LEAVE A CANDLE BURNING
(Tears Epilogue)
(c) Emeralds March 97'

Disclaimer: This is a piece of non profit amatuer fan fiction,
featuring Characters by Anne Rice, no copyright infringments
are intended towards her or her publishers. (i.e. If you try
to sell this, chainsaws are in order. ;) ) 

Spoilers: All VampChrons up to TotBT

Dedication: To all those who have fallen but found a way 
home. A million thanks to The, Bette, Mommies (Heather, Aria)
and Mal, I don't know where I'd be without you all. *hugs*

Let me make this perfectly clear: Vampires have no sex. 
*But* there are some out there who gag at the thought of
2 androgenous beings together. (no, there is no sex.. 
they *can't*) So, don't read on if you can't take it ;)
Mush spoilers apply too. Thats what happens
when one of them starts musing....


"I am lost,
 And so I'm cruel.
 But I'd be love and sweetness
 If I had you..."
       -garbage



	For some, the night brings more than just a whispering
darkness. It brings memories: memories born not of experience,
but of blood... memories that skip the imagination and slices
straight to the quick. The chill of the night brings memories
of a thousand years of snowfall, of frozen music hanging in
the air, of endless nights, of a hundred screams of pain,
of a darkness one hides within...... The night brings 
silence...and perhaps that is what I fear the most. Come
to me. Hold me. Keep me in the dark, I've seen too much 
and I no longer want to know. 

	Do you know me? Perhaps not, and you are in luck
if you don't. 

	I am the Vampire Armand. And I have a weary soul
tonight that I need to abandon for a while. Maybe that 
is why I'm walking the streets of Puerto Rico by night.
Savoring the air and beat of Cuban drums that wafts 
through it. Unfamiliar sounds engulf me as I stroll 
through the darkness, pausing now and then to watch the
flesh that flaunts itself shamelessly around me, taunting
me to join them, in the frenzied release of dance and 
music. A low seductive voice singing in Spanish called
to me........ But no, as tempting as it is, the pull of
silence is what my soul desires tonight. I need to be 
alone. 

	I wander aimlessly, lost in the narrow alleyways
of the island. White washed walls gleamed in the moonlight
as I pass them, moving away from the bright lights and all
it's mortal sounds of laughter with a heart that is too
heavy to tolerate the company of such happiness. 

	How long have I been walking? I can't remember, nor
have I the desire to. Perhaps an hour? 2? Who knows? The 
streets were empty now, dancers and music reclaimed by the
night as I crossed the dirt track to stand at a gate of a 
church. Whitewashed as all the other houses were, it spire
reaching to the sky dusted with stars. I leaned on the 
gate to feel it give way to me, yield to me as it opened, 
unwittingly allowing in an unwanted guest. I crossed the 
courtyard to reach the wooden doors that loomed over me, 
smelling the fragrant crush of leaves underfoot as the soil, 
still warm from the sweltering day wafted to my nose. I saw
a latch, turned it and the doors swung open. 

	Nothing ever kept me out. And perhaps the simplicity
of that fact contributed to the bitter seed that was planted
in a heart that was mine and had been flowering for 5 
centuries. Church. Wasn't it in a church I had first gazed 
into those eyes? Those eyes lost in a sea of gold and blue? 
I had come full circle, tricked again by fate I realized. 
Moving along the aisle, the sound of my feet tapped along 
the crude cement surface, hearing it reverberate through the
high ceilings and wall spanning stained glass windows. 
Candles burned low as the dying embers struggled to keep 
alive in the wind that entered the church when I opened the
doors. 

	What had Lestat meant to me then? 'Ignorant little
fool' was the first thing I remember thinking and telling my
followers. Come. We must destroy him. I think I remember 
catching glimpses of his face now and then, in the images 
they gave me, in little snippets, but nothing more. Ah, but
I certainly remember standing outside in the light Parisian
rain watching the doors of the Church and telling him to 
come out. Was there a twinge of fear then? When I looked at
the church for the first time in centuries? I can't quite 
remember. I had to admit I was taken back and taken in at 
the same time by this rebellious spirit, the snarls I 
received as the answer to my offers. It was strangely 
seductive the way Lestat had defied me. Strangely alluring
the way he seemed so head strong and insolent. There was a
certain amount of frustration and rage, accounting for the
fact that I failed to bring him to me despite all my attempts
of seduction. *He* had unwittingly seduced me using the art
I myself had perfected. Lestat was different, defyingly
seductive. Perhaps that was why I wanted him so much. Love
drives one to do many things, even if they are 
incomprehensible.

	Why had I escaped from New Orleans? Not that I 
feared the wrath of Lestat. Never. I was not to blame. A 
natural thing for a hurt lover to do is to take comfort 
from the fires of rejection and jealousy that burn to the 
bone at times. And I provided Louis that comfort. I shan't
deny that there was a certain desire for Louis himself. 
Everyone in the coven had to have at least some degree of
infatuation for Louis. Everyone loves the beautiful one. 
Everyone is in love with Beauty. Even the most corrupt of
angels loves beauty, though they try to destroy any existing
trace of it. They try to, because that is exactly what they
desire, and what they cannot have. Which is why they cannot
stand to look at it. Natural, to destroy what you know you
cannot have. But it was not him I was after........ that 
night of heat and passion was still an echoing blur. I have
no regrets on my decision. The decision to take him in my 
arms. My love for Daniel in a bizarre way was one of them,
my love for Louis another. Ah, but don't deny it Armand. 
You *knew* what it was, didn't you? You knew it was for 
the rage of Lestat that you did it. 

	You knew Lestat would come storming in before the
night was out. And that was exactly what you wanted. You 
wanted him to feel the pain of rejection and betrayal. So
what? So what if he felt these? 

     So that you can take him in your arms and comfort him.

	A smile. So that was my *real* motivation. But you
knew that Lestat would never accept love in that situation,
he never did and never will. Lestat would never offer love 
in a weaker state. Lestat was never the fool. I was. So what
have I left? Without a Lestat, without a Louis..... and 
without a Daniel. 

	Daniel. That name rang softly in my mind. What did 
that name mean to me? Far more than anything I could imagine
when I had first met him. Daniel. My lover. My savior and my
child. I loved him. And I still do.

-----------------

	Yet another quiet night. David found me yesterday, 
reading by the light of a hanging rattan lamp. His face 
looked all the more human in the somewhat dim orange glow
of the lights in the lounge. How is Lestat? Fine. That's 
a good thought..... any of the seven wonders of the world 
suffering from some mysterious overnight damage? No..... 
Good. A lecture. From David? Ironic that he was telling me
what a sin I had committed. But I listened. 

	"You would never understand." was my only reply.
Ah yes, you'll never understand my friend. Never. Good night.

--------------

	The nights still come. Waking up has been a strange 
experience for me these past few weeks. A mixture of 
disappointment and resignation filled my heart whenever 
twilight descended now.... I wake up and I know where I am.
I don't like it, and I move on. 

--------------

	Night. Again. And I am tired. I no longer want 
the world..... I no longer want what it offers me. 

        I want to be home. 

	Home. What was that word? It sounded foreign 
now.... and yet I remember the feel of it, the smell of
it, the sounds of it. Ah, Miami. And across that stretch
of ink black sea was..... well, home. In all it's 
glittering glory. Night Island. 

	And that is where lives a heartbeat that I can 
hear even now, despite the muted groans of the turbines 
I hear while I am in the lift. Turbines that generates the
wondrous electricity that made the entire island seem to
live, breathe and sigh. I walk through the frosted glass 
doors as I listen for the heart beat. It is a steady slow 
rhythm.... a drum that seems to beat ceaselessly and in 
time with my foot falls. It doesn't know I'm here. All 
the better then. 

	My own heartbeat quickens as I enter the room 
silently, the moon light spilling in through the windows
illuminating the crushed velvet bed spread and the sleepy
form on it, curled up. My eyes trail down the languid 
fingers, the curling eyelashes that fluttered so slightly
and his lips; I could swear they were molded for the sole
purpose of kissing. Taking calculated steps, I drew nearer
to the form there, kneeling down. My hand moves to brush 
away the stray strands of ash blond hair. His eyes flutter 
in response to this, and the eyelids wearily lift to reveal
a pair of abstruse amethyst orbs that pierce into the night.
What was that I saw in them? Shock? Surprise? They seemed 
confused, the violet darting back and forth, confused and
unsure of what stance to take.

	I kissed him before he could make up his mind. 
Pressing my lips to his silken ones, urging him to 
surrender, he finally did and opened under me, yielding.
We fell, fell for a long time, his arm brought itself up 
to entwine around my neck and pulled me closer, my tongue
sparring with his, discovering what had not been discovered
before, and learning what had been learnt a long time ago.
Too long ago. Ah, I missed this. If anything at all, I 
missed this. The feel of his cheek against mine. The 
taste of him, the smell of him. I had almost forgetten
how he had felt. My head was swimming as I pulled away
and gazed into those eyes, a finger traced it's way down 
his cheek and jaw line, onto his neck and came to rest on
his beating heart. I could hear it. Beating with a passion,
the very same passion for life that I had fallen in love 
with the minute I saw him. No words passed between us.
None were needed. My Daniel had smiled, and that had 
said more than could ever be said.

	Removing my clothing, I slipped in next to him, 
and held him to me, an arm pulling him to my chest, my 
face buried in his hair. Breathing in the warm musky scent.
The beating of his heart filling my ears, the feel of his
body pressed to mine, melting into my embrace. Perfect. 
Simply perfect. A soft sigh escaped my lips as I held 
him tighter, my legs entangled in his. Silence was all
I needed now, and Daniel knew that, silence was all I 
wanted. 

	I suddenly heard a whisper emit from his lips. 
"I love you." 

        I realized I was wrong.


The End