Subito Piano
© Lisa
LdyDisney@aol.com
July 1999The characters are the property of Anne Rice & her publishers... I am only borrowing them...
Spoilers: TVA
Subito Piano...
Pianissimo... Hauntingly soft melody
I sit here alone in my room, unable to escape her music. How could he have made the same mistake again? Perhaps our kind is doomed to repeat their mistakes throughout eternity. Her newly immortal fingers pound out glorious melodies that used to bring me such joy. Now they stab at my heart.
I used to love music. I used to love making music. I played the lute, and... I sang. Maybe that's what attracted me to Sybelle... her music. Maybe.
Now her playing only brings me pain. To see her lose her mortality at such an early age, before she has experienced the magic that mortality holds, wounds me each time I see her face. She will never experience a kiss in the rain, walking on the beach as the sun begins to set, making love under the stars. She has lost these simple pleasures, and I will forever wonder if she resents me for entrusting her to Marius' care.
I look at her playing and I see pieces of myself, an impossible puzzle. I had been stolen from my mortal family as a boy & her family had been stolen from her in an auto accident. When I looked into her mind and witnessed her brother's abuse, I saw my time in the cruel brothels of Venice so long ago, and the darkness that consumed her mind was so similar to my own at that time. When I ended her brother's life, I became her savior just as Marius had become mine so many years ago.
Mezzo-Forte ... the passion in the notes builds
My chest tightens with emotions that I will never allow to surface. Why must she continue playing? I had wanted so much more for her, but she desired only the Dark Gift. She longed to be like me as I had wanted to be like Marius. She didn't understand what she was asking for... Does she understand now? Why did Marius deny me his gift until I was near death, but centuries later give his blood to a young mortal girl in the passing of one night? I may never understand his decision... She isn't equipped to face eternity... just as I was not ready when the Children of Darkness stole Marius, my master, from me.
Marius had been my entire world. I immersed myself in the art that surrounded me in Venice. I learned to play the lute & to sing... How I loved to sing. But I gave up my music when I gave up my belief in Marius. Each time she plays, I remember the night when I finally abandoned hope after being tormented by Santino & his followers. It was the night when I ravenously consumed my beloved, Riccardo.
Forte ... the music reverberates with power
That marked the night I sang my last song... Dies Irae for my precious Riccardo, for my maker, and for the happiness that I had lost. Dies Irae for the darkness I would then embrace. Dies Irae, Day of Anger... My music was silenced forever.
Her playing is louder now. I can feel the vibrations in the floor beneath my feet. How can a child who is so completely lost in darkness play with such passion? How I wish I could make her stop!
I remember the night I sat in Magnus' tower with Lestat & Gabrielle. I had opened my mind to Lestat & allowed him into my life. I have read his account of that night many times, but it wasn't until I watched my newly-made Sybelle playing that I understood. He said something that haunted me for centuries. He looked me in the eye & said, "I've been a rebel always. You've been the slave of everything that ever claimed you."
Lestat had angered me when he said it. I refused to listen. I had been a leader of my coven! But as years passed, I realized there was some truth in his words that night. I needed a "spell" as he called it. After he left me, I went to the theater & found my "spell" with Nicki and Eleni taking the gold as well as the blood from the mortals around us. I had found something new to believe in, under the greasepaint & illusions of the Paris stage. Why couldn't I walk the Devil's Road alone? Why did Lestat see opportunity & I saw only chaos?
I had my answers when I came back to find Benji & Sybelle immortal. I realize now that those precious mortal years can shape an entire millennia. Perhaps Lestat was a rebel because he had grown to manhood & wanted freedom from his family. I was never given that chance. I have been forever searching for someone or something to believe in. Forever looking for the family I never had. Without it, I feel lost in the darkness that is my eternity. When I look at Sybelle now, that is all I see... Darkness.
Decrescendo... the melody moves toward tranquility as it begins to quiet
Is she looking for something to believe in? What does she see? Shall I have to take care of her for all time? Will she ever stop playing that music?
I can't bear to look upon her anymore. She is a reflection of me. A mirror that I do not wish to gaze upon. Now she too would never know independence, or the love of a man or mortal children. I had wanted more for her than I had. I wanted to protect her from the Dark Gift. I wanted to fill her life with light & love as mine had been so many years ago in Venice before I became a vampire. But Marius had misread my love for the girl...
Already she is showing signs of madness, and I can't help but wonder what eternity has in store for her. Is she doomed to Nicki's fate? Would I have to take her hands to stop her frenzied playing? Could I bring myself to take her hands? Could I save her...
Subito Piano... Suddenly quiet...
~~Help me, Armand... Please~~
~~Fin~~