Xanatos Dreams

by Jaded Scorpio

Let us talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs....

Another bar in another rank little southern town. How many places had I been in the last twelve years? The accents were okay, but the constant heat and damp were just a torment. I guess you had to be born here or retired to stand it.

It was very late or very early, depending on how you looked at it, and I was making up my mind to enter that little rat hole. I was just delaying the inevitable event--going home and sleeping--for the next thing I would have to do is go back to work. The endless cycle of sleep and labor was draining my life from me, and there was no end in sight. The uselessness, the despair of it, was what kept me rocking on my heels in the alley across the street. I was wishing, hoping I could just go back to the mind-numbing haze I'd been in, where I didn't think about it, didn't know.

I felt a cold breath on the nape of my neck, and a tentacle wrapped around my chest and pulled me into the shadows.

I fell, something stabbing my neck hard. A body wrapped around me, and I thrashed blindly against limbs like rocks. That sicko is biting my neck!

I pounded on his head, my arms aching, going limp. I knew he was sucking the life out of me. Things were getting hazy, and the cold of the cement was seeping into me.

I'm dying...I knew it then. Never again. Never would I see the new-fallen snow, the sun set, the music of a woman keening as we make love, the phantom sounds of the opera.....

And then, I found myself slumped against the dumpster, panting. My attacker was still there, standing over me. "You bastard!" I spat.

Even in my loose state of mind, it seeped in that this was no man. Too hard, the flesh too gray, although it was rapidly becoming enlivened with color. With my blood!

My neck was still spurting with each surge of my heart, and I could see it darkening the stains on my shirt as it dribbled down my chest. It was very important that I stop this, that I reach up and press those wounds till they close, but I couldn't find the will to move my arm. But I did find my voice, "You bastard! You monster! Do you do this often, watch people die?"

Its eyes widened, and it stepped back as though I'd struck it. It might have been cute, if it hadn't been killing me. "I only meant to take a little."

"What? What are you," I managed to touch the marks now, "some kind of vampire?"

That was it, wasn't it? A vampire. Here, in front of me, in any alley littered with old newspapers and broken glass, was proof of the unnatural, something outside the narrow realms of science and suburbia. This supernatural...thing...had attacked me...and no one would ever really know what had happened to me would they? Ben would think I'd been on another bender, and just-given out. That's not true, bud, I wasn't even going to get drunk. He wouldn't know, just blunder innocently along, perhaps into the same arms that had taken me.

And with that came the horrifying thought, that this could be it. No soul to rise, no pretty afterlife, just all that was me fading into oblivion. But if such things as this could exist, what else might be? I had always laughed at those idiots who spent their Sundays in church, trying to scrub out the stains their sins left on their hands. Had I wasted all the time I could have made a way with God? Had I been the fool all along?

"So, it's all true, there's a God and a hell?"

He looked pensive, "I don't know. I expect there is."

I could barely raise my head. My voice came again, faint, "So why'd you stop?"

"I don't know..." he looked at something far off. His slim frame hung from broad shoulders, clad in dark clothing that could have belonged to any kid. It was obscene, this monster masking itself as one of us. "You were thinking about the opera...." he said softly.

"Ha! Yeah, I live across from an opera house, I hear it all the time. Never get me to watch that crap. But...it is nice to listen to."

I was getting hoarse, "Do you do this often, talk to your victims as they die? See what they have to say about you? How's my bloodsucking, call 1-800-UBITEME!"

He crossed his arms, almost defensively, and leaned against the far wall, with his long hair obscuring his face. "Usually they are in no condition to speak." He had an accent, or a different rhythm to his speech. Reminded me of those Merchant-Ivory films for some reason.

"So why am I different?"

"Why not?"

Something indefinable, exotic, about this creature. Under other circumstances I would be curious.

"I'm cold," I said, " I don't want to die here, in an alley with the rest of the trash. Come here. You owe me that much."

He sat down tentatively beside me, stretching out his legs before him. The vampire put an arm around my body, and pulled me till I rested against him, where I could feel the warmth that had been mine.

"I did...love...to hear them sing..." My finger absently stroked the exposed flesh of his arm. It was silky and glowed like fresh-cut alabaster. "I don't want to die."

His fingers trailed in my sable hair. "I'm sorry."

"I'm cold."

"I know."

"You don't know anything, you monster!" I desperately wanted to leap up, take that hunk of pipe over there and stab it through that black heart of his.

"I do know," he said quietly, "It happened to me too. Shhh, now."

"I'll be okay. Really, I just need to get my strength back. Then I'll kick your ass for biting me." I met his eyes, we both knew I was lying.

I reached up, my arm wobbling, and touched his face. His eyes were huge and dilated. I stroked his cheek, traced his nose, but when I tried to pull his lip back to see those terrible teeth, he caught my hand. That flippant part of me announced, "You know, you could be Marcus Schenkenberg and Brandon Lee's love-child."

"Huh?"

"Isn't there anything you could do? Any option?"

He shook his head, those fine hairs caressing my face.

"Make me a vampire!"

"What?"

" You were human once weren't you? You must know the trick!" My body was going limp.

"I cannot. Better that I kill you, than make you a murderer. I should drain you now, it would be kinder."

"If you won't do it, find someone who will." I clamped onto his arm with the last of my strength.

"No, no, no...."

"It's okay, I want it. Make me like you."

He jerked away, and paced angrily in front of me. "You're lonely, aren't you? Talking to a dying man, that's safe, I can't expose you.

But you'll be alone again in a few minutes, and it'll be all your fault. But it doesn't have to be. Let me come with you, in the night. Allow me to be the companion you need. I'll forgive you for killing me if you do this."

He grimaced, shaking his head. "Please...." I breathed.

He seemed to come to some sort of decision. "You will die, it's inevitable now. But...there is a choice how." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "God forgive me."

He opened a switchblade, turning it in his hand for a long moment. Then he gashed his neck, and pulled my head to his throat. I tasted the blood, and it was light and love and everything I ever wanted. My heart ached with desire, dead limbs came to life and snarled around him.

But he was not just the monster anymore, he was there in the blood, a huge, aching soul. A soul that let me penetrate into the starved light of his being. He was desperate, lonely, and I wound him in my warmth and whispered that it wouldn't be that way anymore.

He broke contact, throwing himself to the side. "That's enough," he hissed.

And I stood up, feeling more alive than I've ever felt. Every cell of my body was tingling. Everything I saw was slightly off, as if I had been shifted to some alternate reality. The dumpster pulsed with it's own light. If I looked close, I could see the iron oxidizing in miniscule increments, rust spreading like a disease.

There was a little bit of moss growing in the mortar between the bricks, and I had to pet it with a finger. I felt the rough façade of the building, and watched the wind catch a Taco Bell wrapper and bounce it against my knee. So surreal, so wondrous, I had to share it with someone. Would Ben understand? Could Stacy appreciate this? Who.....

And then I remembered the vampire. He was lying on his side on the cement, breathing heavily. So ecstatic was I, I practically bounded up to him. He raised his head, as if it were a great weight, and fixed sad eyes on me.

I was happy, and I wanted him to be happy too. And even though I was still a little bit frightened of him, I called out, "Hey you, there you are!" I clasped his hand and pulled that rag body up, "Come on, get up. We have things to see. Whoa, you're like jello. Stand up now." I almost picked him up, but his hands gripped mine and forced us apart. He wobbled a bit, and steadied himself with my shoulder.

"Are you hurt?"

"No, just...a little stunned."

"Okay," I was uncertain, but was distracted by the amber globe of the streetlight.

"No," came his velvet voice, and he gently raised my chin up till I saw the stars.

"Oh!" That was about as articulate a reply as I could manage. The heavens were clustered with millions of dots of blue-white fire. Each one pulsed with its own rhythm as they radiated, in a dance that had taken place many million years ago.

"You know that you can see back in time when you look at the stars?"

The vampire was watching me with more intensity than I had studied the stars. It was unnerving how this thing could stand so still it could have been made of stone. Hard to believe he had ever been human. And now I had become just like him, for what I knew of it. All my knowledge of us was from myths and late-night movies. Did he expect to be my master now? Did I care?

Suddenly he leaned forward and kissed me hard on the mouth. My hands clawed across the wiry muscles of his shoulders, and his were smoothing everywhere across me. His hard tongue thrust savagely into every crevice of my mouth, and when he pulled away, a string of bloody saliva stretched between our lips.

He was alien, fay, magnetic, with that pearl-white flesh and abyssal mane. My elder was once again regarding me with an unreadable expression. The dull horror of it was that his visage was a young man frozen in ice. I could see it happening to me, in my arms, my fingernails. But I would never look like that. Everything about him was beyond the normal concept of beauty, from his curvaceous mouth, cheekbones goths would kill for, to those alluring feline eyes. I reached out and gently framed his head with my hands. "I can't imagine an angel being more stunning."

He brushed me away brusquely, "We're not angels."

"Fine." I shrugged, "Where do we go from here?"

The vampire motioned for me to follow, and was away on cat's feet before I could even form an answer. I found that I could move so fast that the few occupants of the street didn't even turn. He halted somewhere outside the city, under a windbreak of twisted pines. I was about to comment on their fragrance, when my mortality started to give out.

My knees buckled, and the ground came up and hit me. He was beside me, talking softly. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but hung on to the lifeline of his gentle tones.

There was the sensation of being lifted, and the wind bit me for a moment before he was speaking again, rubbing my arms. We were now beside a lake, that mirrored the starlight sky. But I knew only the pain, and each breath of air was unbearable. His fingers unbuttoned my shirt, and slid off my pants, as I shook on the ground. The reason for this became quickly obvious, and I turned crimson with self-loathing.

I parted my sweat-soaked hair to see him gracefully shrug out of his own clothes. He pulled me into the water with him. I couldn't stand, and could barely unclench my hands to cling to him.

"Don't fear. You can't drown, and I will not let go."

My body was relaxing now, but I was still itching and tingling all over. The combination of the cool water and his cool skin made me feel feverish. His eyes were the same dark green as the trees, and watched me with concern. He pressed his cheek against mine.

"I'm better now...I think." He scooped up handfuls of water, trickling them over my shoulders and arms. Wrapping an arm around my back to support me, he gently began to bathe me.

He lifted my hand and rubbed the grime from my fingers. I curled my hand around his and kissed his knuckles. Nodding to him, we dunked under the water. I clawed through my hair to get rid off the sweat and dust.

The pressure and sense of weightlessness was almost enough to lull me to sleep. And I could have spent all night watching the refracted light dance on the surface. Fortunately, he'd never let go of my wrist, and tugged me back up.

The weight of the water had straightened his hair, and slicked it against his nipples. I couldn't resist, I had to bend down and nuzzle them. I swept the hair back from his right one and sucked hard on it. He grabbed my head as I nursed. I sought his mouth, and our tongues wrestled and twisted around each other, while we ground together skin to skin.

He pulled away and savagely jerked my head back by the hair. I whimpered as his teeth sank into my throat again.

The vampire checked suddenly, galvanizing against me, and released my artery. His hands stroked my face soothingly as he lapped at the blood dripping down my neck. I squeezed his ripe ass, and ran my hands up his jutting hips and ribs.

He nipped my earlobe and hissed low, "Not here."

I was frantic for him. "Then where?"

He snarled and bit my nipple. His mouth was bloody when he slithered back up to lap at my lips. "Anywhere...safe. Don't you have a place?"

His eyes burned coldly, holding more illumination than the crescent moon, and he waited for me to find an answer. My place? My apartment? I never wanted to go back there again. I never wanted to see that part of me I'd left behind. I wanted to run with him in the night, to discover the mysteries and secrets withheld from mortal eyes, and all the things the blood had whispered to me.

But there must be man in me yet, for I found myself dashing to my apartment with him as fast as I could. He stopped in front of the old opera house. His expression was so innocent and childlike at that moment I suddenly felt like slapping him. Something twisted in me. Monster! If you hadn't decided to kill me I could be...be... What...eating buffalo wings? Getting pasted?

Dude, my life sucked. There was nothing interesting about me at all. This is my one chance to be extraordinary. Not like there's any turning back now.

He was giving me that doe-eyed hurt look again. Had he just heard all of that? Could he read my mind? He had sensed something. I looked down at my feet guiltily.

He had murdered me, but how many cows had I eaten at McDonald's? I couldn't even stand to miss lunch. He was a predator, unnatural maybe, or something so out of our realm of understanding that we attributed phantasmal properties to it. Should I blame a force of nature? Well hell, people did that all the time. Didn't mean that they moved away from rivers that flood or hurricane-prone coasts. Not that that makes much sense. I think I'm in love with him.

His hand brushed my shoulder, questioningly, and it sent a bolt of electricity through me. I remembered why we were here.

"Don't be sad." I brushed his cheek with the back of my hand. If he was sad I would collapse now. And I was thinking if we weren't in the middle of the street I would attack those luscious lips again. But I could wait, until I'd gotten him up those stairs.

I always hated going up those slick wooden steps. You could see between the boards right to the ground two stories down. They always terrified me. This time I hardly even noticed them.

I dead-bolted the door and faced him. He was breathing heavily, glaring with laser intensity at my body. I flung myself at him, and together, we stumbled against the coffee table and landed more or less on the couch.

We twined together, gently kissing and discovering each other. I rolled on top, straddling his hips, and pulled my damp sweatshirt over my head. He pulled me down over his head, and scraped his teeth across my nipples. I hissed, and he broke away to trace my collarbone with his tongue. I slithered down and sucked at his clothed crotch. "Let me fuck you."

He chuckled and wrapped his legs around my waist, and look up at me bemused, with his tongue between his teeth. "You want me to rut with you like a mortal?" He was still the superior, even if he was lying beneath me on his back.

" More than anything. Please..."

"You beg a lot. You think that look with work with me?"

I was stroking his crotch through his rough jeans, and the exposed belly where his shirt had ridden up. His flesh was moonlight against my coffee hide. "It already has." Some pain flashed briefly across his face, and he turned away. "You will enjoy it," I promised.

He pulled me down, and breathed into my ear as his heel pressed into my butt, "I had better enjoy it." I shuddered and nodded.

I rolled off the couch. "Where are you going?" Ha! Now I had him baffled.

"I need something." I searched through my record cabinet. Damn, not there. He rolled onto his stomach enticingly, and rested his head on the armrest, looking like a pinup from a porn magazine.

I ran into the kitchen and his sultry voice followed me. "Really? I was under the impression that it came attached."

I tripped over an old pair of running shoes. "Something else." I checked the fridge just out of curiosity. The odor of food was so revolting that I gagged and slammed the door quick. Damn, now I'd never eat the last of that fudge.

I found the little tube of lubricant in the kitchen drawer. Why the hell it was there, I don't know. I was starting to wonder what had gone on in that booze-soaked episode. Most of those stains didn't come with that couch either. Ah, the college life. Some of us never quite outgrow it.

He looked like he was almost asleep. His eyes were weary when they opened, and I brushed my thumbs across the lids. Kneeling down beside him, I began to massage his back. "Mmm..." he purred, leaning into my hands.

He straightened up, lording over me. The black cables holding the sweater together seemed alien to me. Something seemed wrong. He was too white, too hard, too inhuman. "Are you really here? Am I?" He placed a placating kiss on my forehead.

He tossed off his shirt and unbuttoned his jeans. Since it was on eye level, I couldn't resist pulling down his zipper with my teeth. I peeled the fabric off his lean hips, and he rolled onto his side for a moment so I could pull them off completely.

I spread my fingers worshipfully across the powerful muscles of his chest. The vampire leaned down and sucked on my Adam's apple briefly, before burying his face in my chest hair. He nuzzled against me, sinking lower, until he popped off my jeans button with a sharp nip. He slid them down my thighs.

I pushed him back onto the couch before he fell off, and climbed up naked behind him. He moaned when I gripped his hips and pressed my cock between his legs. His head lolled on my chest when I began to stroke that monster between his legs.

I pushed him down, and picked up the gel from the floor. He watched me warm it between my hands. "Let's see if I can make you squeal." I announced, and thrust a greasy finger into him. He snarled and slapped my thigh.

I guided him back onto his knees, and he rested his chest against the arm. I lubed myself quickly before turning my attention back to his cock. I worked him hard as I pumped a pair of fingers in his ass. "Quit playing around and fuck me!" he growled finally.

I guided myself into him and found that unmistakable rhythm. He was rocking back against me, and we were both snarling and grunting with animal pleasure. Finally, I couldn't hold back anymore, and exploded into his tight little ass.

We both panted for a minute, and after my cock quit twitching, I pulled out and collapsed on top of him.

I must have dozed off, for I awoke on my bed tangled with him. I felt him move, and then his weight settled on top of me. I opened my eyes to find myself staring down his cock. "My turn," he said, brushing the head against my lips. I licked it, and he had to grab the headboard for support. It groaned dangerously as I sucked, licked, and milked that monster cock for all I was worth. He moaned and came in my mouth, then settled down next to me again. We were both slick with sweat again, and I idly ran my hand over his taut butt as we rested.

It was good, hell, it had been mind-blowing, but I still didn't feel quite satisfied. And the smell of our sweat was making me restless. There was something I needed to do, but I couldn't understand what it was.

He sat back on his haunches, tossing his hair out of his face. "And here I came up here to show you how vampires have sex."

"What?"

He laughed, baring his fangs, which sent a pang of arousal so hard through me I jerked upright. This disturbed me somehow, a few hours ago I would have been frightened by the very same motion.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. He pounced on me, and pressed his mouth against my neck.

"We love with the blood. Didn't you know?" He ground his entire body against me, and I was helpless to do anything except put a hand around his neck to pull him closer. With aching slowness, he punctured my jugular, and fastened his mouth onto me.

Terrified, I tried to pull him off, but found myself numbing with a spiraling ecstasy. "Oh, God!" I managed to say, before the dreams surged over me and I lost myself.

He raised his head, breaking the connection. "Do you see?" My vampire pulled me upright, so we were chest to chest. I was shivering.

"More," I mouthed.

He pulled his hair back and bared his neck. "You?" I stuttered dumbly. He nodded.

I felt my teeth. They were at most only slightly sharper than a human's. But he understood. "You're just a newborn," he teased, encircling me with his arms. He pulled me closer. "You'll have to tear me. We could get a knife, but you have to learn this. It'll be practice."

I ignored that last part. "Won't that hurt you?" He pulled me towards him in answer, but I noticed his other hand was clenching the comforter.

"Your instinct will tell you what to do."

It took me several tries, and I heard him whimper, but before I could draw away and refuse to hurt him anymore, blood began to fountain into my mouth. It was the singular experience, transference of life. I was barely aware of him pulling my hand up, and sinking his teeth into my wrist.

Suddenly we were one being, whirling through a circuit between our bodies. Moaning, we sank down into the bed, pulling and bleeding and sobbing with passion.

When I thought I would die from it, I pulled away. He snuggled up behind me. "Love you," I whispered, and he held me tighter.

Later, I awoke to find him shaking me. "The sun is rising! We have to find a place to hide."

We agreed that my storage space beneath the building was our best bet, and he rolled up the bed linens as I searched out clothes. I convinced him into a polar-fleece shirt and my cargo pants, arguing that his clothes were wet still. Besides, I was loved the feel of that shirt. I grabbed the rust sweat suit I slept in on cold nights. I was shivering now. He told me we'd fix that tomorrow. I didn't quite understand, but then everything was getting fuzzy.

My vampire pulled me downstairs, and I followed blindly, finding the way more with intuition than my guidance. Locked in, he spread the blankets on the ground and curled around me. I rested my head on his chest, and as everything faded all I could hear was our hearts beating in synch.

I woke slowly, pressing my face against the soft material of his shirt, seeking warmth that wasn't there. His hand stroked my hair. "Evening..." he whispered.

"What now?"

"We go out." I heard him adjusting his clothing, and after a moment he asked, "Are you sure you don't have anything better to wear?"

"You look pretty damn good in skin." It was pitch black, but I was sure he had crossed his arms over his chest disapprovingly.

It took me a while to dress simply because I could not stop watching him. I was dreaming of him slithering into something tight and leather, but he obstinately retrieved his own clothes from the floor.

Once outside, we ran wildly, chasing and racing each other. We ended up in the suburbs. It took forever to walk that block, because I kept running into yards to touch flowers, peek in windows, and race through automated sprinklers.

When he pulled me back to the sidewalk grumbling for the umpteenth time, I was laughing so hard I could hardly stand. "You're just mad cause you got wet and I didn't."

"That's not it-"

"Yes it is."

"Yes, then, I'm wet and its cold." This time I really did fall. "You're missing the point. You have to be careful. Stop laughing, someone might hear you."

"I can't! Sweet mother, look at that!" I bolted before he could stop me. I hoisted my treasure above my head and whooped.

"What is that?" He looked rather revolted, and pulled me down below the level of the windows.

"It's a garden gnome!"

"Uh-huh."

"Look," I bounded into the next yard with it. "Did you ever see that commercial where the kids take the gnome all over town, taking pictures of it? Then they leave the photos on the guy's doorstep? You know?"

"No." He was laughing now.

"Let's do that! No, we'll hold him up in some kid's window, scare the hell out of him!" I began to 'walk' it along a windowsill, crouching below it.

He pulled it away from me and returned him to his yard. I moved to lean on the windowsill, but my elbow passed right through it and I flopped down on the grass.

"What happened?"

"I dunno.... I must have slipped."

"Are you hungry?" he said very softly.

"Very." He looked so pinched and drawn, he must be ravenous after giving me all that blood last night.

We hid in the park, between some cedars. I felt so empty I wanted to scream. I was on the verge of throwing myself on my companion.

Some teenage kid wandered our way, and we nodded to other. He snared him from behind, and bit into his wrist before offering it to me. I locked onto it, only knowing the blood, not the struggling being beneath me. I was vaguely conscious of him taking the other hand.

I drank and drank but never seemed to get filled. The heart lurched, and mine staggered. I pushed myself away, falling onto my back. The world swam before me.

"What's wrong? What's happening?" I cried.

The vampire took me into his arms. "What is it?"

I thrashed, trying to find him but feeling nothing. "My heart, it's slowing...." The cedars were dissolving into white and swirling around me.

He brushed my hair back. "Hold on."

"Things are fading. Hold me tight, don't let me slip away." I clawed into the ground, but it wasn't there anymore, and I was trying to find him, and then the white surged up over me.

The vampire eased the body to the ground in the alley. "At least this one didn't suffer. I wonder what he was dreaming about." He'd caught flashes of a couch and something about a garden gnome. He reached out with a long, white hand and closed the eyes.