Disclaimer: Speculative Non-Profit Fiction Story created for personal entertainment and not meant to infringe Anne Rice's Legal Rights.

Spoilers: TotBT (especifically chapter 31)

Note: I feel right posting another story right about now. I'll make believe I didn't even read that awful message.

I've been reading the specs and I felt like reading TotBT again. I noticed there's really no chapter 32, so I wrote what I thought would fit there. This is also more like a deeper look on Lestat's thoughts on chapter 31, which I think must have been more than just limited to the detailed descriptions of his surroundings. I left out Louis and Lestat's conversation as it remains unchanged, so you might want to read chapter 31 if you don't recall it. The story ends right before chapter 33. Hope you like. :)

**************************************************************

Dear God, if you're really there and can hear me or even care for that matter, I beg you to hold me back from my accursed intentions. Help me subdue my anger, before it's too late. Don't let me kill him the minute I see him.

I find myself praying to a negligent, perhaps nonexistent God, as if I could really rely on Him and as if I'd done it as often as I'd felt the need. What will happen when I do see him? All I think now is to be done with him and his miserable immortality. To destroy him completely after I first make him see that I had won despite him and how he had wronged when he refused me. My Louis. Why did you do it? Why did you left me to die?

I feel like weeping, only I had started weeping some minutes ago. I still remember you on your constant visits at my downtown lodgings. I would look at you as you stared at my television screen; delighting with the films you watched and never tired of. Such pleasantness to just stay there, feel your presence and gratify with your companionship. Often I told you, you had no need to return to your dusty shack, that you could stay in any of my opulent rooms, take advantage of my modern devices and do what you pleased. But you didn't. Or wouldn't. I cannot understand why you preferred to go back into that timeworn and desolate place. I didn't want you to go, but I didn't tell you. I think you would've left even if I did. How is it that you can endure being alone? It seems you can go on for many years and never strive for the near presence of another immortal. Are you that strong? Perhaps, like Gabrielle, you just don't care.

Stay and be with me, I had said to you on that last visit you paid me. You looked perplexed when you turned at me, because you had misheard me or perhaps just detected a faint blur of sounds coming from my mouth. I turned the television off and you complained. I sat close to you and inquired,
"Do you remember when I kissed you on your lips?"

You smiled. "Yes, I remember."

"At the grave? At the concert?" I asked now and you nodded. "What did you feel when I kissed you?" I genuinely wanted to know it. What had those moments meant to you, my Louis.

"I felt love," you answered.

"Ah, but love has so many meanings doesn't it?" I entreated. "Can you describe me the love you felt?" You tilted your head, perhaps wondering why I had started my sudden questioning. "Was it just ordinary love or tender innocent love, or maybe lewd and passionate love?" I think then you started thinking you should have left sooner.

"It was a different love from what a human may ever know as love." I smiled. You always found the proper words to express yourself. Too bad I didn't understand.

"How different?"

"Lestat, why are you asking me this?"

"You felt nothing then, Louis." I lowered my eyes with my statement. "You obviously cannot describe it to me. You elude my questions."

"I…felt warmth," you tried to explain.

"Warmth?" I raised my brows. "You mean because our bodies are marble cold and warmth is a good feeling to us?" I asked and you nodded. "How different is that with the mortals?" You shrank back and sighed.

"You're right. I fail to describe it. I wish I could." After those words, I looked firmly at you and I know you reckoned what I was going to ask you next. Did your heart skip a beat?

"Shall I kiss you now, so that you can tell me?"

And after a while of silent staring you said, "Yes." I sat next to you and tried to adopt a comfortable position and so did you, so that your body was turned completely to face mine over the long sofa. And then I moved even closer, bending my body so that I could touch my lips with yours. I could smell the blood rushing inside you and on your face, and I sensed the uneasiness the whole situation made you feel. Your heartbeat was rising unseemly sudden. You closed your eyes seconds before our mouths met. Cool and smooth softness, I felt. Were you feeling the same? Was this what you meant with love? Where's the warmth? I pulled back and our lips made the soothing sound of a kiss.
"Did you like it?" I asked.

"Yes," you answered.

"Can you tell me what you felt now?" I insisted and waited. And waited some more. How could you put it into words, was that what you were thinking?
"I felt my heart unbecoming my heart. Like it had a mind of its own. You heard it as I heard yours." It was I who had spoken. "And I felt an unnerving tingle inside, yet it was nice this feeling."

"Yes, I felt that too," you agreed. Did you, my Louis? Or are you just apathetic wherever mortal-like forms of affection are concerned. If you felt only half of what I felt, I'd be satisfied with that answer.

"I want to feel more," I said. "But will you let me kiss you further than that?"

"You think it will do more?" you asked curiously, and your voice quivered.

"I want to know if it will." I said but the answer I held was, yes, I'm positive it will. When I bent over you again, you closed your eyes and waited for the lip connection. Again soft and cool and smooth. I kissed your lips again and again and like the mortals, I turned my head so that I kissed you in all the angles I could. So very sweet the kisses. So tender and meek.
"Shall I try deeper? Dare I wander beyond chaste?" You answered with a broadly, expectant smile. Your eyes never opened, as if you didn't think I'd stop the minute I asked. What surprised you was the feel of my tongue instead of my lips over yours. Your eyes opened.
"This is too much for you," I said but at the same time I stated.

"No, I just didn't think you'd--" Lick? Lick your lips like so. Smooth and soft, and now moist. I could have continued forever, but you finally grasped my notion and parted your lips. My tongue drifted finally inside your mouth. Now this was warmth. The touch of our tongues sliding against the other's; this was sensation-filled. And then some…this was not kissing Gabrielle, or Nicki, or Armand, or Akasha or Gretchen. It was kissing you, my beloved. It was love, pure and strong, and above them all, willful and prevailing. As when it truly reaches the deepest into the heart. You tasted of pleasure. I probed and indulged in it. I moaned and felt no remorse. I was impatient; I waited for you to show sign that you enjoyed our passionate kiss. At last you responded. Your hand searched for the back of my head and pressed me closer to you. I placed my arms around you in a lover's embrace and you did the same. The kiss became hurried and rash. Your tongue bruised against my fangs and when the blood soaked my mouth I became delirious. My mind and my heart were nothing but yours. I've never wanted the circuit any more than I'd wanted it in that moment. I had to ask for it.

"Louis, do you want my blood now? Drink from me." I uttered breathlessly. You pulled away and then said,

"I'm sorry, I cannot. I fear its power."

"Don't think of the power! Think of the meaning, the love in the union. Louis, I ask you, drink!" I gashed my throat, hoping the smell of my blood would tempt you. You stood up and turned away.

"Even if I want it more than anything, I won't take it, Lestat."

"Louis…" I stayed muted, trying to bear the baneful rejection.

"I'll leave now." Just before your shadow disappeared I heard you say, "The kiss…for a moment I felt redeemed and in heaven."

You didn't come anymore after that. I would visit you, but without you knowing it. I traveled and spent time talking with David. But I had missed the essence of life. Or perhaps only yet begun to understand it. The dreaded time came when I felt desperate and completely alone. I was forlorn and knew my time had come. But alas, I remained.

It was until my encounter with Raglan James that I circumstantially decided to talk to you again. So sweet and wonderful to know your consternation about my darkened skin. About my life. Would you have missed me? Would you have cried? But I was not there to talk about that. I came to tell you about the idealization of my possible mortality. Your reaction wasn't what I had hoped. I left irritated because of your disbelief. But you knew what would happen all along. The next time I went to you was after my terrible mishap with the body thief. I was so certain you would give me back my immortality. Again I was wrong. You denied aiding me, you refused me and then you left me. You wounded me in the very place where the scars cannot heal. You said I wouldn't see you again. Well, I would see to that.

I fought and I won. And all I wanted was to get back at you. I reappeared before you as a phantom, as a figment of your imagination, or so you thought. 'Who dared to fix up this flat?' I could tell you wondered, 'Who is doing it?' It was wonderful, to look at your expression of awe when you caught but at glimpse of me inside our old home. I was sure it would drive you wild. Was it I or was it James? Did you just imagine it or not? But of course, you knew the truth. What did you feel when you realized I was back? When I no longer disappeared but let you get full view of me. Did you fear me? You should, because I so want to kill you.

God, stop me from doing it.

But is it really my true intention? Do I really believe I no longer wish him eternally with me on the Devil's Road? I want him. I wanted him even after his betrayal with Claudia, and I want him even more now that he's hurt me again. I had no other reasons for playing the vision with him and fixing up the flat but to lure him back to me.

At last you had entered the cathedral, just as I wanted you to. I have waited and prayed enough. Should you know, your fate lies in my hands beyond this point. You had come next to me. I couldn't speak. I was trembling. I clenched my fists. You started talking, the same second I felt an oppressive tug in my chest. I closed my eyes for a second and breathed slowly. I threatened you and in my mind all I thought was how I loved you despite what you'd done. You're the flame that never ceases, but I won't let you know that. You asked me how my venture had been and I thought I would make you suffer, even if a little. I left you homeless and I didn't utter word of forgiveness; I kept myself cold and distant. You're deeply troubled and I feel better. More words of indifference and utter rage and you become crushed. Perfect. And then you kissed my cheek. I will not give in, if that's what you think. Watch me as I walk away. Watch me care less about your meaningless kiss.

"Lestat…"

I want out of here, this obsolete place. Why light the candles senselessly? What are these angels or these saints going to do for me? I looked at the Virgin in front of me. Why did I come here? Why do I ask myself? Why do I even care? Why care about anything! In a fit, I hurled my hand against the candles; their fall dramatically altering the steady silence into a resonant echo. I ran out of the church.

"Lestat…wait!"

It had gotten late when Louis found me standing next to the river with Mojo, who had ran devotedly after me, and now rested at my side. I relished on the quietness and tranquility. I stared for hours at the reflection of the moonlight as it created millions of glimmering crystals on the surface.

"Forgive me," said Louis and his voice didn't even disturb the passing wind.

"Why should I?" I answered coldly, my eyes still fixed on the night waters.

"You shouldn't, but I need to know you don't hate me."

"Have I reasons to hate you?" I mocked. Silence and only the humming sound of the breeze. I turned to Louis, but he was gone. I looked around and saw him walking silently away. He had answered the question to himself and now leaves me. Come back.

"Stay and be with me," I said. No time to regret as I become my own traitor. He stopped and turned around questioningly. Then he turned back but before he started walking I added, "I'm not playing with you, I mean it."

"Have I been forgiven, then?" he asked. I walked until I was next to him.

"I didn't say that, but you can live with me if you want. You remember our flat? I've restored it exactly as it was when we used to live in it."

"I've seen it." He smiled. "It's just like in the old days."

"Yes, like the old days," I echoed. The breeze blew through his hair and he did nothing but wait until it stopped blowing and it rested again over his shoulders. He looked composed, serene. Quite inoffensive; sometimes I can forget he's one of us. And there's always that exotic beauty that overwhelms everyone who looks at him. I don't think I had felt as glad as I did now about recovering my body and powers, but I was gladder to have regained my immortality. It enlightened me and I hugged him without thinking. My own betrayal. It meant nothing now. I looked back at him and for a moment I stared into his deep and alluring green eyes, and then like lovers, we kissed on the lips. I quickly incited a deeper kiss. It's true…if for a moment, there's a glimpse of heaven. I can live like this, I can do it. There came the taste of blood. I broke the kiss. He said nothing when I buried my head under his hair. He said nothing when I pressed my lips on his neck. And he said nothing when I pierced his skin. I did it the softest I could, as if it were glass and I could break it. Like a water fountain, it flowed; swiftly and directly past my palate and down my throat. Ecstasy. Rapture. Fervor. And then….Forgive me. I love you. I withdrew.

"Drink from me." I said to him. He looked away. "You say you love me, why don't you do it?"

"I don't have to drink from you, so that you know I love you."

"Fiend!" I snarled. I slapped him and he took the blow as if he deserved it.

"I do love you." He said, looking back into my eyes. "I want to live with you." I bowed my head before he noticed the red in my eyes. He hugged me, a short hug, and then started walking away. I stared back at the river, only now the waters were in turmoil and the wind blew harder. I started crying an abundant torrent of read leaks. Because I'm rejoicing, I won, and he's living with me again, and because I'm devastated.

I watched him recruiting whatever junk saved from his burnt shack. I watched him starting to create a new collection of books. I watched him smiling. I couldn't bear it. I left without his awareness. I started thinking deeply on David. My David. And then realized that I was heading to his whereabouts. I needed his comfort. I needed his shoulder to absorb all my bloody tears. Louis's words came to me, like a hint they appeared.

"Think on it, could you make another after all that's passed? Could you work the Dark Trick again?"

Poignant thought and much brooding. Break the rules? Break a heart to mend a broken one? I would do it again. I had said it to Claudia in my dreams. I smiled and began musing like a scientist. What could happen, with his switched body? The Superior General of the Talamasca a vampire? Yes, I can definitely see it now. I was feeling an exquisite urge for another fledgling. Poor unfortunate David that I'm not anymore in the mood for refusals.