disclaimers: my first spec, don't be *too* harsh, but a little masochism never hurt anybody...except our Anne, no profit intended, of course.

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Louis, ah me Louis, my love, my lust…fire of my loins, light of my life….I need you again. The black rippling of your hair in waves against your stark, white black…..I must confess to you…I drool. What’s better is the silken, shampooed feeling of it tickling my chest as we embrace, coupling slowly, quickly…..intensely. Your love makes my blood richer than mortality ever could….I need you again. And yet I’ve only had you once.

I am watching the evergreens go past, and all I want is to climb them. To feel my naked skin against it’s brittle bark, to lick and love nature and all things natural. But not nearly as much as I want my one time sin again, Louis, I cannot help but repeat your name. I see the trees as I travel, not by my own means I must tell you…unless you count my money as my own means. I do not, it’s too impersonal for a person as intimate as me….even if you don’t know it….intimacy is as familiar and needed as much as my leg or arm. Yes, I sit upon this rust colored leather, the train speeding thorough the Hungarian night, and I’m lightheaded and euphoric….I feel as if I’ve dropped a tab of Ectasy. I sink down further in my seat and press the side of my face to the cool glass, licking the steam produced by my own heavy exhalations. Under my breath I pant your name, and my heart beats in time with my prayers. To have you, again and always…..always? Yes, at this moment that is what I wish deep inside my abdomen…that spot you seemed so fond of and fascinated with….well, one of them.

I thought for a few moments, I think still, and I know not what else to do. I trip, I think, on tossings and turnings of obsession. I trip, I think, and I should like to truly trip….you will not mind, I hope. I know you are no stranger to the effects of hallucinogens….a variety of them, I fed you them, as you did me, on that fateful night that alights my cheeks with remembrance of our passion play…I fondly rub the places where you bit and nibbled….places I have often revisited with my own hands and grasping fingers.

I reach under the seat of my private compartment (shivering a bit as my wanting hand brushes my bare ankle) and feel my eyes glitter as my fingers catch hold of my small, black traveling case….the one with the small red star embroidered in the top left hand corner. I pull it out between my legs….thankfully not brushing anything more tender, this time….and greedily unzip it. I pick up the vial and syringe quickly and discreetly….my heart loves the feel of a dangerous and dirty secret (you, you, you). I do the deed with rapid, expert speed…it is how I do almost everything, save those I deem more precious…fill in the blank _ _ _.

Now, in my induced state, I finally take matters into my own hand…..I have named it after you.

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Part 2

So, I came out my state after a nice bout with my loneliness and my passion to make it subside. The drugs, the memories of what I had just done, left me red in the face and raw below the waist. It didn’t matter, I was numb to it, and it’s color reminded me of my travels within…….within my mind, within yours….within you. I absently rub the leather seat, pulling and picking at it without much thought….I’m nervous, impatient, but mostly anxious. Soon, my anxiety will turn to anger, already is fading to it.

I’m in Hungary, I don’t know why, but it doesn’t much matter. I have set out to betray my loudest internal scream, the scream echoes off my rib cages, ricochets up into my mouth where it is fondled hurriedly by my tongue…..I swallow it, however, I have made myself a promise…a promise also to the one I ride to meet. I may yet call it off, I may yet come back for you……but you are in another’s arms and you don’t seem to care who knows it, but if anyone knows it, you grow embarrassed and flaccid. That is a sad state indeed, especially for one whom I, I, have coached diligently…….before the affair, that is, was, and sadly remains. You know how I try to keep my promises, and I would have kept mine to you, still do at this very moment, but you have broken your pact with me…your vow. Louis, my love, my lust, I could call you by a thousand names and none would sound as sweet as a moan from between your lips…a moan whose sound I have purchased and committed to memory for eternity by using my skill and my sexuality. Lestat was right in so many ways, you are a little vixen, oh, secret sin (may I call you that, please give me that one thing, and I will give you more than you could form words for), I would die for the pelt of the fox….would stroke it, and would massage you with it…if you would allow me to….I pray that you will.

I think, without tripping this time for my head and the deed I press on ahead for are clear, that I shall not allow myself such sweet fantasies…..to repeat your name in thought and voice from time to time is more than I should receive, me, I believe myself to be not a monster, but something much worst. Much worse….so terrible that I have betrayed, gone back on, and desecrated the word I said I would keep….then I did not realize that it was in vain….but maybe I will avenge it. Maybe I really will go crazy as others have called me as I passed down the street, disheveled, crying—no, to them I was bleeding, really bleeding, but it only made things worse, that blood. I swear upon anything you may wish to bow to, even God if that is your particular fancy, I repeat for the satisfaction of it that I swear that that blood still tasted of you, and how I do not care. That was a gift from some silent savior, maybe the only thing that kept me on, kept me going.

I also promised myself, a time before my mind had become a treadmill, running and sweating and cursing for you, Louis, it was a mind out of time, this time I mean, for this time burns me unpleasantly…..but yes I made another promise, I take great stock in large words and big thoughts. The promise was that nothing I do shall be in vain again…..if the shoe doesn’t fit…take it back….you fit snugly, and I thought that for once, I could rip up the receipt and bathe in the tax and consequence that I might of paid otherwise. This, I feel, may have been in vain, the first promise I mentioned, the one I made for the sake of feeling I had found love and something calorie-free again….you, my Louis, my sculptor, you may have painted your final scene….but I promise, oh yes, God, I promise that it will be renowned and wept over, by our kind at the least.

A new sensation is upon me, my thoughts are read by others, or one other at best, but I know that it is worst….they are mortal and they feed their imagination from this tale that is my sad truth….the existence that is my reality at the moment. That is more than fine, I have done the same over the years, I slice my face now, deep and shining I make the cut…not with metal, but marble and bone…what have I done? I have smiled. Cruelly, yes and why again? Simply because they, the ones who fancy themselves clever by reading this and smirking to by the light of their spying. Who am I, who is he, or is he a she? When will the steel mind drop a clue? Perhaps I will throw them a bone….my name. Yes, when my daily confession is through I shall, I will reveal myself…when my confession has lifted sufficient amount from my shoulders so that I may stand up straight and crack my back with little effort.

I will continue to let them spy, to be the peeping tom’s they feel they are so good at being…now I have an audience…and if they want to watch me slowly unwrap the ball of yarn, so be it. If they want to be the ones to care and gasp when I throw the last half, unraveling blindingly fast…..or slow, that relieves me from having to scream, I am now guilt free. Yes, thank you “reader” for that is what you must be, gifted with a form of sight that my thoughts are eloquently typed out for you…yes, read on, my loves and discover the truth of who I am, and must stake a claim to being.

Of course, you’d never guess…..never figure me out…..me, Marius.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Again, I make it my business to confess. I of course know that you are once again tuning into my thoughts, you mortals somehow tapping into my secrets, but what can you do. Not enough that it will stop me from doing what I have finally decided upon. I first must apologize to you who pay attention to me just now, it is part of my confession, you see. I now apologize for yesterday’s…oh, how to title it…installation, yes, forgive me, it was rather….clumsy and confusing…I suppose the effects of my chosen drug still lingered….but I shall not abuse substance for some time, I need to be crystalline to conduct for the next few days, weeks, I do not rightly know…but now I must begin to ladle my thoughts into your waiting bowl, I know you are hungry.

Today, I have come to the end of the first leg of my journey, I am now on foot in Budapest, Hungary’s capital. It’s cold, and I love how I must consciously puff air out in front of me, for as you know, my breath should be visible to everyone in this season, where as in summer I need not concern myself with such things at all. I arrived late, as was most convenient, and set out to find lodgings, suitable ones or not I didn’t really care. I cannot see the sense in lavishing upon myself the city’s finest, when all that lies ahead is muck and grime….unpleasantness which I myself must bring about.

So, with such in mind, I walked, and I stepped heavily upon the ground, hearing the thud of my shoes and feeling the vibrations in my bones, I walked. A young woman grabbed my sleeve, she was pungent and young, her smell all the stronger at not having bathed for several days, I knew. Quickly, she spoke in Hungarian, and slowly I answered her. The stars were hidden behind a heavy cloud cover, and snow would soon begin to fall….as we finally reached her small home, I hoped she would have a fire going.

I ducked through the low doorway, and was surprised to see a man sitting by the fire, asleep and snoring heavily. He was older, by fifteen years I’d guess, than the girl who’d brought me here….I momentarily found out that this was her husband. The man awoke at the sound of Katya’s frantic whispers, whispers that I was not meant to hear. Sadly, and with a tone of regret, she explained why a strange man was in their home. The husband was far from accepting of our arrangement, but he grabbed a thick black garment with a heavy dusting of dirt and stormed out past me, cursing heavily under his breath.

Katya looked at me uncertainly, and laughed nervously taking my coat and carefully hanging it as to prevent unseemly creases. I smiled warmly, and asked where I should set my bags. Again, saying nothing, she took them even though they were considerably heavy, moving them to a clean spot in the corner.

“You are going to pay me for this?” she asked with shaking voice.

“Of course,” I returned, “service of such promising quality is always to be rewarded. Shall we?” At this she nodded vigorously and began to slide out of her thin dress. “Allow me,” I said, walking towards her with what I hoped to be an unintimadating look. Her hands fell to her sides and I stepped behind her thin frame, oh and she was so thin, I would have to be gentle, very gentle indeed.

What can I say? I kissed her neck as I removed her dress, and her shyness melted and she turned upon me with newfound purpose. It was then she who kissed me, undressed me, and fucked me. That was what it was, too, it wasn’t gentle like I had first thought it would be, it was rough and when she playfully bit me, I bit back and was rewarded with a small drink. This, I have discovered, is the best time to drink from a mortal, when they are in the throes of passion. It just tastes better.

Later, I had my way, gentle just like I had planned….and this time I was on top. She slept after, I figured that she would and took my planned leave of her, leaving a considerable amount of money on the small, rickety bedside table. Again, I walked, but softly this time, after all, there was no sense in waking anyone and causing trouble. Unfortunately, not everyone was asleep. I had found the husband, sitting on the side of the street, drinking from a bottle inside a paper bag…..I first smiled, then frowned, then laughed as I saw him and then read his thoughts. He was missing his wife, and that was to be expected, she was really something, no matter how thin she was, but that wasn’t it. He was jealous. He wished that he had been the one to lay with me, and that is what I first frowned, then laughed at. Perhaps my luck was getting even better. One can always hope.

I greeted him, helped him up unto his feet, and he grabbed me. This would have embarrassed him had anyone saw or ever found out, but it was my humorous secret. The man tried to pull my pants down, he wanted to blow me. Are you laughing mystery reader? I am, again. You really should have seen it, he was so drunk you wouldn’t believe it.

“Come on, dolly, behave for poppa,” he slurred, making another attempt to get at me. I managed only to smile and grasp him firmly around the shoulders so he wouldn’t fall. I couldn’t quite figure out what to do with him then, so I walked him home. It was an…interesting walk. He talked a lot, mostly about how he had never felt this way about a man before, and he was actually kind of afraid of men in general because his father had raped him….it continued and it was just generally sad. Well, I can say it was sad, but I laughed and I do not think you will blame me given the circumstances.

It took me about twenty minutes to get him home and settled in next to his wife who would kiss him hard on the lips in the morning thinking he had been her wonderful lover. I don’t really mind, it’s better that she doesn’t remember me, it keeps me safe, and her. Hell, it was actually good for me too…there is a pleasure in such things for creatures such as me…it’s very different from what you may know pleasure to be, but the word applies both places. At this very moment I am running, closer to the base of a nearby hill, I’m trying to get around it before the sun comes up and I am forced to make shelter where I stand. I know I will make it, I still have a good ten minutes and only a mile and a half to cross.

Tomorrow, I head for Bucharest, Romania, where my love lingers with his new flame, I come for you soon, Louis. I hope you sleep well, lover. I still think of you that way, even though it has not been true for some time and only for a short amount of it at that. I know I will sleep fairly undistracted, Katya has considerably calmed my nerves. I didn’t expect that she would be so effective, I thank myself that I finally took a mortal in such a way, it had been so long, celibacy does not suit my purposes, especially not now, when I need a straight head on my shoulders the most.

Good night, honey. I am thinking of you. I am thinking of you, and of my secret admirers. I am being very bold to call my mystery readers that, I know many of them are not overly fond of me, they read and harbor small alarm for Louis, my love, as perhaps they should. Remember I allow you to share in my daily confession, not the content of confessions to come……

Part 4

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I have always put great confidence in the powers of confession, and I can feel them working even as I think this and remember the events and highlights of my day. It works all the better, I think, that you listen with your ear gently pressed to the mouth of my mind….your lips are so soft, I hardly notice them. But you know I could not forget you, now that I know you are here….but today was quite a day.

You may remember, I mentioned the fact that I was riding to meet someone. Today, I met up with them. I am not completely sure whether it was on good terms or not….there are so many ways to interpret the day’s undertones I can’t decide which ones are the richest and truest of all. No matter, I am again on my way to Romania after my slight detour.

My hostess was delightful as she always is, and I was mostly pleased to see her. It was not my luck that she was alone, however, the woman does keep strange company. Not that I would dare mention this to her, not me with my boys, you all read The Vampire Armand. I thought it best to forget who was the one keeping strange company and concentrate on being a gracious guest. I do not trust that I pulled it off all that well.

“Come in,” she said sweetly enough, showing me into a large sitting room of sorts. “Your nervousness is foolish, I won’t allow it in my home.” Now I was really on edge, but sat when told to with arms uncrossed…crossed arms are very defensive. She smiled at this and my own face warmed with a grin as well, it was just Jessica, after all, nothing to fret over really. Content in thinking this, you can imagine how I jumped when a hand rested itself on my shoulder. Apparently, Jessica was not smiling at me. Apparently, she was smiling at Santino, who after bending and looking coldly into my eyes, crossed the room to where the lady of the house sat and kissed her very deeply. And so I was nervous again.

“Marius…..” she breathed, for a reason I was not at all sure of. I raised my eyebrows in a “yes” gesture, not trusting my voice to actually reply. “I just like the feel of you on my tongue,” she almost purred. I imagined that I could see the words dripping off of her tongue, I also hoped I was doing a better job at keeping my guard up against Santino than I was Jessica. From the look on his face, which was turned to the window, I judged I was and silently put a point up on my side of the board. He glared at me, and I mentally erased it. Thankfully, he left it at that and turned away from me again…my mind was a jumble and a furious one, but I pushed it back down. I’d need all my anger later for the deed I had decided to become guilty of (Louis, I love you).

“Marius….” she murmured again, and this time I said something.

“Yes?” Oh, I was so brave. Indeed.

“I think it’s fair to say that you know why you are here. Am I correct?”

“I owe you a favor?” I ventured trying not to look down at my hands. I was afraid I would see them turning yellow.

“Exactly. Let’s play,” she returned, making me feel as if the thin ice I was on just got thinner.

“Play? What…” I began, shifting my gaze quickly to Santino and once again meeting her eyes, “what do you mean by that?” I wondered why she had to be so commanding, even in just a few words. Jessica, I had always thought that name to be soft and feminine, but since I had met her, it became domineering and powerful. It’s just that she was so like her aunts….there was nothing else to be but disgusted, with myself.

“Play with me, Marius…..Marius,” and here she lay down on the couch, and I couldn’t help but notice her form under the long, thin dress she was wearing. Her arm was draped carefully over the edge and her fingers played with the fringe on the edge of the rug. I swallowed hard and audibly, after all, I may be immortal and centuries old, but I am still a man. I opened my mouth to answer and suddenly she was sitting next to me, her thigh pressed to mine, and her skin was deliciously warm….she had just fed and I was suddenly hungry. A small hand reached up and stilled my lips in their half open position. “Marius, I want you to guess…guess what I want from you….” She was whispering and her other hand slid down and caressed the top of my leg. “Why have I asked you to…” she smiled “ …to come…”

“Jess…Jessica, I can’t talk like this,” I tried to say. It came out sounding like ‘Jass…Jassico, I con’t tawk lurk dish’ And she giggled if you can believe it. I didn’t feel quite safe as I saw Santino turn, it was his turn to cross his arms. I almost wished he was being defensive, but I could tell he was trying to keep his patience….we never did get along.

“I’m counting to five…and if you don’t guess, even try to guess…you will have to pay.” Oh, she smelled so good, and her breath was so soft on my cheek, but I knew Santino was praying she would make it to five so he could beat me into a bloody pulp. I had to try, but as I went to speak she squeezed my lips together in a sort of fish-like way. My eyes grew large and they pleaded with her as did my thoughts, please as she reached one, then two. What did she want to hurt me like this for? Then came three and she licked my cheek before four. Now I looked away from my temptress and at my executioner, who smiled broadly and cracked his knuckles loudly. He held up all five fingers and wiggled them at me in a goodbye wave, I waved back…yes my hands were free, but you couldn’t expect me to pull Jessica off my person. Not with her being so strong, and her aunts being who they were, and lastly with Santino, who seemed to have come into some newfound strength, standing there. I was pretty helpless, but I readied myself to throw my hands in front of my face as he crouched, preparing to fling himself on me.

“Five!” She exclaimed, and kissed me with her entire being…tongue coaxing mine to play, hands holding me in place. If my heart had been beating I’m sure it would have stopped. Oh, yes, she was shrewd…letting me sweat through the countdown and then letting me off the hook. Or was I never on the hook…? But now she straddled me, spending quite a bit of time making herself good and comfortable, making sure I was far from it.

“I know what you are going to Romania for, Marius….and I am calling in the favor that you owe me….remember?” Now she gave me a moment to think as she kissed my neck and chin. I no longer cared that Santino watched, arms laced over his wide chest, I was much to aroused to care about such a thing as trivial as privacy (oh, Louis, don’t misunderstand, privacy in that when was not an issue…with you it would have to be alone, I would go to any length to make sure of your comfort, please, just say the word..). All to quickly she pulled her lips from my skin and rested. We just sat there…her on me, me on the couch, nose to nose, eye to eye. “I said I know what your business in Romania is, doesn’t that bother you?”

“No,” I answered, it was a simple question, and I knew the right answer. She rewarded me with a quick kiss.

“Very good…..now, as for my favor…I want to choose how you do it. I want to have a hand in it, and when it’s over I want you to come back here, back to me….then we can finish the….transactions.” I honestly couldn’t believe that this was happening. Jessica, seducing me? I had never thought her to be so brutal, and that is what her request was, very brutal….and when she told me how she wanted it done, nibbling on my ear in between thoughts, I was a bit amazed. She was really twisted, and I admired that.

After our small foreplay of conversation was over, she got up from my lap and slinked over to Santino. He opened his arms and she leaned back against his chest, pulling his hands down in front of her. She winked at me, and I left. That was that, and I have to be very careful. Now two others know of my intentions, I hope they can be trusted to keep my secret until I reach Bucharest, if they tell…then it may very well mean my life.

I’m walking again….if you haven’t noticed I take great pleasure in walking, it calms my nerves…. sleeping in the earth is something I haven’t done for quite some time. Much to long, in fact… In fact, I think I’ll turn in early. I have another train to catch tomorrow and I might as well relax and get a good nights sleep, as I said in the beginning, it has been quite a day.

I hope your day was pleasant, my lovely watcher, and more so I ask all the gods whose names I can remember that my Louis is well and enjoying his moonlit walks with the one he most cares about. Please, my loves, enjoy your time while you can.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Part 5

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I fed early this evening, it was nothing special. Just a wandering homeless man that I happened to trip over…literally. Of course, I now have half a flask of mixed alcohol…if you ask me it had a distinctly Hungarian flavor, not that I’m sure that there is such a term when speaking of hard liquor. At this point I don’t really care. Reader, today I am depressed.

The past two days have been considerably preoccupying, and I have chosen to tell you of the more exciting events, for I refused to let go my sorrow, even to confession. I did not want to lose any more of Louis than I had to. Now, if I don’t tell you, I may slip a bit further into insanity…my hair I cut short and ragged today. It only matters because I boarded another train, and scared most everyone around me. Even if I hadn’t boarded the train I probably would have scared everyone around me….it’s in my eyes, they are bright and wild and darting. I refuse to take my drug again but there is such a long span between now and sunrise, I may have to to make these thoughts stop.

These thoughts I speak of are flashbacks, me remembering the night I had with Louis. Until now, I have only mentioned him vaguely, not wishing to entirely relive that night. Unless I want to take back another promise I have made to myself, and the favor I owe Jessica I must tell you, secret ones, I must again confess. However, this confession is striding into the past some time, not the everyday, singsong story you are now used to. I hope you can help me lift a portion of this lead from my heart…if not, I fear suffocation, and just sitting here, in my private quarters once more, I am claustrophobic.

We were in Spain at the time, Lestat had business there and I happened to be revisiting the city that held some of my fondest, private memories….Madrid. To tell the truth, these private memories were of my love for Santino, who now was bitter and hated me for how I had left…it still remains true that we never got along…just did what was necessary to keep out wits about...that is another story, I may eventually have to tell it. Louis came to me in the light rain on a February night…he was panicked and soaked despite the drizzle. It looked as if he’d been swimming in a puzzle.

“Mar-Marius…”he gasped, a bit surprised but not enough that he wouldn’t collapse into my arms. Shocked in my own right, I bore him up and led him to a nearby bench. I waited until he composed himself, throwing his wet hair back off of his face with a quick, snapping motion of his neck. The droplets sprayed me and I left them there….it felt good and I liked the feel of it on my face. One landed on my lip and I licked it away, it tasted different…and so my thoughts began to steer onto another path. “It’s Lestat,” he said finally and I was not surprised. It always was Lestat, but that night it would be me.

We talked for awhile, about how Lestat could never help but abandon Louis in search of a new scheme…these days all his plans were for corporal domination. I’d tried that once and new he’d grow weary of it, but nothing I said could convince Louis. It was almost as if he was tempting me to do it…he’d lay down on his back on the slick bench, so that I was perched over him with the ends of my hair tickling his forehead and cheeks. He reached for my hand, grabbed it and squeezed…I suppose he saw something in my eyes that was not in my voice…probably an understanding, for I too, had had dealings with the Brat Prince. What I did next was the onset of my obsession and our downfall.

I bent down, and kissed his cold, wet lips. What did he do in return? Protest? Remember his devotion to Lestat? No, he couldn’t let me walk away slightly embarrassed, us both going our separate ways and wondering what might of come of that night had it been pursued. No, his tongue darted out and traced the outline of my lips…he even placed his hand on the back of my head and pulled me to him. I was thoroughly amazed and intrigued…I knew vampires had tendencies to be promiscuous, but this was…was…just dirty. You may have guessed that I would be the first own to roll in the filth, given the chance.

Right there, on that bench, where Lestat could have come upon us and rent me limb from limb for loving his Louis in such a way. No experience has ever topped that one…his black hair against his stark white back brushing against my chest…I told you that much, remember? Told you of how I revisited those places where he nibbled and scratched? I know I did, but the most sensual part of it all was how it rained. The clouds opened up a bit more as we struggled out of our clothes, heavy and damp. The rain I could feel with every nerve and cell, as the water trickled down my arms to my fingertips, and onto whatever area of his skin I caressed. It was that gift of rain that made it so special, and the fact that we outlasted the storm did not matter…the haze clearing to reveal the stars as we bared our passion was indescribable.

(This was the favor that she had given to me, the location of my beautiful one. By some turn of events I could not seek him out on my own, and even if I could, I would not be able to predict when the time was right. When I would not get caught…I had a wish, you see, but it was not for death. I went to a sometime insider, a powerful and seemingly innocent one…I still think I am the only one who believes her of such cunning and cruelty…Jessica, I can’t bring myself to use the playful term of Jesse, not with what she has now asked for…but that shall come later…forgive me for straying from the beaten path, if there is such a thing.)

The rest of our affair I leave to your imagination, as I must imagine it always…and what better thing to remember when sitting on a monotonous train? Can you understand me better, now? That night I finally had the one I had wondered about since hearing his name, and when I met him I wanted a taste more than anything. He is quiet, and keeps to himself whereas I am more extroverted, a bit like Lestat you might fancy me…maybe I have found the same trap as the fiend I was so fond of, fallen into his footsteps and dug the ditch even deeper. I was so fond of him, and then I became only jealous…and lastly there was nothing. I have no feeling for Lestat, except a minor amount of sympathy, now that he, too, has lost Louis, he feels as I do…perhaps worse.

On the night eternally in question, I fell in love for the third (or so) time…it has been different with each one. This love was dark…black and green and forbidding and wet…I had always favored water over the other elements….now to dip my hand in a cool glass of it sends shivers up and down my spine. Dear Louis, I am not sure you know how you have changed me, the one everyone once thought to be so stable. Maybe I am just to old to become involved with anyone…if that is true how could you play with my emotions? I have said that vampires are extremely promiscuous, which is true, finding a mortal to love and then leave is so hard and goes against everything the heart insists….promiscuous is the only way to be in a life such as this. But you, my love, my sin, you are the guiltiest of this crime…you have lain with so many, and not committed! You, whom we all pitied and shook our heads over! You are the one who has manipulated us, nearly all of us, and made us putty in your white, uncaring hand! I had promised, Pointe du Lac, that I would no longer live my life in vain.

And you have gone against my right to make a personal vow.
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Part 6

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My confession comes a bit later than I would have liked, bitter ones….Readers, if you feel you deserve some sort of title. You will have to excuse my behavior, I am the one who is bitter, and oh, I have every right to be. I am almost sorry that I told you of my encounter with the one I wish were here now, Pointe du Lac, it seems to have become something I am paying for in full. How? No, not with the simple fact that I have lost him, that happened before you interrupted my plans. No, no I’m paying because of Jessica, she has added another small element to our agreement. As I think this, he sleeps beside me, breathing heavily…..but thankfully I am once again the stronger of those in this room….just me and him. We are uncomfortably close, in my opinion.

There was a knock at my door and as I said the customary ‘Come in!’ there was my “present” from Jessica. I was expecting someone, as her note taped to the front of my little black bag warned me…I had just hoped I was wrong in my guess of who it was. I wasn’t and I’ll say it once, maybe never again. Sometimes I hate being right. Sometimes I positively loathe it.

That couldn’t stop him from coming in and so I was forced to put place my crossed hands atop my crossed legs (no defense with this gesture, just mocking politeness…the note had also told me that I was now the one with the power, she had just created the illusion of strength because she wanted to make me “ more…pliable” Insane.) and give him a sugary sweet smile that I knew he would have to swallow, no matter how potent.

“Marius,” he grumbled, nodding at me and closing the door behind him. I never moved, just cocked my head at an even more ridiculous angle. “I see you got Jesse’s note…looks like we’ll be roommates. So, what sort of dirt does she have on you?” I still didn’t move, even though my face was getting a little sore from the over exaggerated smile. “Goddamn it! You always have to play games don’t you?” This was really getting good, I thought, raising my eyebrows at him to further stretch my face. “Don’t you? Answer me for Christ’s sake!!!”

“Alright, alright! Calm down, I was just having some fun with you…I see you still haven’t learned to lighten up,” I said with a grin. I hadn’t given up on him yet, I had an even better idea. Read that as an even more annoying idea.

“Think what you want, we both should concentrate on getting this over with as quickly as possible,” he said with the tone of a teacher trying to make a misbehaving or simpleminded student see the point of everything. I was growing more amused by the second. (Don’t you just love people like this? They are so gullible, but of course, you have to beware the traps. I have fallen into one, even if it is minor, so let that be a reminder that it can happen even to the best of us…oh, in remembering these things, my mood is much improved, thank you Reader, you have done me a world of good!)

“Oh, Santino, don’t you love me anymore?”

“After the stunts you pulled? How you LEFT me,” I cut him off.

“Ok!! I understand, this is to be strictly business, I promise,” I said being the peacemaker as often times I am, it’s a safe way to play a scene usually, but there is no way he will get me to promise anything to him and stick to it. Not after the way he has behaved. Tsk, tsk. “Well, now I know that you didn’t volunteer to come here, why did you?” I had to know, and the best part was, he had forgotten about wanting to know what favor Jessica had done me. Not that I’d actually tell him, you know.

“I got in trouble with the law, you know how persistent humans can be,” he said, pausing and looking at me to back him up.

“Oh, of course,” I offered.

“Yes, I well, got caught with some boys…young boys, you understand, in some rather compromising positions if you take my meaning.” I did. This was getting better every second. “They have this thing, this SWAT team, and oh, those are tricky mortals, Marius. They snuck up on me from behind, I was flustered, I never heard them! I was confused! Confused!!! They shot me with several tranquilizer guns, they weren’t taking any chances on someone as large and as wild eyed as me, oh no they weren’t! Jesse got me out of the mess, I don’t even know how, maybe she was just in the area…she is a woman of secrets, oh yes! So I owed her a favor, and coming here with you was it, all she said was that I’d better do it and that you would know what to do with me. And that if I didn’t do it…well, let’s just say it would be painful.” It had only taken him about thirty seconds to blurt all that out, stomping and jumping around our compartment, stirring the air with his hands…the man was in a frenzy. Now was my chance.

“Boys?” I asked innocently.

“Yeah, you know, you used to screw them, too.” How cocky.

“I shouldn’t be surprised, you always were ‘into’ something, like that time you were in the habit of wearing women’s underwear. I think I still have that picture of you in a pair, your hair teased to the very ends…that was a good one! Do you remember how hard I laughed? You put on that red lipstick and smudged it halfway across your cheek because someone had told that was how lesbians did it? I tried to tell you that blue eyeshadow just wasn’t very becoming on you, but then again, there never was telling you anything…by the way? Do you still shave your chest? That I didn’t mind so much…nope, didn’t mind that part at all! And, the shower curtain toga” Now it was his turn to cut me off.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s not like YOU don’t have kinky fetishes! Still obsessed with those damn rat tailed whips, teach? Remember how you used to act as if you were a dominatrix, dressed in all that cheap leather? Or was it vinyl, you’ve been known to cut a corner or two!” he yelled, and I had only been reminiscing…I didn’t think he’d have a problem with that…sure I didn’t.

“Santino! How could you call me cheap, I would hope that was real leather! After all, you are the one who bought me the outfit, if you can call it that, and asked me to role play with you! Besides, at least I knew that exhaust pipes on cars weren’t for ‘joyriding’!”

“I never, in all my life…!”

“Wanna play shadow?”

“Wanna what?”

“Wanna what?”

“That’s what I’m asking you!”

“That’s what I’m asking you!”

“Oh, I get it, ha ha, very funny.”

“Oh, I get it, ha…hey!” I broke the chain of repetition as he jumped on me and knocked me onto the floor. I flipped our tangled knot of limbs over so that I was on top and pinning him to the floor. “And I thought you didn’t love me anymore!” He grabbed me by the hair and kissed me, very very hard…my lips were bleeding when he let go and so were his. This was one thing I did not want to happen, but if I wanted his help, I was going to have to whore myself I now saw.

So, we screwed. I’m sorry to use such frank language, I know there are those of you who relish long, juicy descriptions, but I am in such a strange mood…not exactly a bad mood, but an irritated one, and those can turn in any direction as I’m sure you know from experience. It was fast, and I kept getting rug burns from the old, flattened carpet. At least he would stay, I knew just as much as Jessica what he was here for, what part he was to play.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered, falling asleep. He usually passed out right after sex, so I’d have a few hours to myself to confess, to shower, to think, to shower, whatever I felt like doing. Like showering, maybe. I have showered once already, I just couldn’t stand the feel of him on me, that was not in my agenda. I am sitting here, looking out the window and his head is in my lap, we are still uncomfortably close. Louis had to do this to me, but I will see similar things done to him. I’ll do them myself.

I know I’ve ignored you, mystery guest, I got caught up in my tale…it’s something I may use throughout the week to keep me from killing him. I will have to remember that he is good at being the butt of jokes, that is the best reason I can think of for keeping him around permanently. Otherwise, I would kill him when I was done with him, maybe…who knows how I’ll be feeling then! I have to leave you here, I should pretend to be asleep now, he’s stirring.

Oh, and he really did do that to Lestat’s viper when it was new…Lestat sent me a copy of the tape.
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Part 7

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My replacement priests, please excuse the late hour at which I now confess…a whole day has gone by since I last spoke with you, but I could not allow our minds to connect earlier, we will have to be careful now. Though Santino is not extremely sharp of wit, he has the abilities of the vampire and there is a chance that I may slip. I must not take that chance.

Yesterday, after our little ‘tiff’ I suppose you could call it, I honestly did fall asleep. When I woke up it was several hours ‘til daylight, but he hadn’t yet turned in…he was sitting across from me, watching me and writing. Writing? I thought, Santino writing? He was never a great master of words, all his skills I could count were physical ones…excuse the innuendo, but that isn’t so far from the truth, though I have had better. You know who isn’t very good in bed? Oh, maybe you’d guess…let’s just say I’ve been around and there was this one time when I was cornered by a very insane, well, I think that insanity is a regular thing in this case, but…Where has my train of thought gone?

So I awoke and saw him sitting there, writing, scratching out, and rephrasing…he seemed to be working rather hard, he was biting his lips so that they were white. When his attention was to the paper, I snatched it from him, both startling and angering the ‘author.’ It wasn’t very long, so I had already read it twice by the time he grabbed it out of my hand a long second or two later. It was a love sonnet, about me. I almost wanted to scream it was so bad…I can tolerate bad writing, but when that person is in my presence and I have that chance to rip them apart…oooh is it unfair. So, I played the flattered lover. I was all smiles and kisses, reassuring ones…and thank you ones. I’m sure I would have had to make love to him that time, not just quick frustrated screwing as before, and I just don’t know if I could have stood it. There was just something about him which no longer aroused me, it revolted me, and I wondered how this could have ever been something I wanted, even if it was only one…one passionate week. The past is a strange thing.

To keep with the story, I am very preoccupied, the thing that kept me from having to be with him again was the fact that we had arrived in Bucharest. I had never been so relieved…well, not in the last few weeks or so. So, I led the way and Santino carried all the luggage, mine and his. I walked briskly, using the excuse that I so needed to be with him I could not convince my legs to slow in the least. He ate this up with no second thoughts and struggled after me through the thick crowd without ease or grace. I laughed quietly to myself.

“What is so funny, lover?” he whispered at me from some twenty-five feet away.

“I was just thinking of the look you’ll have on your face when I finally get a hold of you…is the doctor in?” I answered somewhat coyly…I hated doing this to keep up appearances, but I needed him to be my alibi almost…damn these consequences!!!!

“Yes the doctor’s in, baby, and I think you are in need of a physical,” he panted back. I don’t think he noticed the shudder that went through my body just then, I couldn’t help it, thinking about being ‘examined’ like that by him. We had played this once before, and it was ok then, I liked him then, but now? I had no intention of doing such a thing…I would find a way around it. Or maybe not…

“Marius, no, it isn’t!” a voice to my left shouted…we, well, I was out of the crowd for the most part and so I easily turned to the sound of a familiar voice.

“What are you doing here?” I asked back, genuinely happy, and we embraced after not seeing one another for so long. “You seem to be in high spirits, for once, what’s the occasion?” For a disillusioned moment I did not know why he was so happy, and then I remembered…he was hear with Louis, they were back together after who knows how long…two hundred years, maybe?

“I’m hear with a lover…as I see you are as well. Santino? I hadn’t realized that you two got along,” he said jokingly, and we both shared a laugh as Santino dropped one of the suitcases and several things tumbled out. I didn’t mind, it was one of his bags.

“Yes, well…we have learned to put our differences aside in light of other, more rewarding, emotions.” I was speaking seriously, and I made sure to think only of the romp we had had on the floor earlier, it made my words more believable and richer in tone. If anyone would guess that my words were false, I was speaking to that ‘person’…he was one of the best when it came to keeping secrets, yet when we tried to do it from each other the chances were not as good…we had known each other in such a way that we knew the mannerisms of each other just as we knew how to read. Now that we had been apart for so long, I hoped that I would have better luck. I certainly did.

“I’ll be going now, before he sees me and grows jealous. Will you be staying long?” he asked a bit distractedly…I knew he had places to go, and I knew who he was going to see…but I kept quiet.

“A week or two, at the most I think…it is just a little vacation of sorts, can I hope to see you again before we leave? It has been so long.” An innocent enough question, I knew he would agree due to his cheerful mood.

“That would be wonderful, I think we should ‘double’ as people now say,” he added. He seemed so happy, and so I was happy for him…but I was also happy that I would soon be able to break his bubble. Even though it was him, of all people, I just didn’t care…maybe they are right to call me selfish, but I made a vow and it shall not be broken again.

“Sounds like we have a date!” I answered agreeably, this would give the perfect chance to further asses the situation and reconfirm my own…Santino was already proving useful to me.

“I’ll be in touch, I’m very late, I wouldn’t want to have to sleep on the couch tonight,” he chuckled. With that he kissed me quickly on the cheek and was gone just as he came. Now I would have to be on my toes, with two other vampires lurking about the city. He chuckled! His spirits were so improved and mutated it amazed me…I refuse to think on that. I wouldn’t want to let my heart get soft in the face of promise and duty.

Santino heard none of this, he was so damn absent minded! I suppose that was all for the best, let him be surprised when he first sees them together, two of those I love most…Louis and his new lover, his Armand. What a pity. We found a place to stay and unpacked a bit, and went out to feed. Later, we played doctor, now the façade must become my life, my reality…I must love Santino with all my being, just in case a certain someone would happen to get a little nosey.

Wish me luck, mindreaders…I wish you the same luck and you may use it in whatever way you wish. I still love my one night stand…Louis, you were great. Louis, you are great. Louis, I hope that my plans do not strip you of your greatness…I hope that you do not ever know the truth. It might hurt your pretty little head, and if I hurt yours Readers, that is the risk you take, for continually running your fingers through my thoughts…good luck to you, to me, to those I seek to change. Good luck is of the highest demand.
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Part 8

I seem to have made a habit of vainly asking your forgiveness, truly it does not matter whether or not I receive it, I would not know the difference. I have spent the last few days in a frenzy, one in which I have managed to successfully pull the love and trust of Santino into my corner. It has taken all my attention, thought, and skill…we have lain together many times, seen many sights…and at the end of it all I am rather exhausted. However, I have also formulated my plan. The one in which I will slowly begin to make Louis feel some of what I felt, maybe more…maybe, hopefully, I can make it worse. From this moment on, you are no longer a mere Reader, you are a judge…no. You are my judge, and that is considerably different. You will weigh the consequences each player will suffer at my hand, including me. I hope that the ending verdict is that I have overpaid them all what is their due…and I hope you find me guilty. I told you before, I would be the first one to roll in the filth, given the chance. I am fatally sadistic, but so far…it has paid off.

/Initiating the first move/
So, as loosely planned, the four of us “doubled.” This was the first time I’d done such a thing, and it was rather pleasant, momentarily forgetting my alterior motive you understand. We were gathered in Louis’s home, sitting around on soft and tasteful furniture, a carafe of warm blood sat on the table…just sitting around, catching up. The moon lazily swam across the sky, the level of fluid in the decanter lowered, and still we talked. Now I pretended to be interested, I was always expected to be a lover of small talk and to create a formidable topic…after all, small talk was keeping the peace(but I could only take so much). Secretly, I defaced the peace as I chose the angle at which I would set my chisel to slowly chip away Louis’s bliss. My answer came after our ‘dinner’ party, my answer was Lestat.

After a good three hours of meaningless chatter, I took my leave of them by explaining that no matter how much I was enjoying everyone’s company, I could not help but feel uncomfortable due to certain actions that both Louis and I had partaken in. Santino elected to stay a bit longer as he and my former lover (and oh yes, Louis, I still love you) were engaged in some humdrum heated debate. Armand walked me to the door.

“It was lovely seeing you again. Even though I do not show it, I’ve missed you,” he whispered as he opened the door for me. I could not reply nor could I use any of the former names for him…Amadeo was of an extinct breed. So, I said nothing, did nothing, refusing even to nod. He smiled at me, not under those beautiful auburn locks I remember so well, he had cut them short. No, his smile was naked and stood plain as day on his face, unmasked by the shadows and deceptions of the night. I walked down the steps, and when I reached the street he called out to me, speaking my name in a sense of alarm. I wouldn’t have turned, except for the fact that such an action would have been suspicious and even when I did, no one was there. Armand has always been curious, but tonight I could not be intrigued.

Then I began to walk. I walked for a full forty minutes before I was grabbed by the collar and dragged into a nearby window. My body entire tensed, I made sure my back was to the wall and the window was to my side, my head nearly brushed the ceiling…I was confident that my attacker could not surprise me again. Over confident.

“Boo,” came the reply to my forced bravery and I whirled to look at the voices source. There, leaning against the exact spot of the wall where my back had just been resting, was Lestat. And here I thought my life was complete.

“Without me? Marius, still managing to teach me things I never imagined possible. So tell me, how *are* you planning to capture my Louis without anyone suspecting you?” Now he was accusing me, though neither his posture or tone of voice let on to it.

“I…what do you mean, your Louis? (I paused) That’s what I call him, and we were only together one night. (I paused even longer) Lestat…he got you too?” I had gone from being on the defensive, to the curious, to the obvious, to having a useful realization, and now to believing I had the upper hand. Which I didn’t.

“No one, ‘gets me’ ok, Marius? After so many years of forcing that little tramp to stay with me, after trying to show him that I actually cared, I LET him go…no one ‘gets me’ Marius, not unless I give them permission.” Testy. I could see that things were looking up, now Louis had two bitter ex-lovers who still felt passionate enough to drive a mortal mad. Things were looking up, thrice fold. “Now,” he began again, with a business like composure that made my fleeting hopes decide to stick around. “I know all about what you mean to do. You mean to make him pay for making you care for no reason and…”

“In vain, I’m doing it because he put me in the position that I did something in vain.”

“..in vain, of course. I know about the arrangement you have with Jesse, I know that it revolts you to touch Santino’s hairy chest, I know that Louis has taken Armand as a lover, and I know the perfect guinea pig. Plus, there is a very simple way to drive Louis from Armand, and it involves me. Trust me here, Marius, and no matter how angry you get, remember that there are infinite ways to make him suffer, and death is not one of them. Well, not his own death.”

I liked the way he thought, I had always liked the way he thought. We discussed and created a plan that deemed us allies, both after the same thing. Revenge. There was no way a younger, weaker, silently arrogant and whoring vampire was going to get the best of either one of us…and that he had managed to get the best of BOTH of us was justification for severe penalties.
/The first move had been executed. A plan was created/

Santino is a few streets away and on his way home to me and our bed. The events of the night and the assurance that my bloodthirsty demands would be sated had me excited to the point of bursting. When my new lover walks in the door, I plan to hush that pretty mouth of his and busy him with a few extra curriculars. Judge and jury, even though I am now turning on the small numbers of my ‘own kind’ and going against the disgust brought to me by making love to my new companion, it will always remain that his mouth is not just pretty, it’s gorgeous enough to bring you to your knees.

Part 9

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“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I had not even been her first lover.” -Humbert Humbert, Lolita
************
Even though you are my judges, not my jury, that quote comes to mind and it is true. I was not Louis’s first lover, I was not his last, and I had joined a group of those past lovers. We all doted and obsessed and needed him more than anything, we would kill for him, we might even die for him, but he had done us an unspeakable evil. He had left us, but no, we would not harm him. Just those that made him do it, we supposed he could not help his nature, and if anything happened to him, at our own hands no less, our hearts just might break. If they already hadn’t.

Lestat and I are among that group, as you know. So was Armand, but he has won him (Louis, have you received those kisses I blew to you on the evenings wind?) back somehow…and as you know, we will not let it stand. I felt the need to recap past events with you, Santino has taken much of my fervor and time…and my dealings with Lestat have turned a mite sexual as well. As I told you before, we vampires are highly promiscuous, we have to be! Forgive my rambling and let me tell you of the nights events…things are going quite according to plan…can you hear my smile? It is for the secret we share, you know.

I was hiding inside of that small, grimy room where I had been reacquainted with Lestat. He was standing in the street, smiling at the approaching Armand and Louis, but only the latter saw him.
“You’ve dyed your hair,” Louis said quietly, coldly almost. He got a winning smile in return.
“Yes, do you like it? I did it for Armand, he wanted me to look more like you,” he replied, getting Armand’s attention as he heard his name.
“What, love?” He questioned, sounding dazed and far off. He was more than dazed, he was drugged…don’t ask me under what circumstances he agreed to this, but he had fed merely half an hour before with Lestat, who had tricked him. I really admired that, and it angered me. To think that the little red haired twerp was so in love that he didn’t notice how full of LSD his victim’s blood had been. Pathetic, but when it comes to love, I cannot say that I am much better.

So, at the sight of Lestat, who had also sent Armand home to get Louis and bring him along so that they could all meet and go for a ‘drink’, he ran over to, jumped on, and wrapped his legs around the waist of the Brat himself. The jealousy flared up in Louis’s green gaze immediately, but he said nothing. He knew that Armand was somewhat chemically induced. Fortunately for our plan, he didn’t realize just how induced he was. Don’t you love those little things?

“I’ve missed you!” He said happily, planting a wet kiss on Lestat’s lips. “Why haven’t you called me?”
“I’m sorry…but it was just last night that we were together, I had no idea that you were so eager!” Lestat returned.
“You know what I’m going to say to that don’t you?” At this point I had to clap a hand over my mouth, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Armand so wasted, and by the time his head clears, it will be to late for forgiveness.
“Shut up and kiss me?” Was the tacky, but very effective given Armand’s ‘enlightened’ state, answer. There was no further reply as he jumped out of Lestat’s arms and pulled him down on top of him, right in the middle of the street. Louis tried vainly to stop them, to make his lover realize that it was Lestat, but he just didn’t care. He pushed everything else aside, declaring that he knew damn well who he was screwing, and that this was his true love. Nothing else mattered to him at that point, and Louis realized that he’d been taken for a fool. I could have died I was so happy, plus it was extremely erotic watching the two of them make love on the pavement…I wished Santino could have been along, I would have put him to good use.

Instead, I tracked Louis down, to see what he was up to. I prayed to the stars that he would be sitting alone somewhere, crying to himself…or better yet, mumbling aloud the benefits of suicide. Greedily, I rubbed my hands together, I was hungry for this display and my appetite had been denied to long. WAY to long.

I found him lying on a bench, his body racked with sobs. He was so upset he was moaning! My heart leaped, I snuck a bit closer, I had to have a better look. What was this? There were to people on that bench…and neither of them were crying, thought there was a decent amount of blood. My mind tried to disguise the truth from me, he’s feeding, it said. I knew better. I knew because the exact same thing had happened to me. There, on a public bench, Louis took another lover…those were the moans. Moans of pleasure, shudders and sighs and gyrating, not sobbing…lovemaking. I was almost angry again, and then I realized who was giving Louis the business this time.

Judge, this is better than anything I could have hoped for. It looks like there is going to be much more chaos then I had originally planned on…it’s all going to be at my obsessions expense, too. I’m so excited and now, at home, I wait for Santino to return. He noticed my excitement, and ran to seduce a human so that we might incorporate a little bloodplay into our sex…he is so good to me. I lay here, gently stroking myself, and all I can think of is the look on Armand’s face when he finds out that Louis has run to the open arms of Daniel. And to think, none of us even knew he was here…well, I didn’t, at least.
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Part 10

“Everything was a blastoff-moonwalk-splashdown, shameless sin before the expulsion.”
Well, I think that that describes my day.

I also think that all this sex and deception is driving me insane. I am in the lap of luxury, and it is intensely responsive to my advances. Judge, are you taking notes? Perhaps you should, so that you may write an effective statement when I stand in the court of God. Would you help me to justify my actions to St. Peter? I have no faith that you would…yesterday, yes…but not after today. Before it had just seemed a harmless game, but now the affair is tinged with the smell of death…at least it was not my fault. Not directly.


Louis and Daniel…the perfect couple, both shunned by major characters, why shouldn’t they find happiness together? Because Louis’s happiness does not come from love, it comes from torture, and to reap an even greater reward love must be a part of the equation. Of course, Daniel didn’t think twice about it, his mind is always glamorizing his personal misfortunes, everyone else’s problems a shadow in comparison. That may not be the best way to live, but it worked for him at the time. Time’s have changed.

When Armand became clearheaded the next day, he found Louis gone, a silly little Dear John note on his pillow. He went after him, he felt that he had to explain and win him back…he refused to lose his lover to Lestat. That had happened once before and it was his chance to come out on top. These thoughts raged through his mind, melting any shield he may have tried to maintain. This made my job of keeping track of him much easier. In fact, I even manipulated him without him noticing. My intervention made the trip to Louis’s hideout about three minutes, it was wonderful. I hated playing hit and miss games, now we could cut straight through the eight courses and start on dessert. Judge, it was decadent.

I won’t bore you with words exchanged, but I will tell you that I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks. Armand accused a lot, waved his arms around, yelled and screamed while Louis sat calmly, his head resting on Daniel’s shoulder.

“It just didn’t work out between us,” is all Armand got for an answer…that and a smile full of pride on Daniel’s face. That’s what turned the tables, if he hadn’t smiled, nothing more would have happened, I’m sure of it. Let me tell you, that smile was the best present anyone could have given me.

The next few hours involved some metal, bolts, cement, sweet-talking, and sunlight. The details aren’t important as to the exact ‘how’ of it, only the outcome matters. Armand had gone ballistic, so he took Daniel, stuck him at the edge of the woods, left him there nicely bound, and let him fry. That’s all there is to it, Armand has now killed Daniel, what a pity. Apparently it really was a pity because he knocked on my door the next night, upset.

We talked…well, he talked and I reassured. Santino politely excused himself, I knew better, but Armand was to occupied to pay attention as to where he was really going. Eventually, I calmed him down, told him that I didn’t blame him, “You did what anyone would have done, it had been going on too long,” I said. Of course now he was just angry and depressed and bitter and silent. Thinking. That’s what he had been doing for about an hour, when Santino returned from his errand. Errand grabbed Armand by the throat, Santino managed to pin his arms, and I stilled his legs.

The three of us struggled into the dining room in that fashion, and after a good twenty minutes of trial and error we pinned our victim to a long metal table. All his muscles strained and his veins stood out against his skin, but he couldn’t break free for as strong as he was Lestat, myself, and Santino (having drunk from me) were stronger still. To my left were some odd looking metal instruments, and I chose the one with the long steel hook. Lestat held his head and Santino kept him from screaming as I proceeded to remove what I could of my fledgling’s brain through his nostrils. I have never seen anyone buck their body so forcefully, even with all the restraints we had used, they both had to climb on top of him to hold him steady. I needed to be careful, so that I would cause as much pain as possible.

When we had built up a fairly large prize, I placed the hook down and picked up the small handsaw. With this I proceeded to cut off his head…there wasn’t enough time to first remove all of his limbs and I was rather disappointed. My helpers quickly hacked apart his body as I left to dispose of the actual head in some remote area, I did not want any possibility of him regenerating. They spread the remaining chunks of his flesh around the countryside. I wonder what they were thinking. I was thinking of how wonderful revenge was and how much I deserved this. At the last minute, I took Armand’s eyes out of his skull and, making a detour, left them for Louis. I could hear his screams increase as I got further away and I finally drowned him out with my laughter. Had I ever been so happy?

Later, my accomplices and I turned in for the day, smug smiles on all of our faces. Can you blame us? After what we had suffered? No, after what I had suffered? I still love Louis, I almost made up my mind to rape him before turning in…but I decided to let him wallow in his grief. Finally he knows how I felt when he left me. That is how it feels to lose the one you love, and he had loved Armand though he would not admit it to himself. Lestat was a game, I was a game, Daniel was a game…it had always been Armand for him. Now it was his turn to pay, my debt had been filled.

Sleep tight, my lovely judges, my soul soars and at the moment I care not what your verdict is, I can’t care about something as trivial as that. I am a master, I am the master. Bow before me, and pray and thank your Gods that I have not decided to turn on any of you…for as you can see, I am now as famous throughout the coven as Jack the Ripper is in your pathetic society. Do you feel that? I’ve blown you a kiss…

Part 11

Ah…I slept as I had never slept before…deep, sound, solid. It was utterly refreshing. Have I been cast out by those I sought to entertain? By those I am indicating you, my audience. It still amazes me how I was able to best my foes even as simple mortals infiltrated my thoughts. I am a wonder…the cat’s meow.

But I’m off…Lestat has taken his leave, but Santino tags along. I’m off…..again…to my meeting. Remember? My appointment with Jessica? I have no intentions of disappointing the young woman…young. Ah, but her strength is more alluring than any physical quality…I’m hungry for power. I know she’ll supply. It’s all I can think of as we make our silent journey. The time is spent with longing looks but the undercurrent of determination wins over lust…we cannot keep her waiting. Our luck must not be jinxed…but I have an uneasy feeling….

Arrival…I’m sorry, this is speedy…I’m much to impatient, and you know how I get when I’m impatient. It isn’t pretty…so I’ll just keep you mildly informed until we make contact….as it is we have to feed. A young man that jumps me in the street will do quite nicely, thoughts of rape and drug money filling his head. I crush it like an orange-the hopes and his skull. I want my hands dirty for her…I know that’s how she likes it.

Santino is begging me to let him lick my palms clean. How absurd. Though he has served me well, and it hasn’t been torture for him either, I would much rather have a redheaded trophy…we’re in sight of the prize. The hunt begins.

“Marius…you shouldn’t have!” she exclaims, meeting us at the door and bringing my fingers inside her mouth. Immediately jealously flickers in my companions mind…he can be passified easily enough, Jessica whispers back. A smile creeps across my face as she pulls us inside…only on my body, her hands wander. What is in store…I’m not sure of the item…but the packaging is attractive and extremely well kept. Not even dusty…what can I say? It looks like I’ve been expected.

“It has been too long…” I say, no longer can I help myself. Sweet seduction and decadent thoughts are arousing every last nerve. Parts of me I didn’t know I had are overwhelmed with anticipation, the wave is cresting…I moan, back arching at her touch. I’m surrounded, I’m drowning…the two of them encircle me…Santino in the front…and Her in the back. Slowly they kiss, nibble, and sway…the room swoons with us and blood enters my mouth. Both of theirs...filling my thoughts and my life…it hurts. A sharp stabbing sensation that spreads outward from the base of my neck…

This has never happened before…it must be her taste…with all the ancient flavors that even I do not possess. God…it’s overwhelming…I can’t stand it…why is this continuing…this feeling, no longer does the liquid even brush my lips. Have I been drugged, is this some new aphrodisiac..why are the lights fading…Santino… my mouth won’t even work! My limbs aren’t responding…I have a wet sensation around my neck…have they bitten me? Not with their fangs…oh my lord the floor is getting closer…closer…I’m on the floor?? I feel so light…there’s a breeze in here, I think…I can’t feel much anymore…can barely smell the scent of passion…it hasn’t died…I can faintly here a suction that can only be kissing…maybe not. I remember this sound from the night I finished Armand…what was it?

The ceiling…now I can see the ceiling…god, what an orgasm I must be having…but look…I’m flaccid…my limbs, all of them are calm and limp….I can’t even stand! Santino is holding me up! And Jessica is holding a knife…what for? A sacrifice…I’ve already fed, but I could quench my thirst a little more…always a little more…where is my head? Is this an OBE? Where is my head? Why doesn’t my body have a head? How am I thinking without a head? Oh my God they’ve cut off my head. Oh my God they’ve cut off my head! Oh my God they’ve cut off…