunate, as do all others who hear of his unmitigated wrongdoing". Which as you see, is not only an argument against slavery but also against war and invasion."Louis quoted exactly from the books. I even went and check the sources afterwards.

"Kant's views are ambivalent but he discussed the idea of freedom from the practical point of view though he was aware of the conflict with the transcendental concept of it, while the postulates of Schoppenhauer show a tilt against it. As for Rousseau one can tell by his views on freedom and nature..."He could have gone on and on and on so I put my finger on his lips, pressing on the lower one which was exquisitely full.

"Enough of those dreary oldfangled fellows, Louis. It was a rethorical question!"I said in fake annoyance.

"I'm afraid to tell you we are older than some of those dreary oldfangled fellows, Lestat."He replied as if it were a personal offense. "I am over fifty years old myself..."he added wistfully.

"No, you are not! You are ageless and young forever, you half-wit."I belittled him when he was obviously farther from being a fool than anyone I had known in my life.

"I should know better than talk to you about the things that interest me."He shook his head and crossing his arms before him he leaned his back to the headboard pouting ever so slightly.

I could have eat him with kisses, so adorable he looked, so enticing to see his lower lip protrude a little as he pouted, I wanted to bite it ever so softly, just to feel how tender and plump it was.

"We weren't discussing your damned philosophers, we were discussing you and your talent for handicrafts."I tried to sooth him, as much as I feared giving away too much sometimes I couldn't give up these moments of conversation with him. I passed my arm around his shoulders and he leaned his head on mine. "Why didn't you buy it? I wouldn't have spent my time in doing tiny measurements and selecting fabrics or whatever."

"I wanted to make it as lovely as the one Marie had."His voice softened when he mentioned his sister."I looked everywhere and none was that pretty so I thought I might built it myself. I used to enjoy carpentry as a past time when I was a young boy, mainly to construct decorative objects to give as gifts to my parents or siblings.Once I carved a very nice wood horse for Paul, I remember. I learned from Alphonse, a slave we had at Pointe du Lac. He was very talented and generous enough to sit by his tyrannical eleven year old master and teach him how to sculpt on pine wood." He awarded me with a fierce look. "It was a good way to spend the time after my lessons. Naturally, as every child, I would have liked not to have lessons and run around playing at leisure in that enormous house. Marie and I would get lost in the couryard when we were allowed to go out and play."

Hearing Louis talk about his family and his life as a mortal made me uneasy because he expected me to give something back. I'm totally sure he did it on purpose, as an experiment, perhaps if he shared those dear memories with me I would be tempted to talk about my childhood and origins in turn. It never worked, I was too wary of these ploys of him.

"It's time to go and fetch Claudia. I'll take her hunting afterwards."I said bluntly and stood up quickly and since he was leaning on my side he lost his balance and fell on his arm over the place I had occupied on the mattress.

I put on the garments I had discarded so disdainfully on the floor. He sat up and nodded as he buttonned his shirt looking at me sadly.

"I'll see you two in a while."I heard his voice as I left the room.

Chapter 4

Claudia had yet another birthday but this time it was different. She thanked us for our gifts politely and charmingly. She was as much Louis' child as she was mine and his impecable, and sometimes annoying, manners were deeply instilled in her. Manners hide sincerity many a time and thus Louis saw with utter dismay how the lovely doll house he had built for her was ignored and abandoned in a corner of her room. The German bebè doll I gave her suffered a similar destiny becoming part of the heap of dolls on the canopied bed.

When she was not hunting in my company she spent her time with Louis or we would be out, the three of us, when we chose we simply stayed home. Louis would read one of his boring thick books sitting on his favorite armchair, Claudia would practice with her pastels or watercolors while I played my music scores on our new and impressive piano forte.

Claudia had expressed, in many ocassions, her boredom with her lessons and argued with me and with Louis about the limitations of her mortal teachers. No, she wouldn't have said limitations, thatwould have been too sweet, she thought they were downright stupid. Now, she would say those things to me but not to Louis. She still wanted to please him and expected his approval. She didn't fear my disappointment because with me she was frank and open knowing fully well I was more than outspoken myself.

I had managed to dodge her demands for years, so Claudia still went to her lessons twice a week, whether she liked them or not. To my utter shock and pleasure Louis, who always took her side, insisted that she should continue "learning from mortals all those subtle secrets of the human spirit"and things about their lives that she had read about but never experienced closely. I was so pleased I could have laughed my head off to see that he too needed our secret meetings and was as reluctant as I was to relinquish them.

It was Louis who spent the time after the hunt looking for an interesting subject or a suitable instructor so that Claudia could continue her education and left us hour four hours a week alone together. I was not happy at first since his search for a tutor meant that when we returned home he wasn't there and it had been otherwise for so many years. It vexed me terribly not to see him waiting for us there. He would arrive shortly after we had but I wondered where he went and I became absurdly jealous. I knew Louis was not like me, he would not befriend mortals, he would even avoid being seen by them if possible. How could I be jealous for no reason at all? I just knew that I didn't like to wait for him, I didn't like to miss his physical presence, the soft, low sound of his youthful voice.

When I questioned him about it he would just tell me he was seeing to his business affairs. Meanwhile I kept being Claudia's guardian when I took her to her lessons and and her companion during the hunt. And after those disquieting minutes of waiting for Louis we had our few but ecstatic hours together. Although I was jittery, uncertain and wary because he didn't want me to know what kept him out for so long I barely thought about my misgivings when I had him supple and mellow in my arms.

Louis never ceased to surprise me and always kept some reticence and shyness that I found as alluring as his beauty. He was delicately passionate and earnest in our torrid meetings, always in conflict, feeling so much love and pleasure yet trying to resist it. However, his rebellion had long ended by the time we rested satiated and lazy under the soft sheets of my bed. How could I complain?

He lay next to me on my bed, that now was covered in dark blue velvet as the rest of the room, he was half seating on the mattress with his shoulders and neck leaning on the headboard. I got close to his body and snaked my arm around his slender waist as I placed my head over his chest, my cheek and ear on his breast bone. I smiled to myself when I felt his arm around my shoulders and both his hands caressing my hair leisurely. I placed my hand inside his shirt, stroking his side and his belly just above the waistline of his black breeches.

"What are you doing?"He asked in an uncertain whisper.

"What?"I pretended I hadn't heard him.

"Your hand, why did you put in inside my shirt?"he replied in a low whisper.

"Do you have a problem with it? Are you telling me no, Louis?"

"I didn't ask you to stop."he hurriedly answered in a firm tone.

"That's a really stupid question, Louis. You've been playing with my hair for half an hour and I have not asked you why? What a dunderhead!"

He groaned lowly, a mortal wouldn't have heard him, he withdrew his hands from my hair and remained quiet. A minute passed and I couldn't remain silent.

"Knead my neck...please."I tried just to test him.

He sighed but immediately I felt his long strong fingers on my nape, gently massaging it. I really didn't need it, immortal muscles never get strained but it is still pleasurable. After a while he stopped kneading and let his hands fall one by my side and the other on the pillow to his left.

"I have an itch."I lied.

He made a small sound as if saying "really?".

"Scratch my back."I told him and to my surprise he scratched over my shirt.

"No, Louis! Your nails are too sharp you're going to render my shirt to shreads and it's the first time I wear it!"I complained in a fake whine.

It took him some time to convince himself of putting his hand inside the fine silk covering my back and once under it he began to scratch carefully.

"Harder!"I ordered and he obeyed. "No, a bit lower...now, there...no, no, Louis, to the right...to the left... to my side...that's right...to my shoulder blade..."He followed every comand but I still complained,"You keep missing the spot!"

"You keep changing it! I'm chasing it all over your back but your it moves too fast. Perhaps there's something in your shirt."he withdrew his hand chuckling a little.

I loved to have the power to put him at ease and then to make him tense and nervous at my will. He tended to relax totally when I did the same, when I behaved like the mortal Lestat who wanted to be good, who was so optimistic and almost candid in his frankness, the one whom Nicki described as full of light. That Lestat was mischievous, yes, but never vicious or mean.

"What? Do you think there's a tick or a flea in there? They feed on blood don't they? What if I have been feeding those little fiends and they have become immortal?" I chortled.

Louis didn't find my stupid joke funny.

"Would that be possible?" He asked seriously and his alarmed tone just made me laugh harder.

"Louis, you dippy!"I guffawed looking up at him. "When was the last time you were bitten by an insect? Our skin is not as frail as a mortal's, they can't puncture it. Even if they could, I wouldn't care. Unlike us, ticks can be squashed to death."

Louis sat up and let me drop on the mattress. I had done it, I had broken the spell. Now he was offended because I was making fun of him.

"I'm sorry I sound so stupid to you but It's not my fault If I'm so ignorant"His face showed anger and shame so clearly.

"I told you about the important practical aspects of our immortal lives. I didn't know you were so interested in the petty ones."I retorted, still laughing.

He sulked crossing his lean arms before him. He glanced at the clock and I followed his gaze to realise that we barely had thirty minutes before Claudia finished her music lessons.

"I've been looking for new tutors for Claudia."he finally confessed perhaps just to break the uncomfortable silence. "that's what has kept me out longer these nights."

"She has her tutors, Louis."I replied.

"Yes, but she's unhappy with her lessons. Lestat she would be an adult by now if she were a mortal..."Louis trailed off voicing the thoughts I always had and feared to express even to myself."But, she's not a mortal. She's more a vampire than you and I."I was feeling all my muscles tense. I disliked this conversation immensely.

"Maybe, and that just makes her far more capable of understanding and learning than mortals, doesn't it? What I mean is that she can't be taught like a child anymore, she has reached the point where her learning is autonomous. We cannot ask her to take the same lessons over and over for eternity. Mortals finish school at some point."He said looking at me without a trace of the discomfort he had showed minutes before.

"Well, you have a point there, I suppose. Then, what are we going to do, my friend? Wouldn't you get angry if I summon you to my room when she's with us? I remember clearly how you asked me to never do that again. Or will you tell me "no"and be more trouble than it's worth?"I was actually afraid of hearing him say that we wouldn't send her out anymore.

"I found a wonderful opportunity, Lestat. An elderly widow who lives very close has one of the largest private libraries in the country filled with rate books on every subject one might think of. Her husband was a scholar and so is she. What an amazing person, Lestat! Her intellect is keen, and she is willing to guide Claudia as she reads and studies her books. She wants to have two hour sessions three times a week."

"Excellent. Do you think Claudia will like it?"I was enthusiastic.

"We'll see, you'll take her to visit Madame Fontenot tomorrow, will you? I'm sure Claudia will love to go there and spend time with this lady. Really Lestat, she's just fascinating."

"You little genius!"I said and pinched his nose as I stood up to dress in order to go and find Claudia at her teacher's address.

I felt the enthusiasm of victory and conquest. Louis, my reticent Louis, was attempting to buy us a few more hours to be alone together. I sang and whistled as I strolled down the street. What a pity that these little victories didn't last too long since we were walking on thin ice.

When I got to the small, lovely house of the teacher I found a particularly terrible surprise.

Chapter 5

I walked the streets as if I were another carefree mortal enjoying the balmy weather. I even rattled the wrought iron fences lightly with my walking cane. When I got to Monsieur Benoit`s modest house Claudia was not there. It wasn't the first time she escaped like this but what I found alarming was the fact that the house was in turmoil, Monsieur Benoit's wife was weeping and her husband sat by her side talking to a constable in a strained whisper. I was appalled just to imagine how Louis would fret about it. The police! Louis was still respectful of the authority of these poor mortals as if they really meant a threat to us.

The teacher went running toward me as soon as he saw me. Suddenly I felt my whole body tense with pleasure and yearning at the smell the man carried with him. His blood. I shook the hankering sensation off and tried to focus on what the old gentleman was telling me. I looked at him, at his blood stained sleeve, at the handkerchief he held to his nape.

"Monsieur, I was with her in the very same room...I just turned around to go for some ink when that fiend entered through the window and hit me on the head with a heavy paper weight. I lost consciousness and I couldn't protect your adorable little child!"he sobbed. "Dear boy, someone took your sweet daughter!"he took my arm and leaned on it in desperation.

I held him, feeling how weak he was, how his whole body was about to crumble.

"I'm so sorry, Monsieur. I'm nothing but a stupid feeble old man!"as he said this I pried into his mind and realized he really didn't know who had hit him and his memory of the moments previous to the incident was affected by the concussion.

"I called the constables, they are here and would like to talk to you."he said eagely, his candid, kind eyes on me.

"I have nothing to tell to those men, if they were able to offer any help they would be looking for her."I answered rather harshily. "I don't blame you, Monsieur Benoit, you were attacked, there was nothing you could do. Please, get the surgeon to see to that wound."

I didn't waste much time talking to the constables, one of them was a tired old man and the other an earnest looking youth who made direct brief questions and seemed quite willing to do their job. I answered their questions as any distraught father would have done and agreed to wait for updates at my address in one of Louis' townhouses that was not the one we actually lived in. They hired a hansom to take me back home. I was a good actor, after all and I saw in their faces and heard in their hushed voices their pity for the young bereft father.

They left me near the cathedral, a step from the lovely house Louis owned there and I thanked them profusely and pretended to get in. As soon as they disappeared in the distance I stepped out to look for Claudia. I was almost sure she could not be far. Almost. And that made me anxious, she was too small, too vulnerable, I really didn't know how much advantage her preternatural strenght and skill might give her if she had to defend herself from a strong man.

However, the idea of a mortal breaking into Monsieur Benoit's home to kidnap a pupil didn't make much sense to me. I suspected something else had happened. My instinct took me to the worst side of town where the evildoers thrived. People malevolent enough to take a little girl, do unspeakable things to her and drop her tiny corpse to the alligators. When I found beasts like those I just snapped their necks, not even bothering to drink from them since I found the images in their minds disgusting. I enjoyed listening to their moans and pleas for mercy, and I would be as brutal with them as they had been to their young helpless victims.

I spent several hours looking for her until I found something as I scanned the mind of a jaded tavern girl who had got a glimpse of Claudia earlier that night. As I pried into her memory I saw my child in her turquoise dress, moving like a miniature ghost in the muddy alley. The tavern girl had thought she had imagined her. But I knew otherwise.

I took this clue and it wasn`t long before I found my lost child. You think you know yourself, you think you know how you will react when facing unexpected situations, but that's not true. What you think will be of no importance becomes crucial, what you think does not affect you will crush you. Claudia couldn't feel my presence with my greater skill at concealing it. I had never taught my fledglings this practicalities of immortality. They were secretive enough with the skills they had developed through their intuition.

She was perched on a balcony, three stories from the ground. She must have crept on the wall to reach that spot. She had her back to me and was peering inside a darkened room.

Chapter 6

Inside the room, lit by the small flame of an oil lamp, was a couple moving coarsely on a filthy bed. This was not the unsophisticated act of husband and wife inside some humble house. This was a brothel. Claudia was looking at a whore earning her pay. I'm not a puritan but it upset me to think that Claudia was learning these aspects of mortality and humanity from prostitutes and scoundrels.

Those closer to me, knowing me as they do, would not believe what I'm about to write but in my mortal days I never paid for sex. I was too beautiful and charismatic and even when I was poor I was still the marquis' son and girls, lovely fresh dairy maids and wenches, could not resist me. They all but threw themselves at my feet. I had my few nights on the bed of a lovely Italian actress, too, but otherwise I lived in an isolated small town where people were either too religious or too innocent to trade on sex. And then when I went to Paris, I was in love with Nicki and I would only have eyes, and arms, for him, blinded by his somber light as I was.

In front of Claudia there was the room of a cheap tart who writhed with a disgusting man on top of her.They both reeked and it disgusted me. I got more and more indignant, as if it were these hapless mortals' fault, as if they were exposing themselves to my child on purpose. And then I thought of Louis, of how he would react if he were there. I was incensed. I stepped closer so that she could feel my presence behind her, I placed my hands on her tiny shoulders and whirled her around to face me.

"Are you enjoying the show?"I said through clenched teeth.

She didn't answer and just peered at me with surprised eyes. Then, she glanced at my hand on her shoulder in such an adult, disdainful way I almost cringed.

"He kills them when he's done with them. Sometimes not even then. When the crisis comes upon them he strangles them. Not only whores but also poor young girls, only a little taller than I."She said in a clear, unwavering voice.

"And is it your mission to stop him or to spy on him?"I groaned, "He's too big for you!"I wanted to shake her, I don't know what stopped me.

She looked blankly at me.

"You attacked Monsieur Benoit!"I kneeled in front of her so that she could see how angry I was. "The poor man thinks someone kidnapped you!"

"No other mortal had ever been so fearfully watchful. I could escape from the other teachers easily. But he wouldn't let me go if you or Louis weren't there waiting for me."She said as if this fact justified everything.

"I know this isn't the first time you escape, you have already told me!"I all but shrieked.

Her eyes reflected all light around us and she was looking at the window again with a strange expression on her sweet face. "Did you do that, Lestat?"She asked simply.

I was jarred by hearing my name on her lips. She called me papa most of the times, papa jaune when Louis was there but rarely did she call me Lestat.

"No. Not that!"I blurted out gesturing to the window with my opened hand.

"Were you a virgin when you were made a vampire?"I was so upset I felt dizzy and her image was swimming before my eyes.

"No, I wasn't! It's none of your business! I don't mean that! Claudia, that is a prostitute! It's not the same...not all mortals. It's different for other mortals... You wouldn't understand!"

"I think I do. I've seen through other windows...many a time. I notice there's a difference, when I look into the house and see married couples, or young lovers... Be still, Lestat. It's not that I'm fond of peeking into brothels. I came here following this man. I wanted to lure him and make him think he could force me and kill me as he has done to so many girls.And then, I would surprise him, make him suffer."

"Damn it, Claudia!"I looked down and saw the man stepping out into the alley.

I took her by the waist and jumped down the balcony. I killed the man before her. I didn't drink from him, even monsters like me have sensitivities sometimes.

"I wanted to drain him."she complained.

"What for? You've already fed."I retorted gruffly. "He's done for. Let's go home."

She walked by my side taking my hand in silence for a while.

"Where's my lecture? Or don't I deserve one?"she queried sweetly, pressing my hand to get my attention.

"Wrong person. I'm not Louis."I replied tersely.

"I've known about those things for a long time now. One is bound to realize, don't you think? First I read about it, sometimes hints and someother times I found books that gave detailed accounts of these practices. Then I saw mortals in their beds, in dark alleys, in gardens...and in brothels. I've also seen how they are born. It's not such a great mystery."She sounded as if she were comforting me.

"Claudia..."I started but seemed unable to continue. I really didn't know what to tell her.

"With whom did you do it, Lestat?"she threw at me suddenly.

"I don't remember, it was centuries ago."I lied, "And even if I did remember it's none of your business."

"Did Louis ever do it? Do you think he visited brothels? Most planters do."she insisted.

"What? I don't know."I lied again. "Why don't you ask him? It would be fun to see him faint with embarrassment."

"I wouldn't ask him anything of this sort. He's too much of a prude, I think. You're less faint hearted and with a far stronger stomach. I guess you're more worldly."

I laughed bitterly.

"Can vampires do that?"so direct, so merciless.

I pitied mortal parents, this was what they felt when their children grew up.

"We are immortal..."I was saying tensely. "It's just not the same for us...just like food, it's not something we need or we might be interested in."

"Interested...That is a part I don't understand. Why are mortals interested? I know that's how they breed but they even pay to engage in such acts."

"Enough!"I groaned, "You know I hate it when you ask so many questions!"

"I know more about it than you think but only about the mechanics. I ignore the motivations...Louis is always telling me to understand mortals. How can I do that if no one answers my questions? You get angry and Louis would faint! "

"You sound exactly like Louis or worse!"I shouted and walked faster dragging her by the arm.

"Why aren't we interested?"She insisted calmly, coldly.

"We? Well, not you, Claudia, you're a little girl!" I knelt and looked at her in the eye.

"I would be a full grown woman if I were a mortal." She sounded upset, outraged.

"Mark my words: YOU ARE NOT A MORTAL!"

"Will I ever be?"she said in a strained little voice as if she feared my answer.

"Argh! Too many questions!"I felt angry and terribly scared. "Keep asking these questions, keep behaving this way and I won't ever talk to you again!"I took her arms in my hands and pressed just a little too hard.

It wasn't the worst threat I had in my repertoire but this was the first time I dared to threaten her. And I was reluctant to frighten her and not because I feared Louis' reaction when she told him I had mistreated her but because I loved this small creature as I have loved a few people in my entire life, mortal or immortal.

I was sulking, mad, uncomfortable and my last resource was silence. I walked slowly now, giving myself time to calm down so that Louis wouldn't see me so upset. But Claudia was merciless in her curiosity, driven by her need to understand a world that would never be hers.

"Do you engage in those acts with Louis?"she whispered as if she didn't want me to hear that question.

I stopped walking, frozen by her voice, by the words, by all I knew about Louis and I, by the fact that even when we didn't have intercourse as mortals did we had something a million times stronger, more intimate, intense and pleasurable, passionate and meaningful than sex.

But I kept my feelings in check. I forced myself to be the great actor I had been in my young mortal days. I looked at her and started to laugh out loud, great guffaws, working myself into a laughing fit of epic proportions.

"Why do you laugh?"Claudia shouted pulling on my sleeve. "It wasn't supposed to be funny!"

"It's the most...most...ludicrous...."by now the laughing fit was not feigned. I put my hands on my stomach which had started to hurt."...ludicrous idea!"

Claudia gave up after a while and she even smiled. I was making fun of her, she knew it but I was still disarmingly fetching and cheerful to be angry at me for too long. She half scowled and half smiled. I saw her sweet little face in that only half annoyed expression and I swept her up in my arms, still laughing and then she began to giggle.

When we got tired and felt relaxed we sat on a bench just a few steps from our door and I put my arm around her tiny shoulders, pressing my face against her curls.

"You, my dearest, won't attack your teachers or other mortals at our service again and I promise I won't force you to take any lessons you don't want."I offered. "You already know more than enough as it is."

"Can I hunt on my own, papa jaune?"I smiled, I was papa jaune again.

"As long as I'm close by and you meet me at a pre-established place at an agreed time."I kissed the top of her head.

She wasn't pleased about that but pretended to agree just to appease me.

We had been out for longer than usual and as we neared home I could see Louis pacing in the balcony, a hand to his mouth biting his glassy nails nervously.

As soon as he spotted us he disappeared from the balcony and before I could even put my hand on the doorknob it opened and Louis pulled us both inside. He closed the door behing us and knelt in front of Claudia touching her head and shoulders as if inspecting that all of her parts were there. Then, to my complete surprise, he did the same to me and then he pulled us into an embrace. I smiled, feeling his relief. Suddenly as if reminding himself of his rule against any physical contact with me in front of Claudia he released me and lifted her in his arms, burying his face in her curls.

"Where were you? It's almost dawn! What happened to you?"He asked me.

"I'm tired, papa noir. Put me down, please so that I can go to sleep now."She asked him in the most childlike way.

"Yes, my princess."He answered sweetly as he gently put her down. "I'll join you in a little while."They still shared a coffin and Louis behaved lika a new mother who doesn't want to part from her baby.

"Give me a kiss, darling."I told her.

She did and then we saw her enter the room and hang her coat. As she closed the door Louis grabbed my arm and took me to the library.

"Did you keep her out with you just to vex me, Lestat?"he asked but didn't seem angry, just anguished.

"Not at all!"Where do you get those stupid ideas?"I knew he had noticed when I had done exactly that in the past, keeping Claudia away just to spite him.

"I thought we were fine when you left and then you..."he wrung his hands. "When you are particularly displeased at me you keep her away , you both stay away from me, leaving me all alone."He sounded so vulnerable, so bereft. "I thought you were punishing me again."

"You imagine things, Louis. I don't keep Claudia out and away from you to spite you."I said knowing fully well I was lying and he was right, sometimes I did. "I'm sorry if that's how it seemed to you."

"Then, may I ask what happened?"he took my hand in a bold, almost childlike gesture. He pressed on it gently.

"You're right, Louis."I took his hands between mine and guided him to the sofa where we sat.

"About what?"he put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes, Louis. I'm fine. Don't get distracted. You were right about the lessons. Claudia escaped from Monsieur Benoit's house and I had to look for her. That's why it took us so long to come back."

"But Monsieur Benoit is so responsible and careful!"

"But Claudia is not a regular girl, Louis."

"Yes, I suppose. Then, this means we won't be sending her out anymore, right?"Louis scowled in distress. He worried about our moments alone together. I was more than pleased.

"Au contraire. We will take her to this lady's house, as you suggested, and if she is as fascinating as you say, Claudia herself will decide to pay her these regular visits. And, don't worry, you don't have to make such a fuss, we are in one piece."

"I know. I'm relieved now but I worried terribly. I imagined the most terribly things happening."He shook his head.

"I do take care of her, you know?"I said a bit offended.

"But I wasn't worried only for her, Lestat. I also worried about you."he let out, "Though I know you are indestructible or so you have told me."he added quickly.

"I am."I agreed and crossed my arms smuggly.

"Dawn is coming... If you'd excuse me, I'll take my leave."

"Burt of course."I stood up with him.

He faltered a little as he passed in front of me and then he threw his arms around me and pressed his head against my shoulder, he held me for some sweet, short seconds to then let me go. As he placed his hand on the doorknob he squinted a little as if in doubt, "Isn't there anything else you want to tell me?"

"No. Rest well."I bid him goodday.

But I lied again. I had a lot more to tell him. That I loved him, that he was precious, that I was grateful for him worrying about me, that Claudia was not so innocent anymore, that I was afraid of what I had done to her bringing her to the dark side, that I feared my little experiment might turn into another blunder...Those things could not come out from these lips of mine.

Chapter 7

I took Claudia to Madame Fontenot a few nights later. I had to agree with Louis, the woman was regal, like an elderly queen, beautiful still in old age. I almost feared that she would be far too clever for our convenience. Claudia was equally impressed and I saw her face lit with enthusiasm when Madame Fontenot invited her to visit her library, so enthusiastic and happy she was she kissed and held me in gratitude.

We had an effect on the lady as well. She was charmed by Claudia's loveliness and impecable manners, Louis had taught her well. I marvelled at the way in which this mortal woman treated Claudia, she was sweet and polite but talked to her as you would talk to an adult. I had never been so painfully aware of how Louis and I kept treating her as if she were a five year old most of the times."Madame Fontenot, could I browse through all the shelves?"Claudia looked at her with wide blue eyes.

"Be my guest, darling."Madame Fontenot nodded smiling.

We sat in the huge library in leather arm chairs that faced each other. "It must be difficult to educate her in the proper way."

I was a little confused about this remark so I peered into the lady's mind and learned from her thoughts that Louis had told her he was Claudia's father and I was his uncle and tutor, that this little girl was a child prodigy.

"That adorable gentleman, your brother in law, told me how much you worry about Annette's education. He told me he thinks she has reached a point where there's little you can actually teach her and that she's mature enough to learn by herself with only a little assitance. It must have been so disconcerting to you two to deal with such a unique child. And well, it's only a fact that you are so very young, Monsieur."

"You're right, Madame, it has never been easy."I replied shaking my head in melancholy resignation.

Louis had used a tale I had spun so many a time when we used to go to the balls, the three of us in our most beautiful attires always the center of attention in such parties. I told the belles and their chaperones Louis was a young widower, Rene Laurent , my late sister, Annette Tuerloup, had died in childbirth and I, Christophe Tuerloup, had stayed with them to honor the promise I made to my beloved sister in her deathbed. Claudia had been given her fictional mother's name, Annette. "My late sister was so much better company for them, if she were here I think she would know what to do."

"Monsierur Laurent seems very concerned about his child."she observed.

"He's an excellent father and my best friend, a true brother for me. My sister's death has left us so bereft."

"Life is so strange, Monsieur. It doesn't seem fair that young people like you should suffer any kind of loss."she commented with total sympathy. "You three are welcome in this house whenever you want to come and see me. I'm an elderly person for whom old age has only brought loneliness. Consider this a mutual favor. Don't even mention any payment!"

"I'm so grateful, Madame, how can I ..."

"Child, don't contradict your elders."she patted on my hand in sweet familiarity.

I made Claudia promise she would never hurt Madame Fontenont. She swore but she was indignant, why would she want to hurt her? Nevertheless, I had to take some measures to control her impulses. I could only imagine what would happen if Louis knew about her attack to Monsieur Benoit. I was sure he would even give up our encounters and his whole life just to follow her around, making sure she didn't attack innocent mortals. I had promised her and myself to keep it a secret. I had made my concessions though I still kept an eye on her.

The next time I took her to Madame Fontenot's I returned home smuggly satisfied and proud of how I had handled the whole situation. I had not realised I had neglected one tiny little detail.

I was distracted by other more interesting things and Monsieur Benoit was not in my mind, I knew Louis would be there and I was craving for his voice, just his physical presence and his words. It was still early in the evening and people walked the streets. Gentlemen tipped their hats at me and street vendors bid me good evening. I was a charmer and it still worked on mortals just as it had worked in my short acting career.

Eventhough we had more time on our own, don't imagine we spent it wrapped in each other's arms. Our encounters were not that frequent or planned. We let them come on their own, never rushing anything as you must do when something is so intense and beautiful. We wanted to savor it, not lose it in mouthfuls. And we both had our personal pursuits. Louis had his studies and his books, I had my music, my hunting, my spying on mortals and my collections.

I climbed the stairs quickly, I wanted to be with Louis in his clean, uncluttered room. But I found Louis waiting for me in the music room with a book in his hand and as soon as I stepped in and opened my mouth to speak he stood up and started talking in a strange tone.

"I went to the lecture."He sounded angry but contained.

"Why would I want to hear about "A trascendental view on Goethe's works"or whatever the boring lecture was about?"I said flippantly and stepped toward him. I wanted to get close and trap him between the wall and my body. "How was it? I doubt I missed any fun."

"Let me disagree, Lestat. Even if the lecture was not very entertaining when it finished and I walked out of the hall I had a really interesting experience. Monsieur Benoit came running towards me. Running, Lestat, and he's an elderly gentleman. He asked a hundred strange questions about you and Claudia and a Constable Lynch."

If I hadn't always been wary about my gestures my jaw would have dropped and my right hand would have covered my chest in shock. The tiny little neglected detail came back to haunt me.

Chapter 8

But that was just another of many empty threats of mine. Louis mentions I threatened him frequently and he's not lying about that. It might be very low of me but it worked sometimes. I didn't do anything to poor old Monsieur Benoit or to the inquisitive constable Lynch. I just walked around thinking about how things could be so volatile between Louis and I. And then, it was time to pick Claudia from Madame Fontenot's.

I knocked on the impressive wooden door and a kind round faced maid invited me in. I was impatient as I sat in the parlour and waited for Claudia and Madame Fontenot. The beautiful lady came dressed in subdued finery of sober colors that made her look both regal and dignified, her perfume was discreet but very pleasant, gardenias and jazmin.

"Monsieur Tuerloup!"she held out her hand for me to kiss which I did galantly. "It's always a pleasure to see you, my child."

"The pleasure is always mine, Madame."

"What can I do for you?"she sat and gestured for me to sit as well.

"Thanks,"I smiled at her and tried not to pry into her thoughts, it was a dangerous thing to do when the mind you're prying into is such an alert one. "Well, madame, I came to take Annette home."

"Oh, sweetheart, she's not here anymore. Your brother in law came for her just an hour ago. I actually thought you wanted to talk to me about her progress."She apologised.

"That's alright."I laughed to cover my displeasure, "Rene must have been in the neighborhood, I guess. I'll see them at home. And as for Annette's progress, I have no doubt it's remarkable but I can't miss the chance of enjoying your company, Madame and I'll come to visit next week if you don't mind."
"I'd love it, dearest. Mariana prepares delicious desserts and I'll ask her to have some ready to offer you. Do you like desserts?"she smiled brightly.

"Anything that's as sweet as you, Madame."I stood up and took her hand to kiss. "I have to take my leave but I'll see you on Friday."

I rushed back to Rue Royale with a sense of danger in my heart as if the devil were following me, so close he could almost breathe in my ear. I could hear Claudia's voice even before entering the house. I climbed the stairs quietly and eavesdropped outside the parlour's door. Well, it can't be called eavesdropping when they are shouting but I listened without being noticed by my fledglings.

"He told you! I knew it! I knew he wouldn't be able to keep his big mouth shut! I shouldn't have trusted him!"Claudia all but shrieked.

"No, he didn't tell me anything. I see that you two hide things from me, I thought it was only Lestat the one who's always hiding secrets."Louis replied in a dark tone. "Why Claudia, why did you attack him? You liked Monsieur Benoit, he was nice and polite and very knowledgeable. Why did you escape? Where did you go?"his voice was now softer, beseeching.

"Lestat is right, you know Louis? You ask too many questions but unlike him I'll give you answers"she sounded hard, almost cold. "I attacked Monsieur Benoit because I hated being trapped there, I hate being sent away as if I were a hinder, an obnoxious brat. And it's not the first time I escape from my tutors' houses. I've been exploring the city on my own for some moths now.

Do you want to know where I went? I went to the streets, Louis and learned about mortals from mortals themselves. Wasn't that what you always told me I should learn more than the words of ancient philosophers, more than the works of artists. I have watched them living their lives just as they are and not filthered through the sterile minds of scholars.

I have watched as they work, as they talk to each other, as they eat and sleep, as they get rid of the waste within their bodies. I've heard them pray and weep, dance and laugh, teach each other things they know. I've seen them penetrate and be penetrated in images of tenderness or in acts of violence. I've seen them give birth and die. I've seen daughters and fathers, so much like you and I, and mothers singing to their children.

I've studied families, lovers, friends and enemies. I know now about their noblest deeds and their vilest crimes and no teacher, no book or lecture from you or from anyone else could have opened my eyes like this. I think I've begun to understand why you keep me blind to reality and life. You can't bare the idea of my change once I finally realise that I was once part of them, there outside!"

I wanted to hear Louis' voice, to hear his response but nothing could be heard. I was jarred by Claudia's words and I imagined Louis felt them like blows straight to his heart.

"I could have taught you..."that was all he could manage to say in a feeble voice, rarely did I hear him so hesitant, so unsure.

"Don't make me laugh, Louis!"she was mocking, ironic. Her voice sounded completely adult. Sweet porcelain bebè dolls don't ever sound like that. "You wouldn't have told me about mortal's and their carnal passions, you wouldn't have explained to me what's rape or vice. I know you wouldn't because you let your eyes deceive you. You, perhaps even more than Lestat, want me to be a little girl forever, to go play with my dolls and look at you with empty wide eyes so that you can have your illusion, so that you can feel less of a monster and more like a mortal with your home and your child, playing the good father, the good mother. You are no better than Lestat when it comes to instructing me about what is truly important. Just as he doesn't ever tell us about his origins and the magic that makes us immortal you don't tell me about mortals and their lives. But he doesn't tell much because he's selfish, that's the difference, you don't tell me anything because you're a naive and prudish fool!"I heard her stomp her feet as if punctuating her words with the sharp sound her shoes made.

I felt my heart sink to my knees just to think how these words might have affected Louis. Claudia had never been so outspoken, never so harsh on any of us.

"You might be right, my heart. I'm sorry you have realised you're in the hands of a walking failure. I will never forgive myself for not giving you what you need. I've just loved you so much, you're my family, my child and in my love I've been selfish, I know."Louis' voice was very soft, I could hear the tears behind it and his effort to fight them. "It's just that you've made me so happy..."

"Don't you cry!"she said but not to comfort. "Have you asked yourself if I'm happy?"

"It kills me that you're not!"Louis sobbed. "I wish I knew how to give you happiness!"

"I'll tell you how. Just let me be! Let me do as I please and stop being so pathetic!"I felt outrage but shame, too. The fingers of my hands weren't enough to count how many times I had been this callous and rough to Louis myself. "I'll hunt on my own and do as I like. Stop acting as if you were a hurt mother Louis!"

I heard his steps and then his knees as they hit the carpet, "Claudia!"he had reached for her.

"Don't touch me! I don't want to see you or be near you! Right now I'm so sick of you!"she left the parlour and crossed the corridor to lock herself up in her room.

I entered the parlour moving soundlessly still. I saw Louis kneeling in the middle of the room with the curtain of his silky wavy hair over his face. His hands were covering his eyes and his shoulders shook with his almost inaudible sobs.
I felt so much pain, I felt his pain and my own. His defeated image became blurry and red through my own tears.

I should have shaken him, lifted him, tell him to stop crying but I did what I felt and knelt by his side.

"Come here."I put my arms around him. "Whatever happened to you?"I pretended not to know.""If I hadn't just seen Claudia enter her room I would've thought you couldn't find her."He melted into my arms leaning against me. "There, there, Louis. Would it make you feel better if I told you Monsieur Benoit and dear constable Lynch sleep in their pious little beds safe and sound?"he shook with every sob.

"Lestat"he whispered in the smallest of voices.

"Tell me, dear, "I never called him so but it felt right in that moment. It had an effect because he put his arms around my waist and hid his face on my shoulder. I just held him tighter and rocked a little trying to sooth his anguish.

"You should have let me die! I'm such a mistake!"

"I don't make mistakes, Louis, you offend me."I told him in a soft mocking sound he understood.

"No, not your mistake. I guess I was my parents' mistake. They lost three children before me, you know?"Yes, I knew, it always made me laugh that Louis had such a long full name, Louis Michel Rene Antoine De Pointe Du Lac. Michel, Rene and Antoine had been the older brothers who have died after just a few moths on earth. "I shouldn't have survived. I think any of those three were more suitable to live than me. I've never been of any use to anybody, not when I was a mortal and not now. I failed my father, Paul and my mother. I fail you constantly and I've failed Claudia, too."

He seemed so frail, so delicate and forlorn I feared I might crush him if I held him tighter. I stroked his luxuriant hair and kissed the top of his head.

"You are just how I thought and wished you would be. I have no complaints. To my taste, you're just fine."I told him feeling I would break into telling him that I loved him more than my black little soul but I held it in.

"We know you have very bad taste."he replied sourly.

I chuckled softly, "You can talk to me, Louis. I promise I'll listen and won't interrupt."I whispered in his ear.

I stood up and pulled him with me. He allowed me to take him to my room with no resistance at all. I guided him to the bed and made him rest supine on it I took a soft and warm velvet blanket and covered him with it. He moved to his side and placed his hand under his cheek. I lay behind him and held him. I felt his back against my chest as his hand held mine. It was a chaste embrace as if we were brothers or father and child. As lovely and enticing as I always find Louis, as thrilling as it was to have him so close to me then the only thing in my mind was to offer him shelter and solace.

And then he told me about Claudia and the things she said. I didn't speak at all, I listened intently, just like Louis usually does. Dawn was coming and I could feel it as a weak tension in my muscles; it was taking Louis faster. He turned his blood stained face to look at me and touched the sleeve of my shirt looking at the dried tears on it.

"I'm very sorry, I ruined your shirt."he sounded tired and embarrassed.

"I have dozens, nevermind."I took out my handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes and cheeks.

"My limbs feel like lead."he mumbled.

"I'll put you in your coffin, Louis, don't worry."he didn't reply and when I looked at his face saw his eyes closed and his lips slack.

Claudia wouldn't want to share the coffin with Louis so I carried him to mine and placed him in. I let his slender limbs fall comfortably in and fixed his dishevelled hair away from his face. Before closing the lid I stole a kiss on his lips and on his brow almost overcome with tenderness.

I went to Claudia's room and knocked on the door twice. She was sluggish too and it took her longer than usual to open the door.

"You'll sleep with me. When we wake up we'll discuss some issues and you'll listen to me just as I will try to be patient and listen to you."

She looked at me with swollen, reddened eyes. She had wept too. She went to the coffin in silence and we settled in for the day.

"I just couldn't help it, Lestat. I didn't want to be mean to him but words just burst out of my mouth."

"The mortals told him. Not me."I wanted her to be sure about that.

"Stupid men! I know. I believed him when he assured me you hadn't told him."she said in a sad whisper.

Before closing my eyes I held her to me and let her lean her head on my chest.

The death sleep came mercifully and brought darkness and oblivion for us to rest.

But we wouldn't talk about it anymore. The next nights I avoided her and she avoided both Louis and me. I just let her assume our agreement was still valid and we tried to go back to our domestic routine, if only a little more quietly than before. Nights turned into weeks and Louis stayed most of the time in his room. I noticed he had not changed his clothes or combed his hair since that night. He had been hiding from us and when I finally saw this I just couldn't stand it.

I entered his bedroom without knocking but he didn't protest as usual. It was dark and for a moment I thought he wasn't home but the beating of his heart gave him away.

I saw him on the bed under several blankets. I could see his tangled hair glistening like cobwebs, it shocked me that he seemed so small on the bed. He was sleeping and moaned a little as if he were having bad dreams.

I went to the side of the bed and knelt to look at his head on the pillow, his face was covered by his hair and I moved them aside with trembling fingers. I was more than alarmed by the sight of his face. He was consumed, his lovely angelic face was skeletal, his eyes sunken and enormous, the skin of his lids and the dark circles under his eyes purplish. He hadn't been feeding for God knows how long.

"Louis"I shook him desperate with worry, "You can't starve yourself to death, you fool! Louis open your eyes, look at me!"I took his shoulders and lifted him, I felt his very bones under his soiled silk shirt.

And then I was face to face with the absolute unhuman horror we can be. Louis opened his huge green eyes but though they seemed to burn they didn't focus anywhere. His lips parted, he opened his mouth and I could see the bones of his skull moving under the white skin. His lips where as white as his teeth.

TBC