REDEMPTION
by Jello Cat, 1995
jellocat@comcast.net


Louis de Pointe du Lac
 
Bonjour. I am Louis de Pointe du Lac. Maybe you remember me and
my story. Daniel Malloy interviewed me many years ago and wrote
Interview with the Vampire, a book that caused quite a stir in my
little world as you undoubtedly, if you remember the book, know
all ready. Then my faithful companion, at least now, Lestat de
Lioncourt, made quite a splash with his three books -- each
detailing his own story at first and then subsequent adventures
thereafter.
 
I am writing this myself now. No interviewer is necessary and
really no interviewer ever was. But Daniel lit a spark in my soul
originally to tell my tale -- something I had not ever done,
really, save for one. And that one I'd rather not speak of but
you know who she is. She is what my book was mostly about.
 
I am a vampire, for those that have not read my book. But even
this and the origins thereof, how I was made and why, what
happened to me afterwards, I will have to ask that you read
Interview with the Vampire as I wish now to relate other things
to you instead. I may on occasion relate something from those
times, tell you of an experience, detail an event, but I wish,
instead, to answer your many questions -- the letters written to
us over these years simply because I am simply overwhelmed by
your love and devotion to us, damned though we are. But I now
also question that -- as you, dear readers, have.
 
Your letters have always spoken so highly of myself. I do not
understand this completely. Perhaps you think my story complete
fiction, as I had realized so long ago that readers in this
century would. My story was far removed from this time and it
made sense to me that it would move into the realm of fiction as,
I suppose, it should be.
 
But Lestat, my dear vain Lestat, had opened up, how do you say in
this century -- a can of worms -- with his books. He had
explained away the history of the vampire and this got him into
much trouble, especially since he also used his knowledge and
skill to become a rock star. Well, I would ask you read his books
as well as I don't wish to paraphrase them.
 
But I must say he made the ultimate rock star. So stunning was he
with all those flickering lights and laser beams. So powerful was
he with his strong voice and the tribal pounding of the drums and
the loud searing music that followed. I was reminded of the music
the African slaves on my plantation here in New Orleans (Pointe
du Lac) in the late 1700s would play and sing. How frightening
and foreign it seemed to me in my mortal youth. And then,
watching Lestat on that stage, how mesmerizing and ethereal it
seems to me now. In fact, after having his record bleed into my
brain over and over again during that short time of his fame I've
found I have a distinct love for this music. Not just his, but
all of this music, all the various forms of it from our beloved
Mozart to the current crop of electric rock musicians that
astound me with their bombast, poetics, and melodies. And they
are the modern poets, aren't they? And I've always loved the soft
interplay of words, metaphors, and deeper meanings behind the
phrases of a poet. It was one way I searched for some truth to
this life or any life for that matter.
 
But I'm not writing this to talk to you about rock music. For
you, modern children of this century, are all too familiar with
that aspect of your culture.
 
But there was something that happened to me that changed me
deeply in many ways. And in part, it had to do with a popular
song.
 
So many of you paint a picture of me as being solely dependant on
Lestat, of being weak, overly sensitive, 'a whiner.' Well, I am
to a point, I admit it, but I've learned to accept my fate and
live within its confines. I am not as weak as you think of me.
One letter even referred to me as a 'cuddly bear.' Amusing. And
Lestat always calls me his 'tender and embraceable lover.' Pardon
me. It makes me laugh, just a little. But I do so love the
hardness of him against me and the warmth of his embraces. I
should refer to HIM in this way, shouldn't I?
 
So who am I now, all of you have wondered? How am I doing? And
how goes it with Lestat?
 
Oh, I've feigned ignorance over these letters and I didn't think
to really ever answer such queries. I feel strange speaking of
myself but I feel a need to do this now because, you see, we are
now much changed and you should know of this for it may give you
the more reason to continue, to love, and to be loved.
 
I am not vain like Lestat and you know how vain he can be. We are
complete opposites, really. I think we are. But it is said
'opposites attract' perhaps that is true in our case. Even his
vanity is a beauty within him that astounds me. It is one thing
that gives him strength and the will to go on.
 
My will to go on is simply the fascination of all things I
encounter whether that be a dusty old novel, the flicker of a
candle flame, the falling of a leaf. And now, for both of us, our
will is strengthened by each other. There is a bond between us
that cannot be severed anymore, no matter what may happen to us
in the future.
 
No, we do not still feed on the blood. Yes, you were wondering
that. This amazes you, doesn't it? What kind of vampires are we,
you ask? I'm not sure we are even vampires anymore. I'm not sure
what we are now though we have close to the same preternatural
abilities, the immortality (we think), the vision, the strength.
 
Lestat cannot fly anymore, though, and he hates that. But all the
other things we have make losing many of the vampiric skills
quite acceptable. You see -- we also have the sun.
 
At first, I had learned to take the 'little drink' of blood as
Lestat refered to it and I had learned to seek out the evildoers
and those that wished for death -- the very ill and weak -- as
Lestat did for he took me unto him and taught me his ways,
finally, the way I had always hoped he would. It is the reason I
fell so much for Armand, a vampire you must read my book to find
out about. Armand taught me many things, more so than Lestat had
ever tried in our years together. He used fear, instead, to
force me to stay with him holding back truths about our nature
until he saw fit to tell me.
 
I still feel taking life is wrong and I always will, no matter
the philosophies spoken to me by so many others. And though we
don't take life anymore I don't think we'll ever be forgiven for
what we had done. Lestat, of course, doesn't agree with me. He
only sees what happened to us recently as a gift, naturally, and
'the next step up,' as he says, and feels as if maybe we have
been forgiven for what we have now is so incredibly, well...
intense.
 
So many of you had written those philosophies to me. The metaphor
of the shark or tiger that takes life indescriminately is fairly
acceptable except neither creature has such conscience as man
has. They feed only through instinct, nothing more. Though the
vampire nature is somewhat instinctual there is still the
conscious will and lust behind it. I had even bought into blood
banks to avoid taking life and while this satisfied me to a
degree, it is still the life or near to the life, that
encompassed our passions and desires.
 
This bottled blood, I must say, was much, much better than rats!
I had a microwave oven to heat such blood and this allowed me to
only seek the occasional mortal victim only once or twice every
so often rather than all the time.
 
Lestat was still offering me his powerful blood. I used to think
that I might have taken him up on his offer but then I would
cower in fear that the humanity I had retained would be fully
destroyed. I feel he offered it to me more to sate his own lusts,
sometimes, than to make me stronger. It is, how shall I say, one
way a vampire makes love.
 
I laugh to myself sometimes when I think of Lestat in that mortal
form Raglan James gave him. His lusts and passions are so strong,
overwhelming, I'm surprised he wasn't in someone's arms 24 hours
a day, but then again, he was sick most of the time. I know now
he can hardly keep his hands off me, but I'll tell you something,
I can hardly keep my hands off of him. So, we're even...
 
And what am I to him in this new circumstance? I do fall into his
arms. A vampire needs and requires love and companionship so much
more than most mortals and though I don't consider us vampires
anymore, there is a greater need even now.
 
There were so few of us vampires left, at one point, though
Lestat had seen it fit to add one more to our lot. Our
relationships were always intense and intimate for who outside
ourselves would have given us such devotion, feed this need for
tenderness, and fill the empty nights as ourselves? Lestat and I
have finally been conquered by this great love and we now feed
each other's needs as the blood once fed us.
 
I know, from reading his books, Lestat had always a great love
for me. I used to tremble when I wrote of my own affections
towards him. It seems so odd I would feel this now after the tale
I gave to Daniel some 20 years ago. I was once loath to admit my
need for him, my desire for his companionship. I am content with
him now. I love him. He has me now in this century as I wanted
and he wanted. Though neither of us could've ever imagined what
would happen when we finally did give in to each other.
 
David Talbot is still with us, the fledgling vampire Lestat made.
Read Lestat's last book for David's story, The Tale of the Body
Thief. David has become a good friend to me. I love him as well
though the love is of a different ilk than what I feel for
Lestat.
 
Yes. We can feel different kinds of love as a mortal feels. Love
for a child. Love for a brother or sister. Love for a parent.
Love for a lover. We feel these things too. There is the
current idea of unconditional love, though it's a concept that
has been given to us by religions. We had felt this love for all
mortals -- an equal outpouring of devotion to the living,
breathing flesh and blood that we were no longer a part of.
Perhaps we felt this love because we were outside of it. I use
the past tense because we can be part of this world again, though
the love still exists and is even stronger now. We no longer show
this love by taking life. We show the love, instead, by our
manners, our charity, and other ways.
 
David has become a good friend, as I've said. He loves us both,
and I feel he is honest in this love. He has not tried to wrench
Lestat from my arms, as many of you want to believe he has. He is
not dependant on us for anything. Lestat made him quite strong,
stronger, perhaps, than even Lestat himself. He admires the love
Lestat and I share, he contemplates it, amuses over it, observes
it but does not feel contrite or, how you say, 'left out,' in any
way. If anything, he sometimes prevails over us in bringing
Lestat and I closer together. He arranges excursions and other
amusements, sometimes for all of us, but many times to simply
place Lestat and I in what David likes to refer to as 'romantic
settings.' He gives us time to speak with each other, time we
never really had before. He forces us to confront each other with
situations that might have caused pain and deterioration within
our once fragile relationship. It was he that taught us, at once
through his own forceful tact, to learn certain affections the
two of us would not have acted upon otherwise.
 
David is still a vampire. He wished to remain so for just a
little while and then, he says, when the time is right, when he,
too, meets his preferred companion, he will go through the
change. Yes, he still lives with us. No, our blood does not tempt
him. Our blood is poison now to vampires and he knows this.
 
I've read, so many times, how Lestat wrote of throwing his arms
around me and weeping on my shoulders, or taking me into his
arms, and all the other tender motions he might go through with
me in the pages of his books that he never would allow himself to
follow through on. David had seen to it that these affections
take place and it seems he takes great joy in our gestures of
affection with each other.
 
I believe I might have answered many of your questions all ready.
 
And I have gone on quite a bit, haven't I? My apologies for my
long-windedness...
 
Many of you wish to know of our love life. There have been few
questions regarding our origins, our philosophies, our ideas on
our own nature, whether or not we believe in God, the devil, hell
or heaven. What seems most important to most of you is how we
love. Why is this?
 
Through all the letters I've read, which Lestat diligently shows
me, "see, Louis, how they feel about us?" he always asks as he
hands me stacks of his fanmail to peruse.
 
I read the words, 'do you kiss each other?' one will write. Yes.
'Do you make love?' another would write. Yes, now we do. We could
not have genital sex before, I had always thought, but that is
the tale I wish to convey to you and what happened when we first
tried.

I'm sorry I have taken so long to reach my objective. Perhaps I
only wanted to re-introduce myself to you first and explain the
current situation. I wanted to answer some of your questions but
that seems to be the most recurring one. My, the mind of the 20th
century reader!
 
I wish to take things in order, to explain to you what happened.
My wish in doing so is that you might find something for
yourselves. Perhaps a truth will be apparent to you, perhaps it
will not. You must, however, forgive my writing. Since I do not
possess many of the vampiric skills any longer my writing may be
full of errors, grammatical and otherwise. Lestat used to make
fun of my writing, which caused me great pain. Even though I had
never planned on publishing anything I wrote as he did I still
cherished the thoughts and memories I placed on paper and his
admonition of all that, though what he was doing reading my
journals I still wonder, hurt me just a little. He would
constantly bring up Interview with the Vampire, well, not
constantly, but when he did he was filled with venom for my
'memoir,' as he calls it. I simply told Daniel my story and
Daniel wrote it all down. He left a lot out, of course, but I
feel he captured my exact words well enough. I know Lestat was
simply upset over my descriptions of his character but he also
knows that it was his own mistakes that created those
impressions.
 
I told Lestat that I did tell Daniel, and Lestat has varified
this with him, about the times Lestat and I would visit
the quadroon balls, walk arm in arm the riverfront to hunt,
perform Shakespeare for Claudia, and all the tender moments
Lestat and I did share to let Daniel know our life together then
wasn't completely devastating. But Daniel needed to keep to the
root of the story, to what he discerned as my own feelings of
guilt, remorse, and loss and my general dislike of Lestat at the
time.
 
He laughs now, he and Armand both, when we talk of the
past. Yes, he and Armand have also gone through this change. They
learned it from us.
 
But I have digressed. I apologize to you. Forgive me if I ramble
on incessantly. I am so indescribably content I may ramble on all
the days of this life.
 
My story begins in New Orleans. You must read Lestat's Tale of
the Body Thief to fully understand what went on. It is 1991.
Lestat and I have just had a terrible argument in a church. He
was angry at me for not giving him the dark blood that would
change his new mortal form into a vampire. The body thief had
stolen Lestat's beautiful body and he wanted my help. I refused
him, I had to, but read the book and you'll understand. Now,
Lestat was back in his body with the help of his then mortal
friend David Talbot. Lestat threatened to destroy me and our
story begins after he left the pew where we were sitting to light
his little candle.
 
He had stepped past me, where I was sitting in the pew next to
him, motioning for his dog, Mojo, to follow, and approached the
altar to light his candle. It's for him, I thought, that he
lights it. I sat in the pew quietly watching him at first, though
I felt a deep sorrow at the words that passed between us. He
almost burnt me like he burnt my little cottage. He was angry at
me yet he offered me to live with him at our restored old
address. He understood my reasons, why I would not give him the
dark gift, I know he did, but he was still intensely angry that I
had refused him. "I wouldn't let anything hurt you, Louis," he
had said to me. Yes. I felt the sharp pains of his words as he
intended me to.
 
I had tried to gain his forgiveness. I was so glad he was back. I
watched him light the little candle, his movements slow and
graceful. His face, illumined by the many little flames around
him. How beautiful he is, I thought to myself, especially
surrounded by such light. I stared for a time, not knowing
whether I had been forgiven or simply past over. The Brat Prince
had come home. He is such an imp, I thought. No wonder everybody
loved him so. Like the flame of the candle flickered and leapt
about on the wick so was he of the same substance -- firey,
brilliant, a quick comet scorching through. Did he even love me
anymore?
 
The sorrow built in me like a dam ready to burst at the thought
of this lost love and I could not hold back my guilt and grief
any longer. At first, a small trickle of tears escaped my eyes
and then I let it go. I could not stop the sobs that escaped my
heart. I loved him. I knew at that moment that I did. I was so
very glad he had come back to me but now what had happened? He
despised me. He said that he did. He threatened me, to set me
aflame with a thought, to destroy me.
 
I begged him to do it, end my pain. I realized then what my pain
really was. I loved him and now I felt he did not love me that
his love had transfered to David. I despised David, at that
moment, and I thought to myself that I had lost Lestat now
forever. And what does forever mean to a vampire?
 
I felt, at once, that I was falling deeper and deeper into a hole
I had dug for myself. I thought that this may be my time to go
into the earth as Lestat had done in 1929 not to arise until some
55 years later. I was ready to do this, to leave the church and
dig myself underground by one of the great magnolia trees that
stretches its thick limbs like arms calling me to ensconce myself
within its roots. I sobbed and the blood tears streamed down my
face dropping to the floor under me where I sat with my head in
my hands. I didn't know what to do at that moment. I was near to
paralyzed with my despair. "Please forgive me," I sobbed. "I do
so love you." Yet there was no answer. I wasn't even sure Lestat
had heard me.
 
I rose, then, and slowly made my way out of the church sobbing as
I went along. I couldn't seem to stop. Everything that had
happened had dissipated in those few moments when we spoke. All
the things I had hoped for disappeared and became like the
splattered rain on the flagstones I now walked softly upon. I
will never know peace, I thought to myself. I wanted his
companionship, though I couldn't bear to admit it then. I told
him these things when he had come to me in my little cottage
before he went off to make his mortal switch.
 
I couldn't stand this pain. I couldn't stand the thought that
Lestat had left ME this time. I couldn't bare the thought of my
loneliness any longer. I had to leave, didn't I? Where was I to
go? Oh, if only I had the strength to end this life. Why couldn't
I do so? Why couldn't I just go into the sun?
 
I found my magnolia tree in the lush Garden District of New
Orleans and I buried myself underneath it. If anything, only
until the earth passed the sun and I could rise and do what I
needed to do. I thought of Paris. How I would love to go back to
Paris. I had not been there in over 100 years. How I would love
to see what the modern world has done to my beautiful Paris. This
thought of going to Paris did not soothe my hurt, it merely
prolonged the pain of this loss which I had thought would never
take place.
 
The earth was cool to my skin and I remember sobbing until the
sun rose and sleep overtook me.
 
Lestat found me meandering by the river the following evening. I
had walked all night, like I used to do when my mind was filled
with the guilt from killing. I found a spot by the river to sit
and contemplate my current existence and to make decisions I had
not hoped to ever think on.
 
"Louis," Lestat said from behind me. I knew he had come but I
would not look at him for fear I would lose myself as so often I
did in his fathomless blue eyes. "Are you coming to our new home
this evening? Or do I need to open the invitation again?"
 
I sighed. I took some time before I answered him, thinking of how
I might reply. He waited patiently and found a spot beside me to
sit. I still would not look at him though I could feel his gaze
upon me.
 
"Do you still want me to live with you?" I asked quietly.
 
"Yes. That is what I asked you in the church," he said gently.
I watched the current in the river drag a piece of lumber through
its rapids. Ah. I felt like this, didn't I? Was I allowing myself
to be dragged into Lestat's tempestuous life?
 
"And how would it be for me to live with you?" I asked
imploringly, but polite. "Have you forgiven me? Or will we fight
all the days that I'm there?" I looked at him now, briefly, with
a simple flash of my eyes. He winced when I caught his gaze as if
I had raised a fist to him.
 
He bowed his head and sighed, releasing a long breath as if he
were about to lose his patience and scold me again. Instead, he
sat silently for a moment as if slightly defeated. He raised his
eyes to the sky and took in the stars for a bit and then he
turned to look at me. I met his eyes this time to find some
semblance of truth in whatever words he may speak now.
 
"I do not want to fight with you, Louis," he said with abandon,
his sun-tanned face (from the time he went to the Gobi desert in
an attempt to take his life) was smooth, his eyes wide and
bright. "I don't know if I can forgive you immediately. I can
refrain my mind from thinking about it. I can contemplate some
other distraction. But all this combines with a deeper pain I
feel that I think you understand. But I want you to live with me.
You have nowhere else to go." He turned away from me then and
looked down as if he knew my reply would not be what he wanted to
hear.
 
"Oh, do I not? Can I not go anywhere I choose? Why must I live
with you?" I felt anger rage inside me now because of his
assumptions. He was forever trying to decide for me the course my
vampiric life should take. I wagered against him now and I
realized that perhaps my romantic notions were completely far-
fetched. I wanted to be away from him now. I wanted to go
someplace else.
 
He stiffened and his gaze penetrated me. I could sense he was
losing all patience with me. "Why must you live with me, you ask.
Should I know this answer? Is it not enough that I asked you? Is
it not enough that after your betrayal of me that I should want
you with me at all? You ask can you not go anywhere you choose.
Fine. If that's what you wish. Go where you want."
 
I kept my gaze on him the entire time and I saw his eyes were
glazing over as if a pool of red tears would escape his narrowed
lids any minute. I was trembling, now. I could feel my lips
quivering and I knew if I didn't hold some control over myself I
would begin to weep. Oh, how he could entrance me. His blonde
hair flowed freely in waves over his shoulders. He was dressed
simply in the blue jean clothes of this time. He wore a soft
white t-shirt that hung loosely over his chest. I felt a strong
desire to reach out and touch those blonde waves and take him
into my arms in a gesture of complete abandon giving in to him as
he expected. But, like in his own books, I did not give in to
this feeling. I had hoped he would do the same and that his words
would be loving and gentle but, as my expectations always fail
me, they were not. I wanted to hear him tell me how he loved me
and that all was forgiven. Please, Louis, I need you with me. So
simple yet so difficult for Lestat to give in to another's needs.
 
"I will do that, then. I will live elsewhere. I feared it would
come to this. I feared I would lose you again..." I couldn't
finish my thought and found myself sobbing like a child holding
my head in my hands and hoping he would take me in his arms. But
again, my expectations always fail me.
 
He watched me sob for a time not moving from his place on the
grass and then he stood up and left me there. After he left and I
felt the keen absence of him I sobbed even harder for the
realization of the lost love between us was stronger than ever.
 
I sat quietly after that, realizing that I needed just a little
bit of time to make my decisions as to where I should go. It had
been hours since Lestat took leave of me and the dawn was not far
away. I didn't wish to bury myself in the ground again and longed
for the solitude and confines of my coffin. He had moved it to
the new house where he resided now and where he wanted me to
live. Our old restored apartment. "I'll fix it up for you if you
like," he once said to me. "No, no need..." was my reply. But how
I wanted him to do it.
 
I had noticed the renovations before Lestat returned and now I
found myself almost aching to see what had been done to it.
Before I didn't realize it was Lestat who bought back our old
residence.
 
I was quiet when I arrived at the house. I didn't want to bring
notice to myself. I didn't want to be confronted by Lestat. I was
only seeking the solace of my coffin.
 
Lestat did not seem to be around, either that or he had retired
early. I took some time to marvel at the changes of our old
residence, how I remembered it all and there it was, before me
now, in sparkling new splendour. It gave me a chill to go through
the house now. I was reliving old memories of our time here
trying not to think of her, yes, Claudia, my once beloved
daughter and Lestat's. This was impossible since she was here for
most of that time.
 
He had it replicated even down to the wall paper, the paintings,
the carpets, the drapes. I think I wept a little when I went into
my old room. Everything was here except my old desk.
 
Oh, how could I leave this all behind? I knew Lestat did this for
me, why else would he have gone to such trouble to restore this
place? My heart felt warmed by this thought and perhaps, Lestat
had truly forgiven me. He was playing with me, that's what he was
doing. He always loved to rile me up to see, as he put it, the
blood rush into my face. My weeping turned to a silent chuckle.
Yes. He was playing with me. I shook my head at the thought and a
thin smile formed on my lips. He did love me. He was playing with
me.
 
I had a longing to find him now and throw my arms around him. You
monster, I thought, but thank you for all of this.
 
Dawn was approaching. I found my coffin in the same place it had
been so many years ago and quickly fell asleep.
 
You can imagine my shock upon returning from town the next night
to find a velvet-clad vampire in this house. It was Lestat's old
mortal form. My God. What had happened? This beautiful creature
with curling dark hair and dark eyes was smiling wistfully at me.
 
I could only gawk in complete amazement and then he spoke,
"Hello, Louis. It's so very nice to finally meet you in person,"
he said in an elegant British accent. There were no words from
me. "Oh, I'm sorry, I do apologize for my lack of etiquette.
David Talbot. So nice to meet you." He held his hand out for me
to shake.
 
"My God. What has happened? What has Lestat done now?"
"Ah..." he laughed. "This form surprises you. I'm so terribly
sorry. Let me explain..." he took my hand anyway though I had not
offered it to him, and led me into the front parlour. I was still
completely stunned and allowed him to direct me. He motioned for
me to sit while he explained his ordeal with Raglan James, the
body switch, and Lestat coming to him and creating this new
vampire.
 
"He is the devil, isn't he?" I murmured under my breath, saddened
by Lestat's refusal to obey Marius' words of 'never make another
vampire' and saddened by the loss David went through when Lestat
had destroyed his old body and left him in the new one.
 
"Oh, no, Louis. You see, he knew I wanted the dark gift," David
said, reading my mind. "He knew I wanted it. But in the old form,
really! When the body thief forced me into this magnificent flesh
of man and then Lestat came to me with his dark gift, well," he
said, throwing up his hands, "how could I resist?"
 
"You didn't resist? You were born into a new mortal form, a
beautiful and glorious mortal form, and you still wanted it?" I
asked, though why I should be surprised I didn't know.
 
"Well, I did resist. Believe me. I didn't realize I wanted it
until after it was done. You see, I knew Lestat loved me. He lay
on the floor afterward and was near death himself."
 
Ah, the knife that kills. Lestat loved him. And he was willing to
die for David, wasn't he. I must've looked a complete mask of
sadness now. Yes, I had truly lost him. I had fooled myself into
believing that I had not. I let out a long breath and I think I
moaned quietly to myself. I felt the hunger rise in me now. I had
not fed yet opting instead to find a replicate of my old desk and
have it brought to the house. The thirst combined with this new
knowledge almost overwhelmed me.
 
"Oh," I said.
 
"But Louis, don't worry. I'm not here to break up your happy
home. I want that we all share in this adventure. That we take in
the world, and experience the many delightful aspects of its
cultures. The festival in Rio begins soon. I would so much like
it for all of us to attend."
 
He was radiant. He was enthusiastic. He was reborn into this
damned life and he was enjoying it. I thought of the night Lestat
gave me his blood. He wasn't near death with me he even ignored
the death of my body and proceded to go through my financial
statements.
 
"Do you intend to live here now, with us?" I asked carefully. I
had no quarrel with David, really. I held on to the very human
emotion of jealousy was all. I knew this and I attempted to fight
it off. Ridiculous. What does love mean to us vampires anyway?
What a fool I had been!
 
"I would love to if you would have me here, Louis. I have heard
so much about you..."
 
"Lestat has talked about me?" I asked, raising my voice slightly.
 
"Of course he has. He's always loved you, you know. It was like a
mother talking about her child. 'Louis was reading this,' he
would say pointing to a book on my shelf. 'Louis loves this
artists' work,' he would say pointing to a painting hanging on my
walls. 'And what of Louis,' I would ask him. 'What is he doing
now?' He would only answer this question briefly and always with
such a look on his face that I can't describe to you. Sadness,
perhaps?"
 
"What would he answer?"
 
"Oh, that you merely 'existed' in a little shack with no
electricity or heat but would come to visit him so often he
wondered why you never asked to live with him."
 
I sat for a while thinking of David's words. What did it really
mean, though? Lestat was forever trying to change me.
 
"He never really knew me, did he? He never understood me. He
never accepted the way I came out. He made a poor choice in a
companion when he chose me. He told me once I was his slave..."
 
David stood up from the couch and came close to me. He knelt in
front of me and took my face in his hands. I allowed him to do
this. His grip was light but I knew he had more power than I and
to force any kind of action would've been more harm than good.
 
"Louis," he said looking into my eyes with his intense but so
very gentle gaze. "The only poor choice Lestat has made with you
is not loving you the way he should have all along. What were
Armand's words to you so long ago?" I flinched at the mention of
Armand's name. David was stroking my cheek with the fingers of
one hand while the fingers of his other went through my hair. "'A
vampire with a human heart and a mortal's passion.' Yes. And
Marius, what did he call you? A vampire with 'a tender and
educated soul.' Louis, how could Lestat NOT love a creature such
as yourself? How could any of us not? You are, you know, also
very beautiful," he said, smiling.
 
I stupidly stared at him. Then, I took both his hands, gently,
from my face and hair and held them for a bit. He was sincere, I
knew this to be true.
 
"I just don't believe he does. I don't believe he really knows
how to love anyone other than himself. He takes what he wants
from others. He takes what he wants, period. He rarely gives back
other than this material existence. That's all he knows to give -
- gifts, tangible items -- but never gifts from his own heart or
soul. He never gives any part of himself away unless it's his
blood to make another vampire." I said this to David in a sharp
way, meaning to hurt him slightly and to know the love he felt
from Lestat was false.
 
He flinched at my words and narrowed his eyes. He removed his
hands from my light grip and went back to the couch to sit. He
placed a hand on his chin and contemplated my words.
 
"Perhaps," he nodded. "Perhaps you are right. Lestat is still
young, Louis, as you are. Oh, what are 200 years when neither of
you have lived a full mortal life? Neither of you ever married --
 so what do either of you know of maintaining a committed
relationship? Neither of you raised children so what did you
really know about such things when Claudia was with you? Oh,
forgive me for mentioning her name, Louis. I do not wish to cause
you any pain whatsoever."
 
I waved his words away with a small gesture of my hand and nodded
that it was all right. I would think of Claudia now quite
regularly living here at this house so full of the memory of her.
 
"I suppose you know of these things?" I asked politely.
 
"Well, of course, not all of them," he gently laughed. He had
such a soothing voice that I could not possibly get angry at him
for his words. He had an air of wisdom about him almost the same
as what I felt from Marius.
 
"Yes, Marius," he said reading my mind again. "I would love to
meet Marius. I've heard, and read, so much about him. I feel we
would have much in common. But Louis, you must understand that
what I'm really trying to tell you is neither of you really knows
how to love anything other than your mortal victims."
 
"Perhaps. In my mortal days I loved my family. There were women I
loved, if only for the moment of our passion."
 
"Yes," he said, amused I think. "And the love vampires feel,
well, what is it afterall? I gather, from my few days, that it's
a precious thing, really. Yes. Something to be savored..."
 
I caught his eye at his last statement. Something to be
savored... the words brought back the memory of Claudia in that
Paris hotel room asking me what making love was like. David
remembered the words from the book.
 
"Yet, quickly lost..." I answered, smiling slightly, my cheeks
flushed with the memory.
 
"No, Louis. This is not something easily or 'quickly' lost.
Though you may have eternity to figure it all out, it only takes
a brief moment to leave it all behind."
 
I nodded. 'A brief moment.' How true his words were.
 
"So, what must be done, then, if anything?" I asked.
 
"Ah," he laughed. "I can see what my job here will be -- to bring
both of you forward, in more ways than even I can foresee!"
 
"What do you mean?"
 
"Well, let's just say I have some experience in these matters of
the heart..."
 
Both of us heard, at that moment, a door opening and closing. We
heard the infallible footsteps that could only be Lestat's. My
heart was racing at this moment. Upon my wakening that evening
before meeting David I had dressed in a brown silk suit hoping
Lestat would find me pleasing upon his arrival. He constantly
beratred my choice of clothes and would bring me, on occasion, a
new shirt or pants and it would please me to wear these new
things for him.
 
I thought of my desk now, how I would like to go sit there and
write my thoughts away. I stood up and walked to the door to
catch Lestat coming down the hall. David had briefly left the
room, after placing a beautiful locket in my hand, "this belongs
to you," he said. I knew Lestat had gone off to find David. I
knew the whole story now.
 
"I know where you've been and what you've done," I said to him,
wishing I had said something else instead. He hastily walked past
me into the room.
 
"Oh? And what's to follow? Some long diatribe on my actions.
Well, get on with it. I'm tired," he answered. David had returned
and was standing next to me in his suit of black velvet. What a
pair we must've seemed.
 
Lestat saw David standing next to me. The two began to discuss
things and I decided to leave myself out of their conversation. I
walked into my room and sat at the desk. I pulled the locket out
of my coat to look at it. It was the locket Lestat had so long
ago taken from Claudia's mother and inside a small painted
picture of the mortal child Claudia. 'Oh,' I moaned aloud. I held
it to my breast for a moment and then laid it on the desk. I
couldn't look at it anymore tonight. I stood up and faced the
window watching the night wear on. I could hear their voices in
the other room. Sometimes the voices were soft, other times loud.
 
They were arguing Lestat claiming that this was 'his' coven and
that he was the leader here. Yes, just like in the old days. He
was always the leader. But David, strong as he is, overwhelmed
Lestat and got the better of him. He demanded that we all go to
Rio for the Carnival. I wasn't sure I was up to it now.
 
They were leaving the room. David said he was going off to make
the arrangements. Lestat came in to my room but I didn't turn to
face him.
 
"So, what do you think of David, then?" he asked quietly,
genuinely seeming to be interested in my opinion.
 
"I like him. He's kind and wise."
 
"He'll be living here, you know, with us."
 
"Yes. I know."
 
"And this doesn't bother you, does it?"
 
There were many replies I had in the back of my mind but I didn't
want to start anymore fights. I didn't feel much like arguing
with Lestat. I would let it go for tonight and wait to see what
happens.
 
"No." I simply stated.
 
"Then prepare yourself. We're going to Rio..." he chimed and
promptly left my room.
 
Upon my wakening the next night I arranged for my passage to
Paris and took leave of New Orleans without a mention to Lestat
or David. I had few belongings since Lestat had burned my home to
the ground. I took the most immediate flight I could find to New
York and from there to Paris. I had to arrange all of this, of
course, keeping in mind time changes so I would not be caught by
the sun.
 
I believe I wept a little on the plane and I wondered if Lestat
had thought of where I was at all. I thought only briefly of
David. How disappointed in me he must be now thinking that he
could cause some change in Lestat's behavior with me.
 
I had left without either of them knowing I was leaving. They
didn't even know I left the house. I went as quickly as I could
and then that was the end of it.
 
Actually, once we landed in Paris I felt a strong desire to
leave. I couldn't do this. I couldn't stay here. I wanted to go
somewhere else. Someplace I had never been before. I wanted
isolation and peace.
 
I booked a flight to Ireland instead and within a few hours I
landed in Dublin. I walked the streets for a while. It was very
late and dawn was approaching. I eventually found an advert for a
tower that stood on the bay that was for rent. I decided that's
what I wanted and proceeded to feed and then locate a place where
I could sleep without being disturbed.
 
I merely dug into the ground this night.
 
I rented the tower for an indefinite time and made my little home
here. It was a tower similar to what James Joyce had lived in --
a converted lighthouse of which a few of these were scattered
among the shores of the bay. The realtor went on and on about how
he singer from the Irish rock band, U2, Bono was his name, had
once lived in this very tower. Well, I thought, if a rock star
seeking to live a very private life lived here then I should have
no problems!
 
The tower was impenetrable with big, black thick iron doors which
I made even more impenetrable with innumerable locks. The walls
were without windows and the only window at all was at the very
top of the tower where the shining light used to be. No sun could
penetrate down into the main chamber. I was as safe here from
daylight as I would be if I were 10 feet under the ground.
 
The walls of the tower were made of thick granite and limestone.
There was a dampness in the air that kept the inside cool. I
built a little fire in the old stone fireplace and contemplated
what I might do next.
 
For many days I wandered around Dublin taking in its historical
sites and monuments, its galleries and museums, sitting in St.
Andrew's Square near the park watching the Irish pass by. The
Irish people were so very kind and I loved their lilting, musical
accents.
 
On Grafton Street young musicians would perform for the throngs
of shoppers that passed by. Most of them were quite
extraordinary. They played Irish instruments -- a bodhran,
bouzouki, fiddles, penny whistle, even an Uileann pipe player
would appear on occasion. I enjoyed standing for a time and
listening to this music. It was quite lovely.
 
I would occasionally enter Christ Church Cathedral at the tolling
of the magnificent bells to gaze upon the stained glass windows
or simply sit in the pews meditating quietly, trying to erase all
thoughts from my mind.
 
I would feed in the back alleys of Dublin, in the areas where
members of the IRA would plan their next bombing attacks or where
dope peddlers prayed on small children. There seemed to be an
overabundance of these sorts in these poor areas of Dublin. I was
learning more and more how to take the little drink Lestat had
kept trying to teach me about so long ago. I kept copies of his
books with me almost always reading the sections where he wrote
about his taking the evildoers, chasing the serial killers, and
the dope peddlers. I, too, needed to learn who the current crop
of sinners were in this modern world.
 
And the modern world had barely touched Dublin. This was
comfortable to me. Oh, the city was teeming with automobiles, and
other conveniences of modern life, but there was a stillness and
ancient feeling that always overcame me as I walked the narrow
alleyways or along the broad boulevards that would stretch over
the dark Liffey river that split Dublin in two.
 
Dublin was filled with young people, more so than in any place I
had lived. It reminded me of the Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco
while I lived there in the 1960s with its throngs of modern-clad
young people creating their own lifestyles dressed in colorful
silks, satins, cottons and mixed with lace or velvet. The colors
of the clothing, alone, used to astound me as I walked the San
Franciscan nights.
 
And the freedom these young people held on to -- so vibrant, were
they! So alive and so curious about all things. I had once
happened upon what they called a 'love-in' in Hyde Park. These
young people were making love outside, under the stars, in front
of all who passed! I was quite astounded and intrigued! And how
beautiful I thought it was that they could so easily express
themselves in this way. And how far removed I felt, even more so,
while watching their lovemaking. How far removed and isolated
from this very simple show of affection. Did I even remember what
making love was like? I found myself thinking of that time with
Claudia in the Paris hotel room quite often during those years in
San Francisco. She asking me such a question! What was it
like...?
 
The young people of Dublin had their troubles. Jobs were scarce,
the economy bad. But they took these things and created art with
their pain -- magnificent art -- from their irreverant paintings
of torn down religious icons to their celestial and spiritual
music. Their poetry matched that of their lovely accents and
their manners gave way to 'crack' -- conversation, that is, not
the wretched drug. Conversation would wile away their nights and
often I would sit silently taking in the words I could hear but
never replying -- always on the outside.
 
They would speak of God -- if He existed why was Dublin in such a
state? They would speak of the latest music, art, plays, books.
Even the young street urchins seemed so much more cultured than
those of America. And every so often I would catch an American
accent and thoughts of New Orleans -- and Lestat -- would come
rushing back to me like a torrent of sorrowful waves. What had I
done?
 
I would always go back to my tower fortress and sit quietly by
the small fire thinking of whether to post a letter home.
Sometimes I would read the words of James Joyce thinking about
this tower as his home and place where he wrote such things as
"Ulysses." And there is a section of "Ulysses" that would come to
me in my dreams before the spreading dawn took me to sleep. "Yes,
yes, oh yes..." the sounds of pleasure...
 
One evening, during my jaunts around Dublin, I stopped in a music
shop to browse and listen to the multitudes of sounds and styles
that pervaded my hearing through so many nights here. There were
listening booths set up in this store and I would take a Mozart
CD in with me and loose myself in this music for a while. Upon
taking the CD back to the clerk I heard a song played softly over
the store stereo system and found myself listening intently to
the words.
 
"I went all the way to Paris to forget your face
Captured in stained glass, young lives long since passed
Statues of lovers every place
I went all across the continent to relieve this restless love
I walked through the ruins, icons of glory
Smashed by the bombs from above..."
 
It was a woman singing these words and they caught my heart in an
embrace so tightly I had to have this song for myself.
 
I didn't even own a stereo but now I gave the clerk what he
needed for the music and a system to play it on and rushed back
to my tower at once.
 
It was an eponymous CD by an American group from Atlanta called
The Indigo Girls. The song that struck a flame to my soul was
"History of Us." After spending a few hours trying to decipher
the instructions in setting up the stereo I played this song over
and over again.
 
The chorus goes: "So we must love while these moments are still
called today
Take part in the pain of this passion play
Stretching our youth as we must, until we are ashes to dust
Until time makes history of us."
 
But it was the second verse that I drew an epiphany from.
 
"Jeu de Paume's full of faces knowing peace, knowing strife
Leisure and toil, still it's canvas and oil
There's just no medium for life
In the midst of the rubble I felt a sense of rebirth
In a dusty cathedral the living God called
And I prayed for my life here on Earth."
 
My God. How so right the singer was. There is no medium for life,
is there? I had searched for centuries for answers in the works
of art that spread around the globe. And what did I find? Only
representations, and many of which would remind me of Claudia, my
child, my beloved that had been destroyed by those monstrous
vampires in Paris. But they weren't Claudia, were they? Or
Lestat? Or anything else that could give me solace in this life.
They were but what they were. They held no answers, they were
only mere reflections. And Christ Church Cathedral -- how I had
sat in the dusty, old pews there for many a night quietly seeking
something that might strike in me an answer for my burning heart.
It was truly there all along, wasn't it -- the simple act of
love, isn't it? The very essence of what all people all over the
world believed to be the very force of all nature, mine included.
 
They knew. These two singers. They knew. I discovered most of the
record spoke to me. Most of this record was about love, in one
form or another. Most of this record was about discovery of that
love. I had to go home, didn't I? I had to relinquish my despair
once and for all. I had to admit the things I felt and let it be
whatever it would end up to be. If Lestat would not heed my
words, if he did not imply he felt the same, if it had truly
ended between us once and for all I had to know completely. It
was a closure, of sorts, I suppose.
 
"And I am calling you, calling you from 10,000 miles away
Won't you wet my fire with your love, babe?" Such passion in
these words. Passion I had not really felt in so very long. I
only seemed to have felt anger and despair around Lestat of late.
What would happen if I truly allowed such passion to overwhelm me
and hand it off to him. What would he do? These questions plagued
me now. I had to know.
 
I packed what things I had, including the CD. I left the stereo
behind for Lestat had all manners of these contraptions at our
home. Our home... the thought sent a chill through me.
 
I flew back to New Orleans the next night and proceeded to make
my way to the flat posthaste. In one way I had hoped no one would
be home. I was relieved to discover David and Lestat had gone to
Rio a while back and left no word as to their return. I knew I
had some time, now, to prepare whatever words I wanted to say.
 
Mojo beckoned to me from his little outside garden Lestat's
downstairs tenant kept for him. He remembered me and it was a
comforting thing to let him lick my face and run my fingers
through his thick, soft dog fur. I told the lady I would take
Mojo upstairs with me and she sadly released him. "I love this
dog," she said as she hugged him.
 
Mojo had his favorite place by the fire where he liked to lay and
there he plopped. It was unusually chilly out this winter night
and I brought the fire to a blazing warmth. I sat on the settee
and wondered whether Lestat would return or not. Perhaps they
fell so in love with Rio they decided to stay for a time. This
thought was suddenly interrupted when I heard the front door open
and the sense that two vampires had just entered this domain
filled my senses. Ah, they were home.
 
"Louis!" David shouted, as soon as he walked into the room where
I sat. He ran up to me and pulled me out of the settee and hugged
me tightly. I gave a small smile and a nod that, yes, indeed, it
was me. I looked down, briefly, in anguish knowing how much pain
and worry I must've caused him.
 
"Not to worry, Louis. I'm just so glad you've returned. I knew
you'd be all right..." he answered having read my mind. I blushed
at the thought.
 
Lestat entered shortly after and stood in the doorway staring at
me. His blue eyes were wide and his face bespoke curiosity more
than anger. This was a tense moment for me. What was I to say
now?
 
"So, you've decided to come home or is this just a little visit?"
Lestat said, quietly, standing very still. He looked absolutely
stunning in his gray, velvet suit and white silk shirt. He had a
ruby pin in the center of his collar. His silken, blonde hair
hung loose around his shoulders. How I've imagined him over these
past few months, in my mind, thinking of his radiant magnificence
and those deep azure eyes.
 
"I'm home," I sheepishly replied. "I only needed to leave for a
little while, to sort things out." We stood facing each other
though at a distance away.
 
"Excuse me, please," said David. "I believe you two have a great
deal to say to each other." He bowed politely and left the room.
Lestat and I still stared at each other, neither of us removing
our gaze, holding there waiting to see what the other would do.
 
"And have you sorted those things out?" he said mocking my words.
 
"Perhaps. I'm not sure, yet."
 
"Do you know how much worry you've caused us? Do you realize how
much we wondered where you went, what had happened to you?"
 
"Yes. I know and I am sorry. But you still went to
Rio, did you not, that is what your tenant said." Please, run to
me, I thought, throw your arms around me, tell me how much you
missed me. I love you. Oh, how my eyes must have betrayed my
thoughts then.
 
"Yes, we went to Rio. No use in waiting here night after night
for you to return. You knew where we would be. I knew you would
come home eventually."
 
"Oh, monsieur," I chuckled, "you always seem to know my motives
and movements at all times."
 
"You are predictable, beautiful one."
 
At the sound of his affectionate phrase for me I lost all
composure and ran to him. I couldn't help myself now, I had to
know, didn't I? I ran to him and threw my arms around him and
clung to him so tightly I was afraid I might've hurt him. I wept
on his shoulder and allowed my words to pour out of me untamed.
"I missed you. I love you. I can't live without you. Please love
me again. Please comfort me. Please have me now as we have always
wanted to have each other."
 
He slowly placed his arms around me loosely and then grabbed my
shoulders and held me away from him. He looked at my tear-stained
face. His own face held no answers for me, I couldn't tell
whether he was still angry or sad. He simply gave me a blank
stare, maybe more out of curiosity than anything. I think he was
astounded and confused if anything.
 
"Oh, Louis. What have we done? What have I done? I have made you
so dependent on me..." he said as he let go of my shoulders and
walked over to where Mojo lay half-napping in front of the fire.
He sat down and ran his fingers through Mojo's fur. The dog
stirred and upon realizing his master returned from his trip
began fawning on Lestat. He eventually calmed his licking down
and laid his head in Lestat's lap.
 
"No, not dependent," I said. "In love. I love you, that's all. I
want you..." I turned my face from him ashamed as I said these
things. How did I want him, I thought? It was such a mortal thing
to say and my memory of such an experience dealt mostly with
those pleasures of the flesh I thought I had so forgotten. And
not just forgotten, but now... did I desire such a thing? How
could that be possible? Was Lestat correct in his assumptions of
me that I was far too human, that I had retained too many human
qualities? Yes, I had done so by choice, but such a desire as
that?! It had slightly embarrased me to think of it and I had
hoped he did not catch my meaning.
 
"You want me?" he snickered, his eyes sparkling. He knew what I
meant, I believe. Oh, how shameful I felt -- that a vampire
should think of such things. "How is it you want me? You've
betrayed me so many times. You've allowed me to die, twice.
You've run away from me. You left me in abject despair and
loneliness in MY time of need and then had me chase you down in
San Francisco until you finally saw fit to find me. And then,
even then, you let me go. You found your own shack to reside in.
You always refused my blood. You've avoided whatever affections
I might have made towards you and then refused me YOUR blood when
I needed you more than anything. You were right, you know, you
have never been a proper choice in a companion though the sight
of you makes me yearn for you -- your beauty, your grace -- but
what are those things, really, in comparison to everything else.
Where is the love in all those things?"
 
I turned to him. I stood motionless watching him and the dog. I
had no idea what to say next. I didn't know what to do. I sat
down, clumsily, on the arm of the couch and stared at the wall
for a time. What could I possibly say now? I had told him how I
felt what more could be said?
 
"What should I do?" I implored him. "Where do I go? I have these
feelings -- I love you -- I've told you this many times, yet you
seem not to believe me, not take my words to heart those things
you mentioned, all the things that I did, well, we have never
really talked about them between you and I -- all those things
you mention, we never really discussed them, did we, or how we
felt. I was terrified of you once, but you were all I had, there
was no other teacher. You were the only thing I could learn from.
And how I stood passively by and watched Claudia turn the knife
into you. I did not know what to do then. I know I stood by,
paralyzed, when Claudia turned the knife, but she was too far
away for me to stop her. Perhaps, I did not love you then, I was
simply saddened by your loss once we made it into Paris. I never
thought you knew anything, I never thought you even cared for me.
You were brutal in your treatment of us, you must realize that."
 
"Brutal," he said to himself. "Ah... my once tender and
embraceable lover. We lived here for near 65 years. If I was so
brutal why did you not simply leave earlier? No. You were
dependent on me, you know, and for reasons other than you are
prepared to admit. What did you hope to learn anyway? And didn't
you have Armand to teach you all those things you questioned me
incessantly on?" At the mention of Armand's name he faced me, his
eyes glaring, his lips pursed. It was a look that always pierced
my soul and he knew I could feel the depth of it.
 
"I wanted to know what we were, where we came from. I wanted to
know who you were and your origins. You know my story. You know
what happened with Armand... but not even that small amount of
useless information would you give to me. Not even that..." I
paused and collapsed into the couch rubbing my face with my
hands. I really did not want to go into all of this with him, not
now. But then, maybe this was the time once and for all to leave
it all behind and begin anew. He stared blankly ahead of him
rarely lifting his face now to look at me. He would only turn
every so often to gaze at Mojo.
 
"Well, it is all done and over with, isn't it? You know all those
things now from reading the books" he said quietly.
 
"Books. I had to learn those things from your books. Not from
you, not from your lips, only words and phrases, meaningless. And
how was I to ask you questions. How was I to react when you told
the whole world, but you wouldn't tell me to my face? You did not
write those books for me, as you so said, no, you wanted everyone
to know. You never truly cared for me. I was only your 'slave' as
you called me once, a plaything, something to keep you company as
you went off and did whatever you wanted to do without regard for
myself or for Claudia." I was shouting towards the end of my
diatribe.
 
Lestat barely moved from his place near the fire. He simply let
out a sigh. "What now, mon cher?" he asked softly. "What if
something else goes wrong, what if something else happens? Will
you help me then, will you be there if I need you? Or will you go
about your own way adhering to your own philosophy and give up on
me again? Is this the love you refer to, Louis? Is that what you call
love?" He stood and came over to the couch where I sat. He sat down
next to me and pulled my hands away. He lifted my face in his hands
and peered into my eyes.
 
"Beautiful green eyes, you have. Beautiful face," he traced the
curves in my face with his fingers resting on my lips. "Beautiful
full lips sweet for kissing. So soft, you are. Your soft dark
hair," he ran his fingers through my loose hair, "soft neck," he
said feeling the length of my neck. "How often I've thought of
just biting into you without your consent, taking into me your
sweet juice, nibbling on your neck and sucking the life out of
you -- the life I gave you -- bringing it back into myself and
then giving you the taste of me over your tender lips. The
ecstasy we would've felt holding each other in such an embrace,
is unlike anything you could ever possibly imagine in your all
too human mind. I shudder when I think of the possibilities
missed. I shudder when I think of the pleasure we could've given
to each other and never had."
 
"And you give this to David," I asked looking into his eyes.
 
He pulled away from me now and rested his hands in his lap. He
continued his gaze on me though, not letting his eyes wander from
mine. He snorted a bit and cracked a small, wistful smile. "You
WOULD like to know?"
 
"Yes."
 
"Ahh... are you jealous, Louis? Is that why you left me?" His
eyes sparkled mischief and he turned to give me the faintest
smile.
 
"Perhaps I was, a little. Do not get me wrong. I do so like
David. But I feel..." a song from that record I bought, The
Indigo Girls, came back to me. "...forsaken, 'like the things I
gave away...'" I was lost for a minute thinking of the words, 'I
am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love...' I was
glad he could not read my thoughts.
 
"Forsaken. Hmmm..." he said looking away from me now.
 
At that moment David appeared in the doorway standing there
silently looking at the two of us. We were all facing each other
waiting for one of us to break the silence.
 
"I trust the two of you are working things out?" he said.
 
"Hmmpf..." Lestat made a noise and shook loose blonde locks from
his face. I merely looked down and sighed.
 
"Ah. Well, let me see if I can help," David said.
 
"You!" Lestat shouted. "What have you to do with this? What
do you think YOU could even do here? As they say, in this
century, BUTT OUT!"
 
"Oh, shut up, Lestat," David said winking at me. I think I
silently laughed, my shoulders betraying that silence. "You
really are something. All high and mighty. Well, tell me, Lestat,
dear Lestat, brat prince and all that, do you even love Louis? I
think that is the clearest question you could answer at this
moment."
 
"And what's it to you?" Lestat glared.
 
"Nothing, really. But I think this little game has to end
sometime. I'm getting really restless waiting for the two of you
to figure out your eternity. I think you both need a little
counseling," he said smiling. What a manner he had.
 
"Counseling..." Lestat laughed. Neither of us had moved from the
couch where we sat. I think we were both rather intrigued by the
prospect of a third party intervening. Perhaps it was what was
needed most of all.
 
"Do you love Louis, Lestat?" David asked again. He had pulled up
an ottoman and sat on it in front of the two of us.
 
"Oh, you are looking for a triumph here, aren't you. As if our
little power play tussle in Rio wasn't enough."
 
I didn't know what Lestat was referring to but evidently he and
David came to terms with each other over who would dominate
whom.
 
"Answer the question, Lestat. Or should Louis just leave at this
moment and never return? One way or another..."
 
There was a deadly silence in the room now. I watched Lestat as
he stared at David, then down at the carpet, at Mojo, and every
which way besides into my own eyes. At last, as he stared off
into another corner of the room and he answered quite low and to
himself, "yes..."
 
"Good!" shouted David and he clapped his hands. "Well done, old
chap. Say it a bit louder, though, and look at Louis as you say
it. Tell him -- 'I love you.'" David gleamed.
 
Lestat shot him a look of such poison it would've made a mortal
man run for cover. "Do it Lestat," David said, quite
convincingly. Lestat turned and looked at me, I at him. My face
betrayed my anxiousness. Yes, please say it. So simple, those
three words. Please. David nodded at me -- damn him for reading
my mind!
 
With a deep audible breath Lestat said, "I love you, Louis."
Quite sincerely at that. "Yes, I do so love you even in the face
of all you've done to me. But that is MY concern, and MY fault,"
he mocked the words I gave him so long ago when he came to me for
help. "So, what now, David? Are we to hug each other, forgive
each other? Tell each other 'oh, darling, it will be all right?'"
 
Lestat and I sat on the couch staring at David. I was at a
complete loss for words and my mind was filled with all the
things that had been said. I honestly did not know what would
come next or what to do. I placed my hands in my lap and waited
for someone to speak.
 
David was laughing gently to himself. He had sat quite still in
front of us on the ottoman taking in every nuance of expression.
I thought of when I was an infant vampire, staring at the buttons
on Lestat's coat, staring at his soft, blonde hair cascading
around his shoulders, staring at his strong and slender hands
until he shook me from my reverie. How each color, shape, and
movement fascinated me so. David, now also in his infancy as a
vampire, must be contemplating these very same things. His eyes
sparkled with curiosity and excitement, his face remained
composed and serene. I wondered what powers he possessed, what
the dark gift had made of him especially in the light that it had
been almost 100 years since Lestat had made another of us. This
was HIS powerful child sitting before me now and I could easily
sense that he was much more powerful than I. Lestat had given him
nearly all of himself. This thought hurt me, silently, for a
moment as I dwelled on the vision of what must've taken place.
David had told me what happened in the little cabana on the
beach.
 
Another thought invaded my mind now -- the fact that Lestat had
known and loved David as a mortal man. And when Lestat was in his
mortal form, that he so loathed, that beautiful, dark mortal form
which David now possessed, he had wanted to make love with David
and David refused. Was this the reason Lestat so raped David in
that cabana? Was he angry for that refusal and decided to take
matters into his own hands? I silently wished that Lestat and I
had known each other as mortal men. What might have become of
such a friendship then?
 
I knew David was reading my mind when I quickly looked up
realizing at once that he could do so. I tried to raise a shield
to hide my thoughts but David had already picked up on enough of
them to have formed his own opinions.
 
"You ask 'what you should do now,' Lestat. Hmmm... I have a few
ideas," he said, winking at me. I blinked, not understanding his
motives and in lively apperhension of what he might suggest.
 
"Come with me, both of you," he motioned with his hand as he
stood up from the ottoman. We both sat looking up at him without
moving. Both of us a bit confused as to what on Earth he wanted
of us. Lestat's brow was crinkled in thought, but he let out a
breath and stood turning to look at me to see if I would follow.
I stood too and we waited for David's next move.
 
"Come on. Follow me," he said walking out of the salon into the
hallway. Then he took a turn into my bedroom and stood there
waiting for us to enter. We did and as we entered the room he
turned to shut the door. "This is so you can't easily escape."
 
"David, what are you doing?" Lestat said with hands on his hips.
 
"You'll see my dear brat prince. I have a plan... Now, come, sit
here," he patted the bed. We sat and looked up at him again.
"Now, isn't this cozy?" He folded his arms on his broad chest.
"Now, do exactly as I tell you..."
 
We looked at him. "I don't know what you're doing, David, but I
sense it's some ridiculous human action you're looking for here
and I won't be made a fool of. Whatever it is, it won't work.
Might I remind you that we are vampires..." Lestat said standing
up and facing David.
 
David placed his hands on Lestat's shoulders and gently pushed
him back down on the bed. There wasn't much resistance from
Lestat, only amazement at David's strength and tenacity. I was
merely watching this event curious to learn what David expected us
to do.
 
"Vampires. Yes. Vampires that act like little children. Oh -- or
were you referring to that aspect of detachment I've read about
in your books? Or the fact that vampires don't feel things the
way humans do. Is that so? Why then, tell me, have you done half
the things you've written about and talked about if you have none
of these human traits. You're telling me you don't feel these
things?"
 
Lestat let out a deep sigh and was visibly annoyed at David's
insistence. "Look, whatever it is you're trying to do just do it
and get it over with so I can go out and feed, heartily, I might
add, this evening and then go about my way. We've done nothing
this night but talk of love. Love, love, love -- what the hell is
love to a vampire anyway? Why should I bother with this when all
my fledglings have taken to betraying me somehow, leaving me, or
giving me more pain than it's worth. Maybe I should be the one
to leave and never return and then YOU and Louis can prosper in
whatever your concept of love is."
 
David was laughing, though not a cruel laugh, just a glistening
one. Amused.
 
"I think it should be I that leaves," I said as I stood to leave
the room. David grabbed me by the shoulder and held me still. I
could feel the power behind his hand and I was immediately
rendered incapable of movement.
 
"I see this is going to be more difficult than I thought," David
said looking at me. His eyes narrowed and he pushed me back
to the bed as he had done Lestat. "My God. You're right, Lestat,"
he said. "Maybe I have retained too many human memories. Maybe
I've been entertaining thoughts that a vampire would scoff at.
Perhaps, you are correct. Maybe I should just give in to the
strife the two of you seem to relish upon and let you fight it
out since you seem to enjoy it so much. We have eternity, do
we not, to solve or bash such concepts?"
 
He looked positively forlorn as he stood in front of us brushing
the curly, brown locks from his face, straightening his jacket,
and then forming a thoughtful pyramid with his hands in in front
of his chest.
 
"You're right. Let's forget this mess for now and go out and
feed." There was a decidedly quick change in him as he said this.
He turned, opened the door, and walked down the hall, slamming the
door shut as he did so.
 
He disappeared, eventually, out of the house all together. I
believe Lestat and I sat quite still for some time contemplating,
separately, what had just gone on. I stood to leave the room in
silence ignoring Lestat's gaze that I could feel penetrate me
behind my back. I didn't wish to gaze upon his beautiful form at
all. I decided to not think about our situation and thought of
seeking solace by the river I so loved.
 
"And where do you think you're going," Lestat said stopping me in
my haste.
 
"Out," I answered, nonchalantly.
 
"No. Not this time. Not now. Come back here and let's deal with
this once and for all."
 
His manner was sympathetic, I believe. His voice tame yet stern.
He meant these words. He was serious. I stood wondering what
would happen if I walked out of the door, down the hallway, and
out of the house without turning back. I had an urge to do this.
But I also thought of the words we would finally spread out
before us and I realized 'this is what I wanted, isn't it?' I
needed the opportunity to talk to him, to say all I needed to say
and sort the situation out. This was what I had wanted, wasn't
it? I turned and looked at him deeply for the first time since
entering this room. He had only questions in his eyes, some
despair, but Lestat is never prone to despair for too long as I
am. His lips were gentle and his mouth partially open, relaxed.
The soft silk of his shirt rippled over his muscular arms and
chest. He had it unbuttoned, slightly, revealing his soft throat
and top of his chest. He bent over in a gesture of anxiety
letting his hair fall over his face.
 
Through the opening of his shirt I could see two delicate
pink nipples, I stared and he sat up and gave me a brief,
uncertain smile. He raised his eyebrows and patted the bed next
to him as David had done in a gesture that bade me to sit there.
I approached nimbly and sat staring straight ahead rather than
lose myself again in Lestat's presence... loose myself in
those eyes.
 
"We have much to talk about, mon cher," he said, matter of factly,
looking at me.
 
It seemed as if all that took place -- at the church, before and
after -- vanished with these words. He was calmer now. He seemed
ready to forgive, or perhaps he had put it out of his mind
entirely.
 
"Yes," I said.
 
"But I don't feel much like talking now..."
 
I turned quickly to look at him, confused. My eyes were wide, I
believe I gaped at him. I sat straight up prepared to run if need
be.
 
What happened next I can only say completely amazed me. No,
shocked me. He raised his hand and ran it through my hair. His
eyes moved from my feet to the top of my head, slowly, almost
reverently. I felt embarrassed for a moment, wondering what it
was he was looking at though deep in my memory I recalled this
gaze from my mortal youth from my lovers as part of the prelude
to a seduction. Then, a second thought rose in my mind. Claudia
had gazed at me in this fashion as well, wondering what a grown
person looked like. With Lestat, well, let's just say I felt as
if I were being undressed by his eyes and this sent a slight
blush to my cheeks. He smiled at this and then quickly took me
into his arms and kissed me, deeply, on the mouth.
 
At first I was taken aback by his action. What did he mean to do?
I thought to myself. But then I allowed the sensation to fill me
instead. I allowed myself to put my arms around him and then to
hold him tightly, returning his kiss, tasting his mouth as
he did with me with my tongue. His lips were smooth and satiny,
yet plump and soft. I felt my tongue touch the tip of his
fang teeth as I felt his tongue delving deeper into my mouth,
pushing mine back as he did so. He put everything into this kiss.
His tongue reached ever deeper into my mouth until the near
length of it had pushed my tongue back into mine and the taste of
him sent a chill through my body like none I had ever felt.
He moved his tongue freely and with a gentle motion not unlike
that of the act of love -- in and then out -- teasing me. I think
we were both moaning quite exquisitely. He removed his tongue and
fell to sucking gently on my lips running his tongue lightly over
them. There had been a very faint taste of blood in this kiss
which sent more little shivers down my spine yet he did not bite
into himself and gorge me on his blood as I had once thought he
might.
 
He had laid me on the bed now still pressed against me in our
passion. His hands felt the length of me, caressed the
muscles in my arms, my waist, my back, and then he let his hands
run softly down my chest. These little pressures and feeling of
his smooth, cold hand, sent even more shivers running through my
body. This is lovely, I thought. To be touched like this, held
and caressed, kissed... how long had it been that I had denied
myself such things thinking that this was no suitable pasttime
for a vampire. The only tender musings from another I had
ever received was either the struggle of my mortal victims, which
felt good against my grip, or the times I would take Claudia into
my arms and shower her with little kisses. Even Armand and I had
never shared such intimacy as this.
 
Lestat's passions were roaring. I could feel his heartbeat faster
against my chest as he lay half on top of me. I suckled his lips,
as he had done mine, mimicking his tender nibbling, taking the
taste of him into my mouth, running my tongue lightly over them.
He fell to kissing me gently on my cheeks, my eyes, forehead, and
then ran his tongue down to my ears where he kissed and nibbled -
- without drawing blood, that is -- and then he ran his tongue
down my neck. I sat up with a start.
 
"What is it?" he asked, also sitting next to me rubbing my back
with his hand. "Is it not pleasurable for you? Don't you like
this?" He kissed my cheek and pressed his face to mine.
 
"I do not wish to take your blood, Lestat," I said to him.
 
"I never intended to do anything of the sort," he answered. I
looked at him and then he tenderly pushed me back on the bed. "I
only wish to follow David's instructions..."
 
"And what are those?" I asked. "He never said..."
 
"Ah, but I know what he was suggesting. Don't you?" He said,
laying next to me, kissing me on the neck, my face, running his
hand down my chest and then caressing my stomach.
 
"I... I'm not sure," I answered, closing my eyes and enjoying his
touch.
 
"Well, let's just see what happens, beautiful one." He began to
unbutton my shirt, slowly pulling it out of its tucked embrace
inside my pants. His touch continued to send chills through me.
He placed his hand on my naked chest, feeling its hardness and
then running his fingers lightly over my nipples. Strange how
erect they stood as he did this filling me with a very keen sense
of pleasure. He had fallen to kissing me again on the mouth,
deeply as before, and I took him in more aggressively shoving my
tongue deep inside him.
 
"Mmmmmm," he moaned aloud and with that
moan I felt an even stronger sensation running through my body
that was not unlike the feeling I get from drinking blood. We lay
in that embrace, holding tightly to each other and then I began
unbuttoning his shirt. Before too long we lay close together, our
naked chests pressed against each other, the hardness of our
nipples brushing against each other.
 
Our kisses grew in intensity and we showered each other with
these kisses on each other's cheeks, and eyelids. I ran my hands
through his hair -- so soft -- and then let them fall onto his
chest feeling the tautness of his muscles and soft muscular bulges of
his breasts.
 
He went even further now, his hands upon the buttons of my pants
undoing the one and then zipping them down. Again, I was
astonished at this motion but the passionate fever was raging
inside me now as it was with him and I followed his every action
and began to undo his pants as well.
 
You must understand this passion we felt as we lay there on my
bed is different from mortal passion. Of course, I have trouble
remembering mortal passion, but I knew, somehow, that this was
completely different. The sensations were not local, as Lestat
had described in Tale of the Body Thief when he had the
opportunity to experience mortal sex. No. These sensations ran
down the length of us, through every cell, leaving a tingling and
warm feeling in its wake. Yes -- very much like taking the blood,
very much indeed. The feeling of his hands on me were like subtle
pressures of softness, like running silk over your skin or
feeling a soft fur coat. Oh, to describe such things!
 
And now we were to try something wholly different, something that
no vampire, to either of our recollections, had ever tried. Oh,
enough has been written about such things in fiction -- but they
are, after all, only fictions. Lestat was always prone to such
new adventures while I spent my time diligently, quietly, amusing
my passions by perusing books or contemplating the great art of
the world. But I found myself lost in these new sensations and
was in no shape to spend time analyzing them. No. I would just
allow this to unfold in all its glory savoring each sensation as
if I were tasting the blood.
 
He unzipped my pants and I his. My hands, then, fell back to
caressing him, holding him tight to me, and feeling his entire
form pressed against me. I nuzzled his neck and felt his hands
move on my body gracefully, gently, feeling every inch with
tender squeezes. One of his hands slid into my pants and found
the organ there, half-asleep as it is with vampires. While his
skin was much more rigid than mine due to the blood of the
ancients flowing through him, mine was much more pliant, leading
him, on many occasions, to comment as to the near-humanness of my
skin. My organ was not a marble statue, as he once described his
own (how I laughed when I read his passage in Queen of the
Damned!) but of course, it was not completely, well, human
either.
 
He stroked my organ using his fingers to give tiny pressures to
the shaft of it. At first I thought better of this experiment and
told myself I should run from here immediately. How could I allow
such a thing to take place? But the mere passion of the
experience, the feelings that flowed through me, the closeness of
his body to mine -- how could I not give in to this new pleasure?
The thought slowly arose in me now of how we were men, afterall,
were we not? But the thought quickly faded. What is gender to a
vampire anyway when love comes so rarely -- if it did at all --
when the companionship of another was so deeply desired. Of
course, this went beyond all that and I had a few fleeting
thoughts regarding the sameness of our gender that almost lead me
to throw him off of me and leave this house.
 
Mind you, reader, I am not, as they say in this century,
homophobic, but you must understand the circumstances, both
religious and otherwise, in which I was raised. But that was in
my mortal youth and I had had over 200 years to contemplate all
the contradictory aspects of not only my faith, but my single-
minded ideas of love. And I truly loved this man that showed no
signs of releasing me or his passions at this moment.
 
"Oh, Louis... this is almost more than I can bear," he whispered
in my ear. I suddenly realized that I had been moaning in ecstacy
the entire time. Our breathing had quickened, our chests heaving
in anticipation and excitement. I turned to him and took his
mouth to mine again. I was lost in this passion and I made the
decision to see it through to its ultimate consumation whatever
that may be. He held tight to me and returned my kiss, deeper
ever than before, and much more aggressive. The sounds coming
from us might've woken the dead...
 
He slipped out of my arms and stood by the bed. I watched him,
not knowing what he would do, thinking that perhaps he had been
contemplating the same thoughts as I and found this entire
experience to be distasteful to him. As he stood I think I let
out a sound, a discouraged one. Why are you leaving me now?
 
He watched me for a moment with such affection in his eyes I
almost wept. I was breathless and longed for him to be in my arms
again. He removed his shoes, socks, and then his pants and stood
before me in all his naked glory. I gasped at the sight of him.
So lean, yet so muscular, not an ounce of anything but pure
strength on him. He was much more physical in his stature than I,
thin as I am. His organ stood as he described it -- like marble
it seemed though now bronzed by the sun in the Gobi desert
when he attempted to take his life. His whole body took on the
gleam of a sunbathed, blonde Apollo. I had never seen him like
this. No, I had never even gazed upon his bare chest before. I
was completely taken in by such beauty and could only move over
the length of him with my eyes taking in every nuance and curve,
every taut muscle and form. Is this the image of God? I thought.
He caught my glances and smiled softly, slowly sitting on the
bed, his movements graceful and seductive. He was my lover...
 
He reached for my pants and pulled them off of me. I felt
helpless at his touch, completely subservient to him, at a loss
to move or react in any way I simply allowed him do whatever he
had in mind. I was also vastly curious...
 
He sat at the end of me looking over the length of my now naked
body. I shivered at the thought that he had never seen me like
this. No one in my vampiric life had ever seen me like this. I
had not even entertained the thought of looking at myself in a
mirror. I really had never wanted to know how the transformation
changed my body. Now I lay here, completely at his mercy, and
terribly excited as well. Even in my mortal years undressing in
front of my lovers was always done in near or total darkness. I
was embarrased, even then, to reveal myself so completely.
 
Here, in all this candlelight that Lestat had fashioned from his
thoughts we were completely visible to each other in all our
vulnerability.
 
He ran his hands up my legs, my hips, my waist, my chest --
softly -- and then laid on top of me gently showering my face
with his kisses. His tongue flicked on my skin and he found my
lips waiting for his hot embrace. Our bodies were warmed by each
other. While the sun warmed him considerably, my body was still
completely white and somewhat cold, especially since I had not
fed this evening. The hunger was rising inside me but it was
slowly being replaced by another hunger -- one which I did not
fully understand.
 
He let his kisses fall down my body. He tenderly licked and
sucked my nipples causing a rising sensation in me similar to
that of passion but somehow... different. I was moaning
incessantly, and my head was rocking back and forth on the
pillow. His hands played on my skin, caressing, rubbing, softly
running his fingers over me. He ran his tongue down my chest to
my navel where he stopped briefly to flick his tongue there. He
looked up at me briefly to see what expression my face
might hold. Well, he wasn't surprised! My eyes were closed, my
mouth open, my breathing fast. There was the faint shimmer of
sweat tinged with blood on my forehead. My eyes half-opened and I
saw him looking at me. He, too, showed similar signs in his
expression and I let my mouth rise up in a bit of a smile to let
him know he had my full consent.
 
He kissed my stomach and then ran his tongue down to my hips
licking the area there where the leg joins the body. His hand was
once again on my organ slowly rubbing it, wrapping his fingers
around it he gripped the organ and motioned up and down its
shaft. Of course, I only felt the mere pressure of this, there
was not the kind of pleasure a man would feel at such a gesture.
But nevertheless, this was a pleasant feeling and my body
continued to tingle all over and a magnificent quiver overtook my
every muscle.
 
He took his time in this place with his lips and his tongue.
Licking the area around my organ, taking my testicles, one at a
time, into his mouth and sucking gently. He moved his mouth into
position over the organ now and guided it into his mouth with his
hand. "Mmmmm....." he would moan, continuously throughout as I
was doing. I lay feverish with the tingling sensations, relaxed as
I never felt before, restful, at peace, and watched him
curiously. The pressures of his mouth as he sucked filled my body
with a deep sensation of warmth though I found I was feeling
discouraged that I could not feel what my mortal memories had
left behind. No matter. Oh... this was very pleasant...
 
His mouth moved up and down the length of my organ which, dear
reader, had not grown to an erection but remained the way it
always was -- perhaps, semi-erect, or simply just hardened,
somewhat, from the blood taken over so many years. He seemed to
be adamant about bringing about an erection, though, as his
sucking became more pronounced, stronger, as only a vampire could
do with such strength.
 
He sucked the tip of it quite hard suddenly and it gave me a
start. There was the sharpened sense of his fang teeth puncturing a
small wound and he began to take blood from me there. Oh! The
exquisite pleasure of this! I could feel the blood move through me in
a rushing current all leading into his sucking mouth. It made me
hunger for him, now, more than ever. I had never entertained taking
his blood before but now the feeling overwhelmed me and I could
scarecely keep myself from grabbing onto him and pulling him up to me
so that I might quell the hunger that gave me such pain and pleasure.
He stopped for a moment and climbed on top of me. He lay there, on my
slick body, and kissed me deeply giving back some of my own blood so
that my hunger might recede. As his tongue slipped through my lips he
bit into it and I, for the second time, tasted the sweetness of his
life. It would be the last time we imbibed in such an embrace... His
mouth left mine and he trailed a line down my neck, my chest, and
back to the sleepy organ where he commenced his suckling once again.
The wound had healed but he did not reopen it this time. He merely
played with me using his lips, his tongue, his throat. So skilled was
he...
 
There was a new feeling in this. It was as if my organ
were waking at his command and I, all of a sudden, was completely
lost in this passion and found myself writhing beneath him in
such profound escstacy, even I can not describe it. I was
groaning louder now... "Oh, Lestat, my God... what have you
done... oh, my God... my God... oh....mmmm..." I felt myself, my
head, rock quickly against the pillow, turning back and forth. My
hands reached down and caressed his head unconsciously guiding
his movements so he would now take me into him completely. I
gyrated my hips quite frantically against him eventually
thrusting myself in and out of his mouth.
 
"Oooh.....mmmmmm....." was all that would come from my mouth. I
was not aware of anything else -- only this pure sensation raging
through my entire body from the tips of my toes to the very top
of my head. It was as if a warm light were bathing me with a
glorious presence, so sweet, so warm, and so filled with love.
The world had disappeared and it was all that filled me. The
feeling was not centered on my organ, no, the feeling covered me
completely. I could feel the sensations of his sucking even in my
eyes, which were now tightly shut, in my ears, on my neck...
everywhere. My body felt so light I thought I might float away. I
had no strength at this point, nothing, just a weightless form
that could easily be carried away into oblivion. Oh, this was
bliss!
 
"Mmmmm.....ah, Louis, you taste sooo good..." he whispered as he
resumed his motions. I opened my eyes, only briefly, and even
then, my vision was clouded. I noticed that I had indeed become
erect! Lestat noticed my gaze and smiled at me. "Yes, yes! This
is a miracle, is it not!" he laughed. He held my organ in
his hand to show me and I fell back to the pillow in complete
abandon and closed my eyes to his touch once more. He slipped the
organ back in his mouth and continued to suck but then, quickly
and abrubtly stopped. I opened my eyes to see what he would do
now...
 
He had an astonished look on his face. His body was slightly damp
from a thin sheen of blood sweat, his mouth was wide open as were
his eyes. "Louis! Look at MY organ," he commanded. He held it for
me to gaze upon. It, too, was erect.
 
"Mon dieu!" I cried. "But my you are... uh... large... But how
did this come about?" I gasped. He giggled at my words.
 
"I don't know. But I certainly know what to do with it now..." he
winked. He jumped out of bed and disappeared out of the door. I
could hear his rushed footfall in the hallway and wondered what
was happening.
 
"Wha... Lestat?" I called. "Lestat... don't leave me like this. I
feel... I feel something about to happen. I feel... I could
explode. Lestat!"
 
He ran back into the room with some kind of colored bottle. I was
confused as to what he meant to do. As soon as I saw him open the
bottle, remove some of the contents with his hand, and rub his
organ with it I knew exactly what he meant to do.
 
"Lestat! You don't mean to..." I sat up, quite alarmed.
 
"Louis! This is amazing! I've got to know... I've got to find out
if this will work. I want to feel you, Louis, completely,
totally. I want to be inside you!" He came back to the bed and
crawled on top of me keeping me quite pinned under his muscular
embrace.
 
"Lestat, I don't think I can go through with this," I said,
attempting to remove myself from his hold. "I don't think this is
a wise thing to do."
 
"Nonsense, my love, my beautiful Louis, my sensuous child. Do you not see
the grandeur in this? The magic that's at work here?" he gleamed.
He lay flat on top of me, nuzzling my neck, kissing my ear, then
finally reaching my lips. Oh, I could not hold back from him. His
kiss enflamed me again with that hot desire to be close to him.
Yes. I wanted to feel him inside me. I wanted that connection,
that union.
 
He felt my mental release and rose himself up on his arms and
supported his weight on his elbows. He looked down on me and
caressed me with his eyes. His breathing was rapid as mine, and
he commenced to try this final experiment.

"Oh, Louis, I feel we're on the brink of something wonderful.
Don't you feel it?" Lestat said, as he peered down on me
from his raised position. I could see his organ, fully erect,
resting on my stomach.
 
"I think so. But..." I stammered.
 
"But what, mon cher, my tender lover," he said, leaning down to
kiss me lightly on my lips. One of his hands had taken hold of
his organ and he began to guide it to the place he sought.
 
"Uh... oh... I don't know what to do," I answered reaching up to
kiss him. I placed my hands on his shoulders, breathing heavily.
"Oh... just do it, just do it..." I said, falling back onto the
pillow.
 
He lifted my legs then and guided his organ inside me. He would
make love to me as he would to a woman. I was but a melted thing
in his arms, in this new embrace. I felt him enter me, though
there was no pain, just a fleeting presence of something inside
me, something warm and throbbing. A wonderful pressure filled me
with that same tingling sensation only this time my entire body
felt as if it were caught in warmth even greater than before.
 
He fell on top of me now, thrusting himself into me slowly at
first and then quickened the pace until there was a solid rhythm
to his thrusts. I returned this rhythm, raising my hips up to
meet his. I could feel my organ gently tapping against him with
each push and pull.
 
"Mmmmmmm... oh, Louis, oh my God... mmmmm....." Our breathing was
now heavy and the blood sweat covered us making our skin slick
and slippery against one another. We held each other tightly as
he continued to move inside me. I could feel his movements so
keenly now.
 
"Oh, Lestat.....mmmmmm....." I would moan over and over again, my
body writhing under him, my head tossing back and forth on the
pillow. My legs wrapped around his waist as I held him to me in
a tight embrace.
 
His thrusts continued for some time, much longer than what I
remember from my mortal youth. On and on, in and out, forever
increasing the hot desire that filled us. The bed was squeaking
underneath as he drove into me but my sole concern was on the
heat that filled my body almost to the point of boiling over.
I could barely stand it... it felt so incredibly good. I was
loosing all ability to control myself, all ability to move my
arms or legs and I felt, simply, like a rag doll completely
limber and loose. My arms eventually went limp and I slowly let
them fall by my side unable to move anymore. I was in another
place, completely lost, like being surrounded by clouds -- pure
white and nothing more. Complete blissful oblivion.
 
He seemed to be loosing control too and his body began to settle
more and more on top of me as if I were the only thing that could
keep him from falling. I felt something, then, spread throughout
my body -- a warm liquid was penetrating my every cell as he
spurted his juice into me. I was brought out of my swoon by his
gasp and throaty wail.
 
"Ooooooohhhhh......" I heard him say as he collapsed on top of
me. His breathing was very rapid and I could feel his chest
heaving. I was in complete rapture and drifted off again into
that oblivion. Love and light and warmth filled me completely
now, so much that I felt more fulfilled than I ever had before. I
felt as if I had reached up and touched the face of God and all
creation. I felt as if I had been reborn into a new place filled
with such powerful love that I could only weep in pure joy of its
tender caress. My body was shivering, not from cold, but from
this delight that satiated my entire being. My hunger had receded
from our earlier blood trade and now I felt even more replenished
by Lestat's liqueur.
 
Slowly, my arms began regaining their strength. I held him
tightly and nuzzled against him kissing his neck and face. His
breathing was becoming more relaxed and we kissed deeply and
passionately holding each other.
 
"This was union," he whispered, still panting a bit. "I felt more
connected to you than I ever had felt with anyone before even
from taking the blood. My God... I had no blood lust whatsoever
while making love to you in this way..." he rested his head on my shoulder
and closed his eyes kissing me gently every so often on the side
of my neck where he lay.
 
"Yes," I whispered. "I felt this too..." I ran my fingers through
his hair, massaged his back, kissed his shoulders and his neck,
and then wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes.
 
We slept all through the day there in that bed. I dreamt
throughout this sleep, which was unusual, I thought, for when the
sun rises and the death sleep takes over I rarely remember
dreaming at all. Only before I would go into that unconscious
state and right before waking would I dream so vividly. But I
dreamt all throughout this new sleep and the images were of
Lestat and all the wonderful times we had in the past. I was
remembering all the good things now, not the bad, only the times
we spent together in happiness before Claudia and then after.
Even my dreams of her were wrapped in a giddiness that I could
not even remember in my waking hours. I think I might've laughed
a bit in my sleep, but I can't be sure of it.
 
We slept in this bedroom during the day. Now THAT was an amazing
thing in itself. The curtains were drawn quite tightly and there
was no leakage of sunlight whatsoever, but still... never had I
taken such a chance as this.
 
When we woke that evening we were still wrapped in each other's
arms. We looked at each other for a very long time, drinking in
each other, running our fingers over each other's faces as if we
were seeing one another for the first time. It reminded me of our
reunion before Lestat's concert in San Francisco so many years
ago. We were so caught up in seeing each other for the first
time in over 100 years that any angry words we might have shared
were lost in the kindling fire that ignited new passions,
especially within me. That was the first moment I realized how
much I truly missed him.
 
"I love you Louis," he said in a near whisper. "I always have,
you know. I could never hurt you, my beautiful one, my lover.
Never." He kissed me and held me close to him rubbing his face in
my hair. He wept a little; I could feel his tears brush my face
and I heard him weeping quietly. He had never wept in front of me
before thinking he would show me a weakness by doing so. I held
him close to me.
 
"I love you, Lestat. Perhaps, I always have. I couldn't live
without you now. I'll never leave you again." I found myself
softly weeping and we held on to each other as if it was all that
mattered in the world.
 
"Oh, Louis. When I heard you sob in the church... well, never
had I heard you sob so much, so deeply as that. I didn't know
what to do. Oh, I have seen you weep many times but that sound...
that sound... I could scarcely bear to hear it. I thought it
would tear me apart -- that sound -- it so enraptured me and
pulled on my soul. I felt paralyzed. I had to leave... I'm so
very sorry..." he said as he wept.
 
"It's all right. I just couldn't seem to stop myself..."
 
"And then, by the river, when you wept again. Ohhh... how I
wanted to take you into my arms and hold you, tell you everything
is all right, that I loved you and everything was forgiven. But I
couldn't do it... I couldn't do it... I had to leave again. I had
to walk away from you and it hurt me so much to leave you like
that. I had to leave... I had to....."
 
"I know. I understand, my love. I know..."
 
"Oh, but Louis. Look at what I've done. I turned on David, you
know. Perhaps because of what I was feeling towards you. I was
angry, though I'm not sure why. I was terribly confused... And
then, here at the house... oh, I think I lost all feeling then. I
became this cold, calculating creature -- surely what a vampire
is supposed to be, right? Detached... with no inkling of any kind
of human emotion. For what is love, really, to a vampire..."
 
"No... you were not...detached. I thought you were merely still
angry with me." We held each other tightly for a while and rocked
gently on the bed comforting whatever wounds were brought to the
surface.
 
"You are so beautiful..." he said. "So very beautiful...my
sensuous lover..." he fell to kissing me deeply again and then
rolled me over so that I was now on top of him. "Take me, Louis.
I want to feel you inside me. Please..."
 
I was more than happy to comply and now I felt something wholly
different than before. I felt entwined with him more so than I
did when he entered me. I felt as if our flesh were one and that
connection could never be severed.
 
"Ohhhh..... Lestat... I had no idea..." I said as I felt myself
being pulled into him, engulfed by his soul with each thrust of
my hips. This is what he must have felt.
 
I noticed him now, writhing under me as I did with him, and knew
that he was being filled with the same light and warmth that had
poured into my body. How amazing that these two different
positions could bring about such an extraordinary array of
sensations.
 
"Oooh Lestat... ahh..... I... I... feel... oooooohhhhh....." and
then, after hours of this (yes, dear reader, these session go on
mercilessly for hours -- can you just imagine the pure pleasure
of such a length of time capturing you in such a rush of light
and love -- oh, but this is but one thing a mortal could never
withstand...) there it was -- that magic elixir filling him as he
had filled me. I felt as if my soul were pouring out of me so
lightheaded was I. I felt every breath of love I had for him pour
into him, warming him, feeding his soul. The feeling was so
overwhelming I collapsed on top of him. We fell to caressing each
other, kissing each other, whispering all those things lovers say
into each other's ears. Before long we were fast asleep until a
sound invaded our dreams and woke us up...
 
"Are the two of you EVER coming out of there? Hmmmm? Do I have to
break the door down? You know, you're making enough noise to wake
the dead..."
 
It was David knocking on the door. Lestat and I woke with a start
and sat up in the bed.
 
"Mon dieu... such great timing he has!" Lestat snarled.
 
"Actually, his timing IS good," I smiled. We laid back down on
the bed and laughed.
 
"What should we do, Louis? Should we let him in?"
 
"I suppose we'd better. I suppose we really do need to tell him
what has happened..."
 
"All right." Lestat did a mental twist and unlocked the door.
"Come right in, David!" he shouted.
 
The door opened and David stood there, in the hallway, staring at
us with quite an astonished look on his face at the sight of two
very naked vampires sprawled out on the bed. Lestat quickly
grabbed the quilt and covered the two of us sensing my immediate
embarrasment at such a scene. I looked at Lestat with the most
astonished look on my face, so much so that it made him wince and
stare back at me. How did he know how I felt...
 
"Well. I see the two of you made up! My goodness. Have I come at
a bad time?"
 
"No, no," I said. "Please, come in." I motioned to the chair by
the wall for him to sit.
 
He stepped inside slowly never taking his eyes off either of us
and sat in the chair. "Well! I must say, this is very amusing!
May I ask what went on here or is that too presumptuous on my
part?" He had been out to feed, we could smell the blood on him
and his face was deeply flushed. He was dressed quite casually
this evening -- a thick bone knit sweater and dark green wool
pants. "I smell something quite... different from the two of you...
your blood... it's different. What have you done?" he asked with eyes
wide and mouth agape.
 
"Oh, well..." Lestat began, occasionally looking at me for my
approval for him to tell our tale. "You know, David, I am a
rather lusty demon..." I snickered, in fact, I felt more giddy
than I had in years and thought I might, at any moment, explode
in a laughing fit. I think I had a smile permanently etched on my
face.
 
"So you are. So you are. Louis, you look quite radiant this
evening, might I add. In fact, you both do... you both look so...
human!"
 
"Ah, well, you see... ah..." Lestat began again. He looked at me
and I couldn't control myself any longer -- I broke out laughing,
silently at first, the mere shaking of my shoulders betraying me,
then out loud and quite whimsically. "Louis? Louis..." he said as
he began laughing as well. We fell on top of each other laughing,
rolling around in the bed and laughing until tears formed in our
eyes.
 
"Did I say something that amused you?" asked David, enthralled
with our behavior. "Maybe I should come back later? Hmmm?"
 
"No, no. Please stay," I managed to say. "We're sorry... it's
just so... so... well, things seem so different to us now. You
are quite beautiful yourself, you know!" I said. Lestat glared at
me for a moment, I at him, and we both burst out laughing again.
 
"Ah, thank you, I think. I wish I knew what was so funny then
maybe I could share the joke?"
 
"David, David, David," Lestat said as he rose out of the bed --
completely naked. He walked over to David and stood in front of
him. David had a very shocked look on his face over Lestat's
boldness but remained composed -- always the English gentleman.
 
"Look David," Lestat said, holding his organ in front of him. The
organ was still erect... "Look at it. It's incredible, isn't it?"
I began to laugh again. David was trying to suppress his own
laughter at Lestat's innocence.
 
"Yes, yes. I must say that is quite a lovely specimen of the
human penis!" he said smiling widely. I suddenly sat up and
wondered what Lestat meant to do next. Surely he wasn't going to
invite David into our bed. We were one now, weren't we -- he and
I.
 
"Human? Human? But I'm a vampire! You should've said 'that is
quite a lovely specimen of the vampire penis!'" Lestat broke out
laughing again, dancing around the room, and then jumping back
into the bed to hold me tightly. "Louis, you are the only one,
believe me. I had no intention of..." We stared at each other
again.
 
"How did you know what I was thinking," I asked with my arms
around him.
 
"Mon cher, I didn't know what you were thinking but I felt... I
felt something from you to the effect that... Oh... what is this
that has happened to us? I can feel everything you feel. Sense
it, know it. But I cannot read your mind. It's as if I can feel
it too."
 
"Yes. I seem to know your feelings as well. Part of the reason I
was laughing was because of the happiness that you felt. I could
feel your joy." We both fell back on the bed resting our heads
against the plumped up pillows and both of us facing David with
very wide eyes.
 
"Should I guess at what's happened?" he asked. "Did the two of
you... no, you couldn't have. A vampire can't do such a thing.
But did you...?"
 
"Yes, yes, yes!" Lestat shouted as he raised his hands in the air
in triumph. "Yes, David, we made love -- glorious love -- twice!"
he giggled a bit and then waited for a reply.
 
"Only twice? Lestat, you're loosing your touch!" he laughed.
 
"Huh? Oh... well, you wouldn't believe how exhausted we were
after each time and how long it lasted. My God... I could write
pages upon pages... our lovemaking went on for hours, David! We
would collapse, completely spent, and sleep like no sleep I'd
ever had even as a vampire! It's amazing!"
 
"Fascinating," David said. "Truly worthy of studying, I must say.
But how... how did this come about?"
 
"Who knows? We just, uh, did it," Lestat said.
 
"You were sucking on me pretty hard and then you bit me there. We
shared our blood. I think that had a lot to do
with it," I said looking at Lestat. When we looked at each other,
well, it was as if we could've easily fallen back into each
other's arms again and repeat the entire process. I felt this
within me and I felt it from him. We wanted each other again...
 
"Yes," Lestat said, looking at me. "And somehow it excited me as
well..." he leaned over and began kissing me.
 
"Oh, well, I believe I should be going now," David said.
 
"No, wait! Please. Louis and I will join you, shortly, in the
parlor and we'll explain all in every minute detail that we can
muster." I think I cleared my throat at Lestat's suggestion. He
turned and winked at me.
 
"Very well. I'll be eagerly awaiting your arrival," he said as he
bowed and stepped out of the room.
 
"I think I'm hungry," I said, rubbing my stomach. "I am hungry.
Lestat, I'm hungry!"
 
"Oh, well, we haven't fed in a couple of nights now, have we? You
know, I think I'm hungry as well but not for blood... I want
food."
 
"Mon dieu! What has happened?" I asked as I slowly stood up from
the bed and walked over to the closet door where behind it stood
a mirror. I opened the door and looked at myself completely, for
the first time, in over 200 years. "Lestat," I said, panting,
"come and look..." He stepped next to me and we both stared at
our new forms in the mirror. We were human, or seemed to be. Our
skin was the color of human skin, it was soft and pliable like
human skin, our eyes were the eyes of a human though our vision
did not seem to be overly effected. Our lips were red as human
lips and the final acknowledgment that a vast change had occurred
came when we bared our teeth and gazed upon the reflection that
there were no fangs to be found. Indeed, our teeth were those of
a human...
 
"My God, Louis. Look at us! I thought my eyes were deceiving me
when I looked at you, when I looked at myself. What are we now?
Oh, please don't tell me I'm human again! I couldn't bear to go
through all that again!"
 
"I don't know what's happened. Perhaps we are human, perhaps
we've gone beyond. I still feel many of the vampiric senses, I
feel I still have the strength, but other things..."
 
"The blood, Louis! The blood! I have no blood lust left in me. I
only feel this dispicable pang in my stomach! I hate it!"
 
"NO! No, mon cher, my love, my beautiful lover, do not say such
things. We have crossed over into something more profound, more
beautiful than taking the blood has ever given."
 
He turned and walked back to the bed, sitting down dejectedly. I
felt the pain within him, I felt the anxiousness and the fear
that filled him. I walked over to the bed and sat next to him
putting my arms around him to comfort him.
 
"Please, my love. This is something we both must enter into with
a child's curiosity."
 
"You would say all those things," he said quietly. "Oh, maybe
you're right, Louis. I know my thoughts are filled with you, the
lust runs deep in me and I want so much to take you in that bed
again," he said with a wink stroking my hair. "But... I'm
hungry!" he laughed, then, a boisterous laugh and we fell into
each other's embrace giggling and snickering until we decided to
test what had happened to us.
 
We forced ourselves to put our passions behind us so that we may
share our experience with David. Poor David. A fledgling vampire
eager to explore all the wonder and intricacies this so-called damned
life can give would be quite devastated once we explained it all to
him. But he would get over it quickly enough and find solace in our
company. We could easily protect him now, his sleeping place, his
secret, since we could also move by day and our blood was pure poison
to him. What a household we made!
 
Well, you know the rest, more or less, of the changes we
encountered, the fact that the sun could no longer burn us, that
we could live and breathe and eat and sleep and do all those
things humans do. But we also have many of the vampiric gifts and
I could tell you of all those times Lestat, always looking for a
new adventure, would come to me saying we could be superheroes,
like Superman, and ravage the world of all evildoers by day and
by night.
 
He tried to fly once, off the balcony from our bedroom
(he moved his things into my room...) and if it weren't for the
fountain below he'd have done himself some terrible damage. But
everything else remains the same to us -- our vision, our
strength -- and he can still hear the voices, hear thoughts, call
to others and do many of the things he took pride in doing
before. I have the same powers I had before, whatever they were
(as I never really explored them), but I am content to be as
human as possible and only use such powers when absolutely
necessary. I can still feel our immortality burning within us, the
fact that we'll never get sick or old or feel the pains most humans
feel. What a strange form to have transcended within and perhaps it
was there all along -- we only needed to discover it, the love, that
deep rooted sense of love that can inspire and heal any wound. It was
the pure essence of it that seeped its way into our hearts and
finally ravaged and exorcised the monster in our blood. And to think
-- it was there all along... what pain might we have avoided? But
without that pain how could we have ever founded each other?
 
We are connected, he and I. Completely. We feel each other,
empathize with each other, so deeply that even when he's off at
the store, shopping for some lavish meal (TV dinners amazed him
at first...), I can feel his astonishment at the multitude of
choices this modern century presents. Of course, we can tune each
other out as well and this connection we have with each other is
well under our control. But we feel this with no other and that,
dear reader, is how we know we can never part from each other
again, that even if we have eternity our love will prosper and
fill us with all the warmth and desire a human being could ever
stand.
 
We make love quite frequently, in all manner of ways, in all
manner of places (Lestat favors the whirlpool bath, I favor the
soft, fur rug in front of the fireplace). We have had no desire
to be with any other and we've, well, Lestat I should say, has
even spoken of marriage! "It is a thing done now in this new
century," he would say. And we saw it on an episode of Northern
Exposure when the two men that operated the bed and breakfast got
married.
 
He is still an imp, don't think for a moment that he's completely
changed! But then, of course, I wouldn't have loved him as much
as I do, would I?
 
			THE END
 
Thanks mightily with a great tip of the top hat to Pip in
Australia for all her wonderful editing tips! And to the Dark Angel for
the original inspiration!!