SPOILERS: IWTV and TVL

DISCLAIMER: this is non-profit fanfiction, not intended to intrude on the rights of Anne Rice & Co.

To Anna, my one and only that makes me crack up with the silliest of things in what seem like the most impossible of times.

"From my stone pillow I have dreamed dreams of the mortal world above. I have heard its voices, its new music, as lullabies as I lie in my grave. I have envisioned its fantastical discoveries, I have known its courage in the timeless sanctum of my thoughts. And though it shuts me out with its dazzling forms, I long for one with the strength to roam it fearlessly, to ride the Devil's Road through its heart."
- The Vampire Lestat

Fantastical !!!!

In this new century, I have found that almost every city, every town, every area of some populated land mass has some kind of drug store or convenient store. Such places which enthrall me for hours on end. Why shouldn't each of these little general stores draw in hundreds of the undead each night under their fluorescent lights to keep them amazed until closing hours? In fact some don't even have closing hours, they just remain opened until Hell's Bells. Imagine spending the darkened eve, almost a full 10 hours of the star glittered night under the bright white lights of one of these massive branches of consumer goodies.

Each vampire has his own favorite section as well. Our own little respective territory in Wal-Mart or K-Mart or some Mart. I find myself amazed with everything, but I do have my personalized specials such as all the wonderful pain killers, bandages, and ointments. It's incredible how every wound, cold, cough, flu, bloody scab has each it's own intricately designed liquid, cream, or cover up. Band-Aids especially intrigue me. All those colors, a rainbow of them, a variety of designs, shapes, hues, sizes...everything you can possibly imagine with that tiny pad of cloth sometimes induced with a bit of healing antiseptic or nothing at all.

Even with all the healing mumbo jumbo, all the medicines, vaccines, pills, and vitamins one can take to heal a mortals illnesses, it is nothing compared to things that can bandage a persons body parts. There are some kind of wrap for each body part, including specific shrouds, cups, cotton wraps, and rubber ones too. I am simply mystified by the introduction of finger condoms. For surely that's what they're called. They neatly roll over the finger to protect the body from any infections that might invade the immune system.

Not just the pharmaceutical area astonishes me, but the kitchen wear never ceases to surprise me either. Mortals have the most confusing of machines, spatulas, and whoozy-m'bobs to take care of the most simplest of tasks that were just common when I lived as a young mortal man.

But I'm no longer mortal and watch this turn of events and the creation of new technology unfold before my eyes everyday on infomercials which are widely spread on each type and kind of television set in the electronic section of every damn Wal-Mart. One never grows tired of hearing, "It slices, it dices, it shreds, cuts, julienne's, and juices too!" So accustomed to these things I have become, I pass them by without another thought, and yet I still by the damn mechanical equipment anyway because I must see how it works on my own. Nevertheless wasting my time, my money, and the food I shall never put into my mouth or past my lips.

Bathroom products, cosmetics, and toiletries also amaze my wonderfully iridescent eyes. How can one stand the constant infernal buzzing a hair dryer? Ah, but how could you forget, there is a simple remedy to that, they have come up with a silent version as well to protect the sensitive ears of humans and vampires alike. Shampoos with different scents, ones that were never even conceived of when I was a boy. Chocolate, Raspberry, and Kiwi seem to be the crave as well as body sprays in the aroma of Vanilla, Honeysuckle, and Pear. Cheap fragrances are the hit with old little ladies, and teenagers alike, spraying them to test the smell against their lovely flesh and pollute the air with another stench. Sponges in all shapes, even ones made of once living animals, hard sponges, soft sponges, even mediums sponges. Sponges which take the hair off your legs. Nail clippers, toe clippers, nail files galore. More variety of colors to hide the natural shade of your nail.

Cosmetics of every skin tone, shimmer, or blush. Eyeshadows of yet another rainbow, they glitter and glow and shine under the lights. Lip colors, that delicious shade of blood red makes any man's heart falter a beat, even a dead son of bitch like myself can appreciate the true value of a woman's makeup job. Even the lipstick. Oh, how us vampires love the lip rouge which makes the most plain of mouths stand out to be pouty or demanding for a single touch. Red, especially red. Oh red, any color red, but even blood red. So sensual and sexy. Vampire can't resist it. None of us can, despite what some others say about makeup altogether.

I have spent hours upon hours in a single section of one of these stores, finding myself spending hundreds of dollars on the most stupid functional creations. Tiny palm sized dictionaries, silk roses, 50ft. of garden hose, and numerous tiny seeds which will amount to flowers of every kind. I crave those little acidic cylinder batteries which are used to run almost everything nowadays, tiny compartments of energy which have some great scientific understanding which I don't give a damn about.

There are books and magazines, a little library with random authors that everyone pours through, mostly of current reading each one has it's place neatly stacked up with all the rest of the paperbacks, even I am there, growing dusty in time and perhaps ready to be replaced with another up and coming vampire novel, one more current, more fashionable, something new.

I've found this over time visiting and shopping in these places. One week something new will be on the market, a new product guaranteed to do a spectacular job at whatever it is the thing is supposed to do, but the next week or month or even day, there is another competing product out, doing better, selling more because it's newly improved with less parts or something of that sort.

That is how I feel things are going. How old am I again, oh yes, everyone keeps track except for myself. Happy 239th birthday to me....Happy 239th birthday to me....

This vampire grows old and dusty in the bookshelves, he hasn't had a good story in years to tell, anything that isn't improvised or added by his editor or loving author companion.It's time for something new to approach. Something improved better then the old, replacement perhaps? No, something more, something much more. It's got to be better. Incredibly remarkable and better. Perhaps it's something I will write. Or maybe a new vampire with a more adventurous story will come to replace the old dusty one on the shelf, or merely remind us all of what was once there in the first place.

"I am the Vampire Lestat. I am Immortal, more or less......"

Don't you ever forget it.

Adieu,
Lestat de Lioncourt

August 7, 1999 9:53 p.m.