Standard disclaimers

Spoilers:Iwtv-TvA

Warnings: angst, I think

This has nothing to do with Angel ties, it is a short at the moment. But I am thinking of making a sequel, but only if you want me to.^^

Memories of the night


To night is beautiful, the sky clear and the moon full, illuminating the backyard in bright cold light, shimmering in the whiteness of the flowers and reflecting in the clear water of the fountain, tiny sparkles. The air is fresh, smelling of jasmin and sun. A wonderful night, that are so rarely in this time, in this modern age, were the air was normally full of smog, the sky clouded and even the night full of noise. Sure, such a night like this is really rare, itīs like the old nights, the nights of the New Orleans I was born in. In a night like this I used to sneak out of my rooms to sit at a lake near the plantation, watching the moon on the surface of the water, the play of the dark waves, listend to the intrigueing song of the nightbirds and crickets, the whistle of the wind through the leaves. Such nights were wonderful, you nearly could believe that the legends of faires and nymphes were true, tales of ghosts and monsters. If I only knew that soon I would be the monster there.

Suddenly I feel the urge to see this place again, to visit and see if it still holds it magic. The city has grown, but it still shouldnīt have reach the lake. The land where once the plantation stood is still free, I know it, it is still mine. I leap down the balcony, silently landing on the ground and heading for the door. I donīt care to tell Lestat where I go to, he will be of with David tonight, like the nights before. I wonder if he will even recognize that I am gone, the last few days we hadnīt speak to each other, I was a shadow and he didnīt care.

May I will stay away for a few days, I could sleep in my hidden coffin, it is still out there in the small chapel. Yes, I will do it, a few days of from anyone else, a few days alone in the darkness.

I head through the city, finding my way to the outsides districts, killing a mortal that cross my way, before leave the streets behind. Strolling through fields, the gras black in the night, silver shimmer in the moonlight, gently brushing at my thights. A cool breeze catches my hair, let it flow in loosen strands around my head, carrying the smell of salt and earth. I go on, leaving the hills and meadows to head through a wood, tendrils and bushes hiding a way in the darkness that is only known by me. Meter for meter I fight my way through the thicket, leaves get caught in my hair, thorns rip my throusers to shreads. Finally I stumble out of the woods, reaching a clearing. Moonlight falls on once white marble, now grey and dull, stones overgrown with tendrils of roses and ivy, broken walls, old stairs, full of moss, white collums reaching like old and broken teeth in the sky, black holes where once had been large windows, now empty, stairing at me like death eyes. Even now, after two centuries, I can smell the fire, faint in the air. The ruins of Point du Lac, untouched and unfound in all this years, a monument of my past.

The lake is near now, just a few steps more, but I donīt really want to visit it anymore. Not really careing for the magic there, I am drowning in the magic, the dark spell, of this place. Like strings dictate my movements I head for the stairs, touching the cold stone, like I am afraid that they would vanish under my fingers. The moss is soft under my touch, caressing my skin, cold and slightly wet. Slowly I lower myself, strech my body on the stairs, resting my head against them to look up at the sky. The stars glow bright, hard rivals for the moon in all its beauty. I am lying here, the very same place I stept into the darkness so long ago, nearly twohundredandten years have passed since then. The moment I succumbed to the sensation and feelings of the dark kiss, to the blond demon that promised me a life without pain. HA! Without pain, what a joke. Never in my mortal life I have known so much pain could even exist. Not the pain of seeing people you love die, not even the death of Claudia, but the obverserving how the soul of oneself dies, the humanity vanish, emotion becomes hard and is replaced by indifference. To see how you become a doll that repeats onself over and over, following an unhearable command. Wake, kill, sleep. That is all, nothing more. The emotions we show nothing more then a faint memory, the try to resemble something you have once felt. It is true that a vampire canīt go on without a connection to the time, not because he needs a fledling to understand his surroundings, but to not forget how to feel. The same reason Armand wanted me in the first place, why he had made Daniel, why Lestat had made David. Lestat needs him to feel again, a new fledling, thats heart isnīt stone at the moment. And when the time has come that Davids heart is cold like mine, he will be replaced. That is how things goes, for the ones that want to go on.

I donīt care. I donīt care if there is a tomorrow for me or not. I am stone already. Only one thing that could melt the ice around my heart, but would also mean the end for me. How beautiful to meet the end where all began. Where I took my first step in the night, there shall be my last one into the day. One time I want to see the wonderful rise of the sun, when the sky turns from black to red and slowly to my long missed blue. Only to see this wonder again I would take the pain laughing. Death I donīt fear him, there is something behind it and even if the hell awaits me I donīt care, because after the punishment there will be absolution. Only to see the sun again, on last time, my last sunrise. I do not regret. Only that I canīt say goodbye to him, say to him that I thank him for the time he gave me, that I love him.

Good bye, ma chere.