OK, I know its been a while since I posted anything (hope someone remembers me) :)=
But I just heard this song for the first time last night and it was just so a Lestat/Louis spec that I had to sit down and write this....The song 'Loving this way' belongs to Colin Raye, charters do not belong to me




"You know glaring at me like that is not going to thwart my actions." I spoke to Daniel's angry countenance in the mirror as I fixed my cravat.

" I just thought you were one of the smarter ones of the coven. I can't understand why you keep doing this to yourself."

"Well it is my choice to make and I would thank you not to judge so quickly, it's not as though you have the greatest track record with Armand you know."

"Well hell, at least I learn my lesson after the thousandth time or so. I had the guts to leave. When are you going to do the same? You've been saying it for years now."

"I have, I mean I will….You know how complicated things have been lately."

"When it comes to Lestat things are always complicated." He said dryly.

You know theres more to it this time. Hes….changed, he's not like he has been in the past. It's like part of him is simply….broken. He needs me Daniel, truly needs me. I can't just leave him like this….not yet anyway. When the time is right……"

"When will that be Louis?"

"I do not know Daniel but it is not now. Now please let me pass, I don't want to be late."

"Yes you wouldn't want that now would you. He might miss you in that huge crowd of people."

"Daniel why are you so cross? I thought you liked Lestat."

"I do!, Well did anyway. He's a great guy to go clubbing with but I would never fix him up with my sister or anything."

"Well just as well for me than." I kissed him on the cheek, moving once again to try and pass him.

"Oh is it? You mean to tell me that you are looking forward to spending your anniversary pressed into a sweaty crowd, watching your lover elevated on stage with the rest of the mindless groupies?"

"He's just gotten his music started once again, you know how important that is to him. He needs its right now."

"Yes well, Lestat needs a lot of things doesn't he? It's not your place to supply them all Louis. When was the last time you think Lestat put any thought into your needs?"

"Goodbye Daniel." I said tersely, making my way past him finally out into the hall.

"Yeah see ya. Give me a call when you finally realize that you have needs too. -Maybe I'll still be around."

I walked out the back door, not bothering to turn around to see the distain on Daniel's face. The club was even more crowded than it was the other night. Since Lestat starting singing again, his fan base had continued to grow at an alarming rate. He had been playing mostly small clubs in the quarter but starting next week he would begin a national tour. I made my way through the crowd, finding my way up to the small table in front that I knew would be left empty for me. I had missed the very beginning of his set thanks to Daniel's interference, he was just finishing up the chorus to one of his earlier songs from his first album, smiling down at me as I sat down.

When the final chords of the song died out, Lestat put down his guitar making his way over to the baby grand angled in the corner of the stage. I was used to watching him play on the old spinet at home, but it was rare that he played the piano in public. He sat down with a flair that only Lestat could pull off running his hand across the keys.

He leaned into the microphone, looking directly at me as he lapsed into the French of our time.

"This next song I wrote for my beloved. Happy anniversary mon amour"

I sat back, feeling slightly embarrassed. Sure that everyone around me was staring. Also because of my conversation with Daniel earlier. Everything he said was right, and we both knew it. The only thing left to do was telling Lestat. Which for some reason I couldn't quite bring myself to do. The moment the first chord of the song was played a hush fell over the audience, and when he began to sing the atmosphere in the room had noticeably changed.

I'm tired of watching me hurt you
I'm tired of being the teardrops on your face
I'm tired of loving this way (I'm tired of loving this way.)
I know your every weakness
I can find one in every word you say
I'm tired of loving this way (I'm tired of loving this way.)

I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way you should feel
Don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind

I'll set your heart free
If you're mine you'll come flying back someday
But I'm tired of loving this way (I'm tired of loving this way.)
Well I'm taking you with me
'Cause like a room in my heart, you'll have your place
But I'm tired of loving this way, I'm tired of loving this way.
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
Don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that’s just how it is
I can't go on like this
I'm tired of loving this way (I'm tired of loving this way)

My entire body was numb, unable to take in the haunting melody let alone the words that drifted through the room. Being this close to the stage, I could see the cloudy red film misting his eyes, but it was gone by the time he made his way back to center stage, taking up the guitar once again. He avoided my gaze as he ripped into a more up tempo song.

Unclear what I should do, I made my way to the side door in a daze. I felt a measure of relief-which in itself caused a wave of guilt, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel sad at the demise of such a long relationship. I exited the club into a back alley, sitting down on the hard cement. I listened to Lestat's muted voice through the brick, not sure whether I should be laughing or crying. Before I could make up my mind I heard the door open, only now becoming aware of the silence from within.

"You should have stayed, it was a good set." Lestat said nonchalantly, leaning against the wall, his face totally unreadable.

"What is it you want from me Lestat? What did you mean by playing that song?" He stared down at me, dislodging himself from the wall, the faintest of smiles on his lips. Delicately, trying to find the cleanest space possible he sat down beside me on the ground. I began to think he wasn't going to answer me at all and I was about to leave when he finally spoke.

"You know from the moment I first met you the entire perception of my life changed. There wasn't a single moment I imaged without you in it. There, in this small slender packaging was the summation to all the longing I had ever known, the answer to every question I hadn't even thought to ask yet. I knew in that moment with a certainty I had never felt before that you were the one being I could spend this eternity with." He took my hand in his, holding it loosely on his lap as he traced the lines and contours. He was silent again, his face focused intently on my hand. "But that is not going to happen is it?" He asked finally with a smallness I wasn't used to hearing in his voice. I didn't know what to say. It wasn't like Lestat to speak so opening about his feelings, especially to me. My first instinct was to just lie and take him in my arms. But I knew neither of us would buy that.

"No one person can be all the answers to someone elses questions Lestat. That isn't fair to anyone."
He nodded slightly, still not looking up from his lap.

"Yo man-your back on in ten." A burley man said, opening the side door to find Lestat.
He sprang to his feet immediately, nodding at the man. "I'll be there in a minute."

"What are you going to do now?" I asked, not able to help my concern.

"Ahhh my beautiful one, always the mother hen." He smiled once again, tracing a finger down the side of my face. "Don't worry about me mon coeur, Armand will be accompanying me on my tour I'm sure he will keep me properly occupied."

"Armand?" I said, raising my eyebrow questioningly unable to keep the astonishment out of my voice.

"I know," Lestat said, his smile mutating into a smirk. "I give it a week before one of winds up dead, but hey at least we'll keep each other distracted until then."

"wow….I didn't know you guys were even talking."

"Talking, fighting…." He shrugged "Such a fine line."

"Lestat-hurry up your back on-" The large man poked his head out of the door once again.

"Right-coming." He turned back to me, "Well……"

"Well…." I returned, still unsure what to say. Of all the ways I saw this ending this wasn't exactly it. It seemed that there should have been more….yelling somehow. I have never seen Lestat so civil.

"Happy anniversary Louis" He leaned forward, kissing me on the forehead. "Enjoy your present." He moved to go back inside but I grabbed his arm, still unable to believe the finality of all of this. I looked up into his questioning face, wanting to say a thousand different things at once, not knowing where to begin or more importantly where to end.

"Save me a seat up front next time you're in town." I managed finally.

"Always mon couer" he smiled once again, turning to go back inside. I heard the first wave of applause as I made my way back down the alley. I allowed myself no other distraction than following the path home. Tomorrow night would be time enough for mourning, time enough for celebration. Time enough for a phone call to Daniel to let him know he was wrong about Lestat. Tomorrow night I will make allowances for all those things, for now I just needed to find my way home.


FIN