Carneval in Venice! The sinister atmosphere of that beautiful town has always fascinated me. And when I think of "Death in Venice" a beautiful vampire with the face of an angel and a heart full of darkness comes to my mind. But what if you came to meet him there - ah, what then?


Spoilers: no spoilers so far

Disclaimer: This is a piece of non-profit fan fiction and is not meant to infringe on the copyright of MATER or her publishers.

Rating: R



A journey into darkness



"But let me be a lover in the Savage Garden with you, and the light that went out of life would come back in a great burst of glory. Out of mortal flesh I would pass into eternity. I would be one of you".

The Queen of the Damned



My friend Chiara had written to me and invited me to spend the Carneval with her at Venice. I could stay with her at her aunt's old palazzo not far away from the famous Canale Grande. We could have a wonderful time there. There would be a lot of friends, parties, splendid balls. And did you ever see the magnificent masks and breathtaking fancy dresses displayed in the streets during the ten days of Carneval?

Oh, that sounded too wonderful! I was more than ready to accept the invitation. Did she think I could bring along my new boyfriend? Tyler and I had been together then since about three months and still could not keep our hands off each other.

I had fallen in love with Tyler the moment I saw him. Eyes like the sky on a spring morning under a mop of unruly blond hair. And his laughter, his warm irresistible laughter! I wanted him so much to share this trip with me.

"You want to bring along your boyfriend? No problem", Chiara wrote back. "The palazzo has plenty of rooms and you will not be the only guests. So all you have to do is come!"

How I wish I had not accepted this invitation …

After a plan crash you sometimes hear those stories about people who had a sense of foreboding, who for apparently no reason decided to cancel the flight thus escaping the catastrophe. Why didn' t I have those presentments when I first laid eyes on "La Serenissima"?

Instead I felt an overwhelming happiness when we were approaching Venice from the sea in a so-called vaporetto. It was a very cold but sunny winter's day. I could feel the spray of sea water on my face and it almost took my breath away when the beautiful silhouette of the town emerged from the mist of the lagoon in the light of the late afternoon. Tyler was embracing me from behind, kissing my neck and whispering silly words in my ear.

And then our arrival at the palazzo! We had changed from the vaporetto to an old-fashioned gondola. These traditional boats are no longer a common means of transportation in Venice, but for tourists like us simply a must. We were wrapped up in warm plaids, our luggage was neatly piled up behind us in the back of the boot. Ooh, this was so romantic! On our way we were passing a number of magnificent palazzos, some apparently no longer inhabited, with decaying grey facades, some still intact with wonderfully decorated walls, big flags with all sorts of ancient heraldry hanging down from the large windows. It was just a dream!

Tyler had started kissing me passionately. Under the covers his hands were all over my body. "Hey, stop it," I struggled for breath, "what will people think of us?" "Ah, fare la amore…,"Tyler grinned. "In these surroundings I can think of nothing else!" and started to open first my coat and then my blouse. "You're incorrigible, " I laughed and gave in to his kisses.

"Signori, we are here," the gondoliere finally interrupted us. Thank God the ride didn't take longer or I don't know what would have happened in that boat! Tyler and the gondoliere started unloading the luggage which enabled me to fix my clothes just in time when Chiara opened the main door of the palazzo. "Bienvenuti - welcome!" she said with a warm smile and opened her arms to embrace us.

"Oh Chiara, it's wonderful to see you again! And this is - Tyler, "I said still a little breathless from what had happened in the boat.

"I am so glad that you could make it! My friends will be so happy to see you. But you still have time to make yourselves comfortable. Your rooms are already waiting for you. We meet the others in about an hour in a nearby restaurant, is that fine for you?"

Time passed by quickly and it was already well after sunset when we left the palazzo - this time not from the waterside - but through narrow alleys and over little bridges with intricate wrought-iron railings. Suddenly, I realized that I had forgotten my handbag. "No discussions. I have to get it. Please, do not wait for me. I'll get it quickly. If you describe the rest of the way to me I can join you in a few minutes!"

I had always thought I had a good sense of orientation, but as soon as I had recovered my handbag from the palazzo I became lost in that labyrinth of old crumbling buildings, dark passages and convoluted alleyways. I had been so sure I would easily find the way back and now this!

I was almost dark now. Only here and there a few street lamps shed little light in the dim passages. Fog was slowly rising from the canals. Apparently, I had chosen the completely wrong direction as the sidewalks and bridges in this part of the town were almost deserted. "Now, don't panic, I said to myself. I rested against a cold dark wall, trying to figure out what to do next. "If I could only get back to a larger square I would certainly find my way back or at least come across some people I might ask…"

In this moment I heard a muffled sigh nearby. I was startled, I tried to recede even further into the shadows hoping that nobody would catch sight of me. "Now, what is this?" I wondered peering around the next corner whether it was possible to escape in that direction. But that turned out to be a blind alley and all of a sudden I saw there were two men, young men obviously, one of them with beautiful dark curls falling down on his shoulders, engaged in a most passionate embrace.

"Run," I thought, "run quickly! Don't look now"!

But I somehow I could not move nor could I take my eyes away from these two. Never before had I seen two men kissing each other in this way. I found it - disturbing, yes, but also strangely enticing.

In the shadows I saw the man with the beautiful mane lift a graceful white hand to open the other man's coat, affectionately his fingers caressed his lover's neck. The other man started moaning softly.

I gasped and in this moment the first man turned around and stared in my direction. I was petrified because I was sure - that despite the foggy darkness in these narrow streets - he could see me. Gleaming eyes were staring at me from the shadows - his handsome face was distorted in an expression of menace and anger - maybe he hissed a threat at me. I don't know - all this was only a matter of seconds.

All of sudden I became aware that of the danger I was in and this gave me the strength to do the only thing I could do: run! And head over heals I stumbled into the darkness, hurried through narrow corridors and over countless small overpasses, not looking back, not paying attention where I went. I only wanted to leave this strange encounter behind me.

But what had I seen? What had been so terrible after all? That I had watched two men kissing each other? No, it was the face of the one man I could not forget! That dreadful expression of threat and resentment, those terrible iridescent eyes!

I was so lost in my thoughts that I directly hit upon to a man. "Scusi, " I mumbled and wanted to move on, but he held me close: "What has happened to you Linn? Where have you been? We were looking for you all the time!"

I looked up - confused. Finally, I realized that I had run into Tyler. "Thank God, that you've found me! I've lost my way completely!"

"My, my, one can't leave you alone for a minute!, he exclaimed with feigned despair, but I could feel that he was relieved, too. "The restaurant's just around the corner. We were already getting worried as you didn't show up …"

"Oh, I'm so glad that I have stumbled into you! This town is a labyrinth I can tell you!"

Tyler put his arm around me,, "Now, come on. Don't worry any longer! Let me tell you all about the ball tomorrow evening! Chiara has already organized beautiful dresses for us …"

He was talking on and on and I was so glad to hear his voice. With him I felt safe as if nothing could happen to me. Oh, how naïve had I been!

As this was only the beginning …


Part 2

There was a big hello when Tyler and I finally entered the elegant restaurant where Chiara and her friends had gathered. I felt I deserved their ironic remarks. Like a little girl had I acted - so unbelievably stupid! In the end, NOTHING had happened!

And so I tried to get myself together which turned out not to be so difficult, after all. The food was tasty, the wine delicious. And Chiara and her companions did their best to entertain us, explaining how the traditional Carneval had been revived about 20 years ago, enacting funny episodes from the fancy dress parties and giving vivid descriptions of the dresses they would be wearing this year. And more than one toast was brought out to "the lost girl" who had been finally saved by her "brave knight".

I found myself laughing again and was happy to have Tyler at my side and be in the company of these friendly and charming people. And when Chiara was making suggestions what we could do on the next day, which places we should see I was filled with anticipation.

However, there was an eerie instant when we were about to leave the restaurant.

Just as Tyler had gone to get my coat I believed for a second that outside on the street there had been that man again, that man with the beautiful auburn curls. "No, that's not possible! You're getting tired already", I told myself, "and start seeing ghosts!"

"What is it?" Tyler asked. "You have that strange look on your face again."

"Oh it's nothing," I replied. "It has been a long day and I feel a little tired. Tomorrow will be exiting as well. I want to see as much of this town as I can - by daylight, you understand? But now I think we should get some sleep!"

"Yeah, that's a brilliant idea," Tyler answered cheerfully." Let's have a closer look at that beautiful large bed in the palazzo which has been given to us …"

***

Late at night I woke up in that "beautiful large bed" only to find it empty. And immediately I felt that stitch in my chest again. That inexplicable feeling of being threatened by an invisible enemy hiding somewhere out there …

"Now, stop it!" I instructed myself. "I am only imagining things … I am working myself into something…"

Desperately I tried to calm down. In the darkness I scanned the large room with the high ceiling for traces from Tyler. "Was there a light coming from the bathroom? No, apparently, not. The minutes crept by ever so slowly and I felt my nervousness increasing with each heartbeat.

"That's enough!" I said to myself, got out of the bed quickly and wrapped myself in a thick wool sweater. "Even if he thinks I am complete idiot I have to find out where he is!"

On tiptoes I left our room, closing the door silently behind me. After the fuss I had created the evening before the last thing I wanted was to wake up our hosts. Therefore, I decided not to switch on the lights. I would find my way along the corridors even in this dusk.

Without a sound I stepped down the majestic flight of stairs leading down to the large entrance hall. All peace and quiet. Nobody there - as was to be expected. But what about the second floor? Didn't Chiara mention a small picture gallery with some exquisite works her family had acquired over the centuries? Being an expert on Renaissance and Baroque Art Tyler had taken quite an interest in that. Maybe he had wanted to see those pictures? But couldn't that have waited until tomorrow?

I hurried up the stairway again, almost stumbling as I took two stairs at a time. My heart had started pounding frantically as if I feared what I might discover next.

When I finally arrived at the second floor I found that at the end of the long corridor a door had been left open. I headed for that wooden folding door but abruptly I stopped in my tracks at the sight I encountered there.

Yes, that intimate cabinet seemed to accommodate the picture gallery Chiara had described. A dim candle was burning on one of the small tables. And - there was Tyler!

He must have fallen as he was seated on the floor with his head resting on one of the antique chairs behind him. His robe was opened wide. The t-shirt he wore above his pyjama trousers had obviously been ripped open, too, exposing his neck and his collarbone.

In an instant I rushed at his side. "Oh my god, what has happened to you?"

He didn't answer me. He sat there in a trance-like state, breathing faintly, his hair more tousled than ever, his eyes fixed on a point somewhere above me.

"Tyler, what is it? Don't you recognize me?" I exclaimed gathering him in my arms. He was shivering slightly. "Are you cold?" Of course, he must be freezing. The room was hardly heated and who knows how long he had been sitting there in this state.

When I touched him something seemed to stir in him. "Ah, it's you, "he whispered hoarsely struggling to concentrate his glance on my face.

"Yes darling, whom did you expect?" I held him tight closing his robe and wrapping a blanket I had found around him so that he would get warm again.

"Linn, there was - this boy" he muttered.

"A boy?, " I replied clumsily that sharp pain constricting my chest again.

"Yeah, I woke up to someone touching my face, caressing my hair. I thought it was you, of course. But when I opened my eyes I saw this beautiful young man, not older than maybe 17, 18 years. He was sitting on the bed close to me. He smiled. And he whispered in a soft voice: "Come. I want to show you something."

"I did not ask myself who he was, how he came to be in our room of all places. I just followed him. It was as if I was -drawn to him. He led me to this room and gave me some sort of explanations on the paintings there. Though I can't remember what he said."

"I only remember that …, Tyler's face flushed. He looked into my eyes and took a deep breath before he continued. "At one moment he took my face in both his hands and he kissed me on the mouth fully. "You are far more beautiful than these pictures", he whispered in my ear and I felt as if the ground was opening below me and I was falling, falling into a deep pit without end."

He sighed. "I, I don't know whether I should tell you this as well …"

"Tyler, I love you," I murmured. "There is nothing in the world you could not tell me!"

"He opened my robe and he began - to caress me and touch me where no man has ever touched me before. He had me completely under his control. There was nothing I could have denied him. And when I was on the brink of coming, he kissed my neck and I felt a sharp pain there but at the same time … "he broke off, and I could see there were tears in his eyes. "Linn, I am so ashamed to tell you this, but I can't describe the ecstasy I felt, the rapture …"

Incoherent thoughts were whirling in my head. It was like in a nightmare - you struggle and struggle so hard to wake up from it, but you can't…

I broke down: "It's all my fault, I cried. "That boy, how did he look? Long auburn hair, gleaming brown eyes? Like a cupid from a picture by Caravaggio?"

"Yes, how do you know?"

Under tears I described what I had seen the evening before. I had believed that I my imagination had played tricks upon me, that this event would be of no further significance. "I even thought that for an instant I had seen him again when we were about to leave the restaurant. But then again I believed I had only imagined this. He must have followed us to this house!"

"But even then, there is no excuse for what I did," Tyler muttered with a broken voice. "I can't explain … I never meant to ...to cheat you like this! It's you that I love!"

I could see that he was as desperate and confused as I. How could I not have forgiven him when I saw the sadness in his eyes?

I believed him.

"And I love you, "I replied and kissed him tenderly: "But it's no good staying here any longer. You will get a cold."

I took up the candle, helped him to get up and holding each other tight we went back. Got in that large bed and huddled under the thick covers as if we could hide there, as if were safe then.

And clinging to each other desperately like children lost at night in a dark big forest we fell into a deep unfathomable sleep.


Part 3


I must have been well after noon when I finally awoke. The sun was peering through the window shutters. I pushed the shutters open and looking out over the water I was dazzled again by the beauty of the city that spread before me. "It's so wonderful," I thought, "if only … "

I turned around and looked at Tyler who was still soundly asleep. My heart was filled with tenderness when I gazed at his sleeping form. He had seemed so confused, so helpless when I had found him. I still couldn't believe … In the light of the day everything that had happened last night seemed so absurd, so unreal.

Couldn't we have imagined everything? How I wished that this could be true, really. It was so painful to ponder about those strange events. And the idea of someone stalking us, of following us to this very room was positively terrifying.

But should we mention "that" to our kind hosts? Would Chiara and her aunt believe us at all?

There was a faint knocking at the door rousing me abruptly from my reflections.

I opened the door and there was my Italian friend with a breakfast tray in her hands. "Good morning or better buon giorno, my dear! It's already well after lunch!"

"Hello Chiara, we were really tired …"

"But that's no problem! I thought you might need the sleep. The churches and museums can wait another day for you. All you really have to do today is prepare yourselves for the ball at my friend Carlo's house."

"Carlo? We haven't met him yesterday, or did we?"

"No, no, but you will tonight. His family owns a magnificent villa on one of the islands in the lagoon. We will be going there by gondola. You will like that I'm sure. But we can talk about it later. Now enjoy the cappuccino while it's still hot and wake up that sleepy guy in your bed!"


***

Moonlight on the water, torches gleaming in the night, the sound of water lapping at the boat, hushed voices full of anticipation, subdued laughter, the rustling of silk dresses.

Our ride to the island was almost a magical experience. All of us were beautifully dressed as Venetian ladies and courtiers of the 18th century. The men wearing large hats with feathers, the ladies pearls and jewellery on their elaborate hair coiffures. How I loved these wonderful dresses made of precious fabrics adorned with laces and ribbons, the wonderful thick velvet capes and the elegant white masks which covered our faces.

I was enjoying this immensely although as soon as the darkness had enveloped us I was beginning to feel a little uneasy again. Tyler had been somehow quiet during the whole day. He said he felt ill. Maybe he would be getting a cold and preferred to sleep off the whole afternoon as well.

I had not dared to mention the incidents of last night again and I was so relieved when he seemed to have recovered in the evening. Of course, he would not want to miss the ball, he said. "And naturally, a beautiful lady like you should not go unaccompanied to that festivity. Will you let me be your cavalier?" he sighed dramatically. "Even - if I failed last night? " His smile seemed a little miserable, his eyes questioning.

"Oh chivalrous nobleman, you have my unconditional love forever," I whispered and kissed him. And I meant it, really.

***

Finally, we reached the little island in the lagoon. Torches were lit everywhere on the seaside entrance of the park. Quite a number of people were already gathered there moving up to the villa, others were just leaving their boots.

That's how it must have been in the old days, I thought and smiled. Tyler smilded back and offered me his arm to lead me up the stairs to the big wooden entrance gate which was opened wide.

There was laughter and music in the entrance hall. Fantastically masqueraded people everywhere: courtiers in fawn brocade, plague doctors with black capes and white masks with a long nose, elegant ladies with powdered faces wearing high white wigs, satyrs, graceful courtesans adorned with pearls and the numerous impersonations of the well-known characters from the Commedia dell' Arte. This marvellous spectacle left me breathless.

We moved up the grand stairway leading to the large ball room on the first floor. There, a small orchestra was playing Baroque music and people were dancing. under huge antique chandeliers. Our Italian friends were greeted everywhere and we were introduced to countless people. But I could hardly follow their conversation. I didn't know where to look first.

"Just stay here, Tyler said. "I'll leave our capes in the cloak room over there and get us some champagne". He disappeared in a crowd of people which left me now to study the wonderful illustrations on the high ceiling. Painted columns and balustrades could be found there from which Venetian aristocrats were looking down on us.

I was so absorbed in these refined paintings that I didn't notice at first that someone had spoken to me.

"Will you dance with me?" I turned round and there was a slender young man, not much taller than myself, beautifully dressed in silk and laces. The upper part of his face was covered with a black mask. He smiled.

He bowed and took off his hat.

Long auburn curls were falling down on his shoulders.

I gasped.

"Forgive me if I have frightened you, "he said in a soft voice. "This has never been my intention. "Now, will you come?"

And not waiting for my reply he put his arm around me, took my right hand in his and started to waltz me around the crowded dance floor.

My heart was pounding violently, I wanted to disengage from his embrace but he held me tight.

"So why are you so afraid, cara mia?" He asked as if he was speaking to child, as if saying: "Look at me how could I ever harm you?"

The room was twisting around me: faces, dresses, laughter, voices - all was dissolving into a haze of sounds and colours.

But I had only eyes for him.

Now I could understand why Tyler had not been able to resist this stunning creature. Look at these dark brown eyes which seemed to be lightened miraculously from within. Listen to that gentle silky voice which seemed to whisper against my face: "Just love me - and all your desires will be fulfilled …."

Turning round and round. Getting dizzy, feeling the heat.

I hardly noticed that sometime or other we had danced out of the grand ball room and had come to a cooler place with large glass windows. A kind of winter garden filled with small lemon and orange trees, small sandstone statues of nymphs and fountain gods hidden between laurels.

He whirled me around for a last time and together we fell down on a kind of divan. I was still trying to recover my breath after the fast dance. My head was spinning. Through the large glass windows I could look up at the night and the stars.

He still held me close. "You remind me so much of someone I used to know, "he whispered tracing the contours of my face gently. "Someone I loved to make flush and shiver in my arms". He ran a long finger along the side of my face down to the low neck line where my gown hardly covered my breasts.

"Look, there are even pearls all over your dress …"

With all my strength I should have said: "No, no! Stop this! Please, release me!"

But only a sigh escaped my lips. He bent over me and placed a delicate kiss just above my breasts.

"But you can go, if you like, "he replied softly. "I won't force you."

I took off his black mask to look into his dark brown eyes which seemed to be full of understanding and love.

"Do I really have a choice?" I muttered fearing he would sense the inner fire which was already consuming me.

"No, my lovely, "he answered still smiling but now the gentleness was gone from his eyes. And as he broke open my beautiful corsage fiercely the little pearls sprang off in all directions one after one.

"I know this is wrong and still I am not able to stop it," was the last thought which popped up from the tiny remainder of conscious mind.

"On the contrary", he replied between kisses: "You will beg me with all your heart that this may never end".


Part 4


Sometime or other I regained consciousness as someone held my face in his hands.

"Linn, my dear! Linn, are you alright?" I hardly managed to open my eyes, the world around me still seemed a blur. I croaked: "Tyler?"

"What of all things has happened? Have you been hurt?"

Why did his voice sound so miserable and desperate?

I struggled to keep my eyes open and when I looked down on me I realized that my wonderful gown was completely torn at the front, even the lingerie was totally ripped apart.

My eyes filled with tears.

"What has happened to me - was the same thing that happened to you", I replied hardly audible trying to wrap around me what was left of my dress. I shivered. I felt so cold and weak.

"I'll kill that monster," exclaimed Tyler and there was a fierce gloom in his eyes, but his voice was broken: "Has he, I mean, has he - raped you?"

"Did he rape you?" I asked sarcastically. "You know that's the worst of all, he didn't have to use any force whatever…"

I didn't continue, I didn't want to talk about the sheer rapture I had experienced in the arms of this man . It was all too painful to recall how he had made me writhe and scream …

I sobbed. Tears were running down my cheeks.

And I cried all the more when I looked at Tyler's face which was full of sadness and understanding. He sighed and cradled me in his arms: "I know. I know only too well, my love …"

***

Somehow Tyler managed to bring me back to the Palazzo, somehow we made up a sort of explanation why we had left so early and why my dress had been destroyed. I don't know whether our hosts believed anything we told them or whether they were simply too polite to nag us with irritating questions.

We had both agreed that we would not mention those bizarre encounters to anyone else. Who would have believed us anyhow? And were these feeble explanations not only an attempt to justify something which both of us had perhaps even encouraged and welcomed? And had we not enjoyed this - more than we were both willing to admit?

And why, after all, didn't we leave the city the next day? Why? This is a question I have asked myself countless times since then.

But the fact is, we stayed. In the first days after the ball I was simply too weak to leave even our room. I felt ill, feverish, but I wouldn't hear of a doctor. Just let me sleep. Sleep and forget.

But even my dreams were haunted. Again and again I saw that boy with the face of a Botticelli angel and again he was smiling when he looked at me. "Why do you feel so miserable? You have been searching for me all your life. Why don't you admit that it's me you really want?"

And I guess that was the truth behind everything. The reason why we didn't leave. The truth we both would not be prepared to acknowledge.

What we feared most was that we might see him again.

But on the other hand we could think of nothing else.

***

After a week or so I felt better and we tried to get into a normal tourists' routine again. Let's pretend nothing had happened - as if this was as easy as that!. We started to see some churches, visit some museums, but often we only sat in one of the numerous cafés looking out on a square or on the water. Holding hands, lost in thought.

We had not made love again after the incident at the ball. And even when I felt better we were both quite aware that something had changed in our relationship. The carefree exuberant happiness we had both shared had given way to a painful feeling of guilt. There was still love between us, yes, but it was mingled with a strange sense of anticipation.

Once in front of a small church I believed having seen a wild mane of dark brown curls in the crowd. But my imagination had only played tricks on my over-nervous senses.

During the whole time we never saw "him" again.

"We must come to a decision," Tyler said one day after we had finished lunch in a small osteria. "We should leave - the carneval's over."

"Yes," I replied feebly. "That would be the best … "

"Linn, I know what you 're thinking. I can't get him out of my mind either. I dream of him. I dream how he caressed me, how he … made love to me."

I sighed painfully.

"Linn, I still love you," he answered. "That's no lie. And even if I cannot forget what has happened, I don't want to be remembered of it continually."

"You are right," I agreed finally. "If we want to leave this behind we must not stay here any longer. This place is tainted with memories."

And so we decided to leave on the next morning.

Our hosts had already perceived that something had changed between us even if they could not make out the reason for it. They were always trying to cheer us up and make our stay as pleasant and comfortable as possible.

"Linn, what has taken place between you and Tyler?" Chiara asked sympathetically. "Cara mia, I am your friend, you can tell me."

But I only shook my head. Lips pressed tightly. I could not talk about it and when she called me "cara mia" (my dear) I felt that painful longing again. Hadn't "he" said "cara mia" too?

As a special event for our last evening it was agreed that we should all go to see a long-awaited exhibition opening that night showing works of not so well-known Renaissance painters.

***

The gallery was crowded with the usual stylish people you find on occasions like this. And the paintings were spectacular indeed. I was so happy to see that spark of enthusiasm in Tyler's eyes again when he gave me explanations on the various pictures. However, some of the artists were unknown even to him.

"Just look at this one, "he caught my arm." "This is marvellous. It's odd that I never heard of this painter - Marius, quite an unusual name. Must have been Mario, but maybe he wanted to show his affiliation with the antique Roman tradition. The catalogue says that this painting has been recovered from the vaults below an ancient Palazzo near the Canale Grande. It was severely burnt and it took extensive reconstruction work to restore to its present form. It's really a strange work, full of mysterious details."

"Yes, exactly, and look at the angel's faces," someone remarked beside me. I turned my head and met those mystifying dark brown eyes again.

"You!" exclaimed Tyler and grabbed him by the shoulder. The boy did not even wince. Instead he gave Tyler a full kiss on the mouth. "Do you still wish to kill me?"

He put his arm around me and said: "I have treated this graceful lady with incredible rudeness. Please forgive me. But when I saw you I was overwhelmed not only by your beauty but also with memories which suddenly came to life again …"And whispering seductively in my ear he added: "Next time I will be more gentle. I promise".

"Who do you think you are?" Tyler cried out furiously. "You abominable bastard! First you abuse people and then you show up as if nothing happened at all. I really could kill you!"

"Ah, such an angry young man, "the boy remarked amused as if nothing could impress him at all. "I love people who don't get frightened so easily. His voice was soaked with irony: But really, did I treat you that badly?"

Tyler blushed, but before he could go on with his rants, the young man put his arm around him, too, and put on his most charming face. "No more accusations this evening! I know I have terrible temper: Please forgive me. To make up for my impossible behaviour I want you to be my guests tonight."

I cast Tyler a questioning glance. "Oh, come on," the boy smiled. "You will see that I am not such an abominable "monster". But if it makes you more at ease, I swear that I will not touch both of you …"

"But we do not even know your name", I remarked faintly.

"A name, but what is a name?" he asked as if this was a most unusual request.

"But if you must have a name. Call me - Armand".


Part 5


I still keep asking myself how we could have been so naïve to accept his invitation - after all that had happened before. But we were done with cool reasoning. These two weeks without even a glimpse of him had worn us down.

The thin line between reality and illusion had begun to fade gradually. Seeing him, talking to him again would at least give substance to the dreamlike quality of those disturbing encounters.

And a part of me was still questioning how all this could have come about. His mere appearance seemed to have changed the world around us. What had been real before no longer seemed to matter. The last fourteen days had seen the two of walking through Venice like sleepwalkers gazing at all that gorgeous architecture without actually taking notice of it.

What a perfect image that maze of alleyways and narrow passages had become for the labyrinth through which our thoughts seemed to meander endlessly, aimlessly.

And when I recalled his fierce kisses I felt something stir deep inside of me.

An inexplicable and desperate longing.


***

Water was splashing on both sides of the sleek motor yacht as we were quickly leaving the lights of Venice behind us. With quick experienced moves Armand was steering the vessel to the entrance of the Brenta Canal on the banks of which he owned a villa.

This was the first time, actually, that I had a chance to study him more closely. On our first evening I had caught only a fleeting glimpse of his face which then had been rapidly devoured by the darkness and later at the ball he had so enchanted me that I had not paid any attention to details.

Now how different he appeared today! No longer the Venetian cavalier of old whose perfect embodiment he had been during the Carnival but a youth of these days in slightly faded worn denim trousers and a casual nevertheless expensive black wool sweater. Elegant black leather brogues, a high-priced but unobtrusive platinum watch, an intricate silver amulet worn on a leather string around his neck - all adding to a cool blend of elegance and understatement.

And again I had to admire those lovely chestnut curls falling down on his shoulders - what a contrast they made to Tyler's short light-blonde strands as the two of them stood side by side engaged in a lively discussion on the works we had earlier seen at the exhibition.

I couldn't stop wondering about Armand. He really was an enigma, ambiguous, full of contradictions. But all the more fascinating exactly because of this.

Despite his apparent youth there was an air of authority about him which certainly derived from a well-off family background, a continuous line of prosperous merchants and ancient aristocrats whose origins probably dated back to the time of the glorious Venetian Republic.

And he must have enjoyed an excellent education as he could be called quite an expert on the art, literature or music of the High Renaissance, especially when it came to Venice.

"Oh, I am child of this city, "he laughed good-humouredly. "Or at least I was, I have lived abroad for a long time, in France for example. That's why my "friends" call me 'Armand'.

Armand - what a beautiful name I thought - to me it sounds like a promise, but a promise on what?

Again I met his dark arcane gaze - what was hiding behind those eyes which at times could look totally inscrutable and even cruel, then again were also full of sadness and gloom?

"It's a promise on eternity, Linn", those full sensuous lips of his whispered.

I shook my head slightly. "Eternity? What do you mean by that?"

"Sssh," he said soothingly, "you will come to understand …"

He turned to Tyler again and pointed to a magnificent villa just ahead: "Now, here we are …"

We stepped down on the boat landing. Before us a enchanted park opened. Under high stone pines towering in the darkness and between huge laurel trees an entwined path lead to grand but slightly decaying Palladian villa.

Armand showed us the way, hurrying up the stairs, pushing open the doors for us until we found ourselves in a dark spacious parlour lit only by the fire burning in a huge open fireside.

"I am sorry the servants have their free evening tonight, "Armand explained starting to light the numerous candles everywhere in the room. "Make yourselves comfortable. Over there we have some wine, something to eat …"

His eyes were reflecting the light of the candles as he stood in front of the fireside, with one arm casually leaning on the antique mantelpiece. He raised his glass and said: "I'd like to bring out a toast - to old loves and - new friends!"

And as the evening passed by we were actually chatting like friends, talking about everything and nothing, laughing, enjoying the wine and his company.

I would have thought this quite impossible, but the feeling of menace had totally disappeared - we were just having a pleasant evening. And Armand was truly fascinating, wasn't he? It was not only his stunning appearance, he was extremely well-read, witty, full of anecdotes on Venice and an attentive and most charming host.

The past two weeks had been overshadowed by that strange atmosphere of impassivity mingled with uneasiness as with anticipation. But now the two of us were in high spirits again. Now, we would get the chance to sort out things, to restore the rational framework of our existence, to make sure that nothing so extraordinary had happened to us. Yes, we had experienced - let's say - a passionate escapade with a truly intriguing man. But things like that may happen when you're on holiday, isn't it so?

After all, who or what was Armand but an eccentric and sensuous child of the Venetian high society, someone used to people falling for his striking beauty and supreme intellect?

If we could have left it at that I'm sure we would have been able to remain - intact.

Actually, it was Tyler's fault. Or maybe not.

Maybe Armand would have released us, although I still doubt it.

At one point I noticed that I had been drinking too much this evening. Somehow I had lost the thread of our conversation. My head was floating. My attention had wandered off to examine the magnificent interior of the salon, the fine marble torso in one corner, the grand piano in the other, the thick burgundy velvet curtains behind which large windows were hidden.

All of a sudden, I noticed that Armand's and Tyler's conversation had taken on a more intimate note. They were now talking about Dante's Divine Comedy, about the nine circles of hell, actually.

But it seemed they were hardly listening to what was really said. Their words were like tender caresses, like invisible kisses floating through the air. The faces were close, so close when Tyler suddenly started to kiss Armand, passionately, hungrily.

And Armand returned the kiss with equal fervour.

And strangely enough I was not shocked at all. I was not even jealous. On the contrary, I felt their kisses were exciting me and I could not stop staring at these two.

While Tyler let his hands run caressingly over Armand's slender body, Armand remained totally passive in his embrace. Tyler stopped abruptly as though he had suddenly realized what he was actually doing.

"What?" he gasped breathlessly. "What is it?"

"Remember, what I promised you?" Armand smiled maliciously. "That I would not touch you. But look at Linn. She's starving … I'm sure by now she's all wet inside …"

"Armand!" I shouted, blushing all over. "Enough!"

"She's the one you should be kissing - not me, "he insisted ignoring my protests completely. He put his arm around Tyler and murmured confidentially in his ear. "It's a shame. Such a lovely young woman and you have not touched her for almost two weeks."

Tyler looked at him as if he didn't quite understand.

"I know, caro mio, I know, "Armand replied gently brushing one of Tyler's blond strands from his forehead. "You've been dreaming of me. And you will have me. But now I'd like to see how you make love to her, here, right before my eyes!"

I rose from the my chair glancing at him furiously: "What kind of game do you think you are playing with us? What are we to you? Someone to toy with?"

Armand rose quickly and gripped me by the shoulders fiercely: "Yes, Linn, you're right! It's all a game - but a game according to my rules!" he replied under his breath. And before I could even reply, he whirled me around and fixed a sort of black silk scarf over my eyes and around my head.

"What are you doing?" I protested and wanted to pull down the blindfold, but he grasped my arms firmly from behind.

"Let me go! " I almost screamed it, but he laughed only showing no intention to release me. I shivered when I felt one of his cool hands touch the side of my throat Unhurriedly, he put aside my long curls and started to kiss my neck. I took in a deep breath.

"Don't you think you should at least show some sort of resistance, Linn?" he taunted me between kisses. "That would make it so much more pleasurable for me":

"How could I possibly move in that iron grip?" I retorted between clenched teeth.

"Ah, yes. You're reminding me of something," he replied airily. And before I could realize what was happening he had thrown me down on a thick Persian carpet and was tying my hands above head with another silk ribbon.

"Now, what are you waiting for, Tyler?" he demanded provokingly . "Take her."

"And tear that lovely black dress apart. Believe me, she loves it that way, "he added seductively.

"You're such a bastard!" I exclaimed wriggling frantically to free myself from his grip. "Tyler, help me! This is insane!"

"Yes, it is," Tyler's voice was trembling. "I know, but I want it, too…"

It was then I realized that he wanted Armand to watch, that it aroused him to make love under Armand's inscrutable gaze.

"The nine circles of hell …",Armand whispered dreamily as he bent over me from behind, "you know the first circle was inhabited by those who had sinned for love, forbidden love. But they were not punished really severely …"

Again I tried to free myself, in vain however. "No, not this way!" I called out, but they would not listen. There was nothing I could do when I felt that my dress was pushed up, my panties ripped off and I was being claimed with such a fierceness that I gasped.

At the same time I felt cool silky lips kissing my mouth, devouring it and all of a sudden I tasted a hot delicious fluid. Only a few droplets but they were like liquid fire transporting my body from pain to absolute ecstasy.

And nothing mattered any longer.

Nothing.

There was only this.

This heavenly substance which made me beg for more and more.

"Don't stop … don't …."

A gentle voice said: "This is the taste of eternity."

And at that moment I felt Tyler coming inside of me just as I could not keep it any longer. A ravenous fire was consuming me with such a force that I did not care whether these were the flames of hell or the bliss of paradise.


Part 6

Darkness. Somewhere deep down in the earth. Torches gleaming. Cries of panic and fear. Someone desperately calling out: "Please do not kill them! Please! They're innocent!"

Hooded figures dancing ecstatically around a huge bonfire. The dull sound of kettledrums. Bodies twisting frantically, deliriously giving themselves over to the pounding rhythm of a horrible danse macabre.

Out of the fire rises the ageless face of man with cobalt-blue eyes, blonde almost white hair flowing down his shoulders, whispering: "Amadeo, my beloved …"

And then again the fire, devouring the man's face, and the terrible cries again…


I woke up with a start.

This dream had seemed so real - when I looked at fireside I could still see those ghoulish fiends dancing in a wild frenzy before the flames - like demons straight out of hell they had looked.

Suddenly, all that had happened that evening came back to me. What a nightmare! I had felt safe and completely at ease in this very room, enjoying Armand's and Tyler's company. How could things have gone so terribly wrong! I shuddered when I recalled Armand's violence, the cruelty in his voice. What a pleasure it had been for him to have me at his mercy!

And what about the one I believed to love me?

'Don't speak to me any more of love after you have treated me like this! Only too eager were you to comply with Armand's cruel directive. Yes, you did take me. And how both of you enjoyed witnessing that it had been against my will.

How will I ever be ever be able to trust you again?'

I felt miserable and desperate as never before in my life.

Utterly humiliated.

But still …

I ran my thumb over my lips. It seemed a taste of that divine elixir was still lingering there. Never in my life I had savoured something like this. A powerful magic potion. Maybe a new synthetic drug? What could it have been?

Somewhere deep down inside me thoughts even more terrible were stirring: that my longing to taste that again would never ever stop. And I began to fear that - no matter what perversions Armand might have envisaged for me or for both of us - I would be prepared to endure all of them just that he let me taste that delicious substance again. 'No, don't dwell on these thoughts!' I tried to instruct myself. 'Forget what has happened! Forget!'

I looked up to the portrait of an ancient Venetian nobleman in a voluptuous golden frame which was hanging above the fireside. With cold knowing eyes the man seemed to smile down on me as if he was about to say: 'Before now I have observed scenes more horrifying than that … You've got what you believed you wanted - so stop whining!'

I winced and turned my head. Someone was crying.


'Armand! Tyler!' The thoughts were racing in my head. Where had they gone? 'Oh no, what was happening now?'

I got up and hurried out of the parlour to the entrance hall which was dimly illuminated by only a few chandeliers. Eerie the stillness in this house. Suddenly, a large hall clock chimed the hour of four. But then the house was silent again and I was wondering where to go. Instinctively, I made for the first floor and found myself in a smaller hallway . All doors were closed, all but one. Light was shining through a tiny crack.

I hardly dared to approach the door, but then I heard a sound like the cracking of a whip followed by another cry, a hoarse stifled cry. I closed my eyes. 'What fools we had been to have come here at all!' I thought. 'And now we'll have to pay for that mistake!'

With trembling hands I touched the wooden door to peer inside. This room, too, was only lightened by the flames blazing in the fireside and a few candles. But still I could recognize a large bed in the centre of the room and - my heart stood still - there was Armand. His silk shirt was opened wide exposing one of his slender pallid shoulders. He had straddled Tyler who was lying under him with his face buried in the blankets. On Tyler's bare back red traces showed giving testimony of what must have happened before.

Tyler shivered, he had tears in his eyes as Armand bent over him and started kissing the wounds. There was an expression of sublime rapture on the boy's face and he was moaning softly when he licked and sucked the bloody welts. I was absolutely horrified to watch this but it seemed heaven for Tyler. He was no longer tense with pain and fear - instead, he slowly began to writhe under Armand' slender body, groaning with pleasure, his hands clutching at the sheets, as if this was more than he could bear.

It appeared strange that Armand had so easily overwhelmed Tyler, a tall athletic man whose sinewy body seemed so much stronger than Armand's lean boyish form. But he dominated him effortlessly whereas Tyler apparently had given up all resistance. Having fully surrendered to Armand's tender demanding touches he did not even try to defend himself when Armand started to undress him completely.

But no sooner that Tyler's trousers had been removed when the switch came down on his naked buttocks making him quiver with pain again.

"Ah, what a feast you are," Armand muttered before he started to kiss the blood away once more. Tyler arched his back when Armand's delicate fingers began to caress his most delicate parts working him with such skill that he gasped: "You're killing me!"

"Oh no, you will only suffer the "little death", my friend," Armand whispered in his ear while intensifying his ministrations. Just when Tyler was on the brink of coming he rolled him on his back and kissed him on the mouth passionately.

But what was this? A small trace of blood was running down the side of Tyler's face, to which, of course, he paid no attention. While deepening the kiss Armand continued his caresses so that Tyler was thrashing his body in ecstasy until he came with a final scream.

Armand turned his head in my direction, his eyes were misted, but there was this malicious smile again "Now we are even, my lady", he remarked. "Did you like what you saw?"

"What did you do to him?" I exclaimed." You beat him 'till he was bleeding!"

"Ah, I would have expected that you'd appreciate some sort of punishment after what he had done to you, " he replied provokingly.

"But he only did what you told him to. I can see now that we're only toys for you, helpless idiots you love to manipulate as you please. It's you who should be punished!"

With one hand he threw the switch in my direction. "If you're in the mood to thrash me, come on! Do it!" he smirked and his eyes were sparkling maliciously. "Beat me, whip me so hard 'till my blood flows. Maybe it's just what you're secretly craving for!"

I swallowed hard. There was no way to shake his disdainful arrogance, his superiour self-complacency. I glanced at him furiously: "No, I would never do that!"

With quick moves he got up from the bed and stood before me. "Oh Linn, you are such a liar, "he said teasingly. "You will do everything just to taste this again." I felt his tongue part my lips and at the same time - regardless if I wanted it or not - I became enflamed again. But the kiss was only short. He withdrew quickly.

"Maybe you have not yet realised this, my lovely lady. There is a very thin line between pleasure and pain - which you will learn, 'I'm sure." He took my hand and led me up to the bed. "Besides, look at your lover, where are the bloody weals on his back? Can you tell me?"

He threw back the blanket under which Tyler by now was sleeping - apparently totally exhausted. My eyes widened in astonishment: his skin was soft and smooth as before.

"I must be loosing my mind …," I murmured to myself. "But I saw …"

Armand's attitude changed from one second to the next. Suddenly, he was all kindness and concern. "You are getting tired, I suppose. Maybe this night held too many revelations in store for you". He gently stroke my hair. "It's too late to get you back to Venice. You should rest now. Stay here in this house. I won't trouble you any further."

"Oh yes, I know what to think of your promises, I replied bitterly. "You are a liar as well."

"Yes, I am afraid that's true - in a way. But you'll put up with it. You'll have to. He took my face in his hands and his dark unfathomable gaze frightened me. "As from now on you're mine."

Again I felt the anger rising in me, superseding all my fears and desires. "Who do you think you are?" I snorted contemptuously.

"Yes, exactly. Come to think of it who do you think I am? "he grinned as if this would terribly amuse him.

"You 're …. Ah, forget about it! It's useless talking to you any longer. Just listen. I will wake up Tyler now and we'll both walk out of this door - no matter how late it is and how we get back. We'll leave Venice tomorrow morning and then we will never ever see you again!"

"Do you think it will be that easy? Cara mia, what a reasonable and modern child of this 21st century you are, admirable! So far you have not even realized who or what I am! But maybe you'd like me to show you … "

"No more games for tonight, " I cut him short. "We …"

He grasped my arm furiously and pulled me tight to him. "Linn, it's enough now!" he hissed angrily. "I am the one to tell you when we're done with these games. And when you've really understood what it's all about, you will pray that I will not loose interest in you or your lover!"

With every word he became more and more incensed, his beautiful face was distorted, his wild eyes sparkling, gleaming with fury. "Or should I kill you right now?" he demanded and in a menacing grimace he exposed his sharp fang teeth.

I froze.

It seemed time stood still. There was only him and me.

And then it was as if falling, falling down into an vast immeasurable abyss where eternal darkness would engulf me. Descending into the nine circles of hell …

And slowly but gradually it began to dawn on me. Now, I understood. Now, I suddenly recognized that he was no man, no human being at all.

Had I been blind? Why hadn't I seen all this before?

I looked at him and before my eyes he became the perfect impersonation of a beautiful youth again, the faultless image of splendour, kindness and understanding and that terrified me even more. Now, I really comprehended what he was - the sublime face of a seraph was a mask only under which a demon with the most vicious heart and a soul full of darkness was lurking.

"Yes, that's what I am, "he whispered in my ear and I could feel his cold breath on my neck. "You've learned quickly. But there is more to be taught…"

"Armand, please! Please let us go!" I implored desperately. "I'm so sorry for what I said. Please, simply let us go!"

"How often do I have to repeat that it's not as easy as that! But I won't hold your harsh words against you. I have a penchant for people with the courage to defy me. However, there is another lesson for you to learn".

"Which lesson?" I whispered barely audible not daring to look at him. I held my breath - it was as if my fear was almost strangling me.

"A lesson on my true nature. You certainly noticed that I gave you something, something most precious which drove you wild with desire …"

I looked up in horror. "That, that was - your blood?" I stammered aghast.

"So very true, my dear." He stepped behind me and took me by the shoulders: "And now I want something in return from you!"

I wanted to break away, but again I had to experience that even trying to revolt against his firm grip was absolutely redundant. I felt his tongue move along the side of my neck, gently, taking it slowly, appreciating the soft pliant skin there…

I couldn't think coherently any longer, panic had gripped me making be shudder and tremble, a single tear ran down my cheek: "I don't want to die!"

"Ah Linn, don't be so melodramatic!" he remarked coldly and gripped me fiercely.

When I felt that piercing sting again I was only too aware what he was doing. That he was drinking from me! How I wished I was somewhere else - in a place where I was safe and out of harm's way. With a blue sky above me and warm winds caressing my skin. Nothing to worry. Nothing to fear. Only listen to the sound of the waves gently rolling in from the sea. My fingers running through the warm sand, painting circles on the beach like a child. High above sea gulls are crying. Nothing but peace …

But suddenly the light starts to fade, the sky is clouding. With dread I notice that one of the seagulls shoots down from the sky directly heading towards me. I try to run away but I can't move my feet, I can't escape. And the seagull transforms itself into a large terrifying bird creature whose black wings seem to cast an enormous shadow over me. It comes closer and closer and finally I feel its beak biting me -such a terrible pain! -starting to tear my heart out of my body piece by piece and there is blood everywhere and I scream and scream …

"I don't want to die!"

But there is no one to answer my cries.


Part 7
A small booklet bound in cobalt-blue leather lying on the doormat was the first thing I saw when I opened the door of our apartment to pick up the daily newspaper, the milk bottle and the bag with the fresh croissants the concierge usually left there for us every morning.

Such an exquisite book - could someone have lost it on the landing? Curiously I opened the thin volume only to discover that this apparently was a first edition of the poem's of Alexander Pushkin with something concealed between the pages which turned out to be a wonderful bright blue anemone. 'Yeah, the imaginary blue flower …. ', I mused and started to read the poem someone had obviously marked on this page:

'I loved you: love may not have died
completely in my soul,
but don't let it disturb you,
I don't wish you any pain.'

When I turned the pages a thin letter fell to the floor: "To Linn" was written on the envelope in a beautiful somehow old-fashioned handwriting. Hurriedly, with trembling hands I tore open the letter and read:

Linn, cara mia,

Surely you did not realize how close to eternity you were on our last night in Venice.

Once - in another life-time I seems to me now - I made a vow that I would never ever I do this.

Once I broke that vow - for love.

However, when I laid eyes on you, you who so much resemble someone I had loved but lost twice, I couldn't think of anything else. I so much wanted to bring over, to make you one of us.

In the end, however, when I perceived that your heart was almost bursting with panic and fear I didn't dare to accomplish what I had begun so awkwardly.

When a soul is trapped in terror and anxiety in that crucial moment - the very last moment of your life that will ever matter - it may lead to the creation of a demented soul who will forever be prisoner to these emotions.

You would no longer be that precious dazzling jewel I see in you but a dim and distorted version of your former self. And that I would have never had!

So I will leave for now - maybe you will never see me again - maybe I will not be able to be separated from you forever. I can't say. Only time will tell.

Armand


"Armand!" I almost screamed it, positively shaking with terror as well as with rage: "You abominable vile bastard! Why can't you leave me alone and simply go up in smoke like the wicked witch-queen!"

But no, this surely was no fairy tale and positively not one with a happy ending. Ever since our time in Venice my life was becoming more and more of an absurd nightmare. I had been on the edge since we had came to Paris where Tyler was scheduled to start his research project at the Sorbonne and I having taken a sabbatical had planned to spend this term with him in the city of light. 'The city of light - what a tragic irony!' I thought sarcastically. There was no light any longer in my life! There was nothing which could give me pleasure any longer, be it the spring sun on the cafés near the Seine, be it a gorgeous meal in one of the superb restaurants or be it Tyler's embrace which had become colder and less passionate since that last fatal night in Venice.

Of course, he had not believed me when I had told him about Armand. "A vampire? Linn, you're indulging in fantasies! Yes, it's true he is - the most fascinating person I've ever met, I must admit that. I can understand that you were shocked when you saw us together. Well, I was shocked myself that these dark pleasures were so alluring to me … but it's over now! I promise!"

"But didn't you feel that sting when he kissed you? There was even a thin trace of blood on your face!"

"Linn, calm yourself! I know all this was too much - for both of us, but now we have the chance to make a new start - and what place could be better for it than Paris in spring time!"

But I didn't care whether it was Paris or Calcutta, whether there was sunshine or rain, whether someone was near me or not. During the daylight hours and in my sleep Armand was haunting me like a phantom: I saw his face in the water of a fountain and in the clouds in the sky and now and then I almost felt his presence near me and sometimes on the brink of sleep I heard him whisper to me: "Call out for me Linn and I'll be there!"

But I would not call for out him, never ever as I was well aware I would be doomed, I would no longer be able to resist him, if I tasted his blood again only one more time… Nor would I want to ponder which implications this fatal attraction might have. Of course, who has not read those wonderfully scary Gothic novels or is familiar with the common Count Dracula folklore laying down the do's and don'ts for vampires: that they sleep in coffins and may not walk under the light of the sun, that they fear crucifixes and garlic and that the only way to kill them is by stabbing them with an iron pole right through their devilish hearts etc. etc.. But who would actually believe all this?

True, there was something strange about Armand, something I could not really define, and I was almost sure that in fact he had drunken our blood - but would that actually make him a vampire or was he just a very dangerous freak with abnormal tastes?

Well, both alternatives did not really sound promising, but nevertheless I was not - under any circumstances - willing even to scratch at the surface of all these bizarre issues scared to discover which horrors might be lurking in the dark inscrutable waters below.

If I could only lock these demons in a secret well-secured chamber in the farthest back of my mind from which they could never escape - I was so weary of all this! I couldn't bear it any longer! As if my life was going to pieces and all I could do was observe this process of gradual disintegration like a helpless bystander!

How I hated Armand and how I hated looking at that face in the mirror which stared back at my with infinite sadness and increasing madness!

"Yes, I hate you Linn! I can't stand looking at you any longer because I see the desire in your eyes!" I howled frantically and in a desperate fury I threw the milk bottle at that large gilded mirror above the mantelpiece which almost exploded into a thousand tiny fragments shooting in all directions, the milk soiling the fireplace and the wallpaper with its intricate pattern of tiny golden lilies.

"Linn, what has happened?" The noise I had made sent Tyler at once rushing from the bathroom to the foyer - in a haste he had put on only his pyjama trousers, his hair was still wet and there were still tiny droplets of water on his shoulders.

How pale he looked in this morning light but also how unbearably beautiful!

I had almost forgotten that as since Venice we had been sleeping in separate rooms not able to cross that growing distance between us either with words or with kisses.

Crouching on my knees in the middle of the disaster I had created I looked up to him through a veil of tears, sobbing uncontrollably and holding up the letter and the book. "Look at this!" I cried out desperately, "He knows exactly where we are! He's stalking us again!"

"Quiet, quiet, my darling, "he murmured gathering me in his arms. "Everything will be alright again …"

"No, nothing, nothing will ever be alright again! Here, read his letter! He's only spared me because he was afraid I might become some sort of manic zombie! But he may change his mind every minute!"

"Linn, this is not true!"

"Oh yes, it is! As it is true that you're beginning to hate me. With my over-nervous temper I'm getting more and more a burden for you, a nuisance!"

"No, Linn, no! Don't say something like that! This is agonizing!" From his broken voice and the miserable look on his face I could sense that his despair was almost equal to mine. But words had become all meaningless, there was only one way to stop me from crying and to prove that he had spoken the truth - with a kiss.

How I had hungered for these kisses, I felt that the very moment his lips touched mine and instantly my body began to act in reply - maybe a little too eagerly - getting all pliant and responsive to his caressing touches.

Without becoming aware of it we had lain down on the blank parquet floor embracing, kissing, touching each other with growing fervour. How I loved feeling his weight on top of me, the delicious demanding hardness I could feel straining against my body and when he started to pull down the straps of my silk negligée I did not offer any resistance.

'Yes, love me,' I thought. 'This is the only way to forgive you - the only way to make me forget!'

While pinning me down on the floor with his hands he started to kiss his way down my body but suddenly I felt a terrible ache in my hand which made my cry out, this time not of lust but of sheer pain. Tyler stopped abruptly: "What is it?"

I looked at my hand which was cut by one of those splinters which were covering the floor, blood was slowly welling forth from the wound. For a long moment we both stared at the crimson red and with pure horror I saw Tyler's sapphire eyes darken and too fast from me to react he pulled out the splinter and quickly licked the blood away.

Under normal circumstances I would not have given it much thought but after all we've been through I was horrified beyond words. "You don't mean that this excites you?" I cried aghast. "Tyler, what is happening to you?"

Looking at me as if not quite comprehending he tried to claim my mouth again, but I used this moment of surprise to shove him off me. "Let me go! This gives me creeps!"

And before he could even answer I fled into my room, locked the door safely behind me and collapsed on my bed. Again my mind was in turmoil, sheer despair threatening to engulf me. 'Sleep, let me sleep again, just sleep and no dreams to haunt me!' I thought while washing down some narcotics hastily. 'All I want is to be at peace again and be it only for a few hours or I'll loose my mind completely!"


***

When I finally woke up late in the afternoon Tyler, as I noted with some relief, was apparently gone from the apartment. The first thing to dissipate the paralysing drowsiness from the sleeping pills and to set my mind working again was to fix myself a strong coffee. Looking out from the kitchen window over the black and grey rooftops of our quarter and inhaling the strong aroma of the coffee I was racking my brains again: 'What should I do now? Was I already so worn out and my mental health already so shaken that I had totally overreacted? Should I blame myself or - on the contrary - was something wrong with Tyler?'

But no, I had not imagined that strange greedy look in Tyler's eyes when gazing at the little drops of blood! What was going on with him? What if …he was …. still seeing Armand?

Sure, he had promised that everything was over, but what if not?'

This thought had never occurred to me before, but all of a sudden some odd details came back to me to which I had not paid much attention before: how many times had he returned to the apartment not until early morning claiming that he had simply forgotten the time over his fascinating studies? And wasn't it true that his skin looked paler and paler, somehow anaemic ? And what about his inexplicable restlessness and the peculiar fire glowing in his eyes which seemed to consume him from within?

But worst of all, I was not sure whether I was really concerned about Tyler's well-being or whether I was simply jealous that Armand obviously preferred Tyler to me. Be it what may, I had to find out whether there was something to my assumptions or not. Moreover, I had to make sure whether Armand actually was in this city or whether this idea was only a product of my overheated imagination.

On that rainy spring evening the night was already coming on when I finally left the house heading for the next metro station to check up the university address Tyler had once given me and where I hopefully would be able to find him.

But what a shock when I finally found his colleagues in the large anonymous building and they told me - with a concerned look on their faces - that Tyler had not shown up for more than a week! This only confirmed my worst fears! But where should I go, where should I look now? I had not the faintest idea, so it was back to our apartment - maybe I could find some clues there? Ah, all this was so agonizing - that I should be spying after him like a cheated frustrated wife, but, after all, I felt cheated and I was so sure by now that he had not been open to me, not at all, and I had to know!

I stumbled through the chilly night, thoughts racing incoherently in my head, not minding my steps, not paying any attention to where I was actually going. I felt miserable beyond words, confused, cold despite the few glasses of red wine I had drunken in a small bistro, just to keep me going, just to soothe the pain that was threatening to tear my heart apart. Ban those images from your mind! Try to forget!

But I couldn't - I saw them so clearly before my eyes as if they were standing - or maybe I should better say - lying right in front of me, both naked, Armand offering his slender body seductively - ah, that accursed Ganymede with a malicious smile on his lips! - and Tyler making love to him, servicing him so exquisitely that shivers of ecstasy ran over his lithe body and he buried his sharp fingernails in Tyler's masculine shoulders drawing blood, sweet hot red blood … It was unbearable, their glistening bodies entwined in a wild passionate struggle, their short sighs, their moans of abandon!

I was hardly conscious where I stepped and probably a car would have hit me as I stumbled into the heavy traffic on a large six-lane chaussée if it hadn't been for someone to stop me, to grab me by the shoulders with strong hands and pull me back.

I turned round and looked into a face as white as Armand's, lavender eyes shining like a mysterious gem in the darkness, ash blond hair, the casual appearance of a student - a student?

"But who are you?" I murmured totally perplexed.

"A friend," he answered.

"But, you - you are like Armand! I can see from your eyes!"

"Yes, I am. But maybe I'm the only one to help you, after all".


Part 8
I turned round and looked into a face as white as Armand's, lavender eyes shining like a mysterious gem in the darkness, ash blond hair, the casual appearance of a student - a student?

"But who are you?" I murmured totally perplexed.

"A friend," he answered.

"But, you - you are like Armand! I can see it from your eyes!"

"Yes, I am. But maybe I'm the only one to help you, after all".

"No, there is no one who can help me," I cried almost hysterically. "And if I go on like this - there will be only one way to end this nightmare…"

"I know, " he said in a quiet soothing voice. "I remember. Even if that was in another lifetime".

I looked at him again. Although of the same kind he seemed quite different from Armand whose angelic features seemed to conceal a dark and malicious interior. But this person in front of me had a more modern, laid-back attitude, somehow he seemed less intimidating. "But how can you know?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, Armand! My sweet and cruel master!" he looked up at the sky, closed his eyes for a few seconds and then looked at me again intently. "Believe me "I" know! Just with a snap of his fingers he can take you from the bliss of paradise straight to the gates of hell. What has probably happened to you so far is nothing compared to what I have endured for about 12 years…"

"12 years? You mean he was stalking you all these long years? And during all this time you had live in fear that he would come back and finally turn you into, into …"

"A vampire, yes, " he completed the sentence all matter-of-fact. "Naturally, I ran away from him at the beginning. Hell, was I afraid that he might kill me if he was no longer interested in me. And he did stalk me, you can be sure of that, chasing me all around the globe, following me wherever I went. Ah, that was madness… " Again, he closed his eyes for a short moment and took a deep breath. "However, I realised soon enough that it's useless running away from Armand, he will always find you if he wants to."

I swallowed hard. Suddenly my mouth was completely dry and I felt anxious again, nervous, restless. He was only confirming what I had feared all the time.

"But then, "he sighed, apparently these memories were still painfully vivid, "then it was different. It was me who started going after him, who would always return to him and who would beg him to come and get me if I wasn't capable of returning on my own."

"Why? Why would anyone do such a thing?" I asked incredulously.

"I see you have no idea what being a vampire means at all…"

"No, and I don't want to know" I answered, but almost unintentionally I touched the side of his face. Cool. Smooth. Hard. But resilient.

"To touch is to believe, isn't it so?" he smiled ironically.

Quickly I withdrew my fingers as if they had been burnt, burnt by the fire smouldering beneath the ice, but he drew my hand softly back on his cheek whispering: Don't! You don't have to be afraid - I won't hurt you."

"But I am. You make me afraid. Even if you seem to be somehow gentler and not so menacing as Armand. You've learned well from your so-called master and I believe you know the art of seduction and manipulation as well as he does."

He chuckled softly.

"Don't laugh! It's true! You seem to have forgotten how someone like you looks to normal people's eyes. You do not even try to hide that unnatural fleeting beauty. Armand is very skilled in concealing his true identity, but you do not even pretend to be human!"

"Yeah, Armand is skilled in many things," he replied dreamily.

"Don't make me think of that!"

"You're really special," he mused shaking his head in disbelief. "You mean to tell me you're afraid of him not because he might kill you, no, but because he showed you the indescribable pleasures you can only find in a vampire's embrace!"

"Yes, " I murmured avoiding to look at him again. "Yes, that is the true horror for me. That he makes me do and even enjoy things which would be unthinkable in real life, taboo, forbidden. And also that he can have absolute control over my life if he decides so. I don't want to be at someone's mercy, but still …"

"But still?"

"I can't forget him. On the one hand, I wish I had never met him and would never see him again, but on the other hand …," I sighed. "I feel drawn to him. It's like without him my life has lost all meaning and all colour…

"And only he can make your life bright and interesting again? Isn't it so?" he asked in a voice full of sympathy. "Yeah, I know the symptoms of that illness - and I'm sure you're you familiar with this phenomenon, too?

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about love …"

"No, certainly not," I protested vehemently. "I don't know any longer what love is. And I don't want to. All I want is some peace of mind. What should result from this? I can't see where this should lead to and - please don't be offended - but I don't want to become what you are!"

"Well, why should I be offended?" he replied good-humouredly. "I am now what I always wanted to be and I could perfectly understand if you, too, were craving for the ticket to immortality or "the dark gift" as some of us have termed it so flowery.

"So it is really true …?"

"Yes, sweetheart. It is. We are not a walking symbol of personified desires or a living message from your subconscious to act out your suppressed emotions. We_are_ real."

At that moment it finally struck me that I had to face the truth whether I wanted it or not. But still, I felt trapped in a nightmare from which I wanted to escape at all costs.

"I believe you, " I answered feebly. "But what did you say before? You can help me?"

Gently he took my hands in his, the expression on his face being sincere almost solemn: "Yes, I will help you as no one should be treated like I was during all these years being at Armand's mercy, being subject to his whims and cruel designs. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining - I've courted disaster myself. And in the end, it was not even about immortality or about the dark powers. It was because I had fallen in love with him, him alone. But it took me long years to realize this and the price I had to pay for it was high."

Suddenly, my own misery was forgotten, there were thousand questions I would have liked to ask him, but he raised his hand to stop me before I had even started.

"What happened in the past is no longer important today. Now we are talking about you. You must be sure what you want - whether he'll give it to you is something different. But I'll have a say in that, too".

He sounded so confident that for the first time in a long while I felt something like hope, a vague chance that there might be a way out of this. And I wanted to believe so much that even someone like Armand could have a heart and even if this heart was as cold as stone that it could be stirred by love.

Part 9

Sometimes I remember that night, that last fateful night, with absolute clarity, whereas at other times I fear everything might disappear in a blur as if I had only imagined it.

What I remember is that we took a taxi to the heart of the Marais, a quarter on the right bank of the Seine, to the Place des Vosges where Armand - as I was told - owned a splendid town residence dating back to the 16th century.

Well after midnight it must have been then. No stars above us, some bizarre clouds rushing along an overcast sky faintly reflecting the bright city lights. Soft rain sprinkling on our faces when we crossed the quadrangle square heading for the magnificent town houses which became visible behind the trees at the centre of the square.

And again a marvellous interior, this time a lavish 16th century salon, marble floors, chandeliers, antique furniture … whatever - it seemed to be the rule for Armand to surround himself with opulence and luxury, but I no longer had eyes for this.

By the time we sat down in one of the salons to wait for him I was already so exhausted from walking endlessly through the streets earlier that night and somehow inebriated from the red wine I had gulped down thoughtlessly while wandering around that - even if subliminally I dreaded that long awaited confrontation - I was no longer nervous or frightened but only tired, endlessly tired.

However, I sensed a certain tenseness in the person opposite me - or was it anticipation? But this combined with the drowsiness I felt made our attempts to continue a conversation fall short. And even if it seems hard to believe at some time or other - no matter that just vis-à-vis a vampire was sitting I had met only an hour ago and that we were both waiting for someone who in the past had turned out to be a dangerous and unpredictable creature - sleep overwhelmed me.

I don't know how long I slept but all of sudden I heard voices, hushed voices at first.

"You? Is it really you?"

I could not open my eyes but I saw - as if in a dream - Armand's face blank with amazement, his dark chestnut eyes widened by surprise.

"Daniel ?!" he whispered barely audible stretching out his right hand to touch the young man's face but stopped at the very last moment, uncertain if the other one would accept this gesture.

"Yes … it's been … quite a while…", Daniel answered, a thin smile on his lips.

But instantly Armand had regained control over his feelings, his face froze again. "Why did you come?" he demanded in a cold voice, accusingly. "During all those years I did not even catch a glimpse of you! And now you appear here in this very house as if you left just yesterday …"

At that moment he must have discovered me lying on a settee in one corner of the huge room and exclaimed angrily: "What's this supposed to mean? Why did you bring her here?"

"What are you up to, Armand?" Daniel asked in return quietly ignoring the ice-cold interrogations. "Are going you to start a new game of hide-and-seek with those two kids?"

"And if I was, why should it matter to you? You did leave me, have you forgotten that, my 'beautiful boy?'" Ah, how contemptuous and disdainful that silky voice sounded!

"Just take a glance at you and then tell me who of us looks more of a boy. What's the fancy stuff that you're wearing, is it Gucci?"

"No, in fact it's Dolce & Gabbana, but …."

"Yes, I thought so," Daniel replied scornfully, letting his fingers run along the front of the designer shirt. "The clothes of an elegant high-price prostitute - that's exactly how you look!"

"Enough!" Armand hissed and slapped him hard across the face. "You leave this house instantly! I won't put up with your insults one second longer!"

Daniel did not even flinch when he was hit but quickly caught the hand which had hurt him, his eyes piercing Armand's enraged gaze.

"You know very well why I left you. I couldn't stand that cold stare of you any longer. No, that's not true, you did not even stare at me, you stared right through me as if I wasn't even there. You were about to kill all the love I ever had for you with your merciless indifference. After all those years in which you hunted me down! When you finally had me, you lost interest - I ceased existing for you!"

"Yes, all those years …, "Armand replied as if he had just woken up from a dream. "But I am not the cold pitiless monster you believe me to be. Now, I am well aware that "hunting you down" as you put it in fact was merciless beyond words. And believe it or not, today I regret, yes, I really regret, some of the things I did to you. However,- and I know you will never forgive me if I say this - those twelve years were the happiest time of my life …."

"So that's the reason why you were seeking new toys to play with?"

"Well, maybe. But you see, when I laid first eyes on Linn in Venice it was as if I had found again someone I had believed to have lost forever. The same golden curls, the same graceful figure, those delicate little freckles on her nose, her soft ringing laughter …"

He knelt down before me and traced the contours of my face tenderly, but then he broke off abruptly and quickly rose again.

"Take her away! It makes me furious to look at her. If I cannot have her, bring her over, I'd rather kill her! If I see her lying like this I'd like to spread her legs violently …
I'd love to rape her, violate her, beat her and do everything to ravage that beautiful body until it's no longer beautiful but a bloody lump of flesh!"

His voice had grown louder and louder, almost hysterical, and his hands had started trembling - like a mad saint he looked now.

Stepping up to him Daniel grabbed him by the shoulders. "Armand, what is it? What has happened to you?"

Armand shook off his hands angrily: "You better go now …Leave, I pray you …"

"No, I won't go," Daniel quietly persisted, not moving an inch away. " Not until you have told me what's going on …"

Armand stood still like a statue, a frail angel fallen from the kingdom of grace. After what seemed ages he finally replied in a low broken voice.

"All right. You may have your revenge now. You may see me humiliated, at last. A victim of my own tangled feelings …"

Daniel took both his hands gently and looked at him, concerned, full of sympathy.

"Armand, I never wanted to see you humiliated. Believe me. Seeing you desperate like this doesn't bring me any satisfaction and I certainly would not like to repeat the game we only know too well with changed roles now."

"Oh, you're so God damned noble, aren't you?" Armand sneered.

"And you're so pissed off that you don't recognize the most obvious thing right before your eyes!"

"Which would be?"

"That I love you. That I have never stopped loving you. And I wish we could have worked out living together …"

Finally, Armand looked up to him, his eyes blind with red tears.

"I wished that, too. There is nothing to keep me going any more. I feel the darkness devouring me, stretching its hands out to me. Even when I'm awake I seem to be dreaming and I seem to hear voices. They call on me. Are they angels? Or demons? It doesn't matter any longer. I have lost my faith entirely. What are Lestat's extravagant stories to me that he's seen the Devil? He and I, we have always been good at telling stories like that - but where's the proof that there's any truth in it?"

He shook his beautiful mane in despair. Crestfallen, he seemed, defeated.

"My eternal life consists of nothing but desolate failures and cruel disappointments. Just think of my "loving master", was I ever of any importance to him? Why didn't he come looking for his "beloved", oh so precious Amadeo in all the centuries I was lost to him?"

"But that's pointless now. My coven has vanished a long time ago and so has the Theatre. And the ones whose friendship or even affection would have been everything to me they have refused me time and again. Never did they accept me, they only held scorn for me. That's what Lestat said right in my face and Louis - our gentle and sensitive Louis - well, of course, he would never have articulated something like that. Politely he tolerated my company year after year, but maybe that was even worse - being tied to someone who doesn't really love you. So what reason should I have to go on?"

"And what about me? I did love you."

"Yes, you did love me. But you, too, could not stand my company any longer …"

"As you could not stand mine …"

"Ah, Daniel, "he sighed, his face expressionless, his dark eyes empty. "If you stare long enough into an abyss the abyss will engulf you. I am so weary of those eternal nights, of that endless parade of perpetual returns. I keep dreaming of the sun, of the flames of oblivion …"

Daniel gripped him by the shoulders frantically. "No! It can't end like this!"

"But it will … ," Armand replied in a low dreamy voice. "You're right, I started playing with those two as I hoped they could give me a "raison d'être" as you once did. But I can't find the key to their souls - they're strangers to me, still, I'm not able to understand. Almost every night I spend with Tyler and, although he is not willing to accept what I really am, he adores me like a god. But what is his surrender to me? His passion cannot warm my heart".

"Maybe you weren't so bitter if you made love only to those you really love," Daniel answered not being able to hold back a certain resentful undertone.

"Tell me, have you been following me?"

"Yes, I heard rumours about you a few months ago, that you had taken on some new pets. Naturally, I became curious and I thought why not drop in at your place here in Paris. Well, I did, and I can't say I liked what I saw then".

"I can hardly believe that, "Armand smiled wearily. "You are jealous?"

"Yes, I am. What do you think?" his fledgling shot back at him.

"When I saw the two of you together … ," Daniel took a deep breath, trying to avoid the dark maroon eyes following each of his moves - hardly audible he continued: " I wished it would have been me you covered with kisses. I wished I would feel your cool hands on me. I wished you would be drinking my blood while you were fucking me …"

"You wished that?" Armand replied questioningly gently turning Daniel's face to meet his gaze again.

"Yes, and I still wish it," Daniel whispered hoarsely starting to unbutton Armand's flowery shirt with trembling fingers, his hand stretching out to touch the delicate curve of the neck under the auburn curls. "Let me be your guardian angel for once to save you from the darkness reaching out to you …" he breathed against Armand's face.

"We were never very good at sorting out things with words, were we?" Armand answered with a sad ironical smile, closing his eyes and giving himself over only too willingly to Daniel's caresses.

"No, we had better ways than that", Daniel mumbled before his lips closed on Armand's.

A shy, timid kiss this was - as if he was afraid that Armand might stop him in the very last moment by making an acrid statement. But Armand - for once - seemed not inclined to do so answering the kiss just as tenderly at first, but then more and more passionately, hungrily, devouring Daniel's mouth greedily .

"I love you too much to leave you like this, "Daniel whispered between kisses. "Too much to ever leave you."

"Don't promise something you can't keep in the end …"

"Drink from me and you will know that I am not telling you lies". Daniel answered exposing his pale throat, offering himself. Slowly he pulled the grey sweater over his head, dropping it carelessly to the floor along with the white T-shirt he had worn underneath. "Drink!" he demanded seductively.

Armand couldn't keep his eyes off him but there was still this bitter smile on his lips.

"How I wish you could heal me, " he sighed and placed a tender kiss on Daniel's neck. "But I'm past all this. It's too late."

"No, that's not true! Leave the past behind you and …"

"Oh, Daniel, if it could be as easy as that!", he turned away and shook his head in desperation, his voice wavering. "I'm walking through the night like in a trance. You remember I always used to call on those who wanted to die. Now, I feel as if I'm the one to be called …"

"But I also remember you saying that you would never seek to end it, that you were frightened of death right "to the marrow of your bones".

"There's little left that frightens me any longer, you know," Armand replied calmly his hands slightly tracing the shimmering contours of Daniel's naked torso. "But what could be more terrifying than the miserable lonely life I lead now, an existence without purpose, a never-ending series of tragic misunderstandings and catastrophes."

"So be done with it!" Daniel answered with determination taking Armand's face in his hands. "It is time for you to come to terms with your past after all. Let us revisit all those places where you have suffered and then say good-bye to them. Leave them behind you so that they can no longer hurt you!"

"You 're saying: let us go. You'd come with me?"

"Yes, I want you so much to be strong again, hungry for life again. The shining dark saint I have always adored and - loved!"

For the first time a little smile appeared on Armand's lips. "My, my, Daniel, you never seem to give up, do you?"

"When it comes to you - no, never! And you know how persistent I can be. Believe me, there is nothing in the world I would want more than seeing you happy again. I would even be prepared to share you with these two if I thought you'd actually love them. And if you really decide to bring them over, do it! But do it right now. Don't seek them out year after year, don't repeat this cruel game again."

Armand turned away and walked over to one of the huge mirrors. He stared at their reflection in the gilded frame.

"I would have brought them over already, but I was worried which effect the blood would have on them. For you it was a cure, it brought back your sanity, but you already knew about "us". With them, however, it seems different - they claim to be rational modern souls, but inside they're frail and fearful. I'm afraid being confronted with the brutal reality of our existence would damage them irreparably. I could never forget what I had to do to Nicki, so I would never, under no circumstances take the risk of creating an insane vampire."

"So let us leave now," Daniel whirled him around enthusiastically. "Let's start the journey into your past right here in Paris, what place could be better! Having done my own researches years ago I know that there's nothing left of the "Theatre des Vampires", that whole quarter has been changed so much over the centuries that you would never recognise it again. But let's go underground and see whether we can find the catacombs of "Les Innocents" again. And then back to Venice! Let's face the ghosts from your past so that you can take your leave of them! Forgive Lestat, forgive Marius and, first of all, learn how to forgive yourself!"

Daniel's enthusiasm almost appeared to be infectious, at least it did not leave Armand unimpressed as for the first time he seemed to be able to free himself from the grip of desperation in which he had been trapped before.

"Now I know what you did when we've been apart …," he was mocking teasingly, " you must have spent many, many hours on the couch of a therapist …"

"Good to see your sarcastic humour return. But Armand it's obvious, you have to learn to forgive yourself, to love yourself. You're so afraid to let someone get close to you because you always fear that you will be rejected in the end. So you'd rather fend off those who love you with your nasty games thus giving them a reason to leave you. "

Armand's eyes were gleaming like precious stones in the darkness, the old fire flickering again.

"Oh, Danny-boy, you know me from inside out, don't you? At least I know now what I've missed: those endless arguments, those never-ending discussions about life, love and everything."

Triumphantly, Daniel placed his hand on Armand's throat pulling the boyish figure slightly towards him: "That's all you've missed, my "loving master"?"

"No, and you know that very well …"Armand replied lasciviously guiding Daniel's hand between his legs.

Daniel moaned, a smile on his lips. "So come on, let's go now. Although it's not much left of this night I would like to spend the rest of it together with you. Not here, but in the cheap hotel where I'm staying at the moment. And this time there will be no third persons involved, no paid boys or girls for me to bed. Only you and me!"

"Ah, what will be left of me, Daniel, when you cure me of all my vices?"

"I am well aware that you can't be cured. You're incorrigible. But I love you the way you are. And I would be a liar and a hypocrite if I denied that these games thrill me, too. Sometimes. But not tonight.

This night I want to see my passion reflected in your eyes and loose myself in your embrace …"

"So be it then, my beautiful boy, "Armand replied swiftly, picking up the garments on the floor and tossing them in his Daniel's direction. "We'll leave Linn here and tomorrow when she wakes up she'll be free, and so will be Tyler and all that has happened will seem a dream to them, a nightmare perhaps that will fade as time passes by."

He kissed me good-bye and when I felt his cool breath on my face and the fiery passion of his kiss I so much wanted to wake up and embrace him and tell him that I had been mistaken, so terribly wrong! That he couldn't leave me like this!

But I couldn't move, I could not even open my eyes, I only heard him whisper in my ear. "Forget me, forget all that has happened, but do not forget that I loved you."

And with that they were gone.

***

I woke up the next morning with the sun shining on my face. My head was aching terribly, I hardly managed to open my eyes to face the harsh light. I looked around and suddenly all that had happened came back to me. Perhaps Armand's spell had not been strong enough, perhaps this time he had not even tried to mesmerize me as I had forgotten nothing, absolutely nothing.

And all of a sudden, I can't explain why, I knew that they were gone for good. I would never ever see Armand again. Or Daniel. Gentle lavender-eyed Daniel.

That it was over now.

At last I had what I had wanted. I should have felt relieved and happy then. But I did not. On the contrary. The moment I woke up I knew I had made a dreadful mistake, a mistake I would regret the rest of my life. The promise on immortality had not been a lie, it dawned on me. It had been real as they had been real.

What should I say Tyler now? What would he do if he found out that I had been pleading to be released and that I had found someone who had answered my pleas?

What if I had been able to accept this gift? What if?

I closed my eyes wishing it was night again.


***


And what happened to Tyler and me afterwards? How happy had we set off for Venice once - in another life time it seems now - and how did we return? Lost souls. Angels with broken wings for whom the gates of heaven would be closed forever.

Returning to our normal lives turned out to be impossible. And our relationship was ruined as well. We should have split up then but that would only have increased the loneliness and we felt that we could not loose the one and only witness we had, the one person who had shared this experience.

Disaster our days. Work, daily routines, sparse words, muted feelings. Disaster our nights since then. Tyler working me so fiercely, desperately, totally ignoring my pleas for tenderness. He did not care whether he hurt me or not. But I could not blame him, I did not even sense the pain as I felt like a stranger in my own body. I was like a lifeless puppet in his arms.

When I looked into his eyes I could see the longing I would never be able to fulfil as he could not fulfil mine.

And this is how the story ends.

What more could I tell you?

The rest is silence.

Emptiness.

Despair.

And the realization that when you have come to the end of your journey

there is nothing

but

darkness.



The End