Heart and Soul
Addie July 1999

Disclaimers: This spec is not for profit and I am just borrowing the characters from Anne.
 
 

This story takes place shortly after Lestat burns down Louis's house

after he had refused to help him, in The Tale of the Body Thief.

It begins with a letter written by Louis to Lestat, although he never gave it to him.
 
 

Dear Lestat

I have never been able to tell you how I feel. You either don't listen or don't take me seriously. I will never be like you and I don't want to be. I am me, whoever that is, and in many ways I like who I am. Don't get me wrong, I hate what I do to survive, I hate having to be what it is in my vampire nature to be. It is true what they say about me, I am the most deadly vampire of you all. It is a title that I am not very proud of. But it is me nonetheless.
 
 

I admire you my maker, and I love you, but in ways I do not think you can begin to comprehend. I would lay down my life for you, but I cannot compromise my beliefs to do what you want me to do. I was brought up to be honourable. My moral obligation is to honour what I feel in my heart is right. I have wondered if I still have one though, after Armand squeezed the life out of me.
 
 

I bled then Lestat, as I know you did too, every shred of hope and desire disappeared when our little daughter died, burnt to a cinder. Will I ever get back that hope or desire to enjoy life again I do not know. Perhaps my time is coming to bury myself deep in the earth, to feel it encompassing me, nurturing me. To feel at peace.
 
 

Many things have happened between you and me, some were wonderful, like our time spent in New Orleans, as a family. To be part of something was almost worth being what I am. Almost! We did have some good times, didn't we.? But you know that, you were happy then too.
 
 

There are two things that have happened more recently than that and the first one was when you tried to burn yourself in the Gobi Desert. My whole soul split open when I discovered you had gone alone, to kill yourself. Would you have ever told me? If you had not visited me in my little cottage afterwards, I would never have discovered your folly. It was not to tell me of your adventures, when you visited, was it? But to beg me to give you my blessing to go on yet another even more foolhardy. Oh Lestat! How I despaired when you told me you wanted to be mortal for a day. You of all people. You who loves your vampire life more than anyone I know. Was it worth it my love, to walk in the sunshine. Was it worth leaving everything else behind to bask in its warmth.
 
 

I could not condone what you were about to do so I tried to block it from my mind, hide it in some dark corner, hoping that it would not resurface to torture me. The thought of you inside someone else's body was more than I could bare. Marius told me that you had made the exchange. He was angry you know, and came personally to tell me. He is overwhelming isn't he. Strong and calm and magnificent, so cold on the outside yet so warm inside. He loves you Lestat, and hated what you were doing more than I did. We spent a whole evening together when we heard the news, musing over your antics, laughing about you and reminiscing. It was like a wake.
 
 

I was terrified. Absolutely terrified that I would never see you again, at least in the your normal form. You could not have survived as a mortal, you would have withered and died. But I know Marius would not have let that happen. He told me that you had gone too far this time and needed to be punished. You are like a son to him, and you are a brother a friend and more to me.
 
 

That night when you came to me as a mortal, in David's body, afraid and begging me. Oh how I wanted to help you, I came so close to breaking my most eternal vow to myself, to never ever make another of our kind again. The fear in your eyes, the smell of your mortal blood, the sound of your mortal heart beating, as you held me close. It was then that I realised I did have a heart, it had not disappeared long ago, it had simply lain dormant, for at that moment I thought it was going to break. To smash into little pieces and catapult out of my chest. I fled, without so much as a backward glance at you. It was hours before I had the courage to return, only to be confronted with the burnt out shell of my home.
 
 

Yes my love, it was my home, humble as it may have seemed to you. It contained my most precious things. No, I did not have luxuries. There were no stereos, no T.V.'s no fancy furniture. But what I did have had been collected over decades. My books, Lestat. Not just any books, but first editions,. full collections, antiques. They were special to me, and could never be replaced. Manys the time I searched for months, even years to find what I wanted. They were my life, my existence, all that was me. Maybe that is sad and pathetic to you, but when I was reading my books I was somewhere else, I could be who-ever I wanted to be. It was a life of fantasy, but it was my life.
 
 

Marius took me in. Do you know that? He was there, he saw what you did and he waited for me to return. I spent several weeks with him. We became friends he and I, thrown together because of our love for you and our worry and concern. Then the last straw. David! Do you love him Lestat? Will I ever find a small niche in your world again.? Will I ever again be able to bask in the glorious light that is you?
 
 

Just remember one thing. Do not judge me too harshly, for I only refused you out of love.
 
 

Yours forever

Louis
 
 

I have written my letter to him, but I am not sure if I will ever give it to him. Sometimes just writing things down helps. Once it is on paper I no longer think about it all the time. There is more to tell though, and my story begins just after Lestat had come begging me to give him the dark gift.
 
 

After I had fled from him I wandered the night, cold, lonely and in despair. I shunned everyone I passed, preferring to keep to the dark alleys, a lonely shadow. The night was balmy but I was shivering, hugging myself to try and keep warm. It was a cold that came from within. He must have hated me. He begged for my help but I could not give it to him. I could still feel his arms around me, his soft malleable mortal flesh rubbing against by stone body, his dark brown eyes pleading with me. I stopped my wanderings for a few minutes to lean against a rough stone wall, hanging my head low and trying to pull the sleeves of my sweater down over my hands. They were trembling. A sob rose in my throat and I tried to muffle it, but it tumbled out just the same, filling my whole body with grief before it was released.
 
 

A mortal drifted by, I could smell his blood, warm and inviting, but I did not even look up. He was a lucky man that night, any other night and he would have been in my arms, feeling his life slip away as I nourished mine. I heard him leave, a soft gasp escaping his lips when he spied me, this ghostly apparition, caught in the soft light of the apartment above me.
 
 

I continued on my way, stumbling, not looking where I was going until I found myself at the end of my street. There was a strong smell of smoke which I realised had been there for quite a while, but it had not registered in my mind. It had not been strong enough to invade my senses, as my mind was in too much turmoil to be aware of any outside influences. I could still see wisps of smoke curling languidly skyward, drifting out over the tree tops, momentarily blocking out the moonlight.
 
 

The fire-engine was parked out the front of my house, and ash streaked firemen were still damping down the hot coals, for that is all that was left. I lingered in the background, shaking in anger as I watched them finally pack up and leave. Walking slowly over to the ruins I fell down to my knees and sifted the still warm ash through my fingers. I waded through the burnt out timbers searching for anything that may have survived. But nothing did. The dawn was approaching and I needed to find my resting place, which was in the small cellar underneath my house. Its entrance was blocked with heavy timbers, and I was just beginning to clear the way, feeling weaker and weaker when I felt a firm hand on my shoulder.
 
 

"Come Louis, let's get you somewhere safe, it is nearly light"
 
 

There was a streetlight behind him and for a second I thought it was Lestat, returned already in his old body, the blonde hair that fell to his shoulders was a glowing aura around his head. As I drifted into my sleep I felt his strong arms cradling me.
 
 

Marius was sitting at his desk writing when I arose the next morning, and he smiled a warm welcoming smile when I drifted into his study. He bent back over his work so I walked slowly around the room entranced by the magnificent works of art that embraced its walls, and the delicate vases and figurines in fine china, painted in gold leaf and brilliant hues of blue and red. There was soft music playing, Bach I believe it was, and the fragrance of sandalwood intermingled with the smell of leather and polished cedar. "You can stay as long as you wish Louis" he said, still not glancing up from his writing.
 
 

"Thank you, you are very kind" I replied. "There are plenty of clothes in the wardrobe in the middle bedroom that should fit you, they belong to Daniel, he stays here with Armand sometimes"
 
 

I was surprised to hear this, I had not seen either of them for a long time. "Are they here now?" I asked.
 
 

"Yes as a matter of fact they are Louis, the arrived last night but I think they want to be alone for a while, I heard them arguing.

I sat down on his plush leather lounge and laid my head back, I was homeless and I felt as though I had lost the only true friend I had ever had. The most fickle and infuriating friend, but true nevertheless. "Marius, what will become of him?"
 
 

He looked up at me then and placed his pen carefully in its holder, his eyes were caring and I could detect a mistiness about them that had not been there before. "He will suffer Louis. But he brought it on himself. I promise you though that I will take care of him if he is unable to solve this problem. I will not allow him to die out there, for even though he is a mortal in his heart he is one of us and will always be so."
 
 

The peaceful ambience of the room was shattered when Armand came bursting in, waving his arms about in a most un-vampire manner. "He will be the death of me I swear Marius" he blurted out, and I would have laughed at his words if he had not seemed so serious and upset. His face was contorted and ugly, and he rose up in the air settling himself down silently onto the back of the couch. He was seething, I could feel his anger. He only sat there for a couple of seconds then he was off again, twirling around the room like a dervish, my vision was becoming blurred just watching him.
 
 

"Calm down Armand, you are blowing my papers about. It cannot be that bad can it?" said Marius gruffly.
 
 

"Oooooooh! It is worse, he is impossible, he will never do what I want him to do, and he is always arguing with me." He stopped in his tracks when in finally realised that I was sitting on the couch.

His eyes widened and he dropped to the ground again, smoothing his tousled hair and staring at me. "Louis! How long have you been there?"
 
 

Mon Dieu! He must have been in a state not to have noticed me.
 
 

"The whole time" I replied nonchalantly, smiling just slightly at his embarrassment.
 
 

He scanned my mind quickly, gleaning enough surface knowledge of my recent misadventures to cause him to momentarily forget his lovers quarrel and came over to me. "I'm sorry Louis. Will you be all right?"
 
 

I nodded, and he took my hands in his, raised them to his lips and kissed my fingertips. "What has the Brat been up to now?" he mused and we spent the next half an hour deep in conversation while Marius went back to his work.
 
 

He was pensive as I recounted Lestat's recent tale of woe, but he did not offer any advice or encouragement. "Dam him" was all he said then left saying he was hungry. Marius was busy so I left him alone, and went in search of Daniel. Maybe he would cheer me up.
 
 

I knocked softly on the bedroom door and Daniel opened it. In a flash the expression on his face changed rapidly from expectance to surprise when he saw it was me. "Oh! I thought you were Armand." he said quickly then "Sorry Louis, didn't mean to be rude, it's great to see you" and with that he pulled me into the room and gave me a big hug. He led me over to the bed, sat down next to me and looked at me questioningly. "Well! What brings you here?"
 
 

I was just about to answer when I glanced around the room. It was in complete disarray, clothing was strewn about, the coffee table was on its side, and what once looked like a cedar chest was smashed to kindling. Daniel did not look much better, he was wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, his hair was in a tangle, there was dried blood on his neck and chest and scratches down his back.
 
 

"Well!" he asked again, "Are you going to answer me or not?"
 
 

"Oh Daniel, I'm sorry its just that.....this room......what happened?"
 
 

"We had an argument. We are always fighting Lou and I'm bloody sick of it. I apologise for the mess. Come I'll put on some clothes and we can go for a walk, then you can tell me why you are visiting us."
 
 

We disappeared into the muggy night, after saying a brief farewell to Marius who was still busily writing. There was no sign of Armand. Daniel grabbed my hand and led me through some thick trees and into a completely deserted park. "Now sit down, and begin at the beginning. You look upset Louis and I want to know what has happened. Is it Lestat AGAIN?"
 
 

For the second time that evening I recounted my sorry tale, with Daniel being my patient listener. He nodded and oohed, and commiserated with me, and by the end of this telling, I was beginning to feel a little better. "To see the sun again" he mused. "Perhaps it would be worth it, .......maybe."
 
 

"What are you going to do now Louis?"
 
 

"What can I do. I guess I will wait and worry as usual and hope that he will return in one piece and preferably in the original piece. He may never want to see me again though Daniel, he was extremely angry with me."
 
 

" I'm sure he will get over it. He never stays angry with anyone for very long does he? Anyway are you going to stay with Marius for a while? Please say you will Louis, it will be fun having you there with us"
 
 

"Fun Daniel? Just what did you have in mind? Or maybe I don't want to know."
 
 

"Well I'm pissed off with Armand, and Lestat is pissed off with you, so we might as well do stuff together. What do you say?" He didn't give me a chance to answer, because he had me on my feet and being dragged alongside him as he cavorted through the park.

"This is something I do sometimes when I am bored" he laughed and began making the most horrific howling noises.
 
 

"My God Daniel, what are you doing?"
 
 

"Baying at the moon. Join me it releases all the tension, and it scares the shit out of everyone. Come on try it, its fun."
 
 

He began howling again, throwing his head back, raising his arms to the sky and bellowing at the top of his voice. A flock of birds were frightened out of their sleep and madly flapped and squawked, several dogs off in the distance joined in the chorus and began barking and a couple of young men, who had been necking in the bushes scampered away, doing up their trousers as they ran.
 
 

He was right, it did release the tension, because I began to laugh, the tears coursed down my cheeks and I fell to my knees holding my stomach and rocking back and forth. He stopped suddenly and looked at me, then began to laugh as well. "I reckon I would have made a great ware-wolf, don't ya think Lou."
 
 

"Yes Daniel, you would have made a wonderful ware-wolf."
 
 

"Have you heard if he is all right Marius" I asked, trying not to sound too worried.
 
 

"He is still in the other body Louis, I'm afraid. Several of us are keeping an eye on him. But it is the beast in his body that I am worried about. He is completely feral and unable to control his urges, we may have to destroy him."
 
 

"No! What will Lestat do if his body is destroyed? It does not bare thinking about." Marius shrugged in acceptance of the situation.
 
 

Lestat was angry enough with me as it was, but if his precious body was destroyed. Oh my! I slumped over the table, resting my head in my hands and shut my eyes, trying to picture his real face the last time I saw him. Unfortunately the only visions that came into my mind were of him in the other body, begging me to help him. Then the desperation on his face when I refused.
 
 

I could not concentrate on reading the beautiful book set before me, nor did I feel like writing in my diary. My thoughts were too dark, too depressing, too horrible. Marius was concentrating on his writing and I wanted to speak with him again, but he had withdrawn into his own thoughts as he was prone to do. I was lonely and quite agitated so I looked around for Daniel, hoping that he would still be in the house somewhere. Armand had not returned since they had argued three days ago, and Daniel had succeeded in cheering me up temporarily.
 
 

Marius's house was immense and as I wandered up the lengthy corridor I could hear rock music coming from one of the rooms. Daniel! He was sitting in the middle of the floor, naked, nodding his head in time to the music and smoking a cigarette. For a minute I thought it could not be Daniel. Why would he smoke? He looked up and grinned, so like Lestat, cheeky, irrepressible, if he wasn't laughing he was angry, and always looking for mischief.
 
 

"Hi Lou. Want a puff?"
 
 

"Mon Dieu Daniel, why would I want to have a puff?"
 
 

"No I don't suppose you would. I loved them so much when I was mortal, that sometimes I just feel like having one every now and then, although I must admit they really don't taste that great any more."
 
 

"They smell awful too Daniel. This whole room smells, and do you have to play that music so loud." I yelled trying to make myself heard.
 
 

He leapt up swung around and pounced onto the bed, jumping up and down on it like a naughty little boy. That is what he is really. "Want to go out and have some more fun Lou?"
 
 

"Well I need to go out and get some fresh air, its very stuffy in here."
 
 

Half and hour later we were sitting in an outdoor cafe pretending to drink our wine and acting like mortals. Daniel was flirting with two young women sitting at a table next to us and before I knew it they were joining us. This was too much for me, I had not fed yet this evening and I could smell their warm bodies, their scent invading my whole being. The blood lust in me was reaching dangerous heights and I was beginning to tremble. Daniel did not seem to be bothered by these delicious mortals and talked to them as if he were one of them. I tried to grab his hand under the table but managed to grab the hand of one of the young women by mistake. She smiled at me very teasingly and I began to have visions of her death. She did not deserve to die, none of them did really, but if I did not get away from her soon, there would be no denying the inevitable outcome. I tried to catch Daniel's eye but he was having too much fun, flirting back and even leaning over and kissing one of them on the cheek. This was too much, I was beginning to shake quite noticeably now, and I could feel a flush appearing on my cheeks.
 
 

Daniel looked at me then and smiled, then stood up saying that we were going to go for a walk. "Come on you two" he said, grabbing our hands and pulling us up with him. "No Daniel, I think I need to go home" I said, trying not to sound too desperate.
 
 

"Nonsense Lou, the night is young, come on there is a great club up the road."
 
 

He almost dragged us up the street. The young woman by my side was very pretty and for a split second I wished that I was mortal again, just like my maker, and could have some normal fun. She held my hand, commenting on its coldness, and we followed them. Daniel did not intend going to the club however, and he lead us down an alleyway, stopping in a dark corner to lean over and kiss the woman he was with. She was giggling and running her hands through his ruffled hair, and he was beginning to undo her blouse. Carly was the girl I was with, she whispered it into my ear as she licked and kissed it.
 
 

"My you are a shy one" she giggled, and commenced to kiss my icy lips, "And so cold"
 
 

This was simply too much for me, any self-control that I thought I possessed vanished when I felt her sensuous body rubbing up against mine, and felt her small white hands slipping down into my trousers and grabbing hold of my penis. I sighed and felt myself falling back into the brick wall behind me. These were not sweet young girls after-all. *Having fun yet Lou* Daniel flashed to me and I sent back to him my anger. I could hear his smothered laughter as he was thoroughly kissed, then watched from the corner of my eye as the young woman went down on her knees in front of him.

He was moaning unashamedly, and I was concerned that someone from the street would come to investigate.
 
 

"Stop worrying sweetheart" said Carly as she worked my organ very hard, at the same time beginning to kiss me deeply, ripping open her blouse so that I could feel her full breasts against my shirt.
 
 

"Stop it please" I cried, but she continued her ministrations until I could feel the blood sweat begin to trickle down my forehead. Thankfully it was dark and she did not notice, but why was I worried about that, in a couple of seconds I would sink my fangs into her sweet neck and she would be dead. I began to kiss her breasts then, savouring in their softness, wanting this small pleasure to last, but I could hold out no longer, and my premonition came to pass. As I drank languidly from her, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness, she was just giving me pleasure, and I was taking her life. It did not seem like a very fair exchange to me. When I heard her heart cease beating and I had taken the very last drop of her blood I lowered her gently to the ground, telling her I was sorry, so sorry.
 
 

Looking up I saw Daniel, doing the same, only he was having a sup from the young woman's breast. She did not die however, as Daniel was able to take just enough to satisfy his craving. When he had finished he sauntered over to me, thinking that Carly and I were still continuing our little games. His girl saw her friend on the ground and bent down to her, screaming when she realised that she was dead. Daniel looked at me slightly confused, then swearing under his breath grabbed her and finished her off.
 
 

"Why did you do that Louis? I did not want to kill her straight away, I wanted to have some more fun, but when she started screaming....."
 
 

"I....I'mmm.....sorry" I mumbled. "I can't stop at a little drink.....I just cannot......I'm sorry, I thought you would have remembered that"
 
 

"Oh shit Louis, I thought you might have been able to manage by now. Never mind, come on lets get rid of their bodies. It was fun for a little while though wasn't it?"
 
 

"For a little while" I mused, as we disposed of their bodies in some bins at the end of the alley.
 
 

"Just a couple of pros, Lou. Not worth much in the scheme of things." I looked at him sadly as he dusted off his hands.
 
 

'Its Ok Lou really it is" then his expression changed and he came over to me, pressing me against the wall pinning we with one hand and running his hand through my hair with the other.
 
 

I tried to move away from him, wondering what he was up to when his hand went down to my shirt and ripped it open. "Daniel, what are you doing?"
 
 

"You are very beautiful when you are aroused, very beautiful indeed" I could feel myself flushing even more than before as I tried to move away from him again. "Dan...." I was cut off by his now warm lips as they pressed onto mine, his tongue forcing my lips apart as it entered my mouth. His hands were beginning to explore my body and had delved down into my trousers where Carly had been a few minutes before. A low groan escaped from my lips as he pulled back for a second, his violet eyes ablaze with desire. "Daniel, please, stop." I pleaded.
 
 

"Yes Daniel, please stop" said another voice from the end of the alley.
 
 

We both looked up to see a pair of furious brown eyes glaring from under a halo of curly red hair.
 
 

"Armand!"

We both stood still, hardly daring to breath as we watched Armand walk excruciatingly slowly over to us. Daniel pulled his hand out of my trousers and dropped his other hand to his side. Even though he was no longer touching me I could sense him trembling, his eyes had widened and he looked at his maker so desperately, pleased to see him again, but fearful of his reaction to what he had just witnessed. Armand traversed the last couple of yards in a split second, and before Daniel could react had him pinned against the wall, holding him there with his full body weight, their noses touching. "Aaaa....Armand!" was all he managed as Armand grabbed his wrists and held them tightly and painfully together. Daniel winced.
 
 

"Leave Louis" Armand said, as he continued to glare at Daniel, who was now trembling quite violently
 
 

"NO!" I said bravely, aware that at any second Armand could turn his anger on me.
 
 

He did not answer me out loud, choosing instead to fire into my mind, *well watch then*. He turned back to Daniel who's eyes were so wide now that I thought they would pop right out of his head. Armand shoved me aside, almost knocking me over but I stood my ground I was prepared to help Daniel if I could, if I dared.
 
 

Before Daniel realised what was happening Armand had plunged his right hand into this trousers and had grabbed hold of his penis, squeezing it tightly. At first Daniel thought he was just playing with him and a faint smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. This however rapidly changed to a grimace of pain as Armand's hand squeezed tighter and tighter. Daniel had his eyes shut and tears were running down his cheeks as Armand continued his merciless assault. "Armand, please don't." he begged him, but Armand simply smirked at him and began to twist and pull which caused Daniel to cry out in pain. I was holding myself up against the wall, feeling helpless, watching Daniel squirming as he tried to slip out of Armand's grasp.
 
 

"Armand stop it please!" I whispered to him, moving closer so that I could grab hold of Daniel's hand. "Get away" Armand barked at me and slapped my hand out of the way. I stumbled backwards and cleaved to the bricks behind me, wishing I were stronger and could do something to help. He stopped molesting his poor organ then and leaned in to kiss him, but I could hear Daniel groaning and realised that this was not a tender kiss. When he finally stepped back, allowing Daniel to breath again I noticed a nasty tear on his bottom lip and blood was streaming down his chin and onto his shirt. Armand's chin was also covered in blood, which he furiously wiped away. His eyes were smouldering as he continued to stare at his fledgling and he had still not said a word to Daniel.
 
 

I realised that I was trembling, I felt like such a coward, but I refused to leave. Daniel had turned his head and was looking at me then, his thoughts begging me to flee, but I shook my head. Armand turned to me as well, and did the same, only his thoughts were threatening. I turned towards the wall clinging on to it with both of my hands, bowing my head as I tried to decide what I could possibly do to help. There was a shuffling sound and as I glanced up saw that Armand had swung Daniel around so that he was now facing the wall as well and had pressed his cheek into it with the heel of his hand. When he began to pull his trousers down I knew what his intentions were and so did Daniel, who now seemed resigned to his fate, the tears still coursing down his delicate cheeks. I reached out again and grabbed his hand, and he dug his nails into my palms so hard that he drew blood. It was then that I decided to be brave, or stupid, I was not sure which at the time, and with all of my might I kicked Armand in the shins, bringing him instantly to his knees. Then with an almighty tug I pulled on Daniel's hand and dragged him away from the wall, pushed him from behind and sent him flying out of the alley way and up the street.
 
 

I watched as he disappeared then turned to look at Armand who had already risen to his feet and was glaring at me. I backed off slowly wondering when he would pounce, and whether or not I would get off so lightly. He did not make a move towards me but stood as still as a statue, I think he had even ceased to breath, the only movement I sensed was a minute flickering of danger in his eyes. I heard ragged breathing, and realised that it was coming from me. My body was trembling. I had been afraid of Armand before, even when we had been companions for decades, every now and then something would happen and he would terrify me. His mind would shut off completely and he would change, his features almost liquefying then solidifying again into something ugly, grotesque. It never lasted for long, but when it happened I would leave him be, turn from him and find somewhere dark and alone for a few days. I was afraid that he was about to become this changeling and attack me. My legs would not move, I tried to edge my way out of the alley, but he had me under his spell, completely controlled.
 
 

His dark eyes bored into me, then his expression changed infinitesimally. First his eyes softened from deep black to a soft brown, the angry set of his jaw disappeared and lastly the hard line that had become his mouth metamorphosed into a slight smile. *sorry my green-eyed friend, I have no desire to hurt you. Look after my errant fledgling for a while, tell him I will see him again soon* then he disappeared in a flash of dust, all that was left was a tiny whirlpool and my overwhelming relief.
 
 

I searched for Daniel, finally finding him in the park where he had taken me a couple of nights before. He was sitting cross legged, his hands resting on his knees, and was humming to himself.
 
 

"What are you doing Daniel? Are you all right?"
 
 

"I'm meditating." he replied. "And yes I'm OK, thanks Lou. Thanks for what you did, that was very brave." He opened his eyes suddenly to look at me. "Oh God, Lou, he didn't hurt you did he?"
 
 

I shook my head and knelt down beside him and taking his face in my hands I kissed him on the lips. He was completely taken aback and almost look embarrassed. "I'm sorry Lou, I was taking advantage of you back there. Will you forgive me?"
 
 

"Nothing to forgive Dan." I replied. "If Armand had not come along when he did ............"
 
 

"What! what!" quizzed Daniel
 
 

"Nothing"
 
 

"Don't nothing me. What!"
 
 

I was trembling again. I did not completely understand my feelings. This was a night of firsts for me. To stand up against Armand frightened and amazed me. I had no idea that I could be so brave. But what was happening to me now? Oh how I wanted Daniel to kiss me again, I wanted his hands on my body, I wanted him to make love to me. I just could not tell him, could not be that brave again.
 
 

He was looking at me with a stare that was benevolent, kind, curious. "Louis, do you really feel that way?"
 
 

"What?" I replied, slightly flustered, then I realised he had read my mind. Oh what a fool I am.
 
 

"No Louis, you are not a fool, just a wonderful man whom I would love to make love to."
 
 

I could not answer him, I needed him so much, he had been a wonderful friend but perhaps we could be more, just maybe.
 
 

*Yes maybe Louis, but not here, lets go somewhere quiet, somewhere away from prying eyes and vengeful, lunatic, diabolical, crazy, hurtful.............*
 
 

"Makers"
 
 

"Yes exactly."
 
 

I laughed at him then, sitting morosely on the ground, swearing and cursing Armand. I pulled him up and held him close, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek, but with a promise for more.
 
 

"One last question Daniel, before we find this cosy quiet place."
 
 

"Yes Louis!"
 
 

"Want to bay at the moon again?"
 
 

As we walked hand in hand through the park, enjoying the warm night air and breathing in the fragrant perfume from the flowers that bordered the path we were strolling along, I thought of Lestat. I wished in a way that it was he who was holding my hand, and was about to make love to me. But it was not to be, he was off gallivanting around the world, mortal and in danger, more from himself than anyone else. I prayed that he would survive, although I knew in my heart that I did not deserve to have my prayers answered.
 
 

Daniel squeezed my hand tightly and stopped walking, and turning to me looked into my face. He had a puppy dog look on his face, mournful and sad. "I'm sorry I'm not the one you really long for Louis."
 
 

"Oh Daniel, I'm sorry, I've done it again haven't I? I should shield my thoughts, but the pain is too close to the surface, it just always seems to be there. I do want you, you must believe me."
 
 

"I understand Lou, I feel the same about Armand, but they just seem to have a way of hurting us don't they?" he replied, putting his arms around me and giving me another warm hug. "Let us just try and forget them tonight, and enjoy each other, OK"
 
 

I nodded, and we continued on our way, eventually arriving at a small hotel that offered complete privacy, a big bath and an even bigger double bed. As we entered the room I realised that I was nervous, this was not something that I did on a regular basis. I had only ever made love with two men before, one my maker and the other his. Daniel was nervous as well, under all his bluster and false confidence I could tell he was a little apprehensive. Perhaps we should not be doing this. Then again, why not, we were both so lonely. I took off my jacket and faced him, moving closer so that I could feel his breath on my cheek. He removed his jumper and brought his arms around me, kissing me softly on the cheek, then allowing his lips to slide across to my mouth.
 
 

We should have fed because we were both cold, but I had the feeling that by the end of the evening we would be warm enough. His lips pressed into mine, and I opened them to allow his tongue access. He was insistent and daring, sucking on my lower lip then cutting his tongue with his teeth, letting me have a small taste of him. His blood was warm and soothing, filling up a void inside of me. "Come" he beckoned, and led me over to the bed, where he proceeded to remove my shirt. His hands went to my belt which he deftly removed, then pulled my trousers down. I proceeded to do likewise to him, and within seconds we were snuggled next to each other in the bed, luxuriating in the feel of each other's naked smooth skin.
 
 

I was still trembling, partly with cold, partly with nerves and partly with anticipation. He knelt up beside me and began to run his hand down the entire length of my body, beginning at my neck, then languidly caressing down my chest, my belly, then softly running his artful fingers down the length of my organ. I shuddered and he smiled at my reaction, leaning over to ambush my mouth again. He was a very skilful lover, taught by experts. His lips then began to follow where his fingers had been a few seconds before, and his tongue left a moist trail down my chest, and across to my nipple. He sucked for a few minutes, his sharp fang teeth nipping a tiny tear just underneath, and he drew a few small droplets of blood. I felt him shudder then as I brought my hand up and ran my fingers through his hair, pulling slightly causing him to jump.
 
 

He moved his head lower down so that he was suckling between my legs, his tongue lapping at me, then alternately sucking and nipping, tasting me again as he brought me to an earth shattering climax. But this was just the beginning, and he soon had me writhing under him again, his body on top of mine moving up and down up and down. His hands were moving in time to his body, curling underneath and slipping in and out of me, and all the while he was using his tongue to wring moans of ecstasy from me. I was no longer coherent, completely unable to think or understand anything than the pleasure he was creating. Any thoughts other than him had long since disappeared.
 
 

"Louis" he moaned, "You are so delicious, can I eat you all night"
 
 

"Yes!!" was all I was able to answer.
 
 

"Are you ready for me my love?"
 
 

"Yes!"
 
 

He pulled up to look me in the eyes and asked me a silent question, to which I nodded, then turned over feeling him lay on top of me for a few seconds and begin to kiss my neck. "I will be gentle Lou, I'm not a brute like your maker" he whispered into my ear, then grabbing my hands in his proceeded to enter me slowly. He was so accomplished at this that I barely felt any pain at all. He clutched my hands even tighter, nibbling on my ear lobe as he began his rhythm, moving into me allowing me time to open to him, allowing him to be part of me completely. He was moaning with me now, loving me, I could feel his hot tears trickling down my neck, as he made love to me. When his teeth pierced the tender skin on my throat I moaned aloud again, his name tumbling from my trembling lips over and over.
 
 

We were friends and lovers in need, and the need was great, and the need was being met. As his rhythm slowed and he slipped from my body, he fell to my side and pulled me to him so that every part of our bodies were touching. We were hot now and satiated, and at ease with each other, listening to each other's hearts beating, and savouring in each others warmth.
 
 

"Can I pleasure you now?" I asked him, and he smiled, such a beautiful smile, his eyes were sparkling and he looked so appealing with his ashen hair tousled and tumbling over his forehead.
 
 

Oh yes Lou, go right ahead."
 
 

Within minutes I had him a seething mess underneath me, his perspiration was staining the sheets, his head was thrown back his eyes closed and a low humming moan was emanating from his luscious lips. I took him facing me, so I could look into his eyes, and allowing him to drink from me again as I drank from him. Our blood was pulsating between us, bringing us to the brink then tipping us over, as we rushed into euphoria and beyond. With a last final cry I fell onto him, our bodies almost convulsing, so great was our mutual climax. For a long while we lay in each other's arms, too exhausted to move, too overwhelmed to speak.
 
 

It was quiet in the room, the only sound was our breathing and the low hum coming from the air conditioner. It was a few minutes before I felt another presence. Someone else was in the room with us and I had no idea how long that some-one had been there.
 
 

Daniel felt it too then, and we both slowly sat up and peered into the darkness.
 
 

"He's back Louis. Lestat has his body back. Can I have my fledgling back now please."
 
 

Oh God! Guess who!
 
 

Armand was smiling at us and I could feel Daniel trembling beside me, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight. He walked over to the bed, slowly, still with that irritatingly benign smile on his cherub like face. His eyes were soft, beguiling and I tried to read his mind, to work out if this was just a cover for something more sinister.
 
 

He touched my face and bent down to kiss me on the mouth. It was a soft tender kiss, and when he pulled back he was still smiling. He then turned to Daniel who was shaking and holding my hand. There was love in Armand's eyes now as he did the same to him, but the kiss was deeper more passionate and his hand wandered down Daniel's cheek then to his throat, lingering there.
 
 

I watched in surprise as Armand removed his clothes and stood there naked in front of us, his youthful muscular body glimmering in the moonlight that shone through the window. He climbed slowly into the bed between Daniel and I and put his arms around both of us. "That was quite a show you put on back there." he mused. 'Quite a turn on in fact, mind if I join you?"
 
 

I could see Daniel smiling as he pulled Armand into him and began to caress his back, closing his eyes and bringing his mouth up for Armand to kiss again. I was completely dumbfounded. I will never understand Armand, he is just too complicated for me. I watched them for a couple of minutes as their kisses and caresses became much more intimate, and decided that I would leave them to make up in private. I quietly slipped out of the bed and was about to put on my clothes when I heard Armand whisper to me "Louis you don't have to leave."
 
 

I looked into his face, so soft now and kind, not angry like before and replied. "No Armand, you two need some time together and I must find my maker."
 
 

He nodded in understanding, rolled on top of Daniel and began to move his body sensuously up and down. I left them, not turning back to be the voyeur as Armand had been, and as I closed the door I could hear Daniel softly moaning Armand's name. I was happy for them both.
 
 

My maker was back. I was excited and nervous. I wanted so badly to see him again, to find out if he was still angry with me. I was still angry with him, but I was willing to forgive him. I considered going back to Marius's house and asking him what he thought I should do, but I felt like walking, just wandering about, to try and get my thoughts in order. Daniel had been wonderful, he cheered me up for a short while, and I still felt warm thinking about his wonderful love-making. He was so uninhibited, so daring, so alive still. I felt as though I had been truly dead in heart and soul for so long, but he had stirred feelings in me that I never thought I would feel again. I hoped that Armand would care for him, love him, be gentle; he deserved some happiness.
 
 

It was such a warm night and there were still many mortals about, coming home from clubs, or walking along the river front enjoying the last dregs of the evening. Lovers were strolling hand in hand, and I felt suddenly jealous, suddenly very alone again. I found a bench to sit down on and glanced out at the city lights sparkling and glinting across the water. I let my mind wander back to other times when Lestat, Claudia and I would come down here after an evening at the theatre or the ballet. We would all hold hands and talk about our night out, savouring the balmy air and the perfume of the fragrant tropical flowers. I'm sure we sat in this very spot. If I was quiet I could hear them talking and laughing. Lestat teasing Claudia or reciting part of a play that we had just seen. Then perhaps we would all begin to sing some verses from an opera we had seen a few nights ago., our voices echoing across the bay. If I was really quiet I could hear Claudia whispering in my ear, telling me how much she loved me, and Lestat in the other, murmuring my name, or nibbling on my ear. Yes! If I was really quiet.
 
 

My thoughts were of long ago, a happier time, although I did not realise it at the time. I had shut my eyes, and all the other sounds had disappeared. All I could hear were their voices...........
 
 

I was snapped out of my reverie by a face in front of mine. "Are you all right sir?" It was a policeman, and he was concerned for me. Concerned for me!! He was peering in my face, which must have appeared an unhealthy colour even in the semi darkness. "Yes, yes, thankyou, I am well." I replied and darted away perhaps a little too quickly for he looked perplexed and frightened. I continued on my way, head down, still trying to recapture my memories. It went deathly silent for a few minutes and I stopped and looked up. There were no longer any mortals around and I had come to a very dark corner of the city.
 
 

I was not afraid of being here, I was the one everyone should be afraid of if they dared to cross my path. But no-one did. No-one was foolish enough to tempt me tonight, and it would not have taken much tempting because I was very hungry. Then I saw him. Just a silhouette at first, but most definitely him. He had been watching me all along, I had perceived of it before, but did not admit it to myself. I waited in silence, hardly daring to breath. Will he approach me? Will he attack me? Does he want to punish me for refusing him? My hands were sticky with perspiration, and I wiped them on my trousers. He stayed still. I could see his hair, falling softly to his shoulders blowing slightly in the breeze, but no other part of him moved. My thoughts were whirring, my body was tense, I was ready to flee. But oh how I wanted him, wanted to feel his arms around me, his lips on mine.
 
 

The silence was eerie, the tension palpable. I contemplated moving towards him, reaching out, but I did not. Then just as suddenly as he had appeared he was gone. He had been taunting me, teasing me, wanting me to feel the silent threat.
 
 

I was alone again, more alone now than I had ever felt in my life, and I continued on my way, eventually finding myself back in Marius's villa and in my cold uninviting bed.
 
 
 
 

The next evening I awoke in a cold sweat. I had dreamt that he had attacked me, picking me up and throwing me against a wall then pummelling me with his fists, hatred in his eyes. "Why? why? why?" was all he had said to me. I pulled the blankets more firmly around myself and cried lonely tears. It occurred to me that I need not rise this evening, so I stayed where I was, keeping my eyes shut to the world lest it hurt me any more. The next evening I thought of doing the same, but Marius intervened.
 
 

"Louis, you cannot stay there forever," He admonished. The maid has to change the bed, and I believe Lestat wishes to see you."
 
 

"He can come to me then" I replied.
 
 

"You know better than that Louis. He has sent out a message to anyone who cares to hear that he wants to see you. Best get it over and done with."
 
 

*Over and done with. Perhaps it would be for the best. If he was going to beat me to a pulp, perhaps I should just let it happen, then I need worry no longer*
 
 

"I do not think he will do that Louis"
 
 

"Non" I replied "Do not be too sure Marius. You know what his temper is like."
 
 

"I will not be too far away Louis, I will not let him hurt you."
 
 

"Perhaps he should. Perhaps I deserve to be punished, hurt, beaten."
 
 

"No Louis, you do not. But go to him, please. I cannot bear this tension any longer."
 
 

"How will I find him?"
 
 

"He will find you Louis. Now go!"
 
 

I dragged on an old black jumper and left the safety and security of Marius's home and ventured into the unknown. It was only a matter of minutes when I felt his presence, heard the strong beating of his heart, saw his steel grey eyes beckoning to me. He was easy to follow, and there was no mistaking where he was leading me. As I watched him enter the church I hesitated, even considered turning around and disappearing forever into the crowded streets, but I did not. I stood and looked at the heavy oak doors, let my eyes meander over the rough stone work, and the ornate ironwork that graced the entrance. The entrance to what I wondered? My demise?
 
 

I was afraid, so afraid to meet him that when I tried to move I found that I was trembling. When I held my hands in front of my face they were shaking, my eyes were blurring and there was a ringing in my ears. Oh Lestat. Only you could reduce me to this wreck of a vampire.
 
 

My footfalls were almost silent as I heard the great door creak and whoosh as it opened, a slight willowing breeze drifted in with me. I pushed my hair back from my eyes and made my way through the entrance and up the aisle. There was heavy breathing, but it was not coming from him, but from the huge furry creature snoring gently on the floor by his feet.
 
 

I slid into the pew next to him and looked into his face. My heart skipped, then thudded quickly as he stared at me.
 
 

"You burnt my little house, didn't you.?"

He was staring at me, his eyes boring into my soul. "Was it worth it?" I asked. I was trying so hard not to appear afraid, and was glad he could not read my mind for it was reeling. I wanted to run but at the same time I wanted to hug him, reassure myself that it was really him. He began to talk about seeing the sunlight, and how it was the only part that was worth the suffering. Then he became angry about my refusal to help him. His voice was raised and his hands had balled into fists.
 
 

He reached for me and I thought for a split second he was about to hit me, so I lashed out, swinging my arm around and hitting him in the side of the head. This made him extremely annoyed with me and in a split second I felt my head hitting the wall behind me, as he held me up by the front of my shirt. My feet were dangling a few inches off the floor. I was slightly dazed and the room was beginning to spin, then I felt a couple of smarting blows as he slapped me hard across the face. I shut my eyes and could feel the tears welling, my consciousness was beginning to waver. I awoke on the floor cradled in his strong arms, and listening to raised voices.
 
 

"Lestat, leave him." It was Marius and he was standing over us his hands on his hips.
 
 

"No Marius, go away, I'm not going to hurt him."
 
 

"But you already have, I saw you hitting him."
 
 

"Just go away and leave us, please." he begged.
 
 

I tried to squirm out of his grasp but he held me even tighter, moving his whole body around so that he was between me and Marius. "Marius go" I said "I will be all right."
 
 

"But Louis!"
 
 

"GO Marius, leave us now." yelled Lestat, and he glared at Marius, who backed off slowly and reluctantly disappeared out of the church door. I knew he would be waiting just outside and so did Lestat. I could see him thinking, trying to decide what to do, when suddenly he lifted me into his arms and headed for the side door. It was bolted but that did not stop him. He kicked it with his feet knocking it open and together we headed into the night. He ran with me for a few yards, then took to the air, landing a few minutes later in a hotel room, housing a large double bed and very opulent furniture.
 
 

I laid on the bed breathing hard. Lestat was sitting on the chair beside me with his bowed head resting on his hands. "Where are we?" I said, but he did not answer me, choosing instead to turn his head away from me. I could have sworn I saw him wipe a tear from his eye. I touched my face and winced, it was very sore, and there was a small amount of blood in the corner of my mouth.
 
 

"What do you mean to do with me?" I questioned him. Still he did not answer. I sighed and rested my head back down on the pillow waiting until he condescended to speak to me. The room was quiet and I closed my eyes, almost dozing off when I felt him lay down on the bed next to me. My eyes snapped open and I tried move away from him, but his arms had come around me and he was holding me close. "Lestat, I'm sorry I hit you, it was a reflex action. Please don't hurt me again." I was trembling and he brought his hands up to hold my face still, peering into my eyes, his expression a mixture of sadness and confusion. "Louis I'm sorry I snapped back there when you hit me, my dam bad temper took over again. I'm sorry, did I hurt you very much?" His hand was caressing my face now, tenderly trying to brush away any pain. "Say you will forgive me please Louis, I cannot bear to think of you in pain."
 
 

"Does that mean you have forgiven me?" I asked.
 
 

His eyes were filling with tears as he nodded, and began to kiss my cheeks then my lips. "Of course I forgive you. I can never stay angry with you for very long. But please Louis, say you forgive ME."
 
 

I brought my hands up and cradled his face then, kissing away his tears and nodded. "I forgive you my love." What a pair of fools we are I thought.
 
 

He held me for a long time, trembling slightly as he nuzzled his head against my shoulder, then slowly he began to unbutton my shirt, his strong fingers circling my nipples as he did. A slight smile began to appear on his face; he could never stay morose for too long. I grabbed his hands and stopped their movement, watching his smile droop as I did so. "Louis, what's the matter, don't you want me to ......."
 
 

"Just one more thing I want to hear Lestat, before we continue."
 
 

"Louis, please, I've told you that I am sorry and that I forgive you. What more do you want me to say."
 
 

I glared at him, a slight smile creasing the corner of my mouth now, as he seemed to anguish over the words he knew I wanted him to say.
 
 

"Come on, you know."
 
 

"Oh Louis!."
 
 

"Lestat!"
 
 

"Kiss me!" he said as his smile broadened.
 
 

"Lestat!"
 
 

"Oh OK. I love you Louis. I love you."
 
 

"That's better, and I love you too, God knows why, beast that you are. Bad tempered, impetuous, foolish........" but he shut me up with an impatient kiss, and continued to undress me. I went to sit up and take off his clothes but he had beaten me to it, he was naked already and about to pounce. He laid me flat, knocking the breath out of me for a second time that evening and began to lick at the sore spots on my cheek and mouth. "I knew there was a reason for slapping you about Louis, so that we could make up afterwards." he laughed. I brought my knee up and connected him right between the legs. He grimaced and groaned, much to my delight, and I grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked on it bringing his face up to mine and nipping him on the lip. "You vixen Louis, think you can get the better of me eh!" he growled and sank his fangs in hard. I groaned and sank down into the bed, feeling the painful drawing of my blood as it flowed into him. He only took a few small draughts then he moved his mouth down between my legs, licking me for a few minutes, teasing me with his strong tongue then bit into the soft flesh of my inner thigh. He really was a beast, and drinking from me again I felt his fingers probing deep inside of me. He had me plummeting into a spiral of ecstasy, as he invaded my body completely, leaving me drained and completely exhausted.
 
 

But he was back, and all was forgiven, and I was happy, for a little while. Happy until his next adventure. He asked me to move back into our old house on the Rue Royale which was being renovated, and to wait for him there. He refused to tell me where he was going for a few days, but I was so pleased that he was safe and well that I did not ask.
 
 

I am afraid that with him I cannot be content for very long. My happiness turned to sorrow again when I opened my door a few nights later to be greeted by his new fledgling. But that is another story.