ALWAYS
By Black Emeralds, Pearlie Kee 1996/1997
darktrik@pacific.net.sg	

Disclaimer: This is a piece of non profit amateur fan fiction featuring
characters by Anne Rice, no infringement is intended towards her or her
publishers.

Warning: This is a post Memnoch spec written by me during post Memnoch
depression. Some stuff Daniel says might cause you to take offense. Don't 
blame him. He's mourning. And besides, I can hit delete faster than you think. 
This is a Spec somehow influenced by "Pilgrimage" written by Heather Meloche, 
though you don't have to read it to understand this Spec. Spoilers for "Queen 
of the Damned" to "Memnoch the Devil".

::Indicates recollections and memories::
:Indicates thoughts:

        Dedicated to Heather Meloche. For the simple fact of writing
"Pilgrimage" that made me realize just how much I miss and love him. Also
for being a wonderful supportive minon mistress who helped me pick up the
pieces. Love you Heather.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Remember me when I am gone away,
 Gone far into the silent land;
 When you can no more hold me by the hand,
 nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay
 remember me when no more day by day"
                        --Christina Rossetti

	Daniel stood on the balcony and watched with cold indignant eyes as 
the color of the sky darkened a shade. The sun was setting before the coast of
Florida. The canvas that was the night sky turned from a sapphire blue,
scattered by crimson colored clouds to that of a rich dark navy......... he
watched the sun, slowly engulfed by the fluid depths of the sea, it's
unsettled waters sparkling, reflecting the flaxen beams of the sun. It
wasn't to be a cool night. Not yet. Daniel could almost see the heat rising
from the pavements below, from the pavements of Night Island in waves that
seemed to make the city shiver, accentuating the life that throbbed in the
dark streets. It made it seem as though a dark invisible force lurked
in the streets below and could sweep up it's inhabitants into a heady
swoon......... it was intoxicating, Daniel could feel the effects of it, he
felt lightheaded, like the moments after the kill. The kill....... he hadn't
killed the night before..... he couldn't be bothered to. And it seemed
tonight would be the same. 

        The hunger clawed inside him..... but strangely it didn't hurt as
much... just like his staring at the quickly receding sun didn't pierce him
with a blade of pain so intense as it should have. His physical pain could
not compare to the other pain he felt. One seemed to help quench the other.
Fighting fire with fire. Pain numbing pain. The world seemed warped for a
moment, it seemed to tilt. Daniel shook it off. Turning on his heel he
opened the glass door and stepped back into the building. 

	The cool air struck him inside the Villa. It was refreshing and helped
clear his mind, but then again Daniel didn't want to be able to think
clearly....... if he could, then his memories would be twice as sharp, and
would slice him thrice as deep. Memories........... No. Don't
think about it. 

        He wandered the empty corridors. The sharp click of his shoe against
marble resounded throughout the villa....... it only served to remind him
how alone he was. How empty it was........ the steel and glass didn't help
either. Cold and artificial. His slow deliberate steps moved from one end of
the corridor to the other finally stopping at the clear glass door, placing 
his alabaster hand on the steel, it was extremely cold. It bit his hand and 
Daniel almost winced. He turned the knob. With a metal snap the lock opened, 
echoing through the marble laid corridor and the glass pane swung open 
silently. It was the study. 

	Daniel himself had only arrived the night before and the Villa had not 
been occupied by any of the others since the last gathering........... but it 
was kept pristine by the many cleaners and maids that came and went during 
their absence. The books in the study reached up to the ceiling in it's cases.
Leather bound and old, they loomed over Daniel ominously, almost as if they
were closing in on him. Menacing. They filled the air with a scent, almost
musky....... 

        It was dark in the room...... the only thing that illumiated the study 
were the pools of moonlight that seeped in through the French windows.
It was full tonight, and stood starkly out from the cloudless sky, the black 
velvet that was littered by tiny sparkling jewels. Shadows danced about the 
table that stood in the room. They seemed to move and taunt him as he walked 
around it....... the table was a deep red wood, the grains etched dark in it's 
body and the knots black in contrast to the brown. The chair was black 
leather........ a pain throbbed in Daniel's temple as he let his hand run over 
the smooth meticulously polished surface........... his fingers lightly 
brushed the notepad.......  onto the chair. The memories still hung thick in 
the air.  Ah, the pain of breathing in the memories! With each breath he took 
the clearer the memory became. Like another layer of dreams was lifted over 
his blurred recollection..........  and with each breath he felt as if he had 
taken in daggers. As if millions of unseen knives hung in the air and he was 
breathing them in, and each pierced the very core of his soul....... the 
silence was deafening him.


	Daniel could feel the tears well in his eyes. The blood tears veiling 
his vision a crimson red. He stood at the chair.......... the chair that _he_
had sat in.......... his teacher, maker, parent... his lover. All swept away
in one stroke.  

	"Armand"..... Daniel whispered. Breathing in acid.It wasn't so much a 
name as it was like a prayer. The tears left hot slow tracks of red down 
Daniel's ivory cheeks, he felt as if they scalded the flesh there. Shutting 
his eyes in a vain attempt to harness the tears, Daniel gripped the frame of 
the chair tighter. Suffocating, the memories in this room were. Like an 
invisible weight that threatened to choke him. It was all flooding back, and 
he could almost hear the words that passed between them in here once, years 
ago. Yes. He could hear it. Oh he could almost see it! See Armand sitting at 
the table, writing. It was so painful to visualize that face again. That face 
framed by auburn curls and the liquid brown eyes that were shivering pools of
emotion..............

	::"Give _me_ what I want!"::
	::"I'm giving you everything you could ever ask for."::
	::"Yes, but not what I _have_ asked for, not what I want!"::
	::"Be alive Daniel......... Let me tell you from my heart that life is
better than death."::
	::"I don't want to be alive Armand. I want to live forever. And then 
_I_ will tell _you_ whether life is better than death.........."::


	That expression on Armand's face! That indescribable expression that 
even till this day remained clear and burning in Daniel's mind. So hurt. So in
love. Daniel was choked with tears, his body racked with grief. The anguish
that he felt was hardly more than he could bear. With each passing second he
found it more and more difficult to breathe, invisible weights added to his
chest, the tears streaming down his cheeks, the very rivers of sorrow. He
had to get out! He was suffocating! Suffering in the clarity of it all! 
	
	Stumbling out of another door he was in the living room, and Daniel 
immediately regretted going in there. The huge black velvet wing chair sat in 
the middle of it, and infront of it, the television, the speakers, all manner 
of gadgets Armand had been obsessed with. This room held more memories than 
the study ever did. And before his eyes, the scenes replayed again, like a 
movie rewinding ....... how appropriate. It played over and over..........
the entire clearness of it all tormenting him further..........

	::"Come in Daniel, sit down, I never expected you to come back so 
soon"::
			
	Ah! That voice! That satin lined voice that he knew so well........ it 
was so clear! So like he was *really* there...... the room shifted, it tilted.
Daniel stumbled onto the black wing chair, stumbling towards the image of
Armand that laid sprawled on it. His Armand. His secret lover. He couldn't
begin to describe the agony he felt when he passed through him, passed
through the image of Armand. "NO!..." Daniel screamed. He lay on the huge
couch, nails clawing at the black velvet, burying his face into the soft
material, the blood tears soaking into it. "No......... no........"


	::"You son of a bitch! You wanted me here! You summoned me! I couldn't 
eat, sleep nothing! Just wander and think of you. You did it."::
	::"Calm yourself Daniel, your heart's racing, it frightens me....... 
Tell me what you want Daniel, why do you keep running away?"::


	The dance continued. He felt as if he was swung about in invisible 
arms, the world a whirling blur, a dream from which he could not wake. Ringing 
in his ears, deafening him. He beat the couch with his fist, beat it 
viciously, but the soft resistance held no comfort for him as the malovent 
dance went on.......

	::"Lies, you bastard. It's true what Louis said. You watch them die, 
your mortal slaves, You'll watch the colors change in my face as I die."::
	::"That's Louis' language. Please don't quote that book to me. I'd 
rather die than see you die Daniel."::
	::"Then give it to me! Damn you! Immortality that close, as close as 
your arms."::
	::"No Daniel. Because I'd rather die than do that too"::

	That was the final blow. Daniel snapped. A knife, plunged deep into 
his chest and twisted. It hurt. It hurt so much. Oh how wasted! How when he 
still had him, all they did was fight. Bitter and horrible fights. Armand 
would be shattered after them, broken down, glassy-eyed with silent rage. 

	::"I will not do it! Cannot do it! Ask me to kill you. It will be 
easier than that! You don't know what you ask for, don't you see? It's always 
a damnable error! Don't you realize that any one of us would give it up for
one human life time?!?" Armand would scream. And no resolution would come.
No words could stop the fight. Only the kiss. The blood. Armand's blood::

	Daniel was convulsing in his grief, the tears, like a dam had been 
broken spilled onto the couch, wet. He was sobbing uncontrollably, shaking and
shivering like a child. Oh, the thought! The mere thought that the body he
had held, the eyes he had stared into, the hair he had run his fingers
through, the lips that he had kissed..... were no more. No more. Burnt.
Ashes swept away at the church steps and into the swirling snow and mists of
New York. That thought alone delt a blow more painful than the memories ever
would. That church. That damned church and piece of..... CLOTH that Armand
had thrown his life away for! He hated it. He resented it with such intensity!
	
	"Damn you god! You! Liar of liars! Have you not played enough with 
us?!?!"

	Daniel's grief turned to rage. He threw whatever he could get his 
hands on across the room. A china vase that struck the far wall and exploded 
into a million tiny blue chips that showered the floor. Exploding like his 
heart had. "Damn you to hell!".

	Turning he rage on the furniture, smashing the coffee table till it 
was mere splinters "How could you Armand?! How could you leave me like 
this?!?! You lying bastard! you said you loved me! And now?!? You viciously 
leave without even telling me!"

	A remote control that snapped into several pieces and batteries that 
rolled out onto the marble. The laser discs, the CDs, the speakers. They all 
flew across the room and landed somewhere, destroyed. Accompanied by Daniel's
screams, the noise was deafening. Tears. Blood tears. Tears for the loss of
the angel  _he_ had lost his heart to.

	Finally Daniel collapsed into a weeping heap on the floor in a corner 
of the room. His knees drawn up to his chest. "Armand.... Come back." Broken.
His white silk shirt soaked with scarlet liquid rubies. "Please.........
please Armand....... " he whispered to himself. Whispered to the darkness
and the cold empty walls. The empty Villa. His empty heart. Whispered into
the empty well that was his despair and turning his eye from his cold
destiny. An eternity. An eternity without Armand. And he wept again.
Shivering in his own arms. 

	Then he felt it. A warm current of air enveloped him. Swirling..... It
almost felt like an embrace. Warm lips on his cheek. Was he hallucinating?
Was it the hunger that made all this feel so real? But Daniel was lost. :I
am here Daniel.: that voice! That velvety voice that once whipsered into his
ear! Looking up he saw nothing. Around him he saw nothing, but yet he felt
his hands on his cheek, he felt him brushing a lock of Daniel's hair away
from his face. 

	"Armand?" was the only choked word Daniel could force out of his 
throat.

	:Yes Daniel my love. I am here. Do not grieve for me.: arms wrapping 
around him, fingers traced his jawline. 

	"Where are you?" Daniel said, getting up and looking frantically from 
one end of the room to the other. In the impossible hope of seeing that face
again. That cherub face. "Armand!"  

	:Here Daniel. Always.: a low whisper in his ear. Like a kiss. :My 
secret lover: Lips brushing his eyelids. :Remember me always my love.: And 
then it was gone. Swept away again from Daniel. The warmth was gone and Daniel 
could feel him no longer.

	"Armand! No! Come back! Please!" Daniel shouted to the darkness. It
reverberated throughout the villa........ serving only to remind him of his 
isolation. Silence. "please......" a sob. Daniel slunk back into the 
corner....... "I love you......." almost inaudible. Sliding down the wall onto 
the floor. Feeling the cool surface of the marble against his blood stained 
cheek. The lights of Night Island twinkled below.

	Armand answered. :I love you too Daniel. Forever.: soft. Whispered.

Taking his knees into his arms again Daniel curled up. The warm current
swept through him again. Arms embraced him and he could almost feel a wisp
of hair against his neck. Warm lips pressed against his cheek. Then it was
gone. Whisked away forever. :Yes. Love you. Always and forever.... my secret
lover: 

                                       The End

                      In loving memory. Armand. Always and Forever.

"Yet if you should forget me for a while
 and afterwards remember, do not greive:
 for if the darkness and corruption leave
 a vestiage of the thoughts that once I had,
 better by far you should forget and smile
 than that you should remember and be sad."
                        --Christina Rossetti